Have you traveled long distance for a family member's funeral?

[dbal]

Hi- I have lurked alot on this board but this will be my first post. Here goes...

My grandmother passed away this a.m. She lived in Seattle as does most of my dm's family. I haven't seen her in 5 years and I feel like I should go out for the funeral. My dad & stepmom have been out to see her frequently and are going out for the funeral. ( my mom died 15 years ago- it was her mom)
My dilemma is - the cost and the time away from family and work.
My dh said he would cover the kids and take off from his work but this is not easy for him to do. I just priced plane tickets from a few different regional airports; and it looks like a 2-3 day trip will cost no less than $1000 for hotel, tix, food, etc. This of course is way out of our budget- but then again - who budgets for this type of thing?
I really feel guilty because we just got back from a week in DW 3 wks ago.

I'm just wondering how people handle the long distance family funeral thing?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks-
Deb

 

[snoopy]

Did you check with the airlines to see about a cheaper fare since you've had a death in the family? They usually reduce the fares if its a close family member.

I was living in Europe when my Grandfather died at home in Baltimore. I did get the reduced fare, but that was many years ago, so I'm not sure what the criteria is today. I did get home though, I can't imagine not having done so. I was very close to my Grandfather and would have felt guilt if I had not gone home.

 

[meandtheguys2]

I am so sorry for your loss!

Was wondering if either hotire or priceline could give you a decent rate? I know how hard it was when my grandfather died and I was living in CA. In the end I was not able to afford the trip home. Hope things work out for you.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Is there another family member you can room with? Or a relative you can stay with.

Traveling for funeral's is tough.

My grandparents live out in California--I would probably attend their funerals--but not that of my Aunts and Uncles out there--b/c we pretty much don't know each other.

If you can't afford it--you can't afford it. My mother lost a dear Aunt in the UK--I got her a really good bereavement fare to fly overseas and found out how she would get a quickie passport and such--but it just wasn't possible. The family was understanding. You could possibly write a letter or something and give it to your dad to carry along and be read by the family who was there.

Don't worry about having taken a trip to DW. Your own family does come first above the outside family and we can't go saving vacation time and money in the off chance that someone will pass away tomorrow. That isn't a way to raise a family.

My condolences on the loss of your grandmother

 

[caitycaity]

i'm very sorry for your loss.

i have traveled for funerals of close family members before because i knew it was important for me. earlier this year i took unpaid time off work just to go because it was that important to me. however, everyone is different (my sister, for example, did not attend - she was in college) and for some people it's probably less important than it is to me. don't feel guilty if you just can't afford it.

 

[dbal]

Thanks for the kindness and advice. I'm still on the fence. One of my db's is not going. One lives out there very close and I'm waiting to hear from my other db.
I have found some decent airfare so who knows...
Thanks
-Deb

 

[lap3]

Sorry to hear about your loss. When my aunt passed away in the Philippines, I accompanied my mom to the funeral. I was close to her because she used to babysit me and my brother when we were younger. So, it was important for me to attend. My mom took it really hard because she was the last one in her family.

 

[julia & nicks mom]

this may sound cold - but if you can't afford to attend - she won't know the difference -

if you feel that you need to go to support members of your family - that is different but if you are going because you feel like you should - I wouldn't go.

My grandma is 87 and lives in the same town as me - I am her only grandchild (out of 17) that sees her on a regular basis - I have been instructed that there is to be no funeral - b/c she won't know they are there and she doesn't want them to spend a bunch of money to look at her dead body (her words not mine) - just thought you might like to know what an elderly persons point of view might be in this situation

 

[binny]

call and ask for a bereavement fare. THey are cheaper and a Granparent qualifies for this.
Also can you find out if your dh can get bereavement time off? DH's company allows him 3 days for the loss of any Granparent or other close family member, even if its a an in law.


(((hugs))) Im sorry for your loss.

 

[momsgonwild]

When my grandmother died in Illinois, our motel gave us a bereavement rate on our room. We had to give them the name of the funeral home, and grandmother's name.
My DH and I also got time off from work because we are allowed so many days for funeral leave for immediate family. Sorry to hear about your grandmother. My thoughts are with you and your family.

 

[Cruise04]

When my aunt passed away over a year ago I knew I was going. I had to make some arrangements with work to have people cover for me and make sure the home schedule was taken care of (school had just started). I knew there was no way I could afford a flight so I drove, and fortunately my cousin, who lives along the way, went with me. It was a 16 hour straight drive. We drove straight through. I was exhausted after I got home (I drove back straight through as well) but it helped me to be there for my dad (it was his sister) and my cousins and uncle. I am very close to this family and she was like a second mom to me.

Now I know that driving probably would be unbearable for you to do given the distance but I would go.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

 

[Imzadi]

My XBF had to take a flight in to Spokane, WA and borrowed money from me for the flight. I can't think off-hand who the airline was, but they gave him a berevement discount of 50% when he produced a copy of the death certificate (gotten from the funeral home - they are used to giving these out.)

Most airlines will give these kinds of discounts.

Check Travelocity for their "last minute" discounts on hotel & car rentals.

Also, ask this same question over at the Budget Board here. The posters there specialize in finding & helping with discounts.

Sorry about your loss.

 

[Straycat]

Dbf is in London right now for his grandmothers funeral. He had to pay extra to get his passport expidited so quickly, airfare, hotel and car rental. His credit card bill is going to look awful next month but it was important to him to be there for his mother.

 

[denisenh]

When my grandmother died, I went with my mother to her funeral in Texas. I only went to support my mother. MY DH kept our kids (2, 6 and 16) home with him. I do not normally attend services of even close relatives. I pay my respects to the living.

If it is important for you to go, for whatever the reason, is it possible for you to attend without your DH and children? That would be less expensive.

I am sorry for your loss.