Have you ever gone to a function where you had to PAY for soda???

[mom2rb]

People have cash bars because they want huge, fancy weddings they can't afford or that or they don't feel their guests are worth the cost of a few drinks. No matter which way you look at it, it's tacky and rude. Serve ice water, if that's all you can afford, but serve it graciously! Having a small or inexpensive wedding is NOT tacky. Expecting guests to pay for your wedding is.

I disagree with this statement. Some people have cash bars because their fathers make them invite all of his alcoholic relatives. My dad provided beer and champaign. There was also coffee, water and iced tea. I don't know about soft drinks, every reception I've ever been to everyone drank tea. There was a cash bar to prevent some members of my family from ruining my reception like they have others.

In fact now everyone in my family uses the same strategy and the weddings have gotten much nicer. Don't any of you people up North have embarrassing, drunk relatives? Is that just a Southern thing?

 

[TomLovesBecky]

Then don't go. I think it's tacky and rude to bash someone because they're not offering you a free soda with your meal. The idea of going to a wedding and reception is to celebrate the marriage, not complain about what you're eating or drinking. All of the weddings I have ever attended here in the South have only had free water, tea and coffee.

Well the problem with this is how are we to know ahead of time? Do you call the couple up and say, excuse me, I was wondering if we'll have to pay for our own soda, as we'll need to make sure to bring an extra $40 to the reception if so? I think the point of the original post was the person was shocked, unprepared, whatever. If everyone knew you pay for soda at weddings then people could decide not to go or take money with them. Personally I do not carry a lot of cash on me at any time so I might have been stuck drinking nothing at all at a wedding like that. I can't "just not go" if I'm already there!

 

[TomLovesBecky]

Question, are you all going to the wedding to see the wedding or for the party? It sounds as if the priority is for you all to go to a party footed by the bride's family, which can lead up to being tens of thousands of dollars. My wedding was paid for by my husband and we did not have tens of thousands of dollars to pay for a party. If people came to my wedding, they knew they were getting cake and punch and they knew that we did not have the money to put on a big affair. If you all consider it tacky, I'm thankful I did not invite you to my wedding.

Wedding and reception are two different things.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Well the problem with this is how are we to know ahead of time? Do you call the couple up and say, excuse me, I was wondering if we'll have to pay for our own soda, as we'll need to make sure to bring an extra $40 to the reception if so? I think the point of the original post was the person was shocked, unprepared, whatever. If everyone knew you pay for soda at weddings then people could decide not to go or take money with them. Personally I do not carry a lot of cash on me at any time so I might have been stuck drinking nothing at all at a wedding like that. I can't "just not go" if I'm already there!

I agree. We also don't use ATM cards so yeah- we'd have nothing to drink.

 

[creativeamanda]

Well if I go to the wedding of course I want to see the wedding but if you invite me to a reception then at least treat me like a guest and not a paying customer.

My question was not directed at that but at people who feel that the bride's family is required to offer a meal. Further, I don't drink much and I would not expect a bride's family to foot a bar tab in the tune of $15-$20 per person. My wedding had around 60 people at it. That's more than the cake and flowers cost me! They should offer SOMETHING to drink, but a cash bar, IMO, is not tacky, especially if it is at a location that is normally a bar in the first place.

If you have a problem with a cash bar at a wedding, then don't go. I've gone to pleny of weddings where I went to the ceremony and not the reception because I was there for the wedding, not a party afterwards.

 

[Dr.Girlfriend]

Well the problem with this is how are we to know ahead of time? Do you call the couple up and say, excuse me, I was wondering if we'll have to pay for our own soda, as we'll need to make sure to bring an extra $40 to the reception if so? I think the point of the original post was the person was shocked, unprepared, whatever. If everyone knew you pay for soda at weddings then people could decide not to go or take money with them. Personally I do not carry a lot of cash on me at any time so I might have been stuck drinking nothing at all at a wedding like that. I can't "just not go" if I'm already there!

If you're worried that you might have to buy a soda to celebrate someone's marriage, then DO NOT GO. It's as simple as that. Why complain about having to purchase a drink if there are other options available?

OP, if the bride and groom didn't offer even water, I would consider that odd. But to everyone complaining that they have had to pay for soda...don't go!

 

[Dr.Girlfriend]

My question was not directed at that but at people who feel that the bride's family is required to offer a meal. Further, I don't drink much and I would not expect a bride's family to foot a bar tab in the tune of $15-$20 per person. My wedding had around 60 people at it. That's more than the cake and flowers cost me! They should offer SOMETHING to drink, but a cash bar, IMO, is not tacky, especially if it is at a location that is normally a bar in the first place.

If you have a problem with a cash bar at a wedding, then don't go. I've gone to pleny of weddings where I went to the ceremony and not the reception because I was there for the wedding, not a party afterwards.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I disagree with this statement. Some people have cash bars because their fathers make them invite all of his alcoholic relatives. My dad provided beer and champaign. There was also coffee, water and iced tea. I don't know about soft drinks, every reception I've ever been to everyone drank tea. There was a cash bar to prevent some members of my family from ruining my reception like they have others.

In fact now everyone in my family uses the same strategy and the weddings have gotten much nicer. Don't any of you people up North have embarrassing, drunk relatives? Is that just a Southern thing?

Well see- we embrace the drunkeness! People drank a lot at our wedding. A LOT!!!! Nobody was out of line but we had a great time. Besides if they are drunk and embarassing it is a sure bet that they are still embarassing sober as well. Of course we don't really think much about how other people act. If they act silly they should be the one embarassed not us.

 

[TomLovesBecky]

Hi Debbie. Apparently we're the same. I'm honestly beyond shocked that so many people feel it's tacky to not be offered free sugary drinks.

I don't think it's got anything to do with sugary drinks, it's the fact that you are an invited guest who has to pay for drinks at all. Yes I know some people can't afford it, that wedding I mentioned earlier with the nice inexpensive buffet had NO ALCOHOL (not even champagne toast, site did not allow any alcohol whatsoever) and everyone still had a great time, they did a sparkling cider toast. Then there was a small after-reception party at the bride's home with plenty of booze for the wedding party. Not that people need to have that but it was a nice touch. I guess the way I was raised, guest=you pay for nothing. Not soda, not beer, not your own rental skates, not your own movie ticket, nothing. If you were a guest of my family you went for free, that included something big like going to Six Flags. Guests do not pay, that was drummed into me from an early age so that's all I know.

 

[TomLovesBecky]

If you're worried that you might have to buy a soda to celebrate someone's marriage, then DO NOT GO. It's as simple as that. Why complain about having to purchase a drink if there are other options available?

OP, if the bride and groom didn't offer even water, I would consider that odd. But to everyone complaining that they have had to pay for soda...don't go!

I have repeatedly said IF there was nothing else available. I said I would drink water if available but the way some people are talking there are times NOTHING is available without paying.

 

[creativeamanda]

I have repeatedly said IF there was nothing else available. I said I would drink water if available but the way some people are talking there are times NOTHING is available without paying.

I think since the OP hasn't clarified, that water, tea, etc., WAS offered and does not want to say that. Just MHO.

 

[TomLovesBecky]

OMG I just realized something, I don't know why I'm sucked into this thread but I am, lol...well my husband's sister is getting married next year and she hasn't planned her reception yet, I will have to ask her what she plans to do for a bar. Her fiance's family is, well, they have some huge drinkers (Irish drinkers no less, he jokes!) and I know they don't have a huge budget. I will have to ask her what her plan is and then report it here. I am pretty sure a cash bar will not be happening, never been to one of those as it's not done here. But I will ask what they are planning to serve.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

My question was not directed at that but at people who feel that the bride's family is required to offer a meal. Further, I don't drink much and I would not expect a bride's family to foot a bar tab in the tune of $15-$20 per person. My wedding had around 60 people at it. That's more than the cake and flowers cost me! They should offer SOMETHING to drink, but a cash bar, IMO, is not tacky, especially if it is at a location that is normally a bar in the first place.

If you have a problem with a cash bar at a wedding, then don't go. I've gone to pleny of weddings where I went to the ceremony and not the reception because I was there for the wedding, not a party afterwards.

To each their own but I would not invite people to a reception and not feed them. Oh- and if people are coming from out of town how do you not feed them? I am not being rude but these people talking about mints and nuts? I eat a mint when I leave a restaurant or I want fresh breath. How do you actually "serve" mints and nuts? Does everyone take one? Do they get them in a plate, a baggie, a handful? I keep seeing this and I cannot even picture how this is done.

Oh- and I still think just offering water at a reception is cheap and tacky and rude. JMHO.

 

[TomLovesBecky]

I think since the OP hasn't clarified, that water, tea, etc., WAS offered and does not want to say that. Just MHO.

Ok in that case my opinion is why even bother to offer a cash soda bar, that's the tacky part, just offer water, tea, coffee etc. and leave it at that, don't give a paying choice, just what you can afford is fine, your relatives and friends love you anyway. The tacky part comes in when you have to buy something as a guest, that's the way I was raised, honestly I don't care what people do BUT if there was no other choice but to buy I would probably be stuck in a bind because I don't carry cash, that's all.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Ok in that case my opinion is why even bother to offer a cash soda bar, that's the tacky part, just offer water, tea, coffee etc. and leave it at that, don't give a paying choice, just what you can afford is fine, your relatives and friends love you anyway. The tacky part comes in when you have to buy something as a guest, that's the way I was raised, honestly I don't care what people do BUT if there was no other choice but to buy I would probably be stuck in a bind because I don't carry cash, that's all.

This sums it all up.

 

[stitchlilo]

Well the problem with this is how are we to know ahead of time? Do you call the couple up and say, excuse me, I was wondering if we'll have to pay for our own soda, as we'll need to make sure to bring an extra $40 to the reception if so? I think the point of the original post was the person was shocked, unprepared, whatever. If everyone knew you pay for soda at weddings then people could decide not to go or take money with them. Personally I do not carry a lot of cash on me at any time so I might have been stuck drinking nothing at all at a wedding like that. I can't "just not go" if I'm already there!

I am stumped by how many attend without any cash.

DH has his wallet in his suit pocket and there are a few $20s in it.

The last wedding and the next one, we went to a bar to get a light meal and beers. We have credit cards too. One person puts the tab on their CC and we all give that person cash for our part.

Easy solution - Carry some cash.

 

[creativeamanda]

Now, I don't the cash bar as tacky if something is offered to drink. I do consider it tacky to base your gift on how good the reception is.

What's tacky is I know someone who had a BYOB reception.

 

[kpm76]

I think it is short sighted for people to assume that couples chose to not have an open bar because they cannot afford it. There are lots of other reasons why the decision is made. Perhaps there are alcohol problems in the family or there were past events where alcohol caused problems. In any event, it's not for us to judge. I think guests should be offered water, soda, tea, juice, coffee but alcohol is not a requirement. If you come to my house and I do not offer you an alcoholic beverage, am I cheap?

Our wedding planning was interesting. DH is from CT and has family in CT, NY and NJ. We know from reading this thread what is expected in those areas. Our guest list was 225. We could not have it much smaller. We each have 4 siblings some married with kids, DH's parents are divorced and both remarried, my mom has 11 siblings, most married with kids and grandkids, my dad has 8 siblings, again most married with kids. DH and I had very few friends at the wedding. It was all family and it would have been awkward not to invite all of the ones we did. We decided to have soft drinks, beer and wine at our cocktail hour (really it was 2 hours) and passed wine with dinner. We thought that would be lovely. The country club where our reception was held was off the beaten path and since many of our guests were from out of town and staying in hotels not too close to the country club, we thought it would be best to limit alcohol comsumption after dinner. Some of DH's family flipped out. Thought we were cheap. DH's step mom actually told me I was cheap and her friends would talk about us. I said don't invite them. Long story but we ended up offering a full open bar for an hour after dinner and I still regret it. It would have paid for a year of private school for DD. Oh well, it's over, we did it but I was not happy about it. I thought we offered plently. I guess you're never going to please everyone. I guess the bigger question is if I invite you to my home and offer soft drinks, beer and wine, that is fine. But if I invite you to my wedding and don't offer a martini, I am cheap. I don't get it....

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Now, I don't the cash bar as tacky if something is offered to drink. I do consider it tacky to base your gift on how good the reception is.

What's tacky is I know someone who had a BYOB reception.

Um that is just a different version of a cash bar imo.

 

[creativeamanda]

I am stumped by how many attend without any cash.

DH has his wallet in his suit pocket and there are a few $20s in it.

The last wedding and the next one, we went to a bar to get a light meal and beers. We have credit cards too. One person puts the tab on their CC and we all give that person cash for our part.

Easy solution - Carry some cash.

Me, either. . .I don't go anywhere without a little cash in my wallet. What if I didn't like the food at the reception (which I would not be on the DIS complaining about an hour later) and decided to stop at Sonic on the way home? What if my car broke down and I needed some cash? I don't understand going anywhere without money on you.