Has anyone every done a birthday registry?

[katerkat]

And you know what-it is the thought that counts. Maybe your grandmother enjoyed buying it off QVC.

have you ever heard of "It's the thought that counts"?

What if the thought it passive aggressive or plain old malicious? My FIL and SMIL got Russ underwear for Christmas (because they think he should be potty trained, not because the unders were cute or special), and books at a kindergarten reading level (too short for me to really read to him, but he's three, he's not reading, despite what SMIL thinks a three year old should be achieving!) For his last birthday, they sent him lesson workbooks. Yes, every two year old wants handwriting and arithmetic books for his birthday.

SMIL makes snide comments on Russ' lack of potty training and lack of (perceived) learning all the time, and I hate seeing it in his birthday presents too. Sorry, I don't always think the thought counts.

 

[Aliceacc]

Do you honestly feel that she's buying malicious gifts because she can't think of a more appropriate gift? That she honestly thinks it's something he wants? So how would a registry help?

Some non-registry gifts I've gotten people:
- when my husband was best man for an old friend, I embroidered a Christmas tablecloth for the couple, and included a "first Christmas" ornament.

- my cousin's son got married a recently. I got the couple flannel sheets they hadn't requested (and included a gift receipt.) The registry was done in summer, but NY winters can get cold!

- same shower: another cousin got the bride a huge box of holiday decorations: Easter eggs for the windows, shamrocks, valentines, you name it.

- Last year my daughter was hooked on rocks. I went online and started a rock collection for her... blues and greens and purples. She most certainly never would have requested it, since she would never have known it existed. It wasn't a kit; I put it together.

- My favorite baby gift (repeat story, sorry) When my 2nd child was born, one of my friends called on the day we came home from the hospital. She said not to worry about dinner; she was taking care of it. At 6PM she knocked on the door, carrying a pizza, a bottle of diet soda and a box of my favorite cookies. Not something I would have put onto a registry.

 

[ZPT1022]

A registry says to gift giver: GET ME THESE THINGS OR ELSE: ANYTHING YOU'VE GIVEN IN THE PAST S-CKED SO BAD I HAVE TO TELL YOU WHAT TO GET ME.

My SIL did one for her daughter 20 PAGES LONG.....and my immediate family got her gifts that weren't on the registry just to antagonize her.

I will agree that 20 pages long is obnoxious- our usually average 3-4 pages, and that's mostly due to the format Toys R Us uses

Do you honestly feel that she's buying malicious gifts because she can't think of a more appropriate gift? That she honestly thinks it's something he wants? So how would a registry help?

Some non-registry gifts I've gotten people:
- when my husband was best man for an old friend, I embroidered a Christmas tablecloth for the couple, and included a "first Christmas" ornament.

- my cousin's son got married a recently. I got the couple flannel sheets they hadn't requested (and included a gift receipt.) The registry was done in summer, but NY winters can get cold!

- same shower: another cousin got the bride a huge box of holiday decorations: Easter eggs for the windows, shamrocks, valentines, you name it.

- Last year my daughter was hooked on rocks. I went online and started a rock collection for her... blues and greens and purples. She most certainly never would have requested it, since she would never have known it existed. It wasn't a kit; I put it together.

- My favorite baby gift (repeat story, sorry) When my 2nd child was born, one of my friends called on the day we came home from the hospital. She said not to worry about dinner; she was taking care of it. At 6PM she knocked on the door, carrying a pizza, a bottle of diet soda and a box of my favorite cookies. Not something I would have put onto a registry.

I agree with you that there lots of nice gifts and sometimes the things you're not thinking of become some of the most treasured gifts. My aunt & uncle gave us this mirror with hooks and cubbies below it for a wedding gift. At first we were kind of miffed but that has to be one of the most useful things we received- 6 years later and we use the thing every day!

However, we've found that some people in our families truly want the guesswork taken out of it. Before we did registries I wound up having to meet people at the mall to show them what DD would like. I'm sure that I'm an ungrateful *b* but I really don't have time for that.

 

[MousekeMommy]

Yes, I have to agree that especially with malicious gifts (like underwear for a not-yet-potty-trained-child) it's the thought that counts! In years to come, you (and your child) will now know what kind of person the gift-giver was--malicious! I had a completely cheap-but-rich set of relatives who continuously bought inexpensive and occasionally "mean-spirited" gifts--and I had to bite my tongue (or I wouldn't have had to worry about another birthday party at all!) and accept the gifts anyway (really, I got some terrible gifts, but what sticks out in my mind right now is that I got a used 1960s weight watchers cookbook for Christmas in 2001 when I had a baby 2 weeks before! I'd cite the years of countless horrible gifts, but . . .)
Anyway, even without a registry, I learned the difference between my aunt who loved me and sent me a 99 cent coloring book at the age of 13 because she thought I still liked Strawberry Shortcake and she was living on social security and couldn't afford more, and the aunt & uncle who were wealthy but bought me a summer-monster-truck-festival t-shirt (my birthday is in October and I have never seen a monster truck before in my life) because it was on sale. However, I learned the valuable lesson that birthdays (like life) are not always about getting what you want, and how you accept your disappointments in life is much more telling about YOUR character than how you accept your joys. I want my children to learn that, yes, even at an early age--even if I have to take the time to advise relatives who ask what to buy on a regular basis! A wish list or registry? Perhaps, but only if the child (or parent!) doesn't "expect it", and if it isn't given out unless requested.
Just my opinion.

 

[katerkat]

Do you honestly feel that she's buying malicious gifts because she can't think of a more appropriate gift? That she honestly thinks it's something he wants? So how would a registry help?

Oh, I know a registry wouldn't help with her. I was just commenting on the "it's the thought that counts." I don't see the point in giving inappropriate gifts to a toddler just to passively aggressively comment on his mother's child raising beliefs. Trust me, I've been hearing comments on my parenting from her since I got pregnant. I do EVERYTHING wrong. And a more appropriate gift? Um, I don't know many two year olds who ask for addition workbooks. Her daughter has a toddler only a year younger than Russ, so it's not like she can't figure out what toddlers are into. But whatever - most of the time I don't let her bother me and I throw her presents in a box for 2-5 years from now.

MousekeMommy - good Lord, I don't know if I can handle years of these presents! I keep hoping she'll mellow out with age, or at least as her granddaughter gets older and maybe isn't perfect. Here's to hoping!

 

[meandtheguys2]

What if the thought it passive aggressive or plain old malicious? My FIL and SMIL got Russ underwear for Christmas (because they think he should be potty trained, not because the unders were cute or special), and books at a kindergarten reading level (too short for me to really read to him, but he's three, he's not reading, despite what SMIL thinks a three year old should be achieving!) For his last birthday, they sent him lesson workbooks. Yes, every two year old wants handwriting and arithmetic books for his birthday.

SMIL makes snide comments on Russ' lack of potty training and lack of (perceived) learning all the time, and I hate seeing it in his birthday presents too. Sorry, I don't always think the thought counts.

Mean people don't count. They probably wouldn't buy off of a list anyway. Good grief!

eta: I am so sorry you have to got through that. I can't imagine you being anything but awesome DIL material. My MIL is tackless on occasion, and even though she isn't mean and love me, my feelings get hurt about once a year.

I guess you shouldn't have recess all of the time, then he could do the workbooks!

 

[meandtheguys2]

Its all about how its presented & whether or not its wanted IMO. (the list that is)

I agree. I'm thinking in terms of registries and invites. Not the casual list to grandpa and grandma with information such as "David is really interested in trains, dinosaurs and scribbling on the walls, I guess that would suggest art!"

 

[dogluva]

What if the thought it passive aggressive or plain old malicious? My FIL and SMIL got Russ underwear for Christmas (because they think he should be potty trained, not because the unders were cute or special), and books at a kindergarten reading level (too short for me to really read to him, but he's three, he's not reading, despite what SMIL thinks a three year old should be achieving!) For his last birthday, they sent him lesson workbooks. Yes, every two year old wants handwriting and arithmetic books for his birthday.

SMIL makes snide comments on Russ' lack of potty training and lack of (perceived) learning all the time, and I hate seeing it in his birthday presents too. Sorry, I don't always think the thought counts.

Well that is different issue. I was picturing the little old grandmother really thinking the gift she is getting is special.

Maybe you should not accept any gifts from you SMIL and FIL.

 

[katerkat]

Mean people don't count. They probably wouldn't buy off of a list anyway. Good grief!

eta: I am so sorry you have to got through that. I can't imagine you being anything but awesome DIL material. My MIL is tackless on occasion, and even though she isn't mean and love me, my feelings get hurt about once a year.

I guess you shouldn't have recess all of the time, then he could do the workbooks!

I'm only awesome to the people who deserve it. My "real" MIL is a really nice person and we have a great relationship. My SMIL is, well, every MIL horror story you hear about. Luckily we have limited contact.

I can brag that Russ can do addition. He knows "1+1 is 2, 2+2 is 4, 4+4 is 8, 8+8 is 16, I can add, I can add!" (If you don't know this, you don't watch enough Playhouse Disney!)