Have you ever gone to a function where you had to PAY for soda???

[kpm76]

Where the heck are you people from that an open bar cost 10 grand plus the meal? My whole reception cost $5300($53pp 4 course meal, cocktails,5hr open top shelf bar and italian cookies. Cake was separate) Now granted that was 10 years ago but I check prices today and they're running about $75 & up same package. This was Southern CT(The Gold Coast as it's called) in a popular,prominent facility.

It absolutely can cost that much. Our bar bill for 225 guests was about the cost of your entire reception and, as I mentioned in a previous post, we have soda offered all night, beer and wine for 2 hrs, wine with dinner and one hour full open bar after dinner. So yes, depending on the venue and number of guests, I can see how it could approach the 10k range.

 

[Mom2Nick]

I don't get how you know that tips for bartenders are included in what the bride and groom paid unless you asked the couple. I would never think that I had to tip my waitress at a wedding but I most certainly tip the bartenders. At our wedding, the gratuity tacked onto the cost of the meal was for servers only. We paid for and tipped the bartenders separately. As a quest, I would never dream of walking away from a bar after getting a drink without leaving a dollar or two..since we all seem to like to use the word "tacky," I will say that that seems tacky to me....

Tacky is any guest at a wedding reception having to pay for anything so I guess we come from two totally different worlds then.

 

[kpm76]

Tacky is any guest at a wedding reception having to pay for anything so I guess we come from two totally different worlds then.

Yes, I think we do. I do not perceive my role as guest to be so superior that the "help" do not deserve a little extra from me for doing a good job and serving me. I don't really care if the bride and groom tipped the bartenders 20%, I'm still going to leave a tip because I think it's the right thing to do. Hence, I would never ever travel to a wedding (or any function for that matter) without some cash.

 

[Mom2Nick]

Yes, I think we do. I do not perceive my role as guest to be so superior that the "help" do not deserve a little extra from me for doing a good job and serving me. I don't really care if the bride and groom tipped the bartenders 20%, I'm still going to leave a tip because I think it's the right thing to do. Hence, I would never ever travel to a wedding (or any function for that matter) without some cash.

Just because YOU think it's the right thing to do doesn't make it the right thing to do... And I am the superior one???

 

[N.Bailey]

One of my friends worked as a receptionist for a chiropractor a few years back. The entire office was invited to one of their patient's wedding. A patient mind you, that really didn't know anyone outside the office. Well, the invitations went out and each guest was suppose to contact the bride and find out what covered dish they should bring for the reception.

I've never had to buy soda at any reception and wouldn't appreciate it at all, but after the above, nothing would shock me.

 

[mjkacmom]

Yes, I think we do. I do not perceive my role as guest to be so superior that the "help" do not deserve a little extra from me for doing a good job and serving me. I don't really care if the bride and groom tipped the bartenders 20%, I'm still going to leave a tip because I think it's the right thing to do. Hence, I would never ever travel to a wedding (or any function for that matter) without some cash.

As someone who lives in an area where cash bars are considered tacky, and almost unheard of, yes, we do tip the bartenders, as do most guests who attend these lavish weddings - we always make sure we have singles, not only for the bartenders, but for the valet and coat check.

 

[terri01p]

should have done like at my dd wedding...finger foods and cake and punch....you can't go wrong with that...and no one went broke and everyone was happy

 

[froglady]

Where the heck are you people from that an open bar cost 10 grand plus the meal? My whole reception cost $5300($53pp 4 course meal, cocktails,5hr open top shelf bar and italian cookies. Cake was separate) Now granted that was 10 years ago but I check prices today and they're running about $75 & up same package. This was Southern CT(The Gold Coast as it's called) in a popular,prominent facility.

My reception cost almost as much in RI (actually, across the line in Southeastern MA) in 1976, and that was with only beer & wine, and a one hour "open" bar with limited choices. (Any "house" whiskey, rum, or vodka mixed drinks, as I recall)

Has anyone considered the difference in state taxes, local ordinances, etc?

As I mentioned in a much earlier post, the bar charged a bottle price for ANY bottle opened, even if they only made one drink from it. This can easily run the bar tab up into the thousands if you have an unlimited, open bar.

 

[froglady]

should have done like at my dd wedding...finger foods and cake and punch....you can't go wrong with that...and no one went broke and everyone was happy

Again, a regional thing. In RI or Southern MA, this would be considered tacky, and would be discussed for decades as the wedding where everyone starved.

As I mentioned earlier, not only is (or was- I've been away 25 years) the average middle class wedding not only had a full sit- down dinner (although a buffet was OK, but less desirable) but a big party afterwards (at someone's home) with even more food and drink. Not just cake and punch, but lasagna (or other ethnic casserole type dish), sandwiches, salads, desserts, etc.

I remember being surprised by my first Southern wedding shower. I had only experienced RI showers, so I hadn't eaten anything beforehand. Big mistake.

 

[mjkacmom]

should have done like at my dd wedding...finger foods and cake and punch....you can't go wrong with that...and no one went broke and everyone was happy

Maybe where you live, but here in NJ, there would have been much confusion - we come hungry! However, I do understand different regions have different customs, which is fine, but if you are not doing a "normal" wedding, based on where you live, you should let people know ahead of time.

 

[kpm76]

Just because YOU think it's the right thing to do doesn't make it the right thing to do... And I am the superior one???

And just because YOU think it's tacky for a guest to have to spend any money at a wedding doesn't mean it is.....we disagree....end of story.

 

[aprilgail2]

Again, a regional thing. In RI or Southern MA, this would be considered tacky, and would be discussed for decades as the wedding where everyone starved.

As I mentioned earlier, not only is (or was- I've been away 25 years) the average middle class wedding not only had a full sit- down dinner (although a buffet was OK, but less desirable) but a big party afterwards with even more food and drink. Not just cake and punch, but lasagna (or other ethnic casserole type dish), sandwiches, salads, desserts, etc.

QUOTE]

Same thing here- people would have thought the finger food was just the cocktail hour and would be waiting for the "real food". We never eat here prior to a wedding reception- even if the reception is at 11am(which is not common) there is still a full sit down meal, cocktail hour etc. My family still talks about a reception we went to in Virginia where all they had was these triangle sandwiches and was held in the basement of a church with no A/C in July! We all left quickly to go out to eat after it! After driving 5 hours and expecting a reception with food etc we were starving!

 

[DisneyMomx7]

I guess my dd should have had her wedding reception in another part of the country (LOL!). In NJ people come to a wedding receptions expecting a cocktail hour (with food and drink), a full dinner (usually sit down) and an open bar. I could have saved a ton of money if we lived in a region where finger foods, punch and cake were the norm!

Come to think of it even her wedding shower was catered food - full buffet and appetizers.

 

[kimmikayb]

The norm in my area is a buffet offered with tea, coffee, water and cake with punch. There is usually one of two kegs of beer. Hard stuff is cash bar. Occassionaly "tickets" are handed out for guests to get one or two liquor drinks.

It's fun to see the different ways weddings are in our country.

 

[java]

My family still talks about my cousin's first wedding(which we all think failed because of the cash bar) It was in MA. (we are from NY) and it was a CASH BAR. Which we never had come across before. So we all befriended Uncle Tommy and he bought our drinks all night. You know I need to give him a call.

But soda? Now that is Tacky. I have been to recent weddings with wine and soda and then a cash bar for cocktails. But never ever was I asked to pay for soda.

 

[4cruisin]

I have attended probably 25 weddings in this area of MA.

All except one was a cash bar. My dh's step sister had an open bar provided by the groom's family. It was only for "show" as to how well off the groom's family was.

I have hosted bridal showers and a 25th anniversary party to which I paid for everything but we had a cash bar. At those parties, I knew the guests would be big drinkers and truthfully, it never entered my mind to pay for anyone's drinks.

When we host a house party, we provide everything from food to soda to alcohol and I never, ever expect guests to bring anything. However, for my family and friends, the norm is to have a cash bar at any "facility type" gatherings.

I guess I'm cheap and tacky. But then again, I do not base my wedding gifts on whether there was an open bar or not. That's tacky to me.

Oh, and another thing, we don't have an ATM card (oh the horror) dh and I carry plain old fashioned cash and credit cards when we go anywhere.

My dsis has a fit that I refuse to get ATM cards.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I've started to get the idea that only folks in NY/NJ/Eastern PA are taken aback by the cash bar and paying for non-alcoholic drinks. Its odd to see what a difference geographic locale has on what is customary/expected at these kinds of functions.

 

[1PrincessMomma1]

[

 

[soontobewed07]

We did not have an open Bar at our wedding. I had Wine on the tables a champagne toast and Soda water tea and Coffee. I am sorry that people feel it is the Bride and Grooms responsibility to have to get people Drunk. I would NEVER expect an open bar at a wedding.

 

[Todd&Copper]

Instead of having a cash bar, if you cannot afford to serve alcohol, why not just have a "dry" reception? Or just beer and wine, no hard liquor? I wouldn't blink and eye if I went to a dry reception, but I find it annoying to discover a cash bar at an event. Don't throw a party you cannot afford, and if you cannot afford alcohol, then just don't serve it, please don't provide it for an additional fee. I just find it tacky to ask guests to contribute to the event in that blatent a fashion.