Has anyone else ever done this?

[have2getaway]

Booked a trip reservation and not told your spouse until all the arrangements are made? We just got back from an amazing stay at the Polynesian and had an amazing time with our 3 boys, DH included. I wanted to plan another trip for next Jan. and he really didn't seem interested until I showed him a 2 BR suite at WL. (He is obsessed with this resort). Anyway, even though he is very interested in the WL, he said he didn't see us going back to Disney unless I got the price down. Our last trip was 8k for a week for a family of 5. This time, my older son would be joining us, so it would be a party of 6. We have the money to go. I pay all our bills and this vacation we paid in cash before we went. I just think he has other plans for the $ he isn't sharing with me. (I found pictures of boats, golf carts, and 4 wheelers on his phone). Anyway, we really can do both, but...we have always been super careful with our money. I'm just wondering if any other couples argue/debate about how frequently to go to Disney and what a good compromise might be? Also wondering if anyone has surprised their spouse when everything was all set, and how well that went over? I think a large part of it is I'm an obsessive planner (pretty sure I like the planning more than the trip), and he is not. He just wants to show up and go!

 

[kmb584]

Booked a trip reservation and not told your spouse until all the arrangements are made? We just got back from an amazing stay at the Polynesian and had an amazing time with our 3 boys, DH included. I wanted to plan another trip for next Jan. and he really didn't seem interested until I showed him a 2 BR suite at WL. (He is obsessed with this resort). Anyway, even though he is very interested in the WL, he said he didn't see us going back to Disney unless I got the price down. Our last trip was 8k for a week for a family of 5. This time, my older son would be joining us, so it would be a party of 6. We have the money to go. I pay all our bills and this vacation we paid in cash before we went. I just think he has other plans for the $ he isn't sharing with me. (I found pictures of boats, golf carts, and 4 wheelers on his phone). Anyway, we really can do both, but...we have always been super careful with our money. I'm just wondering if any other couples argue/debate about how frequently to go to Disney and what a good compromise might be? Also wondering if anyone has surprised their spouse when everything was all set, and how well that went over? I think a large part of it is I'm an obsessive planner (pretty sure I like the planning more than the trip), and he is not. He just wants to show up and go!

I've not been in your situation but based on the comments that your husband has made in reference to a future WDW trip, I don't think I would book one then surprise him with the fact that you did so. I can't see it going over well.

 

[IrishNYC]

That would not go over well in our marriage at all. Planning a multi-thousand dollar vacation without discussing it? Nope. That money would be paying for a divorce.

 

[alliecat523]

I've done this but it works in my marriage. We share all of the expenses but keep separate accounts so if I want to spend my extra on a family trip, he's fine with that. I also let him know within the cancellation timeframe in case there is an issue.

 

[Maineiak]

I got halfway there a few weeks ago. Started booking a stay at Yacht Club. Didn't tell the wife as this would be for a work conference, which is pending approval (although my boss sent me the industry group's website, so I feel pretty good she'll approve the trip). Really hard to turn down $199 room rate at YC!!!! We can extend the stay at the same rate. Got love free airfare for me and half of the week's stay paid by wor though!

Had to break the news when my wife started talking about other trips this fall, as I couldn't have just kept turning down ideas. I wouldn't have booked airfare without telling her though.

If all gets approved, we'll probably surprise DD8 though with the news in late summer.

 

[have2getaway]

Thanks all! I agree that it won't go over well if I keep it from him. I'm just going to keep chipping away and see where I get.

I got halfway there a few weeks ago. Started booking a stay at Yacht Club. Didn't tell the wife as this would be for a work conference, which is pending approval (although my boss sent me the industry group's website, so I feel pretty good she'll approve the trip). Really hard to turn down $199 room rate at YC!!!! We can extend the stay at the same rate. Got love free airfare for me and half of the week's stay paid by wor though!

Had to break the news when my wife started talking about other trips this fall, as I couldn't have just kept turning down ideas. I wouldn't have booked airfare without telling her though.

If all gets approved, we'll probably surprise DD8 though with the news in late summer.

That's awesome! Enjoy your trip!

 

[Hezzy04]

I did this. I surprised my husband And daughters Christmas 2015 with news of a Spring trip that I had already completely planned and even made ADRs for. However, I knew that my husband would be thrilled. I handle the finances and he had spoken of how badly he wanted to go.

 

[ChasingLeslie]

Nope, we don't spend that kind of money without a serious discussion.

 

[have2getaway]

Nope, we don't spend that kind of money without a serious discussion.

We don't either, which is why I'm hesitant. The bigger issue is that for years I have wanted to have separate accounts so we each have some responsibility with the bills, but he doesn't want that. The sad part is, I could do it without him knowing, which frustrates me. He is so uninvolved in our finances. He said he knows I do a better job than he would, but I just wish he were more aware of and in tune with our expenses and bills.

 

[CAS239]

If you were AP's and you only had to pay for a hotel and food, I'd do it..but for $8k+ I wouldn't do it. That's a lot of money to not fully discuss before

 

[bumbershoot]

Anyway, even though he is very interested in the WL, he said he didn't see us going back to Disney unless I got the price down.

Seems to me that this is where you need to focus energies, yes? Researching past discounts, looking into renting a dvc stay, maybe looking into APs if you think you might start going twice inside of a year (if you just got back and you're looking into January again you could possibly make that work in the future), etc.

From what you said he didn't say no. He wants to get the cost down.

Of course my question is when is he going to have the same kind of financial conversation with you about the things he seems to want to buy?

 

[Amelia :)]

You aren't "giving" somebody a surprise trip when it's partly their own money that's paid for it....

 

[have2getaway]

Seems to me that this is where you need to focus energies, yes? Researching past discounts, looking into renting a dvc stay, maybe looking into APs if you think you might start going twice inside of a year (if you just got back and you're looking into January again you could possibly make that work in the future), etc.

From what you said he didn't say no. He wants to get the cost down.

Of course my question is when is he going to have the same kind of financial conversation with you about the things he seems to want to buy?

Yes, I agree this is the biggest issue. We were able to get one room at the Poly, because we were only a party of 5. Our next trip, we plan to have our older son with us as well. It's not easy finding a room for 6. We are looking at renting and possibly purchasing a DVC. We are considering a 2 BR at AK, WL, or 2 studios at Poly. We did have a reasonable deal for our last stay, but we definitely won't do Deluxe Dining next time.

I plan to talk to him about it as soon as I get up the nerve to tell him I know he has been looking at things to buy.

 

[gingerfeathers]

Yeah, I would say you need to chat with your husband and not just do it. It'd be one thing if you had separate bank accounts and you used your money for a trip, but not for this situation. Plus, vacation time is always a non-monetary factor.

 

[KrazeeK120]

I think it depends on the family. In your situation, it doesn't sound like a surprise trip would go over well.

I would never turn down a Disney trip, so it would be ok if my husband surprised me! It wouldn't work that well in reverse! Although I think he would be ok if I surprised him with an ADR or something smaller on a known trip.

 

[Suprize2017]

From what you said, I don't think surprising him would be a great idea. I also can't imagine spending that amount of money without discussing it with my spouse. As much as I love Disney, I wouldn't be too happy if my husband planned a trip without discussing it first with me.

 

[scrapquitler]

DH always wants to go, and would be happy to go anytime I plan a trip. We have APs, we stay value, we eat cheap, and he works while we are there, so the expense is not a big deal. However, the anticipation of a trip is terrible for him-- the travel part is extremely stressful for him and he hates that part, so we just discuss ballpark when we want to go, I get specific dates from him of when he definitely cannot go, and then I plan and book everything. When we get about 60 days out, I give him the exact dates and then we NEVER discuss it again until about a week before the trip, otherwise the stress freaks him out. As far as him not having input about the money spent...I am the cheap one so he knows that I'm not going to spend more than we should.

 

[IrishNYC]

I just think he has other plans for the $ he isn't sharing with me. (I found pictures of boats, golf carts, and 4 wheelers on his phone).

I plan to talk to him about it as soon as I get up the nerve to tell him I know he has been looking at things to buy.

Honestly it sounds like you have bigger issues than whether or not you should book a vacation without telling him first.

 

[Hikergirl]

You aren't "giving" somebody a surprise trip when it's partly their own money that's paid for it....

That may be how it is in your marriage, but that isn't how it is in mine. My dh works, I do not, but I'm the one who does all the research and planning for a trip. I can give him a surprise trip even though he is the one that works for our money.


OP, I don't see any harm in doing research to see what the cost would be, and then discussing it with him. In your situation I don't think I would finalize anything before you knew he was okay with another trip there.
I also don't see what the big deal is if he had things on his phone. Maybe its like his Pinterest

 

[Amelia :)]

That may be how it is in your marriage, but that isn't how it is in mine. My dh works, I do not, but I'm the one who does all the research and planning for a trip. I can give him a surprise trip even though he is the one that works for our money.


OP, I don't see any harm in doing research to see what the cost would be, and then discussing it with him. In your situation I don't think I would finalize anything before you knew he was okay with another trip there.
I also don't see what the big deal is if he had things on his phone. Maybe its like his Pinterest

Well yes admittedly I'm in a very different situation, I'm not married, I work full time and have a daughter, so when we go on holiday with my boyfriend, I use my own finances to pay for mine and my daughters part. So yes the idea of spending a large amount of what is partly somebody else's money is alien to me. I think it would be better to discuss it first.