I know that debauchery is just a bus ride away.
So we hop the bus to PI (uh oh) and within minutes find ourselves walking up to the entrance of the Adventurers' Club. The place is pretty busy - a definite surprise as its a Monday night and Lord knows there is football on somewhere. But Im not complaining. This is the sort of place you
want to be busy. A 20-deep line at a one-stall bathroom when someone has given you laxative brownies? Not so much.
We scan the place for a seat, turn and confer. Well what about? Ok, well then what about? I don't know, he looks. Yeah. How about? Ok, yes. We decide upon two seats at the bar and belly up. We face our bartender whose name tag reads "Jennifer, Portugal". Oh no, I wonder if she hangs out with the gals from BCV, AKL and France's champange kiosk.
I clear my throat, "Two. Jeager. Bombs. and. a. Budweiser. please."
Kory turns to me, "Why are you speaking so slow?"
"She's from from Portgual, I want her to understand me..."
"
Portland, you fool. Not Portugal. She's from Oregon."
Damn my eyesite when I drink.
Makes no matter now. I smile sheepishly and Jennifer NotfromPortugal hooks us up with a couple JBs and a Bud. Thank the Lawdee bartenders are fun people.
After we toast our shots to a long and happy life together, we turn around and scout the room for other people to talk to. Criminy, Ive been with him
all freakin' day. And you think I'm a ray of sunshine after 48 solid hours?
So I'm smiling and looking hopefully around the bar. Wait. Why is everyone looking the other way and whistling? You don't know me...I'm fun! Really! I know this great bar joke about a horse...
With a sigh, I turn back around and we reluctantly make conversation with each other. Finally, after four ridiculously long minutes, the players come out and start entertaining. And by entertaining, I mean picking on people as they exit the bathroom. Id love to be able to recite some of that here, but being that I was knee deep in Jaeger Bombs and struggling to make conversation with the husband, I didnt take notes. Next time I will though. If I have to listen to one more conversation about banking
(To be fair, if Kory was writing this report, he'd say, "If I have to listen to one more conversation about
Grey's Anatomy...")
Anyway, where was I going? Oh, right. Muppets. Yes, I wanted to talk about muppets.
So that kinky muppet who's into S&M asks the crowd if anyone is celebrating anything. A young couple raised their hand and remarked they were on their honeymoon. Another couple was celebrating their 20th Wedding Anniversary and one young man was turning 30. Then like 10 more people raised their hands. How ironic - apparently
everyone is celebrating something. Raise your hand if you think they were fishing for free stuff.
Next, the group is led in a rip-roaring rendition of the Adventurers Club song by Jeff Daniels and I've-Got-A-Big-Red-Cumberbun.
Just as we are getting to the last line, An Adventurers life is beeeest
, Kory grabs my arm and screechs like a howler monkey. Oh my God, look!
Good Lord, man, you watch too much Will & Grace. What!?!
Look over there. Its Larry David!
For those of you who live in a hole or on the DISboards, Larry David created Seinfeld and stars in HBOs
Curb Your Enthusiasm. He plays the most annoying husband on the face of the earth, but hes funny as hell.
Nooo! Where? Where! I poke my head up and down, left and right, trying to get a good view. When I see him, I squint my eyes, but I cant quite make him out. I scramble for my digital, zoom in for my shot and snap a picture. I turn on the viewfinder and check out what I'm sure is a winning lottery ticket. Yup, no doubt in my mind, this
one picture of Larry Davis will incite a ground-breaking bidding war among the celebrity rags such as
People, Us Weekly, Star and
OK Mag. Move over Brangelina, Allory's got Larisney!!
Get it? Larisney? Larry + Disney? Yes, I know. Hardy har har.
Let's see, with this photo, do I want to retire at the beach or at Disney World?
Wait. I don't think that's him. Look," I show him the camera screen. "Watch my drink, though. Im going to have fun and harass him.
Yes, the Jeager Bombs have gotten the best of me. I walk up to this poor stranger and tap him on the shoulder. He looks at me blankfaced.
Excuse me, but did you know you look just like Larry David?
No. Who is that? He's perplexed, but open to the conversation.
He created Seinfeld. He also has a show on HBO called
Curb Your Enthusiasm. He plays the most annoying
. Ah, youve heard this all before. Anyway, I end with, Can I bother you for a quick photo??
He nods, so I yell to Kory, "Grab the big camera, my tripod and a 6 pack of film. And don't forget the green screen and my light meter!"
Lucky for Larry, we left most of that at the store, so here's what I took.
The real Larry David
Disneys version of Larry David
My husband thinks this is the greatest thing that has ever happened to him drunk.
Larry was a good sport and we had fun harassing him. Bless you, you doppelganger you, for making our evening.
We head back to our seats and we stop some random passerby. Hey, how are you? We just met Larry David.
The next show is starting in the library so we decide to join the crowd and grab a couple seats towards the back.
Screw the dairy maids outfit, thats the one I want!
After the show, we head back to the main room and yippie, our old seats available! Which brings me to my next thought. You know how they retire jersey numbers? Or how the CEO gets the best parking stop reserved? Yup, that's what I thought, too.
Its getting late and everyone seems to be heading home. Babies. Fortunately, this low crowd makes for great photo ops.
I'm really thinking this photo borders on pornography, which is why I think you pervs will like it.
I've bet you've always wondered who the real life inspiration was for this statue. Now you know.
Its time for us to go home as well, so we snap a keepsake with Jennifer NotfromPortugal...
and have one last shot before we head upstairs.
After our 'tails and 'wells (that's cocktails and farewells), we race up the stairs on all fours and exit the fine establishment. Instead of walking to the bus, however, that last Jeager Bomb I had drags Kory inside the BET dance club to get crunck on the latest joints.
Back den hos dinna want me, now I'm hot hos all on me...
Oh snap! Da club be clozin' and we gots ta split! Later peeps.
Our phat ride is waiting for us so we quickly board, acknowledging the bus driver, "Hey, how are you? We met Larry David today. Have you heard the one about a horse?"
He smiles. We like him already. The place is dead, but eventually another couple boards - hey wait a gosh darn minute! We know you. It's the fishing honeymooning couple from the Adventurers' Club! Well grab some quarter-inch moulded plastic, hon, and let's chat!
So, the girl and I sit on one side and dish about her recent wedding. Did you have? Well what about? Were you? Sounds beautiful!
Are y'all? Did you? Elope! Wow.
The guys are making fast friends as well. Apparently these two were separated at birth because moments later they are begging me to take pictures of them.
Notice the football.
Notice big head here trying to catch it while snake eyes throws it from the back of the bus.
Notice how snake eyes is searching for big head's bad throw. Don't forget - we met these people for the first time 5 minutes before.
My new best friend....um....well...er...let's just call her Pam. Yeah, Pam.
Sadly, the ride is over. Wait, let's give props to the bestest bus driver on the planet! Gotta love a CM that laughs when you hurdle cheap carnie prizes at his head when he's driving 50 mph.
We stroll together up the drive and part ways, promising to meet up again later in the week.
Into our room we enter, place our newly inherited football on the mantle and slip into bed. Kiss kiss, sweetheart. LY, MI.
part 8, page 33