Help! Looking for New Dad Jokes

Stork

Mouseketeer
Joined
Jul 14, 2019
Thought this would be the best place for a thread soliciting Dad jokes that make your kids or wife let out a loud "Ugh!" I'll go first:

This past week was Amazon's huge sales days. I ordered a chicken and I ordered an egg......I'll let you know.

Okay, your turn. Make me laugh.
 

MarkLT1

Yes, that is a hidden Mickey on my dog's rump.
Joined
Feb 5, 2020
An oldie but a goodie

Son: "I'm hungry!"
Me: "Hi Hungry! I'm Dad!"

My son now understands that oh so sweet feeling of the eye-roll for a perfectly timed dad joke.
 
  • Renarr

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Feb 2, 2020
    Not a joke, per se, but I overheard this father-son conversation in the Minneapolis airport as they were walking past:

    "What state are we in, Dad?"
    "We're in Minnesota."
    "I've never heard of it. Is it famous for something?"
    "Well, they're known for their really tiny sodas."

    I groaned. My wife groaned. Four other people sitting around us groaned.

    You're welcome, Traveling Minnesota Dad. Well earned.
     

    MarkLT1

    Yes, that is a hidden Mickey on my dog's rump.
    Joined
    Feb 5, 2020
    Not a joke, per se, but I overheard this father-son conversation in the Minneapolis airport as they were walking past:

    "What state are we in, Dad?"
    "We're in Minnesota."
    "I've never heard of it. Is it famous for something?"
    "Well, they're known for their really tiny sodas."

    I groaned. My wife groaned. Four other people sitting around us groaned.

    You're welcome, Traveling Minnesota Dad. Well earned.
    Obviously a Dad who is not from Minnesota.. as a true Minnesotan would know, we don't call it soda.. we call it pop! Minnepop... somehow it just doesn't have the same ring.

    Speaking of Minnesota..

    Last week, as I handed my dad his 84th birthday card, he acted a bit irritated, and said "My fingers are getting sore.. one card would have been enough!"
     
  • MarkLT1

    Yes, that is a hidden Mickey on my dog's rump.
    Joined
    Feb 5, 2020
    Q: Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
    A: To hide in a strawberry patch. Have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch? See... it worked!
     

    MarkLT1

    Yes, that is a hidden Mickey on my dog's rump.
    Joined
    Feb 5, 2020
    Q: What is Harry Potter's favorite way of getting down a hill?

    A: Walking. JK, Rolling.
     

    billybobblockhead

    Kiiiiiiids, listen to your mother!
    Joined
    Jan 25, 2009
    How do you kill a polar bear?

    Kick it in the icehole.

    Funny thing is, my son, who is 20, told this one to his girlfriends parents, so the apple isn't falling far from the tree :)
     

    Stork

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Jul 14, 2019
    As we were driving to FW an RV was coming opposite direction around a curve in the road. And of course he crossed the centerline and was using our side of the road as well as his. Turning to my wife (who was grinning with disgust because she knew what was coming) I said "boy, he's taking up the line's share of the road, huh?"
     

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