Have you ever gone to a function where you had to PAY for soda???

[LadyBears]

I have never attended a corporate function that wasn't open bar. I'm assuming you are talking about internal, employee only type functions? Because I can't imagine a business function where you invite your clients/vendors and don't give them anything to drink. Now, getting sloppy drunk at these things would also be in poor taste, of course.

Usually things like their Christmas parties. FTR - I have seen people get HAMMERED at these - that is why most of the ones I have been to now give drink tickets. They have also started to give group rate discounts at local hotels so people don't drive home drunk.

I think since the OP hasn't clarified, that water, tea, etc., WAS offered and does not want to say that. Just MHO.

I'm sorry but IMHO taking money out of the gift is very tacky. No one is making you buy a drink (unless of course it is like in the OP and not even tea or water was served).

The OP did say on page 2 that coffee was served - she just wasn't in the mood for it :

Oh it gets better... This wedding reception is for a couple who are (very active) senior citizens, and who have already been living together for the last 2 years. They still have, and will continue to have, 2 households because he's from Canada, and she's from here. They spend winters in Florida, and then the summer in Canada, and spring and fall in Massachusetts. They don't *need* anything; even before we got to the reception I was surprised that people of their age, and in their position (2 fully stocked households), would not have put "No Gifts, please" on the invitations.

Also, they actually got married 2 days ago, today was just the reception. (I have no idea why they got married 2 days ago, apparently in the backyard, with only their children present).

Anyway...I was shocked that there were no "free" beverages. Oh, there was a coffee pot set up (the food itself was catered and served buffet style), but it's hot here today and I did not want coffee. I didn't even want it with the cake! lol

 

[Quiksilvr]

I agree with everyone who says that guests shouldn't be expected to pay for something at a party I'm throwing. I understand the viewpoint of "we're giving people the option if they want it", I just don't agree. We limited our open bar to soft drinks, beer, and wine. It was a financial compromise and a moral compromise. It would have cost us around $6,000 to offer a full open bar to our guests. I think instead we paid around $2,500. Made financial sense to me.

On the moral side, a significant number of my family does not drink for religious reasons and are uncomfortable around drunks. My college and law school friends have a tendency to imbibe freely. I figured if we kept the hard liquor off the table then it would be a lot harder for things to get out of hand. It worked out great.

We discussed a cash bar but the discussions were never all that serious; we just couldn't fathom forcing everyone to pay for their alcoholic drinks. We would have gone dry before we did that.

 

[creativeamanda]

Usually things like their Christmas parties. FTR - I have seen people get HAMMERED at these - that is why most of the ones I have been to now give drink tickets. They have also started to give group rate discounts at local hotels so people don't drive home drunk.






The OP did say on page 2 that coffee was served - she just wasn't in the mood for it :

I've seen people hammered as company Christmas parties as well. And I work for a school district.

In my opinion, then, she was just being snobbish. Others here agree with her, and that's fine. That's just my opinion.

 

[Quiksilvr]

I've seen people hammered as company Christmas parties as well. And I work for a school district.

In my opinion, then, she was just being snobbish. Others here agree with her, and that's fine. That's just my opinion.

Every firm function we have is open bar. Most people know better than to get too drunk at a firm function but it happens occasionally. Law firms are slightly different animals though... I know of many large firms that have weekly firm-sponsored happy hours on Friday afternoons for the attorneys. We are just a drunk profession I guess.

 

[creativeamanda]

Every firm function we have is open bar. Most people know better than to get too drunk at a firm function but it happens occasionally. Law firms are slightly different animals though... I know of many large firms that have weekly firm-sponsored happy hours on Friday afternoons for the attorneys. We are just a drunk profession I guess.

It's funny to watch some of the prim and proper teachers I work with get tipsy. But then again, there are 2 teachers who work until happy hour at the local bar and walk over there from the school. Their husbands take them to school and pick them up from the bar.

 

[Quiksilvr]

It's funny to watch some of the prim and proper teachers I work with get tipsy. But then again, there are 2 teachers who work until happy hour at the local bar and walk over there from the school. Their husbands take them to school and pick them up from the bar.

Sounds like they should have been lawyers. They start us young. I seem to recall a law school event at which we were exhorted about how many alcoholics and other substance abusers exist in the legal profession and how we could get help if we needed it...

And there was a reception afterward with an open bar.

 

[Disney Doll]

Pay for soft drinks at a wedding? Why not charge for the meal too? And to offset the cost of a wedding even further maybe the family could have put up a sandwich board outside the reception inviting strangers to come in off the street for a price. There has to be some entertainment value in a wedding and reception. That's got to be worth something.

I'd be more than happy to go to a wedding in someone's backyard and drink lemonade as long as I'm treated like a guest and not a customer. Sometimes I really don't get what people are thinking!

This is exactly what I think.

I am in no way saying that I need to have alcoholic beverages at a wedding...I really couldn't care less. But the bottom line is that a wedding is a party planned and "hosted" by the bride & groom &/or their respective parents/guardians. If I was inviting people to my home for dinner, I wouldn't add up the cost of the meal and then split it between the people in attendance, so I do not know why people think it is acceptable to host a party (and in essence that is what someone is doing with a wedding, whether it is the bridal couple or their parents/guardians) and charge people to come in.

If you don't want to pay for liquor, then don't serve it. If you don't want to serve a full meal, then don't. Serve water and wedding cake for all I care, but don't make me hand you $10 to cover the cost of my bottle of water and piece of cake.

And FTR, I have lived in CT all of my life, gone to numerous weddings. The general rule is that there is no charge for anything provided at the reception. Cash bars for soft or hard drinks are outside the norm. Having to contribute to the cost of your meal is also unheard of.

 

[sha_lyn]

At my son's wedding, the reception was a sit-down dinner. We had several bottles of wine at each table, and then there was a cash bar if people wanted more than that. I did have some complaints from certain guests about having to pay for their additional drinks, but those particular guests were actually WHY we went for the cash bar - it was an attempt to minimize their alchohol consumption, based on what had happened at some previous family events.

Teresa

The cousin's wedding I mentioned earlier was similar. Open wine bar (maybe beer too) and a bottle of champagne brought out to each table. I didn't mention earlier that there was a "cash bar" because it was the bar for the country club. My uncle complained about how cheap the brides parents were for not springing for liquor.
The other wedding here in GA that I mentioned only had wine, but the best man did bring a bottle of scotch and the bartender was allowed to pour from it. If I remember correctly it was kept under the bar, and she pour fro it if requested. I have a feeling she got a nice tip for that LOL

 

[Nana Annie]

At my daughters' weddings the non-alcoholic punch, wine, beer and champagne flowed until the cake was served and then it was coffee and tea as the reception wound down. We're not big drinkers and that's what we felt comfortable doing and could afford.

Pay for soft drinks at a wedding? Why not charge for the meal too? And to offset the cost of a wedding even further maybe the family could have put up a sandwich board outside the reception inviting strangers to come in off the street for a price. There has to be some entertainment value in a wedding and reception. That's got to be worth something.

I'd be more than happy to go to a wedding in someone's backyard and drink lemonade as long as I'm treated like a guest and not a customer. Sometimes I really don't get what people are thinking!

But many do virtually charge for the dinner. How many threads have we read here from upset brides/mothers/or guests that expect gifts or are expected to give gifts equal or more to the plate cost of the reception?

 

[Disney Doll]

Here in central Indiana, I am astonished if I go to a function and don't have to pay for a drink. I am not talking about weddings, in particular--I have not been to a wedding where nothing was offered to drink, but, normally, at such an event, I would drink water or coffee.

For example, at our medical society Christmas dinner, we had to pay for drinks, non-alcoholic, at the bar, whether it was water, cola or whatever. If we got it from the bar, we paid, and had to give the fellow who poured a tip besides. The kicker is that we paid $50 per couple to attend the event! But, this was before dinner--we had a glass of water with dinner, and coffee with dessert. which was included with the meal.

Well, a profesisonal function is somewhat different than a private function. When I have gone to those types of events, I fully expect to pay for my dinner and drinks.

I guess I wouldn't put a wedding on the same level with my professional association's dinner meeting.

 

[Disney Doll]

However, I've seen them done at weddings where I understood...like a young couple who come from poor families, but really want to share their day with all of their family and friends. I have been to them where I understand the reasons.

I still don't understand it. If you are poor, and have a lot of people to invite, just serve punch and cake.

 

[sha_lyn]

But many do virtually charge for the dinner. How many threads have we read here from upset brides/mothers/or guests that expect gifts or are expected to give gifts equal or more to the plate cost of the reception?

I've seen at least 10X more post where the "guests" based their cash gift on how much fun they had at the reception, how good the food was, how free flowing the drinks are etc. Tacky tacky tacky

 

[veraletta]

My daughter’s wedding reception was at a hotel.
The wedding was formal and since it was around dinner time you have to feed your guest. You pick out what kind of wedding by what time the wedding will be and what the bride will be wearing.
I have been to all kinds of reception Potluck, buffet, sit downs, cake and drinks, or even sandwiches.

We were told we could bring our own food and just pay for the room a price per hour but only thing about that you couldn’t have alcohol drinks period.
We could do sandwiches and soft drinks or cake and drinks which would be a 2 hour wedding.
Or we could do a sit down or buffet dinner with open or closed bar.
Dinner is $ per person, drinks are per bottle, keg, pot (tea and coffee) or can (soda).

At my daughters wedding, we had a buffet reception; we had to pay for all drinks for the meal.
We had order how many pots of coffee, tea and soda for dinner.

Then for dancing we had an open bar on each end, we had to tell how much soda, fruit punch, beer and what drinks I wanted to serve, so they could order the bottles to make mixed drinks.

They will tell you how many drinks each bottle will make, we ended up trying to guess how much everyone could drink for a 5 hour wedding.
We over order for every thing because I didn’t want to run out, we had tons of cake bride and groom, food and drinks left over, to bad we couldn’t take home food and drinks.

We were praying that we bought enough for our quest as there isn’t anything so sad like running out of drinks for your guest.

A wedding is a hard thing to plan, I didn’t known anything about planning them so I bought a book and my daughter and I decide what kind of wedding she wanted, since she wanted a buffet dinner offering 2 different carving stations, she was told it would take me two years to save the money for it, she didn’t care so we saved and she waited until we had money in hand, so she could have the wedding she wanted.

I think that at all wedding you should at least pay for coffee, tea and soda for your guest,
No guest should ever have to worry about bringing money to pay for a drink.
The hotel venue told me they rather that we have a cash bar as people wouldn’t drink as much and that minimize a risk of someone leaving their hotel and getting into an accident after a night of drinking.
I told them no that most of our guest would be staying at their hotel as we talked about this before hand.
Now on the groom’s family and guest, I wasn’t too sure but we did let him know that he needed to let his guest know, that the bar was going to be closed an hour before the reception ended.
Of course hotel had the right to cut off any quest that they thought had enough to drink.

For rehearsal dinner we didn’t have to worry about drinks because we had it at a steak house, which was in a dry county.

I did a break down of what her wedding cost after the wedding, per person for every thing and it came out to about $25 per person, but you have to remember that was eleven years ago.
I thought it was a lot back then, but looking at it now, it wasn’t too much for what we got.
I did shop around looking for the middle price on food at different hotels.
Oh and all 200 guest didn’t come, they say only 70% of people show up, I should have listed to the hotel as they were right.

 

[TomLovesBecky]

My daughter’s wedding reception was at a hotel.
The wedding was formal and since it was around dinner time you have to feed your guest. You pick out what kind of wedding by what time the wedding will be and what the bride will be wearing.
I have been to all kinds of reception Potluck, buffet, sit downs, cake and drinks, or even sandwiches.

We were told we could bring our own food and just pay for the room a price per hour but only thing about that you couldn’t have alcohol drinks period.
We could do sandwiches and soft drinks or cake and drinks which would be a 2 hour wedding.
Or we could do a sit down or buffet dinner with open or closed bar.
Dinner is $ per person, drinks are per bottle, keg, pot (tea and coffee) or can (soda).

At my daughters wedding, we had a buffet reception; we had to pay for all drinks for the meal.
We had order how many pots of coffee, tea and soda for dinner.

Then for dancing we had an open bar on each end, we had to tell how much soda, fruit punch, beer and what drinks I wanted to serve, so they could order the bottles to make mixed drinks.

They will tell you how many drinks each bottle will make, we ended up trying to guess how much everyone could drink for a 5 hour wedding.
We over order for every thing because I didn’t want to run out, we had tons of cake bride and groom, food and drinks left over, to bad we couldn’t take home food and drinks.

We were praying that we bought enough for our quest as there isn’t anything so sad like running out of drinks for your guest.

A wedding is a hard thing to plan, I didn’t known anything about planning them so I bought a book and my daughter and I decide what kind of wedding she wanted, since she wanted a buffet dinner offering 2 different carving stations, she was told it would take me two years to save the money for it, she didn’t care so we saved and she waited until we had money in hand, so she could have the wedding she wanted.

I think that at all wedding you should at least pay for coffee, tea and soda for your guest,
No guest should ever have to worry about bringing money to pay for a drink.
The hotel venue told me they rather that we have a cash bar as people wouldn’t drink as much and that minimize a risk of someone leaving their hotel and getting into an accident after a night of drinking.
I told them no that most of our guest would be staying at their hotel as we talked about this before hand.
Now on the groom’s family and guest, I wasn’t too sure but we did let him know that he needed to let his guest know, that the bar was going to be closed an hour before the reception ended.
Of course hotel had the right to cut off any quest that they thought had enough to drink.

For rehearsal dinner we didn’t have to worry about drinks because we had it at a steak house, which was in a dry county.

I did a break down of what her wedding cost after the wedding, per person for every thing and it came out to about $25 per person, but you have to remember that was eleven years ago.
I thought it was a lot back then, but looking at it now, it wasn’t too much for what we got.
I did shop around looking for the middle price on food at different hotels.
Oh and all 200 guest didn’t come, they say only 70% of people show up, I should have listed to the hotel as they were right.

I think you and your daughter are good eggs and did everything possible to make sure she had the wedding she wanted, the wedding you could afford, and the wedding that would make guests comfortable. I will come to one of your family weddings anytime!!

 

[Nana Annie]

I've seen at least 10X more post where the "guests" based their cash gift on how much fun they had at the reception, how good the food was, how free flowing the drinks are etc. Tacky tacky tacky

I agree. Just in this thread alone, we have seen the "I don't seal the envelope until I see how much they are feeding me or giving me to drink"

I thought wedding gifts were to honor the couple, not a fee based on how much the guest gets out of the wedding.

Talk about the Me,Me,Me factor.

As you said, Tacky Tacky and even more Tacky.

 

[kpm76]

I've seen at least 10X more post where the "guests" based their cash gift on how much fun they had at the reception, how good the food was, how free flowing the drinks are etc. Tacky tacky tacky

ITA! So in a sense, they are "paying" for their meal, drinks etc. Essentially, they are reimbursing the couple for the estimated cost of their meal. They are just calling it a "gift."

 

[Disney Doll]

At my son's wedding, the reception was a sit-down dinner. We had several bottles of wine at each table, and then there was a cash bar if people wanted more than that. I did have some complaints from certain guests about having to pay for their additional drinks, but those particular guests were actually WHY we went for the cash bar - it was an attempt to minimize their alchohol consumption, based on what had happened at some previous family events.

Teresa

Well, then why have the bar at all?
You could have just as easily had soft drinks and wine, and not made your guests pay for anything.

 

[veraletta]

Thanks TomLovesBecky
We all enjoyed the wedding and my husband didn't have to cry about all the money we spent, because we saved for it and plus my daughter's dream was met, but remember she had to wait for it, to get it.

 

[Disney Doll]

I think I should clarify the cash bar a little bit. In the Northeast, mant receptions are held in restaurants/clubs/hotels which have a separate bar, open to non-wedding guests.

So when I said that we provided a cocktail hour, it was in a small function room different from the reception ballroom. Then, during the sitdown dinner, beer (any domestic brand) wine, (two reds, one white) champagne for the toast, and non-alcoholic drinks were provided. If the guests wanted a mixed drink, they had to go out to the bar; there was no bar set up in the ballroom.

I don't think that this is any different than just providing a limited drink option at a party in my home. I wouldn't expect to get any old drink I wanted at someone's house.

If you invited me to your home and said "I have soft drinks and wine" that would be fine. I'd drink the soft drinks or wine and have a swell time.

If you invited me to your home and said "I have soft drinks and wine. If you want a whiskey sour, that will be $5.00" I'd be put off. I'd still have a swell time, but I'd think you were tacky.

See the difference?

 

[Nana Annie]

Can someone remind me what the point of a wedding is?

Do some of you only attend for the reception or are you there to celebrate someone's special day and share in their happiness?

Just as a wedding shouldn't be a cash grab on the part of the bride and groom, people should adjust their gift based on how good or bad the "party" after was....but maybe that's just me.