Harmless fun - or "nip it in the bud" behavior?

[C.Ann]

First of all, let me say that this issue has already been dealt with, so this isn't a "what should I do" sort of thread.. However, I am curious to hear what other parents think about a situation that occured recently..

Over the weekend, DGD (7) was playing with the DGD (9) of the neighbors across the way.. They sometimes play in the basement, where there is a tv/vcr/dvd area set up at one end and a bar and pool table at the other end.. (Liquor is locked in a cabinet..) The mother of the 9 yr. old was a fetal alcohol syndrome baby (adopted as an infant by my neighbors) and is now a recovering alcoholic herself (1 year sober - Yay!!!! ) The 9 yr. old was up here with her grandparents, as she often is.. Her mom wasn't here..

DD went downstairs to check on the kids and found them sitting at the bar - drinking soda out of shot glasses.. The 9 yr. old was the "bartender" and as my DD was coming down the stairs, she heard the 9 yr. old say to my DGD, "Are you ready for another shot?" (In all honesty, my DGD doesn't even know what a "shot" is because she's never been around people who drink "shots"..) It seems my DGD said "no" (she's really not that big of a soda drinker either) and the 9 yr. old proceeded to say, "Oh, come on.. One more shot isn't going to kill you.."

So what's your take on that situation? Harmless fun or a potential problem?

 

[VickiVM]

Children mimic behaviors all the time. Given the family circumstances, this has red flags to me.

 

[Pooh67_68]

Potential problem.

Glad to hear that the situation was already taken care of.

 

[Maleficent13]

Well, it's a game we played with soda when I was a kid too...so I'd tend to say harmless fun...until the point where the 9 yo started slightly peer-pressuring the 7 yo with "oh, come on...one more won't kill you".

One more shot of pop won't...but 5-6 years from now, one more shot of tequila might. I probably would have let it go, and then later talked to my DGD about peer pressure and being an individual who isn't afraid to say no when she wants to, regardless of what everyone else is doing/saying.

That's my $0.02.

 

[mrsv98]

Probably a good teaching opportunity IMHO. Your DD and DSIL have the chance to talk about their values and why they don't agree with the game.

It does raise some flags because the average 9yo wouldn't encounter "do you want another shot" in the course of regular play.

 

[Rowena]

I think it would be a great opening to talk to my child.

It's also not something I'd care to have repeated. So, potential problem but not a big honking deal.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

So what's your take on that situation? Harmless fun or a potential problem?

My take on the situation is that the "bartender" is mimicking drinking behavior. Seen it and possibly probably poured it.

She has demonstrated the "peer pressure" to your DGD.
It is a WONDERFUL opportunity to chat about it.

I would also explain that those are "shot" for alcohol glasses and are to be used be adults. They are not "toys" to play with.

I like to do things honestly and cut and dry withmy girls. They expect nothing less from me.

 

[Kermit]

I think that it was probably relatively harmless to your own DGD. It's a good opportunity to bring up the subject of alcohol and peer pressure, but she certainly won't be harmed by the experience.

I would be very concerned about the other girl. She needs serious help. If she thinks that drinking shots is "cool" and that it's okay to pressure people, she could be in serious danger in a few years. In fact, she may even start drinking now if she can get into the alcohol. If I were her grandparents, I'd consider not having any alcohol in the house, even locked up. It would probably be better for their daughter anyway, if she ever spends time there.

 

[C.Ann]

I would be very concerned about the other girl. She needs serious help. If she thinks that drinking shots is "cool" and that it's okay to pressure people, she could be in serious danger in a few years. In fact, she may even start drinking now if she can get into the alcohol. If I were her grandparents, I'd consider not having any alcohol in the house, even locked up. It would probably be better for their daughter anyway, if she ever spends time there.

---------------------

I share the same concerns..

 

[Marseeya]

Considering the background, potential problem.

If I caught my kids doing it, harmless fun.

What I don't understand is why the GPs still had a bar in their basement at all if their dd (is she their dd, or DIL?) is an alcoholic. If my adult kids struggled with alcohol, I would get it out of my house, locked cabinets or not.

 

[Chicago526]

Well, I remember playing with candy cigarettes as kid, and I didn't start smoking!

But I would have said something to the kids, I think. If nothing else, I would have explained to my child, afterwards, that drinking is for grown-ups, and that you never should give in to peer presure, or do something another child tells you to do if you don't want to. Then I would have told the other parent about what I saw, and let them handle their own kid (or not) the way they see fit.

 

[Queenie]

I would be worried about where the 9yr old has learned phrases like that. It may be a warning sign of something going on in her family, especially given her mother's past.

 

[Mermaid02]

Without reading other responses

Given the situation the neighbors grandchild has come from, this is probably something he/she was exposed to at one time and it obviously made a big impact on him/her. I wouldn't make too much of it- but I would file it in my memory banks for future reference.

 

[shortbun]

Unfortunately, kids can find this behavior in cartoons like The Simpsons and Family Guy. Have you guys SEEN those shows lately? They can be very inappropriate and they are touted as children's shows-on at 8pm or 5pm in reruns. I've ruled them out around here for a while. My husband had allowed our son to watch, I sat down with them one night and said, "what are you thinking?" My husband said, "he doesn't get most of it." and I answered, "he will if he watches it for a while." To a grown up, the shows are irreverent and funny. For kids, they teach the type of behavior discussed in the OP.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I agree that the girl is probably mimicking behavior she has seen in her own home.

OT-I had the 2 year old girl I baby-sat for offer me a bloody mary when we were paying with her tea set. Her parents were definitely social drinkers. Great pepole though.

 

[disneymom3]

Well, it's a game we played with soda when I was a kid too...so I'd tend to say harmless fun...until the point where the 9 yo started slightly peer-pressuring the 7 yo with "oh, come on...one more won't kill you".

One more shot of pop won't...but 5-6 years from now, one more shot of tequila might. I probably would have let it go, and then later talked to my DGD about peer pressure and being an individual who isn't afraid to say no when she wants to, regardless of what everyone else is doing/saying.

That's my $0.02.

My two cents in going into the pot with yours!! We played that game too without the one more shot won't kill you comment. In fact, I am pretty sure we didn't know they were called shots, but we liked those little glasses. Actually, I think my parents were more shocked when we played communion with Nekko wafers!

I would be concerned for the neighbor girl.

 

[SeaSpray]

First of all, let me say that this issue has already been dealt with, so this isn't a "what should I do" sort of thread.. However, I am curious to hear what other parents think about a situation that occured recently..

Over the weekend, DGD (7) was playing with the DGD (9) of the neighbors across the way.. They sometimes play in the basement, where there is a tv/vcr/dvd area set up at one end and a bar and pool table at the other end.. (Liquor is locked in a cabinet..) The mother of the 9 yr. old was a fetal alcohol syndrome baby (adopted as an infant by my neighbors) and is now a recovering alcoholic herself (1 year sober - Yay!!!! ) The 9 yr. old was up here with her grandparents, as she often is.. Her mom wasn't here..

DD went downstairs to check on the kids and found them sitting at the bar - drinking soda out of shot glasses.. The 9 yr. old was the "bartender" and as my DD was coming down the stairs, she heard the 9 yr. old say to my DGD, "Are you ready for another shot?" (In all honesty, my DGD doesn't even know what a "shot" is because she's never been around people who drink "shots"..) It seems my DGD said "no" (she's really not that big of a soda drinker either) and the 9 yr. old proceeded to say, "Oh, come on.. One more shot isn't going to kill you.."

So what's your take on that situation? Harmless fun or a potential problem?

I am going to reply before reading ANY other replies.

I am 44 years old, and never have been much of a drinker at all, not even as a teen or young adult. Same thing for all 5 of my brothers, and my 1 sister. Neither of my parents were drinkers. I can say that the ONLY time I ever saw my parents drink alcohol was either at a wedding or someplace like that, or at our own house, during the holidays, when company was over. We never saw our parents drink in the house on a regular day. To this day, I am the same way. DH and I just don't drink much, but we do enjoy a good pina colada or Malibu Bay Breeze while on vacation

Ok, I am getting to the point here, please bear with me! LOL

I can vividly remember being a child, I don't know how old, I'd guess around the age of 7, 8, or 9. I was with my brother in the kitchen, he had to have been 11, 12, or 13, I guess (4 year age difference).

I can remember us playing with shot glasses, using grape juice, and we kept filling and refilling those little shot glasses with grape juice and pretending to get drunk! LOL I think we only did that the one time, maybe another time, not sure. We were just being goofy, and I don't remember how we even got started doing that! We certainly were NOT imitating behaviour we saw at home. Probably it was something we saw on a tv, maybe an old western or something? Who knows. lol

Anyway, just wanted to share my own personal experience, as a child who played with shot glasses and pretended to get drunk! LOL It did not lead to myself or my brother becoming alcoholics, it was just something goofy we did.

I would, however, keep a very close eye on your DGD, no matter what friend she is with. Now, and of course, as she gets into her teen years!!! Hopefully the gene that predisposes a person to alcoholism is not present in your DGD, but bad behaviours can be picked up too.

As for the neighbor girl, I do feel bad for her. She certainly is going to be more predisposed to alcholism than someone without her background

Now I am interested to read everyone else's replies!

 

[Aidensmom]

Your DGD's friend may very well have learned the behavior at home, as you stated her mother has only been sober one year, but, as you said, her mother has been sober for one year. That means she is now modeling a new behavior, and her daughter is going to see this also. It seems like there is a lot of assumption on this thread that because of this little girl's "background" that she is in great danger of abusing alcohol, and quite soon at that. As the daughter of an alcoholic, I can tell you that you learn a heck of a lot more than just how to drink. You also learn the pain and the hardship that it causes. Yes, there are children of alcoholics that grow up to be alcoholics themselves, but there are just as many that do not. I drink socially, but would never allow alcohol to affect my child the way my father's drinking affected me. And the mother is now showing that she thought it was a bad thing too, and her daughter is going to see that.

That all being said, I might have mentioned peer pressure to your DGD, but as your DGD refused more soda when she did not want it, I would most likely have just said that I was proud that she is good at not giving into it. I wouldn't even go into the alcohol thing right now, they were just playing with soda, and if drinking is not something your DGD witnesses all the time, I wouldn't see the point in going into at this time from this one incident.

I would probably mention to the friend's family that they were drinking "shots" of soda, but in a non-accusatory manner and let them deal with it at that point in the way they saw fit.

JMHO.

 

[Stacey2grls]

I have a 7 year old daughter, and if she was playing this game I would've been mortified! I understand that kids sometimes do things that are "harmless" but, this could be the beginning of some really bad behaviors. Glad you nipped it in the bud, I certainly would have been on the situation like a cheap suit! Seems like the 9 year old is learning things she really should have no clue about at this young age.

 

[twojo21]

potential problem, nip it in the bud.