Ha! This "snowflake" behaviour is hard to beat!

[Wishing on a star]

Mickey's newest fan, WOW!!!! Your story and your outlook/approach really are special!!!! We need more like you!!!!!

Folks, from the outside, it really can be impossible to tell if you are seeing a child with issues, or a 'snowflake'. I know.. from personal experience..... Sometimes, 'mom', who deals with the issues 24/7 can be more realistic and in-tune and know how to choose battles, while 'Dad' can be either in denial, demanding, not have the necessary patience, etc... As a matter of fact, I think this might be quite common.

While this might appear to be a case of a snowflake and a 'whipped' man... I would hesitate to make any assumptions!

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

Ok, pick your battles if they want to have a goofy hair style but NEVER on behavior issues. I am with you on that. The kids WILL behave or they WILL be in trouble. Since we started enforcing this at a VERY young age, our kids don't have behavior issues.

So what if she had a disability, you can ALWAYS take a child out of the store, especially since there were two parents along. Sorry, that girl is REALLY going to have issues in the real world.

I see this suggestion all the time "if you just leave then your kids won't misbehave" but many kids, especially kids with disabilities, are reinforced by leaving challenging situations. If you have a child like that, one who doesn't like the grocery store, then leaving is essentially making the tantrum pay off. It's no different than giving them the cookie they're crying for.

 

[eliza61]

Someone is gonna have to explain this picking battles stuff. I'm almost 40 and I do not remember my parents or those of my friends ever "picking a battle". You either did what you were told or your did nothing and probably got spanked. Did I grow up in a bubble? After work today I was talking with the fellas, one African American, a Latino and myself Asian. We were talking about this exact thing. None of our parents, all from different backgrounds, areas of the country and nationalities ever seemed to "pick their battles". And all three of us turned out pretty darn good.

I just don't understand.

Amen and Allelejuah!!

Let's see for meals I got the choice of eating what was made or hearing "where do you think you're at, a restaurant"?

When we went to the supermarket my mother was not "promising" to buy me any thing if I behaved. I either behaved or life for the rest of the day would be miserable.

 

[mjkacmom]

Mickey's newest fan, WOW!!!! Your story and your outlook/approach really are special!!!! We need more like you!!!!!

Folks, from the outside, it really can be impossible to tell if you are seeing a child with issues, or a 'snowflake'. I know.. from personal experience..... Sometimes, 'mom', who deals with the issues 24/7 can be more realistic and in-tune and know how to choose battles, while 'Dad' can be either in denial, demanding, not have the necessary patience, etc... As a matter of fact, I think this might be quite common.

While this might appear to be a case of a snowflake and a 'whipped' man... I would hesitate to make any assumptions!

I agree. If this child had no special needs, the parents need some parenting help. However, as a parent of typically functioning children, I don't know the proper way to deal with a child who has OCD, autism, etc. It might very well be correct to let the child dictate what line to go on. As for the dad, it has been my experience that when it comes to children and disabilities, dads tend to be in denial, at least at first. I don't know why.

 

[mamacatnv]

I see this suggestion all the time "if you just leave then your kids won't misbehave" but many kids, especially kids with disabilities, are reinforced by leaving challenging situations. If you have a child like that, one who doesn't like the grocery store, then leaving is essentially making the tantrum pay off. It's no different than giving them the cookie they're crying for.

If that was the case, then wouldn't the best course of action have been to make the child stay in the line that the parent chose and not move over to the line the child was dictating and whining about?

In this case, regardless of disability or not the child won and IMO that is where the problem lays. The child is clearly in charge of the parents and that is all too common and makes me a bit crazy when I encounter it.

 

[eliza61]

I have an son with Aspergers syndrome and while I understand the difficulty of parenting a special needs child, some times I think we throw that excuse out to cover up a multitude of sins.

As I said, my son has difficulties but we still have expectations on proper behaviour. He has goals set (which are constantly changing) but if every time he acted up we let him get away with it simply because he has Aspergers, no way would he have obtain the strides and success he has.

Do we over use the "special needs" classification to excuse all types of bad behaviour? I think we do.

I apologize if this sounds mean, I was trying to ask the question with out sounding offensive. Please believe that, that is not my intentions.

 

[NotUrsula]

If you have a child like that, one who doesn't like the grocery store, then leaving is essentially making the tantrum pay off. It's no different than giving them the cookie they're crying for.

AMEN to that. I know people could never understand why I made my Aspie son stay in stores until I finished my shopping, but the fact is that he threw the tantrum specifically because he wanted to get out of the store. Dealing with the other punishment that he got afterward was worth it to him if he got out when he wanted to get out. He's 13 now, and he still hates stores unless he chooses them, but now he's gotten the point that shutting up and moving his tail is the fastest way to get out of there (as opposed to doing a deadweight fall in the middle of the aisle and moaning.)

I punished him in front of other people (with time-outs with his nose on the back wall by the meat counter) and I let him take the embarrassment when he pulled that, but I did NOT take him out until my business was completed. He needed to learn that the world did not revolve around what he did and did not want to do. There were times when we stayed in the grocery store for 4 hours (and had to ask a staff member to roll the cart into the meat locker) because of the time it took to repeatedly have to stop and punish him for his behaviour. I always made it clear that we were NOT leaving until he behaved himself long enough for the shopping to be properly done.

 

[bdoyledimou]

There was an article in the Toronto Star yesterday about a family that sued the Greater Toronto Hockey Leage when their 15 year old son failed to get on a team.

He was one of 70 who tried out. 17 spots on the team. Not everyone will get a spot.

This lawsuit isn't going to go anywhere (i hope!) but seriously.. suing cause your child didn't make the cut?

Now THAT is a special snowflake.

 

[dejr_8]

What a JOKE. Lane 4??? Lane 4??? Why would anyone want to go to Lane 4? I would never have changed lanes.

However, I could completely understand if the little girl wanted to go to Lane 5.

 

[Toad_Passenger]

There was an article in the Toronto Star yesterday about a family that sued the Greater Toronto Hockey Leage when their 15 year old son failed to get on a team.

He was one of 70 who tried out. 17 spots on the team. Not everyone will get a spot.

This lawsuit isn't going to go anywhere (i hope!) but seriously.. suing cause your child didn't make the cut?

Now THAT is a special snowflake.

I just read that same article. Yahoo.com's Hockey Blog reported on the story. I was going to post it here, but saw you mentioned it already. Seriously...70 kids, only 17 make it, and they're going to sue? Ugh!

 

[golfgal]

If that was the case, then wouldn't the best course of action have been to make the child stay in the line that the parent chose and not move over to the line the child was dictating and whining about?

In this case, regardless of disability or not the child won and IMO that is where the problem lays. The child is clearly in charge of the parents and that is all too common and makes me a bit crazy when I encounter it.

Exactly the point. If you know you have a child that wants to use a certain number and you ask said child first then go to that lane, no issues--if Dad already said "no, we are staying here" and mom gives into said child and moves to lane 4 HUGE ISSUE. It doesn't matter if the child is special needs or not, the mom gave into the child. I also have to agree with the other poster that said that parents with special needs kids give into that excuse way too much. We had some good friends that we had to stop being friends with because their son had Tourettes and that gave him an excuse to be a total brat instead of saying no to him once in a while.

 

[Tinkermommy]

I will state upfront that I do not have a special needs child and I don't know the challenges that go with it.

I just think if Helen Keller's parents and her teacher said "She's blind, deaf and dumb let's just let her do what she wants," Helen would have had a very lonely, scary life.

I think my job as a parent is to do what's right for my child not what's easy.

 

[Luvchefmic]

Someone is gonna have to explain this picking battles stuff. I'm almost 40 and I do not remember my parents or those of my friends ever "picking a battle". You either did what you were told or your did nothing and probably got spanked. Did I grow up in a bubble? After work today I was talking with the fellas, one African American, a Latino and myself Asian. We were talking about this exact thing. None of our parents, all from different backgrounds, areas of the country and nationalities ever seemed to "pick their battles". And all three of us turned out pretty darn good.

I just don't understand.

[It wasn't tolerated by my parents, by me, and now my children as parents....you got the look and heaven help you if you didn't get the message..

Ok, pick your battles if they want to have a goofy hair style but NEVER on behavior issues. I am with you on that. The kids WILL behave or they WILL be in trouble. Since we started enforcing this at a VERY young age, our kids don't have behavior issues.

So what if she had a disability, you can ALWAYS take a child out of the store, especially since there were two parents along. Sorry, that girl is REALLY going to have issues in the real world.

I Agree with the part I bolded in particular and I can empathize with a disability but why is it we should assume the kid had one...there are a LOT of brats and crappy parents...

I see this suggestion all the time "if you just leave then your kids won't misbehave" but many kids, especially kids with disabilities, are reinforced by leaving challenging situations. If you have a child like that, one who doesn't like the grocery store, then leaving is essentially making the tantrum pay off. It's no different than giving them the cookie they're crying for.

Amen to that !

 

[Mrs. Charming]

I wonder what was so special about Lane 4. Over my dead body would I move out of a lane because DD was pouty!

 

[Mrs. Charming]

There was an article in the Toronto Star yesterday about a family that sued the Greater Toronto Hockey Leage when their 15 year old son failed to get on a team.

He was one of 70 who tried out. 17 spots on the team. Not everyone will get a spot.

This lawsuit isn't going to go anywhere (i hope!) but seriously.. suing cause your child didn't make the cut?

Now THAT is a special snowflake.

Oh gosh... what a load of poop. Seriously?? Those people need to get a grip. What ever happened to "You tried your best, keep practicing, and try out next time."????

 

[Luvchefmic]

I have an son with Aspergers syndrome and while I understand the difficulty of parenting a special needs child, some times I think we throw that excuse out to cover up a multitude of sins.

As I said, my son has difficulties but we still have expectations on proper behaviour. He has goals set (which are constantly changing) but if every time he acted up we let him get away with it simply because he has Aspergers, no way would he have obtain the strides and success he has.

Do we over use the "special needs" classification to excuse all types of bad behaviour? I think we do.I apologize if this sounds mean, I was trying to ask the question with out sounding offensive. Please believe that, that is not my intentions.

You have my utmost respect..I bolded the part that jumped out at me....its too easy to use the "special needs" card like a race card or sexism, ageism, ad nauseum, it gets a little old

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I will state upfront that I do not have a special needs child and I don't know the challenges that go with it.

I just think if Helen Keller's parents and her teacher said "She's blind, deaf and dumb let's just let her do what she wants," Helen would have had a very lonely, scary life.

I think my job as a parent is to do what's right for my child not what's easy.

Actually, people also said "She's deaf and blind so it's OK for us not to let her do what she wants". That wasn't always the right choice either.

http://davehingsburger.blogspot.com/search?q=helen+keller

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

It is a fine line when it comes to special needs and behavior. I worked with a kid who was ODD/OCD. The littlest things would cause huge problems and the kid could be incredibly aggressive. We learned very early on to pick and choose our battles. Sometimes it meant letting things slide that we normally wouldn't, if we knew that it would end in an aggressive episode. That's not to say that we did not have high standards or expect the child to behave. We frequently worked with this child on modifying behavior, literally practicing things like following directions or accepting a no answer multiple times a day. However, we could tell when this child walked into the room what kind of day it was going to be, and some days you are just trying to make it to the end of the day without having furniture thrown or needing to restrain. I'm sure on those days if somebody walked in they would think we were catering to the child, but we had been told to avoid the aggressive episodes at all costs, so we really had no choice.

No, you should not just excuse bad behavior because a child has some sort of special needs, but you do sometimes have to make accommodations. In the OP's case, the kid may have had special needs or may not have. But I'll admit, I'm inclined to think the kid was just being brat. And regardless, the mother should not have overruled the father once the decision had been made.

 

[NotUrsula]

I just think if Helen Keller's parents and her teacher said "She's blind, deaf and dumb let's just let her do what she wants," Helen would have had a very lonely, scary life.

But her parent's DID let her do that. She was famously a VERY wild child before Miss Sullivan was hired to teach her, and the only way that she learned any manners at all was to completely separate her from her overindulgent parents. (She and Miss Sullivan moved into a second house on the parent's property. For several weeks the closest contact that her parents had with her was watching her from beyond the garden fence. In my reading of Annie Sullivan's letters, it is clear that there was LOT of physical restraint and deprivation involved in controlling Keller's behavior when she was younger.)

 

[Tinkermommy]

But her parent's DID let her do that. She was famously a VERY wild child before Miss Sullivan was hired to teach her, and the only way that she learned any manners at all was to completely separate her from her overindulgent parents. (She and Miss Sullivan moved into a second house on the parent's property. For several weeks the closest contact that her parents had with her was watching her from beyond the garden fence. In my reading of Annie Sullivan's letters, it is clear that there was LOT of physical restraint and deprivation involved in controlling Keller's behavior when she was younger.)

You are right, but they did hire Miss Sullivan and allow her to do that so I do give them some credit.

My point is, they (teacher with parent support) didn't let her disability dictate her behavior.