Have you ever gone to a function where you had to PAY for soda???

[Nana Annie]

If the bride and groom do not believe in alcohol .... then there should be NO alcohol.

They are NOT being good hosts by only offering water, coffee, tea and letting guests pay for other options! The hosts serve what they can afford (and I will never think that is low class). In one is poor, then do not have a cash bar. You are the host! In what other instance would you not provide for your guests?

But then, according to other posters, they are being horrible hosts because they are being selfish only serving what they believed in. Go back a page and you will see a couple of posts about this.

As I mentioned before, a bride just can't win for losing.

If they offer a cash bar to their guests, but also provide regular refreshments, they are cheap because they are asking to the guests to help pay.

If they don't offer alcohol, they are being cheap.

If they don't offer alcohol because they don't believe in it or don't offer meat dishes if they are vegans, they are horrible hosts because they are not taking into account the beliefs of their guests. All hosts should compromise their beliefs for their guests.

I am glad I got married long ago and don't have to deal with such self-centered guest demands these days.

 

[FayeW]

Where I come from, cash bars were the norm. There were always bottles of wine on the tables, and alcoholic and non-alcoholic punch available, as well as tea and coffee. I believe the pop was free from the bartender too, just the beer and mixed drinks were purchased.

One of the nicest weddings we ever attended was put together in about 10 days. The groom was being transferred with the military and they decided to get married before they left so all of their friends could be there. It was potluck, and my husband did the wedding photos as our gift to them. I remember him picking up the developed photos and before he opened the envelope (20 yrs ago, before digital cameras) he said "I hope these turned out, or we are going to Wal-Mart for a toaster!". They were beautiful, and we bought a nice album to put them in. We had all been invited to their apartment the day after the wedding, and we presented them with their album of wedding photos right then. They were shocked to have it so quickly and so nicely presented.

To this day I say it was the nicest wedding because everyone was there because we all truly wanted to be there and share the day with the happy couple. We all helped out and participated in some way whether it was making food, decorating, or whatever. I sure hope they are still married!

 

[Planogirl]

Like I said in another post, we offered free water, iced and hot tea and coffee. A lot of weddings in this area do not offer free soda. It's overpriced for what you get, and at $2 a glass per person (especially when you can go to the grocery store and get a 2 liter for less than $2), we felt it was an unnecessary expense...and chose to have other "free" drinks.

That does make a difference I agree. I've never had to pay for a soda so it never occurred to me that it could be so expensive. But then I'm a tacky person that sees nothing wrong with a cash bar.

Different strokes for different folks and so not worth arguing about IMO.

 

[tigercat]

I forgot one wedding I went to. We were invited to it, and also invited to bring a dish as it was pot luck. We were even told what part we were to bring. And then, we ended up being asked to "work" the wedding as well as she didn't want to hire anyone to do it. It was their second wedding and they were older (60's) but decided they wanted the whole thing, fancy dress and everything. It was a lot of work. There was no cash bar though, as they didn't have any alcohol but they did provide other drinks.
tigercat

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

I just found out that soda is drinking something harder.

Honestly not offering soda as a free choice is tacky.

Bolding mine. That is very inconsiderate of you as a host. It shows very poor manners to treat invited guests in such a way.

I have a problem with this assumption. I will admit to being a soda addict, I don't like the taste of tap water, I feel like I can taste the impurities. That said, I have been to many weddings and other functions where the only options were tea, water, and coffee. I do not need soda to be happy. The problem with soda is there are so many different kinds. You can't just provide straight cola anymore. If you provide just regular and diet, people will complain that you didn't have a large enough selection. As long as something is provided, I am happy.

It sounds to me like this is a big issue of different cultural norms based on the area you are from. What is perfectly acceptable to one is tacky to another.

I will say that when (if) I get married, I honestly don't know if I will provide alcohol of any kind. I have lost several friends to drunk drivers, and it is my personal opinion that if you are going to drive you should not even have one drink. I would be too terrified of one of my guests getting drunk and driving home to properly enjoy the evening. I would never be able to live with myself if that happened since I was the one who provided the alcohol. If people only come to the wedding/reception for the alcohol (and I have heard many people say that is the case), then they are not the kind of people I want for friends.

 

[SunshineOR]

This thread makes me think of something that seemed tacky to me, but must have been a regional tradition with which I wasn't familiar. For a college friend's very lavish wedding she asked another girl and myself to work the gift table. I hadn't heard of this, but it was presented as a great honor and it seemed rude to say no to it. While everyone else was sitting down and eating and drinking and having a great time, our job was to stand at the gift table and be sure the cards were taped to the gifts, then haul the gifts to the van.

The other girl was mad at me because I finally left her stranded at the gift table for a while. I had driven five hours to get to the reception and was starving and wanted to sit down for a moment to grab a bite and maybe even visit with some friends I hadn't seen in a long time. I remember thinking it was really funny because we were invited to this reception and led to believe it was some great honor to work the gift table. I didn't feel very special to be standing there taping cards to gifts and hauling gifts to the van. I basically missed the entire reception guarding gifts, sweated in my new dress hauling gifts to the vehicle, then had to get back in my car and drive five hours back home.

However, although there was no alcohol served, everything was free and there was a free choose your flavor Italian drink bar. I would have loved one of those free drinks if I had a chance to sit down and get one! I think that means everyone else found this a very non-tacky reception. I just thought it was a little tacky to invite me to be free labor at the reception.

 

[malibuconlee]

Seriously for a minute. Forget what people are serving- whether you are used to cake and punch or a 5 course meal, paying for part of anything at someone's party is just not right. You throw a party, you get to chose what you want to serve etc. That means YOU should foot the bill. If you don't want liquor but you think your guests will then don't serve it at all or serve it and consider it the cost of a gracious host. Don't charge your guests. I am sorry but I still think it is rude. Maybe it is the norm where you live and that's fine, but I think charging people anything to come to your party is rude.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I'm from the mid-west and things are just done differently here. The whole East Coast tradition of "covering your plate" is completely foreign to us. We don't throw parties expecting people to pay for the meal/drinks they've been served, which is what that seems like to me. We throw parties/weddings according to what we can afford.

 

[aprilgail2]

This thread makes me think of something that seemed tacky to me, but must have been a regional tradition with which I wasn't familiar. For a college friend's very lavish wedding she asked another girl and myself to work the gift table. I hadn't heard of this, but it was presented as a great honor and it seemed rude to say no to it. While everyone else was sitting down and eating and drinking and having a great time, our job was to stand at the gift table and be sure the cards were taped to the gifts, then haul the gifts to the van.

The other girl was mad at me because I finally left her stranded at the gift table for a while. I had driven five hours to get to the reception and was starving and wanted to sit down for a moment to grab a bite and maybe even visit with some friends I hadn't seen in a long time. I remember thinking it was really funny because we were invited to this reception and led to believe it was some great honor to work the gift table. I didn't feel very special to be standing there taping cards to gifts and hauling gifts to the van. I basically missed the entire reception guarding gifts, sweated in my new dress hauling gifts to the vehicle, then had to get back in my car and drive five hours back home.

. I just thought it was a little tacky to invite me to be free labor at the reception.

LOL- thats how I feel when I hear people say they asked someone to be ther guest book signer watcher or whatever name they are calling it to sound nice. The poor person has to stand next to a guestbook ROFLMA- what a job, more like an insult- you aren't really good enough to be in the wedding party, but here, here's a bone for you, stand next to the guestbook and make sure people write in it LOL!

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

Every wedding with a pay bar I've ever been to, I had to pay for soda also.

 

[DisneyMomx7]

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I'm from the mid-west and things are just done differently here. The whole East Coast tradition of "covering your plate" is completely foreign to us. We don't throw parties expecting people to pay for the meal/drinks they've been served, which is what that seems like to me. We throw parties/weddings according to what we can afford.

I don't think things are any different in NJ - you have a wedding based upon your budget, but you don't expect the guests to pay for anything!

I have no objection if a couple decides (for any reason) that they do not want alcohol served. My objection is asking guests to pay for a drink - whether it be alcohol or soda.

 

[Mom2Nick]

I agree with you.
Now being someone from NE. The laws have changed. My nephew is getting married in 6 weeks. When they started looking at halls and asked about open bars they kept being told no more than an hour. The places would not allow the drunk driving issues and maybe a law suite.
But I have never gone to a wedding, shower or any kind of party without cash.
Even with an open bar you still need to tip the bar and wait staff.

Gratuity for bar and wait staff is included in the cost of the reception for every wedding I have been to.

Wedding guests shouldn't have to pay for anything. If a bride and groom cannot afford an open bar then don't have any kind of a bar at all. Do a punch, do a theme drink, just do wine/beer/soda/water or just do water and coffee/tea - but you should serve your guests drinks if you are offering food of any kind.

 

[Camicar]

The very first wedding we went to with a cash bar that required you to pay for soda was a $10K wedding in 1983. In 1983, that was a lot of money. A LOT. The bride had the most expensive gown, the most expensive cake, $250 shoes and... the Diet Coke cost me $5. 25 years later everyone who went to that wedding still calls it the "Five Dollar Diet Coke Wedding." That bride thought she was going to have the wedding of the year but her cheapness totally negated everything else she did, then and 25 years later.

I am of the opinion that a wedding reception is a party you happen to be throwing some place other than your home. Since I would never dream of inviting guests to a dinner party at my home and making them pay for a soda (or a beer or glass of wine), I would never dream of making them pay for a Coke at a reception I am hosting. If I can't afford to pay for soda for my guests, then I need to decrease the guest list or something else.

As far as soda being overpriced -- newsflash: Everything to do with a wedding is overpriced. I was in the biz, so I know this to be true. So if someone is refusing to cover the cost of soda bec it's overpriced, they should nix the gown, tux, church fees, food and entertainment as well. It's ALL overpriced. What you choose to pay says everything about your priorities.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

NJ resident here, and have never been to a wedding without an open bar - no dry weddings or cash bar weddings here!

Here's my post that you quoted. I said that when I lived in NJ, weddings had open bar. It was when I moved to New England (specifically MA, and now in RI) that I attended weddings without an open bar, not NJ. I was in my friend's wedding in MA.

Originally Posted by MaryAnnDVC
Not in New England. I'm from NJ, where weddings always had open bars. When we moved to New England, we were shocked at having to pay for drinks at weddings. When I was in my friend's wedding (in my halter dress and tiny evening bag), I didn't have any money on me...never occurred to me to bring money...and someone took pity on me and bought me a soda. (Yup, even had to pay for that.) When I got married (in RI), our friends were amazed that we had an open bar, and I think my ILs thought we were being show-offy. But my parents' philosophy was that we were inviting guests to our event...essentially "our home", altho it was at another venue...and as our guests, they shouldn't have to pay for anything. Obviously, it's driven by local custom tho.

I was surprised when my DS went to a laser-tag birthday party and had to pay for playing laser-tag.

 

[smartestnumber5]

My family needs wants alcohol at social events like weddings (how else would they get through such torturous events! ) They have no problem whatsoever paying for it themselves. They would much, much, much rather pay for it at a cash bar then not have it all. And they would complain a heck of a lot more about a wedding with no alcohol at all available (unless there were a particular reason the couple was avoiding alcohol) than a wedding with a cash bar.

I don't understand people's use of the word "ask" and "force" in this context. The existence of a bar serving alcohol for money in no way forces/manipulates/requires/asks/implies/prompts me to buy it. I manage to go to restaurants that serve alcohol for money all the time without buying any and without feeling as if I'm asked or forced to do so. Why would it be any different at a wedding?

Anyhow I find the whole conversation kind of interesting. I think most aspects of weddings are a waste of money anyway, so I find the idea of spending thousands and thousands of dollars on an open bar/a dress/photos, etc pretty tacky in itself. (That would be why *I* am not planning to spend thousands of dollars on these things. But I really don't care what the heck other people do with their money/their weddings/their lives and it's surprising how much so many people on this thread do care.)

So the guests who won't eat vegan or vegetarian should just not eat. The hostess/host can find a compromise that will work. Or just invite only vegans.


I personally do not eat meat at every meal, but I know many people who do. Again it is not the decision of the host/hostess to decide that they need to improve their diet.

I do not see how it is possible that one could "not eat vegetarian"--how could one still be alive if they ate NOTHING but animal flesh?

Choosing to eat meat at every meal is not the same as refusing to or being unable to eat vegetarian. Unless you are allergic to EVERYTHING but animal flesh (in which case, I highly doubt you'd still be alive) you CAN eat vegetarian/vegan. Even the biggest of meat eaters probably eat over 50% vegetarian/vegan.

I do think hosts should consider their guests needs and wants (but animal flesh is certainly almost never a need). But the guests just don't automatically get what they want--especially when the hosts find it morally repugnant.

 

[Quiksilvr]

That does make a difference I agree. I've never had to pay for a soda so it never occurred to me that it could be so expensive. But then I'm a tacky person that sees nothing wrong with a cash bar.

Different strokes for different folks and so not worth arguing about IMO.

At our reception, if we had not opted for the flat per person charge for unlimited soft drinks they would have been $3.75 per glass. I remember feeling shocked by that. We ended up doing the alcoholic beverages we offered on a per drink basis... I think beer was $8 per bottle and wine was like $7.50 or $8 per glass... I can't remember. It still worked out better for us than paying the $50/pp fee to have full open bar.

 

[luvmy3]

If they are offering soda, beer, wine, water, coffee, tea etc and they choose to also do a cash bar, I see absolutely nothing wrong with it. They are giving you options, if you don't want any of those options, then thats your own problem. (general you)
They are not expecting you to pay for part of their reception, they have given guests a meal and a drink, which they have already paid for. They are asking that if YOU want a stronger alcoholic drink, then YOU pay for it yourself.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

I am stumped by how many attend without any cash.

DH has his wallet in his suit pocket and there are a few $20s in it.

The last wedding and the next one, we went to a bar to get a light meal and beers. We have credit cards too. One person puts the tab on their CC and we all give that person cash for our part.

Easy solution - Carry some cash.

For one example, as I stated before...I was in a wedding when I was 21, and it was the first wedding I had attended since moving from NJ to MA. I was wearing a halter dress, with a little "pouch" bag the Mother of the Bride had made for each of us. We got changed at the bride's mother's house. I assume I had SOME money in my handbag at the house, but it didn't occur to me that I'd need it at the wedding. I never thought I'd have to pay for anything AT the wedding. (this is back in '79)

In the normal course of living, I DO usually have some money on me, but I almost always charge purchases on my credit card. So occasionally, I do find myself cashless when I want to purchase something that's just a few dollars. Having lived in MA/RI for all these years now, I do know that I better have cash on me for a wedding, but back then...it just wouldn't have occurred to me to bring anything but the gift.

 

[SHAYMARAYSMOM]

[QUOTE=Mom2Nick;26222575]Gratuity for bar and wait staff is included in the cost of the reception for every wedding I have been to.

Wedding guests shouldn't have to pay for anything. If a bride and groom cannot afford an open bar then don't have any kind of a bar at all. Do a punch, do a theme drink, just do wine/beer/soda/water or just do water and coffee/tea - but you should serve your guests drinks if you are offering food of any kind.[/QUOTE]

Do you know what a bartender makes? At most places they are giving so much per shift and wait staff is paid not much also. They count on tips to make the money.
I have never seen anyone not tip a battender or the wait staff for serving them drinks.

But again on the open bar it depends on laws now. In Mass it is very hard to find a place that allows it now.

 

[sha_lyn]

But again on the open bar it depends on laws now. In Mass it is very hard to find a place that allows it now.
__________________

I wonder if that is why many functions have now gone to the ticket system where each guest receives 2 tickets good for beer, wine etc.

 

[SHAYMARAYSMOM]

I wonder if that is why many functions have now gone to the ticket system where each guest receives 2 tickets good for beer, wine etc.

In Mass I do not think you can even do a ticket system. The laws have changed and noone wants to be on the hook if someone gets drunk and drives then kills someone.