Have you ever "fired" a Godparent?

[ilovejack02]

When we picked DS 7's Godparents we thought long and hard about it.
We finally chose my best friend and her hubby as we dont have any close family around and thought at the time that they would be a good choice.

My best friend is the best Godmother ever. She is very involved in DS7's life . His Godfather is unfortunately turned away from the church and has lost his way in life.
He cheated on her for the last 3 yrs and she finally left him.
He has been involved in criminal activity and harassed our family for the last year or so.

This is not the man I met 13 years ago . I would like to erase him from the Baptismal Certificate.
I dont want DS7 to even remember he was ever in our life.

I am planning on calling the church on Monday, just wanted to know if anyone has had the same experience .

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I had no idea you could "fire' them.

I have one that I would like to fire.

I would just call and see what happen and if the parish can't do anything (and if it is the Catholic church), you can try elevating it to the diocesan level.

 

[JerseyJanice]

I don't think it's something you can undo.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

FWIW--my kids don't really look at their certificates and when dd had her first communion, godparents didn't come nor were recognized in any way for the kids.

I'm not familiar if it follows you like when you get married and you have to order your records from your home church. I was baptized as an adult and only had a sponsor. I know that she didn't appear on those records.

If you cannot erase it from church record officially, there is no reason that you can just simply make it disappear in the family. I wouldn't lie to her if she asks. But I just don't see it coming up, especially as it seems he hasn't been active in her life anyway.

 

[Minniemama350]

Seems to me if a person has immoral actions of this extent there should be a way. Sorry to hear this is necessary, but your making the right decision.

 

[ilovejack02]

Seems to me if a person has immoral actions of this extent there should be a way. Sorry to hear this is necessary, but your making the right decision.

We are Episcopalian. I would just like him to go away on all documents in reference to our life.

This man is crazy.. his girlfriend just passed away and he was under investigation for the death, cleared of all charges but we know better. His ex wife and I both had restraining orders against him in 2008 after he pulled a gun on us while we were moving her out of the house. He was arrested for it, but I eventually dropped charges due to the fact the SEC would drop his license. He would lose his license therefore my friend would lose child support.

He has a great job and recently put a billboard outside of my neighborhood advertising it. Thank goodness it has been 2 yrs since DS has seen him and he doesnt recognize him anymore.

 

[Minniemama350]

Wow. I wish I had something more to say. Glad your child has you to watch out for them.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

Per Archdiocesan records through the church...

102.3.6. Policy
A godparent must have completed his or her 16th year unless, for just cause, the pastor or minister of the sacrament makes an exception. Each godparent must be a confirmed Catholic who has also received first communion and is leading a life in harmony with the Catholic faith and the role of a sponsor. A godparent cannot be a parent of the one to be baptized and/or confirmed and cannot be bound by any canonical penalty.

In addition to the explicit canonical requirements (Canon 874), sponsors and godparents should be ready to commit the time and personal care necessary to nurture and support the candidate, whether a child or an adult. Ideally, they should be willing and available to participate in the catechumenate with their candidate or in the special preparations designed for the parents and family of an infant. One's godparents can never be changed since they were the historical witnesses to the baptism and entered a permanent spiritual relationship with the baptized.

Mods: if this is too "religious", feel free to remove it, though it does answer the question correctly.

 

[ilovejack02]

Per Archdiocesan records through the church...

102.3.6. Policy
A godparent must have completed his or her 16th year unless, for just cause, the pastor or minister of the sacrament makes an exception. Each godparent must be a confirmed Catholic who has also received first communion and is leading a life in harmony with the Catholic faith and the role of a sponsor. A godparent cannot be a parent of the one to be baptized and/or confirmed and cannot be bound by any canonical penalty.

In addition to the explicit canonical requirements (Canon 874), sponsors and godparents should be ready to commit the time and personal care necessary to nurture and support the candidate, whether a child or an adult. Ideally, they should be willing and available to participate in the catechumenate with their candidate or in the special preparations designed for the parents and family of an infant. One's godparents can never be changed since they were the historical witnesses to the baptism and entered a permanent spiritual relationship with the baptized.

Mods: if this is too "religious", feel free to remove it, though it does answer the question correctly.

That is what I was afraid of . In big scheme of things, I guess I dont need to remove him , but I really do not want him tied to our family in any way . I will call our church office just to make sure next week.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

That is what I was afraid of . In big scheme of things, I guess I dont need to remove him , but I really do not want him tied to our family in any way . I will call our church office just to make sure next week.

I wouldn't worry too much. Your best bet with guardianship both physically, emotionally, and spiritually can be achieved through a will. And this can be changed as needed.

 

[Octoberbride03]

Per Archdiocesan records through the church...

102.3.6. Policy
A godparent must have completed his or her 16th year unless, for just cause, the pastor or minister of the sacrament makes an exception. Each godparent must be a confirmed Catholic who has also received first communion and is leading a life in harmony with the Catholic faith and the role of a sponsor. A godparent cannot be a parent of the one to be baptized and/or confirmed and cannot be bound by any canonical penalty.

In addition to the explicit canonical requirements (Canon 874), sponsors and godparents should be ready to commit the time and personal care necessary to nurture and support the candidate, whether a child or an adult. Ideally, they should be willing and available to participate in the catechumenate with their candidate or in the special preparations designed for the parents and family of an infant. One's godparents can never be changed since they were the historical witnesses to the baptism and entered a permanent spiritual relationship with the baptized.

Mods: if this is too "religious", feel free to remove it, though it does answer the question correctly.

That is what I was afraid of . In big scheme of things, I guess I dont need to remove him , but I really do not want him tied to our family in any way . I will call our church office just to make sure next week.

Since you are Episcopalian I'm really not sure these guidelines apply to you. In the practical sense I don't see you how can erase him as GF, because you can't be Baptized twice. but my suggestion is that if you have someone else in mind for a replacement then perhaps make him an honorary GF.

 

[ilovejack02]

I wouldn't worry too much. Your best bet with guardianship both physically, emotionally, and spiritually can be achieved through a will. And this can be changed as needed.

Our will has been changed thank goodness.

 

[java]

I never thought of that? I have 4 kids and only one Godparent is no longer in our lives. And that's just the way it is. It never occured to me to remove him from the certificate. He was picked for a reason. And that reason is still there to me. So I don't see what removing him would prove?
I just keep thinking it's like divorcing your Godparent and that just sounds strange to me.

 

[ilovejack02]

I never thought of that? I have 4 kids and only one Godparent is no longer in our lives. And that's just the way it is. It never occured to me to remove him from the certificate. He was picked for a reason. And that reason is still there to me. So I don't see what removing him would prove?
I just keep thinking it's like divorcing your Godparent and that just sounds strange to me.

I don't think most folks would think about "divorcing" a Godparent.. but in our case, he is a dangerous, abusive, scary man. I only want him removed because I dont want DS looking for him if something ever happens to us.

 

[ogreenlee]

We don't do "Godparents", but we're changing our will to switch guardians. I probably won't mention it to our friends anytime soon. We love them, but they aren't parents by choice, and while I know our daughter will be well cared for, I can't see them giving her the hugs and kisses kind of love that I'd want her to have. Our first choice happened to take custody of her brother's kids, but then the mother ended up getting those kids 3 years later. We didn't want to overburden them in case something happened to us. But... we saw her brother's children get the same warmth as their own children. We have no doubt that they'd do the same with our DD.

So, not the same thing, but kind of. The whole religious thing confuses me (the bonds, the witnesses.. all that). I would think that the most important people are located on your will. Do you have one of those? I wonder how many folks who do Baptismal Godparents don't do wills, but think that their children will go to the Godparents if something were to happen? Or is it just known that it's not a legal binding?

That's another question... Do most folks use their children's Godparents as the next-in-line legal guardian?

 

[tazdev3225]

I am an Eoiscopalian and my understanding is that the certificate is a legal document. They receive a seal on them similar to or possibly a notary seal. You do not have to acknowledge this person as a godparent. My kids all have 4 and none of them have had all of their godparents stay in their life. For what its worth I do not think they can be removed.

 

[ilovejack02]

We don't do "Godparents", but we're changing our will to switch guardians. I probably won't mention it to our friends anytime soon. We love them, but they aren't parents by choice, and while I know our daughter will be well cared for, I can't see them giving her the hugs and kisses kind of love that I'd want her to have. Our first choice happened to take custody of her brother's kids, but then the mother ended up getting those kids 3 years later. We didn't want to overburden them in case something happened to us. But... we saw her brother's children get the same warmth as their own children. We have no doubt that they'd do the same with our DD.

So, not the same thing, but kind of. The whole religious thing confuses me (the bonds, the witnesses.. all that). I would think that the most important people are located on your will. Do you have one of those? I wonder how many folks who do Baptismal Godparents don't do wills, but think that their children will go to the Godparents if something were to happen? Or is it just known that it's not a legal binding?

That's another question... Do most folks use their children's Godparents as the next-in-line legal guardian?

I would think most do use God parents as the guardian. We had ours set up that way ,and even had life insurance set up to go to them. Since the Godfather went nuts, we have changed it all to go to my parents. My parents are amazing , but my Dad is 83 and Mom is 67 they don't need custody of my little one. We are thinking of having it all go to DH's brother, he and his wife are not religious , but will send our little one to Episcopal school and church if asked too. We have already talked to them about it.

 

[MAKmom]

I totally understand you wanting to remove him. DH has a sister he would like to remove. We went to the dermatologist & when they asked about siblings he left her out

 

[babytrees]

As an office manager at a Methodist Church I had the responsibility to set up the baptisms and baptismal certificate. In the Methodist Church they aren't a neccesity and I would tell the parents that it isn't like in the time of the settlers when the godparents were also the guardians and were often called into service.

My godparents were around for a little bit but after I turned 3 or 4 they were never mentioned (I was raised Catholic).

 

[quasar4legs]

Have you made arrangements for guardianship in your will if something happens to you and your husband?

My sister has 3 different couples as godparents for her 3 children (we are godparents for their eldest) but if she and her husband die they have stated in their wills that the children come to our family.