Help me come up with a good punishment for my 17 yr kid (no joke)

[mousefanmichelle]

Hi there!

My 17 yr old high school sr. decided to skip school yesterday afternoon and come back to my house with his 16 year old girlfriend for the afternoon. His little brother called me at work after school and ratted out his older bro (breaking the bro code as he called it). Anyway I want to punish him for this but not the usual grounding or taking away the cell phone kinda punishment. He doesn't have his own car and only drives ours when we need him to do something for us so taking away that priviledge won't work.

He is an overall good kid - doesn't drink or smoke or do drugs (that I am aware of anyway). My biggest issue with him is that he is lazy and unmotivated. I have to repeatedly tell him to do the same stuff over and over and he doesn't have good follow through. He only have ***** stuff and does what he has to do to get the job done (no pride in what he is doing).

I want this punishment to make an impact. I want it to teach him a lesson on life. How do I do that and what is a good/fitting punishment for the crime at hand? I guess I want to make an example out of this one thing because in all reality it is more about the bigger picture rather than this one incident. Does that make sense?

I look forward to all responses

TIA!
Michelle

 

[deegack]

A twenty page fully researched and footnoted paper on high school dropout or teen pregnancy (or whatever subject you choose). If not done correctly he redoes it. He is on total restriction until it is done to your satisfaction

 

[luvmy3]

Hi there!

My 17 yr old high school sr. decided to skip school yesterday afternoon and come back to my house with his 16 year old girlfriend for the afternoon. His little brother called me at work after school and ratted out his older bro (breaking the bro code as he called it). Anyway I want to punish him for this but not the usual grounding or taking away the cell phone kinda punishment. He doesn't have his own car and only drives ours when we need him to do something for us so taking away that priviledge won't work.

He is an overall good kid - doesn't drink or smoke or do drugs (that I am aware of anyway). My biggest issue with him is that he is lazy and unmotivated. I have to repeatedly tell him to do the same stuff over and over and he doesn't have good follow through. He only have a@@es stuff and does what he has to do to get the job done (no pride in what he is doing).

I want this punishment to make an impact. I want it to teach him a lesson on life. How do I do that and what is a good/fitting punishment for the crime at hand? I guess I want to make an example out of this one thing because in all reality it is more about the bigger picture rather than this one incident. Does that make sense?

I look forward to all responses

TIA!
Michelle

I'd have a long list of chores and projects that would last each day for the next couple weekends.

 

[deegack]

Double post

 

[vttkdmom]

Well, I can tell you what I did in a similar circumstance. When my son cut school in high school, I told him that since he could not be trusted to go to school and come home on his own (he drove ) I would have to accompany him to school, and I did. Took the day off from work, went to school with him and sat outside every class. The humiliation of having "mommy" spend the day with him taught him a very valuable lesson.

I had told him that I would do this if he ever cut school, I don't think he believed me. He is now a college junior and an engineering major.

 

[Albort]

what about reverse psychology? Turn it into an incentive for him to work onto something... like a car? Must get straight As or Bs for Junior Senior year, get a car...

 

[DopeyDame]

I like the report suggestion above!
In addition, hand write an apology letter to the teachers of the classes he missed and to his girlfriend's parents, using correct grammer and penminship (to your satisfaction). He then has to hand deliver the letters. (Obviously you'll need to follow up to make sure he did, in fact, deliver them.)

Find out from his teacher what material was covered in class. Have him do reserach and write a report (or experiment or whatever, depending on what he missed) to "make up" the missed class time.

I would also focus on the lost trust. He broke your trust and so now he'll have to check in with you guys far more frequently than he used to. I had a coworker whose kid lied about where she was one night. After that, when she went out, she had to text a picture of herself standing wherever she was supposed to be to her parents when she got there, and whenever they would randomly call her and tell her to do it. Not sure how long that lasted, but it allowed her to go out with friends and do things, but was sure a big (and embarassing) PITA to prove that she was where she said she was.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

I would probably work to find him a part time job for after school. Something low paying in a service capacity so that he will get a taste of what he'll be doing for the rest of his lifeif he keeps skipping school. He would, of course, be allowed to keep whatever money he makes, but he wouldn't have a choice about working or not.

 

[java]

Senior skip days are pretty common around here and with school being almost over, they all have college acceptances, they tend to get lazy.

My senior actually asks if he can skip. I did let him once. And am happy that he doesn't quite get the whole sneaking about it part.

We have a no girls allowed in the house unless mom or dad are home. That would be the part I would be very upset about.

1. He has to apologize to girls parents for his "bad influence" idea.

2. Make up all work missed.

3. Work off the hours he skipped double time, So 3 hours missed school equals 6 hours of hard labor.

4. I would be having the safe sex talk every night at the dinner table.(we did when there was a very friendly girl in our lives)

 

[shortbun]

Well, I can tell you what I did in a similar circumstance. When my son cut school in high school, I told him that since he could not be trusted to go to school and come home on his own (he drove ) I would have to accompany him to school, and I did. Took the day off from work, went to school with him and sat outside every class. The humiliation of having "mommy" spend the day with him taught him a very valuable lesson.

I had told him that I would do this if he ever cut school, I don't think he believed me. He is now a college junior and an engineering major.

I like this idea. Humiliation seems to get through to kids this age. Writing a really long paper would be a long struggle for both of you so you need to think that through clearly-seems it would be better if he's spending that time doing school work, eh? I have a 16, almost 17 yo son. He's a good kid but the lazy thing could describe him and all his friends at some point every week. I was smiling while I read your perfect description of a teen aged boy. I've actually bribed some of my son's friends with money to get good grades. It's worked every time. Last year, his best friend brought his grade point up to a 3.2 from a 2.5 for $100. He's still carrying a 3.2 and wanted to know if I'd pay him for straight A's this last quarter. I told him yeah-come to me with straight A's and I'll pay you.

I'm saying that sometimes positive motivation works. Someone suggested incentivizing him for a car or other privilege a boy would work for. It's not a bad idea. Cars, girls and money seem to be the key. Gone are the days of a new video game, sigh.

I'm not condoning his behavior but I've known lots of kids who did this kind of thing and came out as really productive adults. I suppose the love of good parents had something to do with this. I'm saying, don't worry too much about him...find a consequence that gets your point across and then let it be done. You could combine a negative consequence with a positive motivator....think about it.

 

[Lots-o-Huggin]

I like this idea. Humiliation seems to get through to kids this age. Writing a really long paper would be a long struggle for both of you so you need to think that through clearly-seems it would be better if he's spending that time doing school work, eh? I have a 16, almost 17 yo son. He's a good kid but the lazy thing could describe him and all his friends at some point every week. I was smiling while I read your perfect description of a teen aged boy. I've actually bribed some of my son's friends with money to get good grades. It's worked every time. Last year, his best friend brought his grade point up to a 3.2 from a 2.5 for $100. He's still carrying a 3.2 and wanted to know if I'd pay him for straight A's this last quarter. I told him yeah-come to me with straight A's and I'll pay you.

Wow, can I send you my report cards too?

 

[disneycruising]

Is this the first time he has done this? Or is it an on going problem.

If it was the first time... I would sit down and have a LONG TALK with both your DS and his girlfriend. I would talk about responsibility, pregnancy, respect, trust, house rules, etc. I would make them go with me to visit 'her parents', THEY need to tell her parents what happened. Then I would allow it to be over. If it happened again there would be a huge punishment.

If it is cutting class is an on going problem. I would have another long talk about being trust worthy. If you can not be trusted to be where you are suppose to be, then we can not trust you to do anything alone. I would make myself available to drop him at school everyday and pick him up. I would not give him the opportunity to skip. I would also talk with the school...if he is not in class...to call you ASAP.


Remember part of this is just because he is a teen. How many of use cut school as teens? I sure did. I just wouldn't have gone home...lol.

 

[BroganMc]

Hi there!

My 17 yr old high school sr. decided to skip school yesterday afternoon and come back to my house with his 16 year old girlfriend for the afternoon.

Oops, my insides are screaming over that one. I'd probably do what has been suggested. The young man in question will not be trusted to get himself to school or home for a month. No contact with the girlfriend then too. I'd be sure her parents knew what happened as well. Then I'd sign up both to volunteer in a daycare or some babysitting so they'd had personal experience with how much trouble babies were. Sounds like they need a project to get them involved with life instead of just skating through it. Are there some good youth groups around you can introduce him to? Something charity that involves hard work and giving back to the community? Truancy is no joke.

When my 12 yo nephew was ratted out by siblings and neighbors for coming home and taking a girl up to his room, his father left work immediately and came home to deal with it. Both got a long lecture on impropriety that involved both sets of parents knowing. Then they were watched by everyone in the neighborhood then on out. The slightest notion these two were sneaking off to be alone set off red alerts from everyone. They never tried it again. They knew they had absolutely no expectation of privacy.

In truth, both were so young I don't think either realized why everyone was so freaked out. But a 17 & 16 year old are old enough to understand. You have my sympathies. You'll have a devil of a time protecting them from themselves.

 

[MnMomtoboys]

Well, I can tell you what I did in a similar circumstance. When my son cut school in high school, I told him that since he could not be trusted to go to school and come home on his own (he drove ) I would have to accompany him to school, and I did. Took the day off from work, went to school with him and sat outside every class. The humiliation of having "mommy" spend the day with him taught him a very valuable lesson.

I had told him that I would do this if he ever cut school, I don't think he believed me. He is now a college junior and an engineering major.

This

And if someone was trying to pay my son for good grades they wouldn't be enjoying the talk we would be having.

 

[BroganMc]

Remember part of this is just because he is a teen. How many of use cut school as teens? I sure did. I just wouldn't have gone home...lol.

I didn't. I went to Catholic School for 12 years. Cutting school usually involved detention and confession. You do not want to be punished by a nun. Not only will they take your time and humiliate you, I'm pretty sure they will get you a one way ticket to hell. Or at least that's what we thought as kids.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

Good ideas so far! Keep them coming!

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

A MEGA to do list of chores. No parties or going out till the end of the school year.

 

[Minnesota!]

I didn't. I went to Catholic School for 12 years. Cutting school usually involved detention and confession. You do not want to be punished by a nun. Not only will they take your time and humiliate you, I'm pretty sure they will get you a one way ticket to hell. Or at least that's what we thought as kids.

12 year Catholic school here, too. We cut a bunch in sr. year. No repercussions...it was "expected"

This

And if someone was trying to pay my son for good grades they wouldn't be enjoying the talk we would be having.

Why? This is pretty common in my circle. Friends, aunts/uncles, grandma, etc. bribing the kid - get a great report card and I will......(money, tickets somewhere, dinner out, a new toy..). Same way we got through potty training....aunt promised the kids toys.

 

[ShirikiUtundu]

Are you punishing him for skipping school to have sex in your house or for being lazy and unmotivated and a halfasser? It's not very clear. I'm not sure of the lesson you are trying to teach.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Well, I can tell you what I did in a similar circumstance. When my son cut school in high school, I told him that since he could not be trusted to go to school and come home on his own (he drove ) I would have to accompany him to school, and I did. Took the day off from work, went to school with him and sat outside every class. The humiliation of having "mommy" spend the day with him taught him a very valuable lesson.

I like this one a lot. Also, since he values private time with his girlfriend (and I assume in general), I suggest removing his bedroom door for the remainder of the school year.