Having a very hard time with DS going off to college

[RejoyceoverDisney]

StaceyMarie... I believe many have given you some great suggestions and thoughts. Here is my experience:

My DS went away to college his freshman year, 2 hours from home. His GF (at the time) was a HS Junior, so there were some obstacles but he wanted to go away and things seemed to be going well, as far as that went. DS was home for winter break and went back in to college in January. When Spring break came around, he was home again...all this time not saying a word. The Sunday we were due to send him back to school after Spring break, the GF texted me and said we needed to come home, DS was really out of it and messed up. DH and I got home ASAP and I took the GF home while DH stayed with DS. Upon my arrival back home, I found a sobbing DS. Yes, there were some GF issues but there was much more to it. He is not a huge party person...he is better at smaller gatherings. Therefore, he was ostracized for not being a party person...drinking and drugs, is not his thing. A few beers with the guys is more his thing...he's nearly 21 now. That was the tip of the iceberg as more and more was coming out, it was gut wrenching to hear what he had been going through...sleeping in the lounge and hiding out in the library to get away from many that taunted him. It was a small, division 3 school...a suitcase school. He had a hard time meeting people as so many went home for the weekend. He came home occasionally, but we had told him...not every weekend. Stay, and acclimate yourself, etc. There is more to this but you get the idea he was not happy. To see him, there was no way we could send him back that day.
We slept on it and it was decided after much soul searching that night, that if we sent him back and he was unhappy what would he do? Not go to class? fail? hurt himself? He wanted to withdraw for the semester and that is what happened.

We told him that he was to find a full time job until the fall semester and he'd go to county college. Yes, we took a hit financially but he was able to withdraw as opposed to fail. He is much happier. He said he didn't talk to us about it as he wanted to work things out himself and thought we'd think of him as a failure and force him to go back anyway. Point being, sometimes there is much more to things than what we are told, or what they are feeling as so much pressure is on them to grow up, be on your own, make your own decisions, etc. They are HS graduates in June and come September a college student...what has changed? Do they magically become much more mature and able to handle things overnight?

DS will be transferring to a 4 yr school in January after getting all his Gen Eds done and, actually getting his Associates at CC. He is much happier and has grown so much since then. He now wishes he had gone to CC from the beginning...saving money and he admits he wasn't ready for the whole away from home thing. Kids mature at different rates and are ready at different times.

I so understand not wanting your child going away, but once away....don't want them back home. Trust me, it all ate at DH and I for awhile...it was hard to accept, but ultimately we wanted what was best for OUR DS, not what is right for Susie next door or Joe across the street.

Try and get to the bottom of why your DD wants to come home...is it truly a BF issue, or something more. Try and get her to finish this semester and reassess prior to sending the check for the spring semester. She may just decide to stick it out. My GF's DS really wanted to come home the first semester at Endicott as it was a suitcase school and being far away to home...South Jersey to Boston wasn't an easy thing to do for a weekend. However, he stuck it out the first semester and wanted to go back 2nd semester. He is now a senior at Endicott and happy.

We have found that many many kids start at CC and then transfer after 2 years...perhaps the economy, I don't know. We also know many that transfer to another 4 yr university as it wasn't a correct fit the first time around.

It's hard as a parent to see your kids hurting or unhappy and when they are young, it's easy to wrap ourselves around them to help take it away. Now, they are learning to stand on their own and we have to let them stumble a bit. However, it doesn't mean we have to let go entirely, or all at once....it's a learning process for us parents as well. Our DS is our one and only as well but am so proud of him and we were so hurt (personally) by this as well. In hindsight, all 3 of us would have changed things but there is no crystal ball.

Thanks for sharing your experience. Very good example of talking it out and getting to the bottom of the who/what/why/how.

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Forgot to add - PrincessVija, great story! But my, how you have failed as a mother, never making your son watch "Princess and the Frog". You need to go back to Disney and apologize to Tiana. I believe that is fitting punishment.

What an awesome story! The day a girl gets my son to watch "Princess and the Frog" I'll be watching the skies for flying pigs!

Oh and I am in full agreement, I'm not sure I trust Princess Vija will apologize if we don't all go with her.
Can't wait to plan that vacation with all of you.

You guys are AWESOME! I'll take that punishment! And of course I will need chaperones to make sure I really learn my lesson!

Thanks for asking. It wasn't that great really. He had been up late the night before, so slept part of the way and did homework part of the way. Mostly it was pretty subdued because 1) it was so early and 2) we were heading back and saying goodbye again.

Note to self........ make sure I get to do the trip home for the weekend next time. My husband clearly got the better end of that deal.

I am not sure if I already posted this, but I think you are so right about getting to do the trip home instead of back to school. I already told DH that when we go pick up DS this weekend that I WILL be going along to go get him! Regardless of how late I work!!!

Well, it has been an interesting and stressful 24 hours.

My DS called yesterday because he was trying to make a payment with his debit card to the university to replace his lost ID card headache. The payment came back rejected. He then tried to do an eCheck, which went through. So he went on his online banking to see if the eCheck went through, when he noticed that his checking account had a zero balance, and there were 4 charges to the USPS.com listed. His debit card had been hacked!!

I called the credit union, and indeed, the four charges were there, plus five more pending, all made on Wednesday, and totaling over $200. They wiped out his checking and overdraft protection kicked in, along with $15 in fees.

They immediately canceled his card, and instructed me that my DS had to call the USPS. He was a MESS. He called the number, but couldn't get through to a human. The whole time, he is outside in the rain because no cell phones get service in the dorm due to concrete block walls. And his landline is incoming only (outgoing only on campus).

I called USPS for him then, spoke to a person, and she was a real gem. (that is not complimentary). Anyway, she instructed me to call the credit union to file dispute paperwork.

I went into the CU today, and they wouldn't let me file the paperwork on his behalf because although my name is on his accounts, it is not on his debit card. I have the paperwork and will drive it down to him on Tuesday for him to sign it.

In the meantime, he had no money, and was going to spend the weekend with his girlfriend this weekend at her college. The CU on campus (not ours) would not cash a check for him. Luckily, there is a branch of our CU not far from campus so his friend was able to stop there for him to withdraw money before they left today.

He was SO upset when he discovered he had been hacked. This is not something I could prepare him for, or at least I never thought to. It has happened to DH and I with our Visa card before, and I know how violating it feels.

I'm telling you, this kid has been having an "education" this semester!!

That is terrible, I am sorry you guys are having to have this extra education.

But then I had the world's worst credit card thief a few years ago. I drove off from the Burger King drive through without my card. When I called the next day after figuring out where it was, they had it for me in the manager's office. But I'm glad I had checked my account online. It had been on a spin around town, stopping at a Sonic, another Burger King and a grocery store for M & M's and whipped topping. Really? They could have done so much better. I got the surveillance tape from the grocery store and it was one of the employees at the first BK. Nice, huh?

OK, that made me laugh too... whipped topping and M & M's???? crazy!

To which he said "Mom it's not that I think you will be mad it's just that if I don't come home I don't want to regret not taking the time to see you all."
gulp. I guess that's his way of saying he misses us. But I also have drilled into young people's heads (or at least tried when given the chance) that we never know when the special people in our lives will be gone. Take the moments when they come to be with them. So I guess he is feeling that.

that made me smile and warmed my heart. What a sweetie!

So, I haven't been back since posting about being sad that DD was leaving. Things were going really, really good for her. She will occasionally have times when she just wants to come home and go to community college and then she will change her mind. Last night, I got a call at 1 a.m. She wants to come home after the semester is over. When I spoke to her this morning, she is still feeling the same way I'm not sure what to do at this point, lol. I was sad when she left and now I'm sad that she wants to come home. We live in a town that has nothing to offer it's youth - NOTHING! I got sucked in at her age and never left. I would hate for her to come home and get sucked in too. I'm torn right now. I know I can't force her to stay but part of me was relieved when she left because I saw it as a way out of this place. Any advice will be most welcome!!!!

Not much more that I can offer that hasn't been said. I agree with everyone that the boyfriend thing is probably the biggest issue. Try to have a heart to heart with her. I hope you can get through and find out what it is and try to find a way to help her.

Remind her that in the end, it's the hard things we do that we are proudest of.

OH MY GOSH... I LOVE THAT LINE! I will have to remember that as I start my weight loss journey (yet again). That really is a great quote and should be a bumper sticker!

 

[mom2rtk]

OH MY GOSH... I LOVE THAT LINE! I will have to remember that as I start my weight loss journey (yet again). That really is a great quote and should be a bumper sticker!

I just wanted to say GOOD LUCK on your weight loss journey!

And I hope everyone who got to see their kids on fall break this weekend had a great time!

 

[RejoyceoverDisney]

Before I get into my rambling, what is the DIS 30 pound wish?

Ok my son came home Saturday night about 9pm and then left last night about 8pm. DH drove him both ways. I can't drive after dark. eyesight issues. Really stinks!!!!

It was great to have him here but so hard to let him leave again. I would think by now it would be easier. He gave me a great big hug before he left. I told him I loved him and was so proud of him. He thanked me. gulp.
He spent most of the day over my inlaws with my husband. Too funny my mother in law already bought the halloween candy so she sent him back with a bag of chocolate, some sunny delight and peanut butter crackers. They were so happy to see him and we were all happy to have him report in that so far it looks like he has all "A" and "A+". He's always been very smart academically so to see that continue and also see him mature. It was a tough battle for him socially and I don't regret one minute of my stress to help him get to where he is today. Super proud!!!

I will have him home again on the 28th because he has a dentist appointment the next morning. Then I'll bring him back after that. Total advantage of him being so close.

I was thinking about our conversations about kids not liking dorms. You know some colleges don't have "dorm/cement walls" look. My son's college has bought old victorian homes and created multiple rooms to have about 20 students in them. They have a couple bathrooms, a common living room, and kitchen area. He goes to the cafe to eat but they have the option to cook.
I guess once you are in the room and having to share it doesn't matter what the hallways look like but I'm very pleasantly surprised that my son and his roommates were all 3 in very quiet homes with their own bedroom space and they are doing quiet well together. They found their niche of friends.

OH ya just remembered I'll see my son on the 26th. Going out there for family weekend luncheon.

Funny our parent FB page for the college is super quiet this year. I guess we all have adjusted.

Well I just want to put this out there.
I'll be waiting for Princess to schedule her apology so i can make my vacation plans, in the meantime I'm building up my Disney Visa points to be able to pay for another vacation.

hugs!

 

[StacyMarie]

I want to thank everybody for all the kind words of wisdom! I really appreciate having somebody to spout off to about this whole situation. The DH thinks I should just let her come home and cave in. I don't want her to come home!!!

She stayed on campus this weekend because it was homecoming. She had a blast but I also think part of the reason she had so much fun was because the boyfriend was there the whole weekend. He doesn't go to school. He's from a very well to do family here in this crappy town and they own a plastics manufacturing plant. He's being primed to take over. He's currently 21. My daughter is 18. I'm pretty sure he has no ambition to go to school because his life is pretty much set up for him.

Anyway, back onto the subject at hand. She's coming home this weekend. I have been fishing for info from her as much as I can about her reasons why she wants to come home and if she were to come home what her plans would be. She claims that she needs to come home for the winter semester and get some things better organized and that she wants to return back to university next fall when her best friend can come with her and they can live off campus and in an apartment together. She says she feels smothered right now and trapped in her dorm all the time. She suffers from anxiety and depression so part of me is worried in that aspect that if I force her to stay, she will spiral downward. So far that isn't the case though as her grades are good.

I can only probe so much over text messages and phone calls and I didn't want to throw off her weekend fun by trying to deal with this over this past weekend. She is coming home this weekend and I am going to do my best to try to reason with her and make her look at the big picture.

Again, thank you all for sharing your experiences with me. I'm so glad that all of you agree with me and that I'm not just being a mean mom and wanting to force her to stay. Do I tell her that I am against her coming home? Do I tell her that I don't support that decision at all? This is a very thin line with my Natalee and I want to be sure that I'm making the right decisions. My mother never helped me out with anything like this and I want to make sure I'm going by this all the right way.

 

[LisaR]

I want to thank everybody for all the kind words of wisdom! I really appreciate having somebody to spout off to about this whole situation. The DH thinks I should just let her come home and cave in. I don't want her to come home!!!

She stayed on campus this weekend because it was homecoming. She had a blast but I also think part of the reason she had so much fun was because the boyfriend was there the whole weekend. He doesn't go to school. He's from a very well to do family here in this crappy town and they own a plastics manufacturing plant. He's being primed to take over. He's currently 21. My daughter is 18. I'm pretty sure he has no ambition to go to school because his life is pretty much set up for him.

Anyway, back onto the subject at hand. She's coming home this weekend. I have been fishing for info from her as much as I can about her reasons why she wants to come home and if she were to come home what her plans would be. She claims that she needs to come home for the winter semester and get some things better organized and that she wants to return back to university next fall when her best friend can come with her and they can live off campus and in an apartment together. She says she feels smothered right now and trapped in her dorm all the time. She suffers from anxiety and depression so part of me is worried in that aspect that if I force her to stay, she will spiral downward. So far that isn't the case though as her grades are good.

I can only probe so much over text messages and phone calls and I didn't want to throw off her weekend fun by trying to deal with this over this past weekend. She is coming home this weekend and I am going to do my best to try to reason with her and make her look at the big picture.

Again, thank you all for sharing your experiences with me. I'm so glad that all of you agree with me and that I'm not just being a mean mom and wanting to force her to stay. Do I tell her that I am against her coming home? Do I tell her that I don't support that decision at all? This is a very thin line with my Natalee and I want to be sure that I'm making the right decisions. My mother never helped me out with anything like this and I want to make sure I'm going by this all the right way.

Could she switch to an apartment for the winter semester? I know her BFF won't be there, but some people just aren't cut out for dorm living. I know I wasn't! Life was much better for me when I was in an apartment.

 

[RejoyceoverDisney]

I want to thank everybody for all the kind words of wisdom! I really appreciate having somebody to spout off to about this whole situation. The DH thinks I should just let her come home and cave in. I don't want her to come home!!!

She stayed on campus this weekend because it was homecoming. She had a blast but I also think part of the reason she had so much fun was because the boyfriend was there the whole weekend. He doesn't go to school. He's from a very well to do family here in this crappy town and they own a plastics manufacturing plant. He's being primed to take over. He's currently 21. My daughter is 18. I'm pretty sure he has no ambition to go to school because his life is pretty much set up for him.

Anyway, back onto the subject at hand. She's coming home this weekend. I have been fishing for info from her as much as I can about her reasons why she wants to come home and if she were to come home what her plans would be. She claims that she needs to come home for the winter semester and get some things better organized and that she wants to return back to university next fall when her best friend can come with her and they can live off campus and in an apartment together. She says she feels smothered right now and trapped in her dorm all the time. She suffers from anxiety and depression so part of me is worried in that aspect that if I force her to stay, she will spiral downward. So far that isn't the case though as her grades are good.

I can only probe so much over text messages and phone calls and I didn't want to throw off her weekend fun by trying to deal with this over this past weekend. She is coming home this weekend and I am going to do my best to try to reason with her and make her look at the big picture.

Again, thank you all for sharing your experiences with me. I'm so glad that all of you agree with me and that I'm not just being a mean mom and wanting to force her to stay. Do I tell her that I am against her coming home? Do I tell her that I don't support that decision at all? This is a very thin line with my Natalee and I want to be sure that I'm making the right decisions. My mother never helped me out with anything like this and I want to make sure I'm going by this all the right way.

Anxiety and depression does make parents walk a fine line.
And I'm only responding again because you said "Do I tell her I'm against her coming home?"

Ok let me answer this way, if I told you to do something that was not what you wanted to do, how do you feel? Yes your daughter is still young, but also remember she is a young adult and she has an opinion.
There are ways to word things so that she still feels she has an opinion.

I strongly suggest you start with "I don't want to tell you what to do or force you to do something you don't want. I want to hear you out and put all your concerns and thoughts on the table so I can fully understand where you are coming from. What's up? Can you tell me your feelings?"

Then only after she has had you totally listening and not projecting your concerns and feelings, you ask the final questions "Is there anything else you can think of making you feel you want to be home?" And then once that last invite is done...."You have very valid and good reasons, but would you be ok with hearing my concerns?" If she says no or something along the lines of "you are just going to try to force me to change my mind" be open to letting the topic drop and maybe says something like "ok maybe today isn't a good day for you to hear my concerns, and I'll take some time to think about yours.
The semester is only half way through. It's a good sign if she can at least be ok with sticking it through until December to complete this one. Then you have more time as she keeps coming home or talks to you over the phone. Maybe over Thanksgiving she will have a more open mind as you invited her to think more since you let her voice her concerns without forcing yours.

I think the biggest mistake my parents made with me is them hearing only some of my thoughts, and then making the decision for me. I never really heard their concerns. I only heard their opinions which basically was about how it looked to other people. But I also know they only did what they knew how to do.

This approach has big time helped my marriage and my relationship with both my sons. Even this weekend, my son was only home 24 hours. My husband tried to force him to stay here one more day. I had to go back to the "Hey it's his decision. He has reasons for wanting to go back tonight." And I saw my son's anxiety go from tense to totally relaxed that the ball was in his court to make the decision and be respected.

Now the fact that she wants to go back with her best friend in the fall is a good sign. Is there a way that her friend could go visit her maybe ever other weekend instead of her coming home every weekend? Then maybe they might explore other options outside the dorm? Especially if her boyfriend being there this weekend helped her do that.

Where does he stand? I was thinking how you said you don't want her trapped in the town. Um if this relationship works, and the business is there in town........That's a whole other topic that you don't want to get into.
I hope he is a nice guy and you like him because he respects your daughter and you.

I so am thinking of deleting this because I don't want to sound like a Dr. Phil or some know it all. I'm again speaking from experience of how I've had to work with my husband and sons and passing on a concept that I've been taught. Some people making the decision for them works. But now that you disclosed anxiety and depression, even more so I'm feeling that forcing is not going to help and only bring on more anxiety. I know when I see anxiety pop up in my son(s) I have to try to back off to give them a sense of control as anxiety is brought on by lack of control of the environment.

I hope this makes sense and I hope you can apply some of this as your relationship with you daughter is so super important to help her continue to grow into that fine young lady you want her to be.

Again without going into details of my family situation, I'm super proud of where both my sons are in their lives right now and how my relationship with them went from sinking fast to respectfully connected.

Best Wishes and I am so glad you are here and this group can be of support to you. It's hard! I know but so worth it!

 

[StacyMarie]

Could she switch to an apartment for the winter semester? I know her BFF won't be there, but some people just aren't cut out for dorm living. I know I wasn't! Life was much better for me when I was in an apartment.

I would have to look at the dorm contract we signed. I'm actually glad you brought that up because I'm not even sure what happens to the dorm contract if she comes home.

Anxiety and depression does make parents walk a fine line.
And I'm only responding again because you said "Do I tell her I'm against her coming home?"

Ok let me answer this way, if I told you to do something that was not what you wanted to do, how do you feel? Yes your daughter is still young, but also remember she is a young adult and she has an opinion.
There are ways to word things so that she still feels she has an opinion.

I strongly suggest you start with "I don't want to tell you what to do or force you to do something you don't want. I want to hear you out and put all your concerns and thoughts on the table so I can fully understand where you are coming from. What's up? Can you tell me your feelings?"

Then only after she has had you totally listening and not projecting your concerns and feelings, you ask the final questions "Is there anything else you can think of making you feel you want to be home?" And then once that last invite is done...."You have very valid and good reasons, but would you be ok with hearing my concerns?" If she says no or something along the lines of "you are just going to try to force me to change my mind" be open to letting the topic drop and maybe says something like "ok maybe today isn't a good day for you to hear my concerns, and I'll take some time to think about yours.
The semester is only half way through. It's a good sign if she can at least be ok with sticking it through until December to complete this one. Then you have more time as she keeps coming home or talks to you over the phone. Maybe over Thanksgiving she will have a more open mind as you invited her to think more since you let her voice her concerns without forcing yours.

I think the biggest mistake my parents made with me is them hearing only some of my thoughts, and then making the decision for me. I never really heard their concerns. I only heard their opinions which basically was about how it looked to other people. But I also know they only did what they knew how to do.

This approach has big time helped my marriage and my relationship with both my sons. Even this weekend, my son was only home 24 hours. My husband tried to force him to stay here one more day. I had to go back to the "Hey it's his decision. He has reasons for wanting to go back tonight." And I saw my son's anxiety go from tense to totally relaxed that the ball was in his court to make the decision and be respected.

Now the fact that she wants to go back with her best friend in the fall is a good sign. Is there a way that her friend could go visit her maybe ever other weekend instead of her coming home every weekend? Then maybe they might explore other options outside the dorm? Especially if her boyfriend being there this weekend helped her do that.

Where does he stand? I was thinking how you said you don't want her trapped in the town. Um if this relationship works, and the business is there in town........That's a whole other topic that you don't want to get into.
I hope he is a nice guy and you like him because he respects your daughter and you.

I so am thinking of deleting this because I don't want to sound like a Dr. Phil or some know it all. I'm again speaking from experience of how I've had to work with my husband and sons and passing on a concept that I've been taught. Some people making the decision for them works. But now that you disclosed anxiety and depression, even more so I'm feeling that forcing is not going to help and only bring on more anxiety. I know when I see anxiety pop up in my son(s) I have to try to back off to give them a sense of control as anxiety is brought on by lack of control of the environment.

I hope this makes sense and I hope you can apply some of this as your relationship with you daughter is so super important to help her continue to grow into that fine young lady you want her to be.

Again without going into details of my family situation, I'm super proud of where both my sons are in their lives right now and how my relationship with them went from sinking fast to respectfully connected.

Best Wishes and I am so glad you are here and this group can be of support to you. It's hard! I know but so worth it!

You don't sound like Dr. Phil, lol! I appreciate everybody's input. I've been using you all as examples in my trying to reason with DH to try to find a way to make her want to stay. He says to just let her come home.

As for the best friend, she has a job here and goes to community college. She doesn't want to move there just yet. She's saving up money. She has yet to have a weekend off to go visit Natalee, which is another reason Nat comes home all the time. Also, the BF is the cousin of her BFF, which is how they met.

I will keep you all posted about progress. I appreciate all the help. It's nice to have somebody to vent to. I could vent to Natalee's younger sister, but all she says is "can't you just make her stay mom. I like being an only child in the house." She's 17 and enjoying all the attention at the moment, lol.

 

[LisaR]

So I got the dreaded 4am phone call on Friday night. It started off with, "Mom, I'm okay......." but I could tell by her voice that she was very rattled.

The story goes like this:
DD and her GF went to a party. DD drove so she was not drinking. The GF nursed one beer the whole night so she was fine.

However, some girl they didn't know got trashed at the party. When the girl became out of control, most people cleared out. DD and her GF plus three guys stayed to help this girl.

She was vomiting, passing out, shaking, etc. They didn't know what to do. The guys felt she just needed to sleep it off. They were concerned that if they told an RA or called for an ambulance, they would get in trouble for underage drinking.

DD and the GF had the guys carry the girl to DD's car and the two of them drove her to the hospital.

DD and her GF were so shaken up. They didn't know if they were going to get in trouble and be forced to tell them where they had been. They didn't know if the girl really needed medical care. They had a million thoughts going through their heads.

Thankfully, the staff at the hospital was wonderful. The nurse actually hugged both girls and told them they did the right thing. The girl did not have alcohol poisoning, but was only one step away from that. She was severely dehydrated and the nurse said she had a medical alert necklace and her condition could have left her with some serious problems if left untreated (she didn't tell them what the alert was for).

Anyway, DD called me when she got back to her dorm because she couldn't sleep. We talked for awhile until she was feeling calmer. She said they were never leaving their dorm rooms again. We'll see how long that lasts!

We are teasing DD and calling her Florance Nightingale now. In her first week there she stopped some guy who was drunk from driving. I'm not sure where she got her caring and compassion from. I assure you, it wasn't from me! I'm afraid I just stepped over people who were in that condition when I was in college. Thankfully, she is turning out to be a much better 18 y/o than I was!

Yep, she sure is getting an education......an eye opening one!

 

[RejoyceoverDisney]

I would have to look at the dorm contract we signed. I'm actually glad you brought that up because I'm not even sure what happens to the dorm contract if she comes home.

You don't sound like Dr. Phil, lol! I appreciate everybody's input. I've been using you all as examples in my trying to reason with DH to try to find a way to make her want to stay. He says to just let her come home.

As for the best friend, she has a job here and goes to community college. She doesn't want to move there just yet. She's saving up money. She has yet to have a weekend off to go visit Natalee, which is another reason Nat comes home all the time. Also, the BF is the cousin of her BFF, which is how they met.

I will keep you all posted about progress. I appreciate all the help. It's nice to have somebody to vent to. I could vent to Natalee's younger sister, but all she says is "can't you just make her stay mom. I like being an only child in the house." She's 17 and enjoying all the attention at the moment, lol.

At least at my son's school, Dorm contracts are for the year, but if she switches between semesters, I don't see that to be a problem.
One of my son's friends will be moving to an apartment after this semester.
His parents were able to afford buying an apartment house for both of their sons to live in with 3 friends. Plus rent out the bottom floor to two older gentleman. They were going to move in but repairs needed to be done, so they took dorm housing for now and will move before Spring Semester.
My son will not be one of the 3 friends. At least not at this time.
He likes the dorm he is in. Across the street from some classes and a block from the other.

I suspected the friend was working weekends. I do see why she wants to come home to be with both of them. Hang in there. Breathe and explore multiple solutions with your daughter. It might work out way better than you imagine and you both will be happy.

How far is the college from home?

 

[RejoyceoverDisney]

So I got the dreaded 4am phone call on Friday night. It started off with, "Mom, I'm okay......." but I could tell by her voice that she was very rattled.

The story goes like this:
DD and her GF went to a party. DD drove so she was not drinking. The GF nursed one beer the whole night so she was fine.

However, some girl they didn't know got trashed at the party. When the girl became out of control, most people cleared out. DD and her GF plus three guys stayed to help this girl.

She was vomiting, passing out, shaking, etc. They didn't know what to do. The guys felt she just needed to sleep it off. They were concerned that if they told an RA or called for an ambulance, they would get in trouble for underage drinking.

DD and the GF had the guys carry the girl to DD's car and the two of them drove her to the hospital.

DD and her GF were so shaken up. They didn't know if they were going to get in trouble and be forced to tell them where they had been. They didn't know if the girl really needed medical care. They had a million thoughts going through their heads.

Thankfully, the staff at the hospital was wonderful. The nurse actually hugged both girls and told them they did the right thing. The girl did not have alcohol poisoning, but was only one step away from that. She was severely dehydrated and the nurse said she had a medical alert necklace and her condition could have left her with some serious problems if left untreated (she didn't tell them what the alert was for).

Anyway, DD called me when she got back to her dorm because she couldn't sleep. We talked for awhile until she was feeling calmer. She said they were never leaving their dorm rooms again. We'll see how long that lasts!

We are teasing DD and calling her Florance Nightingale now. In her first week there she stopped some guy who was drunk from driving. I'm not sure where she got her caring and compassion from. I assure you, it wasn't from me! I'm afraid I just stepped over people who were in that condition when I was in college. Thankfully, she is turning out to be a much better 18 y/o than I was!

Yep, she sure is getting an education......an eye opening one!

WOW your daughter and her friend deserved that hug from that nurse. I hope when this girl sobers up and all she thanks your daughter and realizes that she saved her life.

And yay for the hospital staff for not getting into the who and where and embracing the good deed instead of the legal parts.

Thanks for sharing this good deed news. You should be very proud.

 

[StacyMarie]

So I got the dreaded 4am phone call on Friday night. It started off with, "Mom, I'm okay......." but I could tell by her voice that she was very rattled.

The story goes like this:
DD and her GF went to a party. DD drove so she was not drinking. The GF nursed one beer the whole night so she was fine.

However, some girl they didn't know got trashed at the party. When the girl became out of control, most people cleared out. DD and her GF plus three guys stayed to help this girl.

She was vomiting, passing out, shaking, etc. They didn't know what to do. The guys felt she just needed to sleep it off. They were concerned that if they told an RA or called for an ambulance, they would get in trouble for underage drinking.

DD and the GF had the guys carry the girl to DD's car and the two of them drove her to the hospital.

DD and her GF were so shaken up. They didn't know if they were going to get in trouble and be forced to tell them where they had been. They didn't know if the girl really needed medical care. They had a million thoughts going through their heads.

Thankfully, the staff at the hospital was wonderful. The nurse actually hugged both girls and told them they did the right thing. The girl did not have alcohol poisoning, but was only one step away from that. She was severely dehydrated and the nurse said she had a medical alert necklace and her condition could have left her with some serious problems if left untreated (she didn't tell them what the alert was for).

Anyway, DD called me when she got back to her dorm because she couldn't sleep. We talked for awhile until she was feeling calmer. She said they were never leaving their dorm rooms again. We'll see how long that lasts!

We are teasing DD and calling her Florance Nightingale now. In her first week there she stopped some guy who was drunk from driving. I'm not sure where she got her caring and compassion from. I assure you, it wasn't from me! I'm afraid I just stepped over people who were in that condition when I was in college. Thankfully, she is turning out to be a much better 18 y/o than I was!

Yep, she sure is getting an education......an eye opening one!

Way to go mom for raising such a wonderful young lady!!!

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

I just wanted to say GOOD LUCK on your weight loss journey!

And I hope everyone who got to see their kids on fall break this weekend had a great time!

Thanks! I appreciate that vey much. I am officially kicking off tomorrow. I'll keep you ladies posted on my progress. I was supposed to loose weight in order to go on our upcoming cruise. So I better get crackin' that cruise will be here before I know it.

Before I get into my rambling, what is the DIS 30 pound wish?

Ok my son came home Saturday night about 9pm and then left last night about 8pm. DH drove him both ways. I can't drive after dark. eyesight issues. Really stinks!!!!

It was great to have him here but so hard to let him leave again. I would think by now it would be easier. He gave me a great big hug before he left. I told him I loved him and was so proud of him. He thanked me. gulp.
He spent most of the day over my inlaws with my husband. Too funny my mother in law already bought the halloween candy so she sent him back with a bag of chocolate, some sunny delight and peanut butter crackers. They were so happy to see him and we were all happy to have him report in that so far it looks like he has all "A" and "A+". He's always been very smart academically so to see that continue and also see him mature. It was a tough battle for him socially and I don't regret one minute of my stress to help him get to where he is today. Super proud!!!


Well I just want to put this out there.
I'll be waiting for Princess to schedule her apology so i can make my vacation plans, in the meantime I'm building up my Disney Visa points to be able to pay for another vacation.

hugs!

To answer your question. the 30 pound wish banner comes from a board here on the DIS. It is the WISH board :W.I.S.H. - We're Inspired to Stay Healthy! It is a great place to go for support on weight loss journeys. and the banner is for the pounds lost. However I have to come clean... I gained back 10# so my banner should only read 20#. I guess I will have to go update it as I am starting my journey again.

Your son sounds like a keeper! Sorry you don't get to partake in the drive to get him, but maybe could you go along as a passenger to enjoy the conversations?

And yes, I'll have to start planning a trip soon for all of us! I think we all could use a little Pixie dust to help us adjust.

Let's see... First Disneyland or Disneyworld? How long? Hmmm, during the school year? (Side Note: I did tell DH that when DD flies the coop and goes to college that first fall we are definitely going to WDW during the school year! LOL) Back to us... I think we should do it during the Food and wine festival! any takers?

So I got the dreaded 4am phone call on Friday night. It started off with, "Mom, I'm okay......." but I could tell by her voice that she was very rattled.

The story goes like this:
DD and her GF went to a party. DD drove so she was not drinking. The GF nursed one beer the whole night so she was fine.

However, some girl they didn't know got trashed at the party. When the girl became out of control, most people cleared out. DD and her GF plus three guys stayed to help this girl.

She was vomiting, passing out, shaking, etc. They didn't know what to do. The guys felt she just needed to sleep it off. They were concerned that if they told an RA or called for an ambulance, they would get in trouble for underage drinking.

DD and the GF had the guys carry the girl to DD's car and the two of them drove her to the hospital.

DD and her GF were so shaken up. They didn't know if they were going to get in trouble and be forced to tell them where they had been. They didn't know if the girl really needed medical care. They had a million thoughts going through their heads.

Thankfully, the staff at the hospital was wonderful. The nurse actually hugged both girls and told them they did the right thing. The girl did not have alcohol poisoning, but was only one step away from that. She was severely dehydrated and the nurse said she had a medical alert necklace and her condition could have left her with some serious problems if left untreated (she didn't tell them what the alert was for).

Anyway, DD called me when she got back to her dorm because she couldn't sleep. We talked for awhile until she was feeling calmer. She said they were never leaving their dorm rooms again. We'll see how long that lasts!

We are teasing DD and calling her Florance Nightingale now. In her first week there she stopped some guy who was drunk from driving. I'm not sure where she got her caring and compassion from. I assure you, it wasn't from me! I'm afraid I just stepped over people who were in that condition when I was in college. Thankfully, she is turning out to be a much better 18 y/o than I was!

Yep, she sure is getting an education......an eye opening one!

Wow! That is so scary, thank heavens they got her some help. I have repeatedly told my kids they need to help others out in these situations and to not worry about getting into trouble. I told them inaction would get them into more trouble, not to mention the possible horrific consequences for the person that is under the influence. I told them repeatedly to get help, hopefully they are listening.

You should be very proud of your DD!

 

[RejoyceoverDisney]

To answer your question. the 30 pound wish banner comes from a board here on the DIS. It is the WISH board :W.I.S.H. - We're Inspired to Stay Healthy! It is a great place to go for support on weight loss journeys. and the banner is for the pounds lost. However I have to come clean... I gained back 10# so my banner should only read 20#. I guess I will have to go update it as I am starting my journey again.

Let's see... First Disneyland or Disneyworld? How long? Hmmm, during the school year? (Side Note: I did tell DH that when DD flies the coop and goes to college that first fall we are definitely going to WDW during the school year! LOL) Back to us... I think we should do it during the Food and wine festival! any takers?

Why do I find your explanation about the Wish banner and then suggesting Food and Wine festival so funny.

But I'm in!!! Maybe by then (since this year is well on the way) we will be ready to celebrate another anniversary. Our actually anniversary is November 5th so would be right during that time.

When does DD leave fly the coop?

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Why do I find your explanation about the Wish banner and then suggesting Food and Wine festival so funny.

But I'm in!!! Maybe by then (since this year is well on the way) we will be ready to celebrate another anniversary. Our actually anniversary is November 5th so would be right during that time.

When does DD leave fly the coop?

that is actually pretty funny!!! AND to make things more interesting I don't drink alcohol! I can't, I'm on blood thinners so I don't go near the stuff! I will be the designated driver for everyone else!

DD is a freshman in HS so she won't fly for a little while. I am glad I've got 1 still at home, and all the girl drama from HS sure keeps my mind off of DS sometimes!

And happy anniversary a little early! Hope you guys have a great day!

I am also quite curious about something you posted earlier. You mentioned that your family came from "the old country" what country? I am a first generation born here and grew up with VERY strong cultural beliefs/traditions, etc... so I am always curious about cultural stuff!

 

[RejoyceoverDisney]

that is actually pretty funny!!! AND to make things more interesting I don't drink alcohol! I can't, I'm on blood thinners so I don't go near the stuff! I will be the designated driver for everyone else!

DD is a freshman in HS so she won't fly for a little while. I am glad I've got 1 still at home, and all the girl drama from HS sure keeps my mind off of DS sometimes!

And happy anniversary a little early! Hope you guys have a great day!

I am also quite curious about something you posted earlier. You mentioned that your family came from "the old country" what country? I am a first generation born here and grew up with VERY strong cultural beliefs/traditions, etc... so I am always curious about cultural stuff!

I don't drink either but the Disney buses drive me anyway. There is nothing like staying in a Disney resort and not having to look for a car and find your way. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Sorry it wasn't me that said my family came from the old country.
I'm 3rd generation here. My grand grandparents on my mothers side were from Poland. Both my grandfather's parents were from Canada, and then my grandmother was from Canada. Don't know where just know it was the french speaking parts of Canada. Up until a few years ago I thought all of Canada spoke French. Then my sister in law married someone who set me straight.
I'm so Americanized at this point......My only traditions are church related.

I'm off to bed. Or I'll eat something else. This is just terrible. Praying it passes.

 

[luvavacation]

Oh my gosh, LisaR, how frightening that must have been for your DD! But I echo what others have said, she did the right thing and you did a great job instilling that behaviour in her.

StacyMarie, I continue to wish for good things and an outcome that is in your DD's best interests. Watching our children make choices that we don't feel are the best is never easy, and sometimes all we can do is continue to love them and make sure they know we will never stop loving them. Even if you have to say it through gritted teeth!

To those trying to lose weight, good luck! I have been trying since my eldest was born, 23 years ago! I went from a size 5 to, well, much bigger! Although you all have no idea what I look like, so maybe I really just look like a gorgeous model but have low self esteem? I say this having just popped a sea salt Lindt chocolate ball into my mouth while drinking my coffee. Mmmmm, the melty chocolate, the hot coffee, heaven! Hey, doctors say eating breakfast is supposed to help weight loss, so my Lindt ball and coffee is my breakfast!

Had a wonderful weekend with my youngest at home for 3 days. Then she left again. The first afternoon/night after she heads back is always the hardest. House goes from being filled with her happy voice to just the sound of a her cat crying and the dogs throwing balls at our feet. The following morning is easier, but that sudden change, well I will never get used to it. DH and I are already wondering what will happen to us when she goes back after a week home for Thanksgiving and then a month for Christmas?

Spoke to a friend whose son also came home for October break. She said he slept until 2 or 3 most days, then played video games. She had hoped for more interaction, but as she said, at least he was home and she could lay eyes upon him.

My eldest better hurry up and get pregnant soon after she gets married, I need some grandchildren to pay attention to!

Speaking of Disney, anyone going December 17 - 20? Youngest DD and I are!

While she was home this past weekend, I mentioned that I needed a bracelet to replace the Alex & Ani one I bought last summer, as it is losing its charms. DD said she wants to go, so let's go over Christmas break!

This was a surprise, as she had originally said she didn't want to go anywhere during her breaks, just be at home. However, she has decided that since she will be home for one month, 3 nights at Disney would be acceptable. I like her way of thinking!

My DH said we could go, so DD and I will be heading down, just the two of us. I am so excited!!!! I feel bad for my DH, because I know he is going to miss us being gone, but we will be gone midweek so he will still be working and busy during the day at least. Taking care of the dogs, cats, and house stuff daily will keep him busy all evening, so hopefully the time will go by quickly for him.

And I am so excited!!!

 

[RejoyceoverDisney]

Oh my gosh, LisaR, how frightening that must have been for your DD! But I echo what others have said, she did the right thing and you did a great job instilling that behaviour in her.

StacyMarie, I continue to wish for good things and an outcome that is in your DD's best interests. Watching our children make choices that we don't feel are the best is never easy, and sometimes all we can do is continue to love them and make sure they know we will never stop loving them. Even if you have to say it through gritted teeth!

To those trying to lose weight, good luck! I have been trying since my eldest was born, 23 years ago! I went from a size 5 to, well, much bigger! Although you all have no idea what I look like, so maybe I really just look like a gorgeous model but have low self esteem? I say this having just popped a sea salt Lindt chocolate ball into my mouth while drinking my coffee. Mmmmm, the melty chocolate, the hot coffee, heaven! Hey, doctors say eating breakfast is supposed to help weight loss, so my Lindt ball and coffee is my breakfast!

Had a wonderful weekend with my youngest at home for 3 days. Then she left again. The first afternoon/night after she heads back is always the hardest. House goes from being filled with her happy voice to just the sound of a her cat crying and the dogs throwing balls at our feet. The following morning is easier, but that sudden change, well I will never get used to it. DH and I are already wondering what will happen to us when she goes back after a week home for Thanksgiving and then a month for Christmas?

Spoke to a friend whose son also came home for October break. She said he slept until 2 or 3 most days, then played video games. She had hoped for more interaction, but as she said, at least he was home and she could lay eyes upon him.

My eldest better hurry up and get pregnant soon after she gets married, I need some grandchildren to pay attention to!

Speaking of Disney, anyone going December 17 - 20? Youngest DD and I are!

While she was home this past weekend, I mentioned that I needed a bracelet to replace the Alex & Ani one I bought last summer, as it is losing its charms. DD said she wants to go, so let's go over Christmas break!

This was a surprise, as she had originally said she didn't want to go anywhere during her breaks, just be at home. However, she has decided that since she will be home for one month, 3 nights at Disney would be acceptable. I like her way of thinking!

My DH said we could go, so DD and I will be heading down, just the two of us. I am so excited!!!! I feel bad for my DH, because I know he is going to miss us being gone, but we will be gone midweek so he will still be working and busy during the day at least. Taking care of the dogs, cats, and house stuff daily will keep him busy all evening, so hopefully the time will go by quickly for him.

And I am so excited!!!

Bummer! I'll be there the month before you. 16-23.
But then again going 4 days alone in February. So DH can be here with no stress over respite for my other son. This November vacation was going so smooth and then the unfortunate situation with one of our caregivers. I"m still grieving knowing this nice young man needs help. Addiction really stinks.

I"ll be seeking the Alex and Ani bracelets myself. I bought one that says Laugh and it's lonely. I now need a castle one and they say we have to wear them in odd numbers (which I find annoying) so I'm going to have to find another style. I saw some that were mickey themed that someone sent me but it wasn't clear if they are available yet. Would be cool if each park had something I could get that was a symbol of that park for me. Although at $30 a pop........we'll see.

Ok I better get dressed.
I've had a friend request costume help and a Mom that I met from my son's college (My son's friend) is texting me since she is coming up to MA from NJ to bring her son back today. We are hoping to have lunch.

Off I go.
Have a magical day everyone. I hope things are filled with pixie dust for you today.

Oh ya totally agree with the first afternoon/night thing.


hugs

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

Hey guys, need to share something that makes me so sad. I know it is all in the process of the "emerging adult" but it is a tough pill to swallow. DS has sent some info to DH via text and a lot of the stuff is "guy" stuff. I get that, but what is added on is "don't tell mom". I feel very left out, and in a way feel as if I am a nuisance to him. I KNOW he does need to separate and find his way. I get that. I know that is the way it should be, he is very independent and he will be so successful in life, I am very happy and proud of that. I am just so incredibly sad that he isn't including me in his day to day stuff like he is others. He told me that this past summer he was sad to realize we don't have much in common anymore. That was devastating as it was mentioned right after we took our trip out to California. We do have some stuff, I love to hear his take on politics and he likes to share that, we both love history and watching movies together, but we are limited in sharing any of that now since he is gone. I would love to hear how school is going, when we do talk I ask questions because he is a man of few words and I am trying to get him to talk about things with me. But I guess I am asking too many questions and need to back off. I already have backed off so much, I don't text or call him. I let him be the one to contact me, I am trying to give him his space that he needs, just feels like it still isn't enough and that he really doesn't want any part of me. I sure hope that isn't the case, but right now I am feeling it.

It doesn't help that DD and I have been fighting the past 2 days about her grades and schoolwork. I have felt like crap about the fighting, we can both be stubborn and we are getting no where fast arguing the same points in a circle. And these have been big time blow up fights with tears.

Also doesn't help that tomorrow is his birthday.

He is coming home this weekend, first time home, I was thrilled, and couldn't wait, now I am cautious as I don't want to get my hopes up for a great weekend, and maybe it will be more of the above.

right now I am just sitting here crying, tears are rolling down my cheeks, feeling very alone, sad, questioning my parenting of both kids and just feeling terrible & miserable

I almost didn't want to post this, because it is so filled with raw emotion, and not sure if it is "OK" to feel like this, but I do and I decided to post, you guys have been so supportive and understanding. Maybe someone else is going through something like this and we can help each other.

 

[Southernmiss]

Hey guys, need to share something that makes me so sad. I know it is all in the process of the "emerging adult" but it is a tough pill to swallow. DS has sent some info to DH via text and a lot of the stuff is "guy" stuff. I get that, but what is added on is "don't tell mom". I feel very left out, and in a way feel as if I am a nuisance to him. I KNOW he does need to separate and find his way. I get that. I know that is the way it should be, he is very independent and he will be so successful in life, I am very happy and proud of that. I am just so incredibly sad that he isn't including me in his day to day stuff like he is others. He told me that this past summer he was sad to realize we don't have much in common anymore. That was devastating as it was mentioned right after we took our trip out to California. We do have some stuff, I love to hear his take on politics and he likes to share that, we both love history and watching movies together, but we are limited in sharing any of that now since he is gone. I would love to hear how school is going, when we do talk I ask questions because he is a man of few words and I am trying to get him to talk about things with me. But I guess I am asking too many questions and need to back off. I already have backed off so much, I don't text or call him. I let him be the one to contact me, I am trying to give him his space that he needs, just feels like it still isn't enough and that he really doesn't want any part of me. I sure hope that isn't the case, but right now I am feeling it.

It doesn't help that DD and I have been fighting the past 2 days about her grades and schoolwork. I have felt like crap about the fighting, we can both be stubborn and we are getting no where fast arguing the same points in a circle. And these have been big time blow up fights with tears.

Also doesn't help that tomorrow is his birthday.

He is coming home this weekend, first time home, I was thrilled, and couldn't wait, now I am cautious as I don't want to get my hopes up for a great weekend, and maybe it will be more of the above.

right now I am just sitting here crying, tears are rolling down my cheeks, feeling very alone, sad, questioning my parenting of both kids and just feeling terrible & miserable

I almost didn't want to post this, because it is so filled with raw emotion, and not sure if it is "OK" to feel like this, but I do and I decided to post, you guys have been so supportive and understanding. Maybe someone else is going through something like this and we can help each other.

It is one of those growing up things.

Ds in his second year of college and has communicated a lot more with dh than me via text and face to face and phone.

He has come home just once so far and won't be home until thanksgiving.

He matured so much in the last year (even grew an inch or two). He's definitely not the same guy he was senior year or when he left home. I miss that guy, but am proud of the emerging man I see and will get to know again.

They tell you all about the early parenting years but not so much as they get older. It's a lot of learning as we go. Hang in there mom. This too shall pass.