Grrrr....Teacher Vent

[addicted_to_WDW]

DS started 9th grade yesterday, which means up to this point he's had roughly 27 teachers.

DS goes by his middle name. Always has. It's rarely a problem. On the first day when they do the roll call they call him by his first name and he tells them that he goes by his middle name. He has to write his given name on standardized tests but other than that he writes his middle name on everything and life has been good.

Yesterday he had a teacher tell him that he wasn't allowed to go by a nickname in his class and that he would be addressed by his first name only and has to write his first name on everything he turns in. DS explained that the name he uses is on his birth certificate and the teacher again said, "no nicknames in this class." I don't think so, dude! I've asked DS to attempt to handle it again today (and reminded him not to be rude about it) but if the teacher stands firm he's going to deal with a fired up mama bear.

We had been talking about changing DS's name legally prior to all of this. My MIL was the driving force behind his names being in the order they are in, but she is recently deceased. I guess we'll move forward on it.

 

[Kath2003]

I can understand no nicknames but it's hardly a problem if someone wants their existing name shortened or is constantly known by another "accepted" name. In fact, when students join a new school here, they're asked for their full name and the name they use (e.g. an Elizabeth may have been known as Lizzie since the day she was born).

 

[kbkids]

Oh, that's just ridiculous. Every form we've ever filled out for my kids' teachers at the beginning of the year has asked for their name and then what the child wants to be called. I'd be ticked!!

 

[hipchickie]

I hate when people decide what my son is allowed to use as his name
he has been called cj since birth. he and my dh are jr and sr, and we never ever call him by his "legal" first name
It seems like we go through the same thing every year for the first few days of school, and then the teachers get it right. If one ever refused, they would be getting an email.

 

[Pixie Dust for Me!]

IMHO, that's a teacher who is trying to intimidate your son and I wouldn't stand for it! Can he transfer to another class? It might even be worth taking a study hall to get away from that jerk. Believe me, if he's jerky about this, there's no telling what other problems your son will have with him!

I speak from experience as my brother had a teacher who was like this guy and it's the only time I remember my brother having a major problem with a teacher all semester long!

 

[okeydokey]

My son goes by his middle name and every official thing in the school has that name on it. In class, however, he is known by the name we want, his middle name. It's annoying as heck to my husband, but he did name him with the intention that he will go by his middle name.

 

[minniebeth]

Sounds like a power play on the teacher's part to me...
I just don't understand when teachers get like this (I'm sure they are in the minority...I'm an educator, so I'm not trying to bash teachers...)
Most teachers should know that a name is an important part of a child's identity and should respect their choice other than on offical standardized tests, etc. that you already addressed.
I would not have a problem addressing this with the teacher if he does not respect your DS's wishes. It can be touchy sometimes though, to start the year off butting heads. Good luck!

 

[KristaTX]

I go by my middle name and always have (by my parents' choice). But it wouldn't have been any big deal to me when I was in school to be called by my first name in an occasional class. It's just a fact of life when parents give their child a first name but call him/her by something else (even if it's the middle name).

What's wrong with his first name? Is it dorky?

 

[schoen]

This is perhaps the most asinine thing I have ever heard of! How do these people get jobs? I have been searching for a teaching job for four years, and when I hear stories like this I just find it infuriating! Can you move the child out of the class? Perhaps a kindly worded email or phone call from you to the teacher, and then if that doesn't work to the principal?

I would not change his name over this, and I would not accept the teacher refusing to call him by his common name either. What a ridiculous fight to have to be involved in.. Good Luck!

 

[FayeW]

I use my middle name so I am a little touchy about this. His middle name is his given, legal, name, the same as his first name. Both names are on his birth certificate and any other official documents. He can choose either of those names to use, it is not a nickname. I sign legal documents all of the time that are listed in just my middle and last names. My signature, however, is my first and middle initials, and then my last name.

The teacher is a jerk. He is trying to intimidate your son. Time to teach the teacher a lesson about "legal names" vs nicknames.

 

[java]

My nephew goes by his middle name- Well he's one so his parents call him by his middle name.
My son is going to high school today for the first time! Thankfully he doesn't have a name issue- but I'm sure something may crop up. That teacher is just being difficult. Great opportunity for your son to learn how to deal with difficult people. His middle name IS NOT A NICKNAME. end of story.

 

[Camicar]

I had to laugh at a memory your story resurrected. I grew up in a relatively small town outside NYC -- so we all knew each other and we were all, shall we say, somewhat typically-aggressive New Yorkers.

Senior year, a new teacher came to town. Did roll call and said the 'real' name of one of my male friends. Called him John. I had literally know this kid my entire life (his mom was my mom's BF) and did not know his first name was John because he'd always been called by his middle name (James) since birth. Long story short, jerk teacher refused to call him by his middle name and insisted upon calling him John, then would scream at the kid when he didn't answer immediately and called him stupid for not knowing 'his own name.' Well, we solved that -- every time the teacher would yell, "John" we would all yell back, "JAMES". Now, keep in mind at that time, our classes were 'tracked' and the class consisted of the top 20 kids in the school, so we were not your normal troublemakers. Teacher called the asst principal in on us and the asst principal actuallly said to him, "Well, why aren't you calling the kid by the name he uses, anyway? Even I didn't know his real name was John. Just call him James already." Teacher ended up quitting. Good times.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Of all the things to be difficult about!

(ETA- Teacher that is.)

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

Thanks everyone!

It's funny, I was nervous yesterday about him starting high school. He's my baby! I thought that maybe he'd have a tough time nagivating lunch or something. I never dreamed someone would take a stand over what he prefers to be called. I'll definitely contact the teacher if it isn't resolved today. DS has wanted us to switch the names legally for a while now, so we will probably consider it more seriously but we won't do anything rash because of this incident.

DS's middle name is more unusual than his first which may be why the teacher had an issue with it initially, but IMO when DS explained that he was using his legal middle name the teacher should have dropped it.

 

[DisneyCowgirl]

Go along with it and use the first name requirement. Get the name legally changed asap and send the documents to the teacher insisting that he now change what he is calling your son as it is his policy not to use nicknames.

This guy is being ridiculous.

 

[ICF]

Can we get the 2 names?

 

[lovepurple]

We had this same problem when my son started middle school. We've always used his middle name but his teachers kept calling him by his first name, so he gave up and started using his first name in school. We still call him by his middle name and his close friends who have known him for a long time do too. But his teachers and most kids at school and work call him by his first name. It does seem strange to some people that if you wanted a kid called by a certain name, then that is the name you should have given him.

 

[Lionqueen2]

I'm wondering if you've ever made a request of the school to have a note on his records to have your son called by his middle name. I can understand the teacher being a little reluctant to do as your son requests. Kids in the 9th grade do play games from time to time and that might be difficult for a new teacher to know.

I'd probably take a run to the school and politely speak to the teacher or asst. principal and ask that the note be made. I'd try to take some corrective steps before becoming angry. Schools seem to be very accomodating so I don't think you would have a problem.

 

[jen0610]

Sorry teacher, but it's not a nickname, it's his part of his full name and if he wants to go by it, he can.

When I entered K, there were 6-7 Jennifers in my class. Ms H called my mom and asked if they could call me Jenny, Jen or any other shortened variation of Jennifer. She told her no, but I could go by my middle name. So, for the entire time I was in elementry school, I went by Dawn. When I got into middle school, I choose to reverted back to Jennifer. Now, the elementry school I went to feed into 3 different middle schools and those middle schools feed into 1 high school. Get into high school and those friends from elementry school who attended one of the other middle schools, still called me Dawn. So all thru high school, I had some friends who just couldn't help but always call me Dawn, while the majority of rest of them used Jennifer.

I still talk to 2 of the girls from elementry school who call me Dawn.

My cousin hates his first name and we have NEVER called him by his first name, unless we wanted to get him all riled up. He goes by the middle name.

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

His name is Alexander Storm Longpolishlastname, but I don't think the unusual middle name should be negated just because it is different.

We always knew he'd be called Storm (there's a story behind it) but my MIL pitched such a major fit that we named him Alexander Storm just to placate her. I've always regretted it. She's the only one who ever called him Alexander and when he was about 5 he stopped responding to her unless she called him Storm. He thinks of himself as Storm and doesn't want to be called anything else.

Still...it's never created a problem before. He knows that he's Alexander on everything official and usually he just has to correct someone once before they get it right.