Grrrr....Teacher Vent

[swkmom]

This post really touched a nerve with me. My name is Lisa Nicole and have always gone by Nicole, since the day I was born. While in school I always made sure to let my teachers know I go by Nicole and no one ever had issue with it.

What I couldn't stand was when someone would say "Oh, Nicole's not your real name? Lisa is?" Um, no both names are real and they are both on my birth certificate and you can call me "Nicole".

I will say after going through life using my middle name I did make my children's first names were the names we chose to call them.

Hopefully your son will get this worked out, it must be very frustrating for him. I know it would have extremely ticked me off as a teen if a teacher did that to me. And yes, Storm is a very cool name!

 

[I_Know_You2!]

I can't imagine why it is a big deal. So what if one person in his life calls him by his given name?

That is approximately 180 hours of his life.

 

[Sandy V.]

Yes, he's in 9th grade but sometimes it takes a parent to push the teacher and make him/her understand that it is a big deal. Children are often "brushed off" by adults.

OP, I wouldn't back off. A name is a very personal thing and the teacher needs to understand his boundaries just as your son understands his.

I agree. This is a game of "chicken" where the teacher needs to be the one who flinches. Most 14 or 15 year old kids do not have the courage and maturity to take on someone in a position of authority like that. And some teachers are notoriously good at humiliating you in front of the class if you take a stand against them.

In 15 years of experience with the public schools, I only called once to complain. A a World Geography teacher pushed her decidedly one-way leaning political views as "facts" and "the final word" in class and would NOT give students an opportunity to present differing views. Went directly to the academic principal; was firm, polite and said, "The teacher is entitled to her views, but this is the wrong forum when you allow no discourse." Principal agreed, and the teacher was spoken to. Never happened again. I'd do that again in a heartbeat.

 

[swkmom]

I can't imagine why it is a big deal. So what if one person in his life calls him by his given name?

That is approximately 180 hours of his life.

Because Storm is his given name, just the middle name he was given.

 

[Erin1700]

We were just talking about this last night. My DS's (19 months old) name is Andrew but we only call him Andy. I don't even think he will answer to Andrew. DH and I were wondering if in school they will make him go by Andrew?

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

I think mama bear needs to back off, This child is in 9th grade, pretty close to adult hood and should be handling these types of "issues" himself.

I believe she said that he's going to take the first steps. After that, if it doesn't work, she should step in.

I wouldn't piddle around with the teacher anymore. I'd go ahead and set up a conference with the principal right now.

I don't think she's piddled around with the teacher at all. And her first contact should be with the teacher, not the principal. You should always work up the chain of command, and at least give the teacher the opportunity to understand where you're coming from, before going above his head.

I'd send a note in saying that "Storm" is one of his given names, and that that IS the name that he uses. And that if there's any problem with that, to please contact you to set up a conference to discuss it further. That's the basic wording I used on the rare occasion I needed an issue resolved, and it always worked.

OP, I don't think you should have to change his name legally. I think it's such a nice name, and it IS his name, even if he doesn't use it the usual way. And I can't help wondering when his birthday is, and what storm was 9 months before. Unless you're just a fan of Young and the Restless!

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

We were just talking about this last night. My DS's (19 months old) name is Andrew but we only call him Andy. I don't even think he will answer to Andrew. DH and I were wondering if in school they will make him go by Andrew?

I doubt you'll have to worry about that too much, though I remember talking to other parents when DS was in kindergarten and some had teachers who demanded that the kids write their full first name rather than the shortened forms most people use. Storm's teacher was ok with him writing Storm. It was the next year when his massive last name came into play that caused him fits.

 

[Praying Colonel]

I believe she said that he's going to take the first steps. After that, if it doesn't work, she should step in. I don't think she's piddled around with the teacher at all. And her first contact should be with the teacher, not the principal. You should always work up the chain of command, and at least give the teacher the opportunity to understand where you're coming from, before going above his head.

I'd send a note in saying that "Storm" is one of his given names, and that that IS the name that he uses. And that if there's any problem with that, to please contact you to set up a conference to discuss it further. That's the basic wording I used on the rare occasion I needed an issue resolved, and it always worked.

OP, I don't think you should have to change his name legally. I think it's such a nice name, and it IS his name, even if he doesn't use it the usual way. And I can't help wondering when his birthday is, and what storm was 9 months before. Unless you're just a fan of Young and the Restless!

The teacher was told this was his middle name and not a nickname, and the teacher refused to budge. Any further discussion with the teacher is piddling, IMHO, because it's not going to change anything. This is not someone who doesn't understand--he/she understands and refuses to call him by it. The next step is the teacher's supervisor, and I think Mom should go there immediately, IMHO.

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

And I can't help wondering when his birthday is, and what storm was 9 months before. Unless you're just a fan of Young and the Restless!

His name actually has nothing to do with the weather. It was about 2 weeks before he was due and DH and I couldn't come up with a name for him. My name is Jennifer and back when I was in school half of the girls in the class had that name. I always knew that I didn't want a common name for my kid(s). Problem was, DH and I couldn't agree on anything. It became a joke, let's see who can suggest the most obnoxious name. Hey hon, let's name him Ichabod Crane! No, I really like Peabody Mightymouse.

I was reading a western at the time called "Beyond the Stars," and there was a Native American character I liked. I jokingly said to DH, "Let's name him Far Away Storm." He thought for a second and said, "I really like the name Storm," and the rest is history.

The only problem was that I drove a little Geo Storm at the time and people thought we named our child after the car.

 

[Maleficent13]

I wouldn't piddle around with the teacher anymore. I'd go ahead and set up a conference with the principal right now. This teacher is obviously on a power trip. I've seen these types during our kids' travels through the school system. He/She needs a rhetorical 2 X 4 between the eyes right now to get his/her attention.

Or, perhaps, a metaphorical 2 x 4?

 

[N&B'smom]

I absolutely LOVE the name Storm. Very cool.

I understand how you feel and think the teacher is just being difficult for the sake of being difficult.

Stick to your guns!

Shelby

 

[bgirldeb]

Yeah, that would definitely irritate me. Sounds like a teacher on a power trip. Maybe he IS jealous because Storm is such a cool name!


We call my DS by his middle name, and planned it that way. He shares his first name with my DH, who goes by his middle name.

I don't have a problem with a teacher calling him by his first name, as long as they don't have a problem when he doesn't respond.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

The teacher was told this was his middle name and not a nickname, and the teacher refused to budge. Any further discussion with the teacher is piddling, IMHO, because it's not going to change anything. This is not someone who doesn't understand--he/she understands and refuses to call him by it. The next step is the teacher's supervisor, and I think Mom should go there immediately, IMHO.

You said she should stop piddling around...she hadn't had ANY discussion with the teacher. Her son had. IMHO, the first step, in most situations, is for a parent to contact the teacher, not to go over his head. Having the parent approach him about it may be all that's needed. Then yes, the next step might be to go to his supervisor.

His name actually has nothing to do with the weather. It was about 2 weeks before he was due and DH and I couldn't come up with a name for him. My name is Jennifer and back when I was in school half of the girls in the class had that name. I always knew that I didn't want a common name for my kid(s). Problem was, DH and I couldn't agree on anything. It became a joke, let's see who can suggest the most obnoxious name. Hey hon, let's name him Ichabod Crane! No, I really like Peabody Mightymouse.

I was reading a western at the time called "Beyond the Stars," and there was a Native American character I liked. I jokingly said to DH, "Let's name him Far Away Storm." He thought for a second and said, "I really like the name Storm," and the rest is history.

The only problem was that I drove a little Geo Storm at the time and people thought we named our child after the car.

Good story!

When I was in 6th grade, my teacher, Sister Jean, never once pronounced my last name correctly. My older brother said I should raise my hand and say "Sister John, may I please go to the jean?" Funny guy.

 

[kbkids]

My daughter goes to school with a kid named Storm. It's his middle name too, first name is Austin. I remember filing papers that year, and anything coming from the office said Austin, and I always had to stop and think who they were referring to.

 

[sdarwkcabemanmy]

I totally understand.
I don't particularly care for the spelling of my first name, the way my parents spelled it on my birth cert. So since the 4th or 5th grade, I've been using an alternate spelling and I even turned work in that way at school. The teachers didn't get WHY I chose that particular spelling over the way it's spelled on my birth cert, dirver's lic, other legal documents. I just think the way I spell it is prettier and I've never gotten around to changing it legally.

Even my family now accepts that I spell it that way on most things and so when they label gifts, etc they spell it the way I choose to spell it.

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

Update!

The teacher's response today when Storm said, "I go by my middle name, Storm," was:

"It's not that big of a deal."

Well, now it will be!

 

[Michelle67]

Here is another solution, tell the teacher that if he doesn't want to call your son storm, that he is free to address him as Mr. (longpolishname).

Absolutely!

I know several people who use, and have always used, their middle names. Many of them are "juniors" or namesakes whose middle name is used to avoid confusion, but not all. My father had trouble in school because his first name is usually a shortened form of another name. He occasionally had teachers trying to force him to use his "full name" which wasn't his name at all! Actually, he had the same problem with the Air Force and had to prove to them that his legal name really is the short form.

 

[Sandy V.]

Update!

The teacher's response today when Storm said, "I go by my middle name, Storm," was:

"It's not that big of a deal."

Well, now it will be!

What a jerk.

Do what ya gotta do!!! I'm anxious to hear how it all turns out. Good luck!!

 

[bumbershoot]

Is it possible that the teacher doesn't have / hasn't seen anything with your child's FULL name on it?

That's what I was thinking, but with the update, sounds like the teacher just doesn't care.

I hated teachers that would only call me by my first name. I only had 2 and they were 2 of the worst teachers I had.

I always found that the teachers who were weirded out with name issues were also the bad ones. Not enough memory or something. Our name issues were never first, but last, insisting on calling my mom by our last name, when it said *everywhere* what her actual last name was. Drove us batty, and really made us wonder about the intelligence of those teachers!

A long time ago we suggested that he sign important stuff A. Storm Lastname and he said, "I'm not A Storm, I'm The Storm."

He feels strongly about it. It's more than time to change his name.

I'm still not all that comfortable with my WASPy married name (gave up my Italian maiden name), and I just celebrated my 24th anniversary. I've advised my DDs to think long and hard, when/if they get married, about changing their names, and do what they're truly comfortable doing. At this point, I don't want to go through the trouble of changing my name back.

Would it really be that big of a trouble? All my friends who changed their names say it wasn't that big a deal. With you would have to go through the legal process, but after that it's just the same, yes?



OP, it's time to change that name. My brother was hisgivenname until he got to 10th grade, changed schools (and states; moved with my mom and her new husband from CA to FL), changed personalities, lost his baby fat, changed his hairstyle. It was time to dump the full name he was given, as it was a name easily made fun of by unimaginative schoolmates.

Everything was fine through HS until he hit college and joined AF ROTC. Especially the ROTC *refused* to use his shortened name. He got so sick of being called by the full name and so tired of seeing everything official in his full name, that he finally got it legally changed. Freshman year of college, I believe.

He was lucky b/c my uncle was a lawyer in FL so I'm not sure they had to pay his fee, but none of them have ever indicated that it was very difficult. He didn't have a passport at the time, but all the other stuff you listed was the same.

Just do it. Seems everyone will be happier. And since you have no objections to it (my mom did...she named us as she wanted us to be called, and it really bothered her that he was dumping two letters in his first name) just go forth.

 

[declansdad]

That's awesome--sounds like you have a great kid.

I wouldn't piddle around with the teacher anymore. I'd go ahead and set up a conference with the principal right now. This teacher is obviously on a power trip. I've seen these types during our kids' travels through the school system. He/She needs a rhetorical 2 X 4 between the eyes right now to get his/her attention.

I agree with a previous poster that this is a good time to teach a lesson about authority. In this case, that lesson is: those who wield authority arbitrarily and capriciously should answer for their misuse of the authority. No one is above the law, especially teachers who prefer to use a bureaucratic approach instead of treating their students with respect.

She hasn't piddled around with the teacher, she has asked her son to try to deal with it. Since that didn't work, it is now here time to have a reasonable chat with the teacher. After that, it would be appropriate to speak wit the principal, not before.