HELP!!! Do I or don't I ask? SHE SAID YES!!!!

[jheigl]

Well, let me first start off by saying I am in need of a lot of advice and opinion. My girlfriend and I have been together for 6 years now. Just so you can sort of get an idea, I'm 22 years old, and in my last year of college. We know we are going to get married, as we have been high school sweet hearts and we both just have that feeling you get when you know you found the one. Here is my dilemma:

While at work, I was browsing the jewelry store websites, just trying to get an idea of what to look for in an engagement ring, and an idea of what to expect to pay for one. Since I am a full-time student (and also a full-time employee), I will have student loans to start paying next year, so I thought maybe I could start budgeting now and start saving up for an engagement ring. We have talked about getting engaged for a few months now, more about when (in terms of "I would like to be engaged within X years", and when and at what age marriage would be good, etc), and like most women, she wants to get engaged immediately (and who can blame her...better reel in a catch like me while she's got me JK). Anyways, while browsing a site, I came across this unbelievable deal, and ended up going to the store in person and buying a ring. Since I will have student loans and I currently have credit card and car payments, I did not go extravagent, but with her, size doesn't matter (don't even go there! ). Before I was browsing on the sites, I was thinking of asking her at WDW when we go next May, but now that I have the ring already, I don't think I will be able to hide it/ keep it a secret/ have my family keep it a secret. Now, the kicker... Her birthday is July 18th and I don't have anything for her yet. My mother wanted me to wait until WDW next May, but then she said that she doesn't know if it will slip in conversation that I have the ring, so she suggested I do it for her birthday. Since it is coming up very soon, I don't know what to do. Should I do it for her birthday (which coincidentally is her neighbor's wedding that we are going to), or do I wait as long as I possibly can, hopefully to make it until next May? I haven't talked to her parents about it yet, since I don't know what I am going to do, but I know they will have no problem with it. We also wouldn't get married for a few years...get enough time to get a better job fresh out of school with a BS degree (no, not that BS, although some may think that's what it is equivalent to!), and start saving some money for our life together. She would absolutely LOVE for me to do it on her birthday, but she would also love it down at WDW, since she sort of had hopes for it when we went this past May. If you think I should do it for her birthday so it doesn't accidentally slip, please say so and help me with some ideas! If you think I should TRY to make it wait until NEXT MAY, then please give me some advice on how to do so! With my family knowing I have the ring, I'm not too sure it won't slip from one of them. HELP, PLEASE!

 

[dmslush]

I would go ahead and do it for her birthday. Honestly, you have the ring, you want to marry her, so why wait? Go ahead and ask her, then direct her here to start planning that fabulous disney wedding!!!!

 

[jheigl]

I would go ahead and do it for her birthday. Honestly, you have the ring, you want to marry her, so why wait? Go ahead and ask her, then direct her here to start planning that fabulous disney wedding!!!!

You make a good point. I will certainly bring her here to start planning the wedding. We have already begun to sort of talk about it, just preliminary talks obviously, but just getting eachother's thoughts and ideas and wants.

 

[tigger813]

Why wait! DO it for her birthday!

 

[jheigl]

Why wait! DO it for her birthday!

Honestly, everything is happening so fast right now...I never really intended to but the ring now, and since I did, it is all I can think about (at work, when I'm sleeping I dream about it, etc). Thinking about the engagement has taken every second of my life since I bought the ring, and I am just so torn that I don't really know what to do. I'm torn between doing it at WDW which I was planning on (started planning how I was going to do it), and doing it for her birthday so the secret doesn't get blown. Also, I am not a very patient person, so having to hold this until May would kill me. I just feel like my world has been turned upside down and inside out since I bought the ring, but honestly, it is the best feeling in the world (so far...I guess I need to wait until the wedding to top that)! So let's say that I did it for her birthday NEXT WEEK...I have no idea where or how to do it and what to say. I am a person who likes to plan and map everything out...not a fly by the seat of your pants kind of guy. I hate going into something without having every detail planned out. Also, I am not very creative, so to ask me to come up with something special and romantic in a week, is like asking me to climb Mount Everest, or a little more fitting here, Expedition Everest!

 

[MainStMandy]

I would do it at one minute after midnight on her birthday...so you will have a private moment between the two of you but it will still be on her birthday.

As romantic as doing at WDW sounds, how the heck are you going to be able to keep the ring and a surprise for a year???

 

[disprincessatheart]

there's a great video on youtube of a guy doing a wdw proposal in his garage. He had the music and maybe video from Wishes and lots of flowers and things. Try there for some inspiration. I like the midnight idea too - you wouldn't want to do it at someone else's wedding because you may take too much attention from them.

 

[curiouser]

I agree with everyone else that if you are ready, just go ahead and propose.

Just my 2¢ on when... you mentioned a neighbors wedding that you are going to is on her birthday. I would wait to propose until after you leave the wedding (maybe even say something like watching the happy couple made you realize even more how much you want to marry her..). Your dear new fiancee will want to shout to the world that she's engaged and that's totally understandable, but you don't want to take any of the limelight away from the newly married couple.

 

[MainStMandy]

I agree with everyone else that if you are ready, just go ahead and propose.

Just my 2¢ on when... you mentioned a neighbors wedding that you are going to is on her birthday. I would wait to propose until after you leave the wedding (maybe even say something like watching the happy couple made you realize even more how much you want to marry her..). Your dear new fiancee will want to shout to the world that she's engaged and that's totally understandable, but you don't want to take any of the limelight away from the newly married couple.

Oh I am a skimmer...I guess I missed that it's the neigbors wedding. Definitely wait...plus she will be gushing over seeing their wedding, it will be the perfect mood!

 

[DisneyBrideToni]

I would do it on her birthday and wait until midnight like someone said above. My fiance as going to propose on my birthday which is December 30th but he couldn't wait so he did it on christmas Day...lol It was only 5 days but it was killing him.

 

[inkedupmomma]

OMG, your so cute. Do it tonight.. eff waiting.. just go balls out and propose tonight lol. Or her bday.. I wouldnt wait until may! Let us know!

 

[MyMelody]

Hey, I am hoping they ask me on my birthday I have one question, when is your birthday? I saw a guy during his birthday dinner with his family and a few of hers propose to her. She was in such shock !! It was too adorable he switched his special day and made it hers. Hey, but that is only if your birthday is less than 2 months away I don't think you should wait till May

 

[Cosi Bella]

Is there any possible way you guys can make a trip to Disney before next may? Maybe in the fall? That way, you could still propose in Disney, you wouldn't have to wait too terribly long, and you can have some time to plan it out!! Just throwing around some ideas!

 

[lurkyloo]

I am a person who likes to plan and map everything out...not a fly by the seat of your pants kind of guy. I hate going into something without having every detail planned out.

I just wanna jump in here and suggest that when you do it, you speak from the heart rather than trying to plan out an elaborate speech or anything. It will mean more way more to her!

 

[Donald'sGirl]

Ok I may be in the minority but...my DF planned to ask me 10 months before he actually proposed. He knew in Aug07 he was going to ask and for my birthday in Sep07 he told me we were going to Disney in May08 which we did and that is when he proposed on a carriage ride at POR. It was so beautiful and romantic! I also found out later his entire family and friends all knew from back in September and they kept it a secret the whole time.

So, I guess it all comes down to how good you and your family are at keeping it a secret. You could also wait and if a perferct moment comes up before then do it then. I don't know. I guess I wasn't much of a help, huh?

 

[disneychickforever]

You could always propose but add some Disney elements to the proposal. Why not, after the wedding, have her either go back to your place or drive to a secluded area near by, play a Disney love song (Like Bella Notte from Lady and the Tramp) and give her a present, that turns out to be her favorite Disney character stuffed animal or something, in the present have a letter to her telling her how much you love her, and towards the end ask her to look down, and be there on one knee and ask her to be your wife? That way it's still has some Disney, but you don't need to wait to May.

Sorry, I'm a hopeless romantic LOL.

 

[IndyBride]

I say if you want to do it now do it now!! No matter what you do it will be fabulous and she will love it. I think guys often think they need to do some elaborate to-do so the girl will be happy. I do agree with everyone else, if you ask her on her bday don't do before or at the wedding. It will definatly be a scene stealer and that's not fair to them. My DF got my ring in December and was going to wait until Valentine's day. Instead he asked me on Jan. 7 because he couldn't wait! So, you're not in the minority!

 

[MainStMandy]

What about sending her a post card? I don't know what made me thing of it...say something like wishing WE were here....and propose that way. Then she always has a momento.

OR I saw this....you can give this to her

 

[alissa2008]

with everyones 2 cents, you could have the ring paid off in no time!

Here's 2 cents from me!

I would NOT propose at your neighbors wedding. Like someone else said, it takes away from their special day and is VERY tacky. Although, waiting til after you get home is VERY romantic -- I think when any single woman goes to a wedding they think about what it would be like to settle down with prince charming. She'll be in the mood AND she won't be expecting it!! It's perfect! I agree with inked, eff waiting!! It's such an exciting thing that you have all bottled up inside you!! LET IT OUT BROTHER!!

 

[jheigl]

I would do it at one minute after midnight on her birthday...so you will have a private moment between the two of you but it will still be on her birthday.

As romantic as doing at WDW sounds, how the heck are you going to be able to keep the ring and a surprise for a year???

Lol, I'm not going to be able to wait! I'm way too excited and almost let it slip in the Jacuzzi tonight...she said maybe tomorrow we can go to the jewelry store and see what size my ring is and I almost said no, I already have a ring!

there's a great video on youtube of a guy doing a wdw proposal in his garage. He had the music and maybe video from Wishes and lots of flowers and things. Try there for some inspiration. I like the midnight idea too - you wouldn't want to do it at someone else's wedding because you may take too much attention from them.

Never thought of that idea...that's a pretty good one (the youtube video garage thing). Perhaps I will give youtube a look! Thanks! I would never think of doing it AT someone's wedding or reception, definitely don't want to steal the attention.

I agree with everyone else that if you are ready, just go ahead and propose.

Just my 2¢ on when... you mentioned a neighbors wedding that you are going to is on her birthday. I would wait to propose until after you leave the wedding (maybe even say something like watching the happy couple made you realize even more how much you want to marry her..). Your dear new fiancee will want to shout to the world that she's engaged and that's totally understandable, but you don't want to take any of the limelight away from the newly married couple.

Yeah, definitely don't want to take anything away from that couple. Don't think she'd be able to sleep though if I did it after!

Oh I am a skimmer...I guess I missed that it's the neigbors wedding. Definitely wait...plus she will be gushing over seeing their wedding, it will be the perfect mood!

Never thought of the post-wedding blues/ jealousy I'm sure she will be having. Great idea! Thanks!

I would do it on her birthday and wait until midnight like someone said above. My fiance as going to propose on my birthday which is December 30th but he couldn't wait so he did it on christmas Day...lol It was only 5 days but it was killing him.

Only 5 days away? Wow, can't believe he couldn't wait, but then again, I understand how it killed him...it's killing me too!

OMG, your so cute. Do it tonight.. eff waiting.. just go balls out and propose tonight lol. Or her bday.. I wouldnt wait until may! Let us know!

Would love to do it tonight, but too many things I feel I need to work out..not to mention the fact I need to talk to her parents still! I will definitely keep everyone updated though!

Hey, I am hoping they ask me on my birthday I have one question, when is your birthday? I saw a guy during his birthday dinner with his family and a few of hers propose to her. She was in such shock !! It was too adorable he switched his special day and made it hers. Hey, but that is only if your birthday is less than 2 months away I don't think you should wait till May

My birthday is in January, so if I waited until then, I might as well wait until May!!

Is there any possible way you guys can make a trip to Disney before next may? Maybe in the fall? That way, you could still propose in Disney, you wouldn't have to wait too terribly long, and you can have some time to plan it out!! Just throwing around some ideas!

As much as I would love to, it's just not possible...between finances and vacation from work, there's zero chance....oh those Disney blues....

I just wanna jump in here and suggest that when you do it, you speak from the heart rather than trying to plan out an elaborate speech or anything. It will mean more way more to her!

Yeah I more or less wanted to plan out the when and where and how part, and have an idea of what I wanted to say and just let my heart talk instead of my ego. I guess I can drop the tough guy persona for a few minutes!!!

Ok I may be in the minority but...my DF planned to ask me 10 months before he actually proposed. He knew in Aug07 he was going to ask and for my birthday in Sep07 he told me we were going to Disney in May08 which we did and that is when he proposed on a carriage ride at POR. It was so beautiful and romantic! I also found out later his entire family and friends all knew from back in September and they kept it a secret the whole time.

So, I guess it all comes down to how good you and your family are at keeping it a secret. You could also wait and if a perferct moment comes up before then do it then. I don't know. I guess I wasn't much of a help, huh?

First of all, of course you're a help! You proved that it is possible to wait to do it. Only thing is I'm not confident in my, or my family's, ability to keep it a secret. I almost blurted it out today...

You could always propose but add some Disney elements to the proposal. Why not, after the wedding, have her either go back to your place or drive to a secluded area near by, play a Disney love song (Like Bella Notte from Lady and the Tramp) and give her a present, that turns out to be her favorite Disney character stuffed animal or something, in the present have a letter to her telling her how much you love her, and towards the end ask her to look down, and be there on one knee and ask her to be your wife? That way it's still has some Disney, but you don't need to wait to May.

Sorry, I'm a hopeless romantic LOL.

Wow, that is a GREAT idea. I have enough Disney stuff and music and fan-made DVD's, I could put a firework show (perhaps Wishes) on the big screen, have the music from Wishes playing, and when it reaches the finale, drop to one knee!

I say if you want to do it now do it now!! No matter what you do it will be fabulous and she will love it. I think guys often think they need to do some elaborate to-do so the girl will be happy. I do agree with everyone else, if you ask her on her bday don't do before or at the wedding. It will definatly be a scene stealer and that's not fair to them. My DF got my ring in December and was going to wait until Valentine's day. Instead he asked me on Jan. 7 because he couldn't wait! So, you're not in the minority!

Yeah, I guess us men tend to either over-think things or just not think at all. If only we could find a happy medium...

What about sending her a post card? I don't know what made me thing of it...say something like wishing WE were here....and propose that way. Then she always has a momento.

OR I saw this....you can give this to her

That also is a pretty good idea and that piece is amazingly beautiful. I'll give it a thought!

with everyones 2 cents, you could have the ring paid off in no time!

Here's 2 cents from me!

I would NOT propose at your neighbors wedding. Like someone else said, it takes away from their special day and is VERY tacky. Although, waiting til after you get home is VERY romantic -- I think when any single woman goes to a wedding they think about what it would be like to settle down with prince charming. She'll be in the mood AND she won't be expecting it!! It's perfect! I agree with inked, eff waiting!! It's such an exciting thing that you have all bottled up inside you!! LET IT OUT BROTHER!!

LOL! I wish it was paid off right about now!!! I feel like a volcano that is getting ready to explode, but at the last second, someone puts a lid on it. I want to do it now so bad, but then I think of how much better it could be at WDW like she dreamed. Everyone has given me some great insight, so perhaps I will do it soon!




Thank you everyone so much for replying and trying to help me by giving your opinions. I appreciate everyone taking time out of their day to help this fellow Disnut figure out what to do. Please, if you would like to add to this thread, please do so. If not, I will keep everyone posted with when I decide to do it, and maybe we can get some more in depth ideas for exactly how to do it. I'm leaning towards doing it soon, possibly AFTER the wedding, but I will update everyone when I make my decision. Again, thank you so incredibly much to everyone who has contributed to this thread already, and those who may contribute after this post. You have all been an incredible help.