Grieving at Disneyland?

[onesadduck]

I have been a lurker on the DIS for a few months, but mostly on the DISabilities, tips, and college boards. My family and I were planning a Make a Wish trip to WDW for my younger sister. Sadly, she passed away on the sixth of this month, at the age of seventeen. We were also planning a small two-day trip to DL and DCA as we have done for the past two years during the whole "two parks for the price of one" thing. My parents still plan on taking my older sister and I in a few weeks for spring break and my 20th birthday (which was the ninth). I kind of don't want to go, but my parents really want to make this trip happen as both a good-bye to my sister (visiting her favorite spots and stuff), and also to let me have some fun for my birtday (which I think is a lost cause). Also, my older sister never went to DCA as she was never that interested, so we went on days that she was out of town. I think she would enjoy it because she (like me) is something of a thrill seeker, and there are a lot more thrill-type rides at DCA.

One of the many things my sister and I connected on was our love of Disney (which was unmatched by the rest of our family). She always loved to go to DL, so it would be very different without her. I suppose if I did go, I would get a small souveneir to leave at her grave, which I know she would have enjoyed. The whole thing seems a bit weird to me. My parents would never force me to go, but I know they would not go without me.

I guess I just want your opinions, does it seem too weird to be grieving at DL?

I apologize if this is in the wrong place, if it's filled with spelling and grammar errors, and for having such a depressing first post.

 

[Dukland]

Oh, honey, I am so sorry for your loss.

IMHO, I think you should go. It would honor your sister, you would have fun no matter how hard you try not to, and, the longer you wait to go back to Disneyland without your sister, the harder it will be. You say she loved Disneyland as much as you do. She would not want you to miss out on a trip. I wish I could suggest something with meaning to do there, in memory of your sister, but I can't think of anything. I think a souvenoir for her grave would be very touching.

You know, now that I think about it, have you considered buying a brick, in her memory, for that front plaza? You know, they have the commemorative bricks in the area between Disneyland and California Adventure. I wish I remembered how much they cost. If you have enough time before your trip, it should be out already when you go. Then you can take a picture of it, and leave that at your sister's grave as well.

Big hugs to you. Thanks for coming and sharing.

 

[tinker&belle]

I lost my brother (age 24, completely unexpectedly) in Dec....I know every grief is different, but I feel so badly for you. What I am finding from my own grief is you know how much you can handle at the time. Some things are too hard one day, but are maybe easier another day. I know I went to the movie theatre where my brother had worked in college for the first time last weekend and I was okay when I was engaged in the movie but walking in and out I would picture him standing with the ushers waiting to sweep, next to the guy selling popcorn, etc. Just be prepared to take time if you decide to go. It is very painful and different for everyone. People keep telling me I will find a "new normal". Although I don't want a new normal, I want my old one back, it seems to get a little easier as time passes but then something will just hit you in the middle of nowhere....sorry to blab so much on your thread...Whatever you decide I wish you hope in this process.

 

[disneymom8589]

I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you and your sister were very close and had a special bond. Do what you feel is right in your heart about going to DL. If you should decide to go, I really like Dukland's idea about purchasing a commemorative brick in her memory for the walkway between Disneyland and California Adventure.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

 

[VWCat]

I'm so sorry for your loss...I think the brick would be nice as well. If you feel up to it, go on the trip,have as much fun as you can have, for her. If you both loved Disney she would want you to go and remember the good times and enjoy your family time together. If there is any place to help you see that there is still joy and love in the world,it's Disneyland. Take care.

 

[Beana]

I'm truly sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you and your whole family.

My family went through a similar experience when my Mother died...we'd had a trip planned for Nov. and she passed in Sept. At the time none of us felt like going anywhere now that we had to go without her. We waited 2 years and finally felt like it was "time". We (my Father, Sister and 2 DNs and I) spent a week at DL & DCA in Decemeber. Walking through the parks was tough, Christmas was Mom's favorite time of year and seeing all the beautiful decorations everywhere was bitter sweet. There were times when we'd just look around and tears would come, but there were other moments where we'd see the little one's laughing and experiencing the parks for the first time and my sister would say that she could feel Mom there with us.

Your family is going through what my Grandma calls the "year of firsts". The first time you've not had your sister with you for any given holiday, event, or season. Take time as a family...if you feel up to it then by all means go...if not give yourself some time to heal and make the trip when it feels right to you.

 

[donaldbuzz&minnie]

I wish words were enough - I'm crying as I write this for someone I've never met. I really, really wish that you and your family (including your sister) didn't have to go through this.

As far as advice from someone who has not walked in your shoes goes, for what it's worth (and that may not be much), I guess I would say do whatever feels right to you. If you're on the fence and your parents are really encouraging the trip, maybe lean in the direction of going.

If you do go, once you are there, go ahead and feel your feelings. Cry if you need to - you don't owe any of the other visitors explanations or shielding from your grief. If you need to walk up Main Street with tears streaming down your face, do it. But don't be surprised if you also enjoy yourself at least part of the time - just let what comes, come. Your sister doesn't need, and wouldn't want any more or any less than who you really are. Mourning isn't something that can be predicted or managed - it's just something that is - to be walked on through in its own messy way.

Please let us know what you end up doing. I'm sure you will be in the thoughts and prayers for comfort of a lot of DISers.

 

[Amy&Dan]

I am so sorry for your loss. I agree with others, do what your heart tells you to do. I think in some ways it would be very good for you to go and might help your parents too. But in the end, it has to be your decision. I also like the idea of the brick, that will leave a lasting legacy to your sister at her favorite place. Good luck and God Bless.

 

[tmatthews]

Again, I am so sorry for your loss. Only you can decide when the time is right to return to Disney. To me because of the love of Disney you and your sister shared she would want you to go. Try to remember the good times you shared, and since this is your other sister's first time going with you maybe you can start some new memories with her, too. Whatever you decide I wish you well.

 

[helenm29]

I am so sorry for your loss! I can't imagine how you feel but our prayers are with you.
I think it would be a wonderful tribute to your sister to go to DL, remember the things that she loved to do and try and enjoy it. Maybe in some small way it will help you and your family with the healing although I'm sure that it will take time. Best wishes to you and your family and whatever the decision your family makes, she will always be in your heart. Take Care! Helen

 

[boristhedog]

You know, now that I think about it, have you considered buying a brick, in her memory, for that front plaza? You know, they have the commemorative bricks in the area between Disneyland and California Adventure.

That's perfect! I'm sorry or your loss. I'm sure your sister wouldn't want you to sit home, so I'd suggest going on the trip and remembering all the good times.

 

[Tink33]

I have tears for you and your family too.

I hope that your family can enjoy Disneyland in a new way as well as sharing the memories of past visits. If you decide to go, I am sure that you will feel your sister's presence in her favorite place.

I plan to go to Disneyland/DCA this Sunday. I would be honored to take pictures of some of her favorite spots or send something to you. Please let me know what I can do.

 

[mystic_path]

You know I would definately go. Honey your sister would want you go to. I lost my brother (age 22) a few years back. Him and I were very close. But going back to the places that you both enjoy or have the best memories is actually really cleansing. Your sister wouldnt want you to give up the things that you love because of her. You would want your family to be happy too. Besides every time that you go, you can always get a little momento to bring to the burial site, that way you never lose your special little bond. Think of it as the magic of Disney bringing family together.

Once again I am sorry to hear about your loss. There are so many of us here who know exactly what you are going through. So if you need to lean on any of us, we are here.

 

[rosiep]

As with all the others before me, I am sorry for your loss.
I am impressed by how caring and brave you are. I want to thank you for sharing this with us...I truly feel there is a "family" here, that cares and nurtures....WELCOME is all that I can say.

Let us know please, how you're doing and what you decide..we'll all support you in whatever it is you choose to do. Feel free to PM me if you'd like a privite chat.

 

[TwingleMum]

I lost my only brother at 23. We are all close. I bought him a brick at WDW and His fav is Goofy so I always make sure I smile at and hug Goofy each trip. You need to be especially kind to yourself and your family. Life is a complicated business and often one that defies logic. I have seen a lot of loss and hurt and all I can tell you is focus on the love and light. Your sister is always with you and loving you 24/7. I explained death to my little guys(3 boys under 5) when there 96 yr old beloved Nana died ,as the wind. I told them you know how you can't see the wind but you can feel it?? Thats what its like when a loved one dies ~ you can't see them anymore but you can feel their love always. They understood. In fact at her funeral my oldest felt a breeze and turned to me and said "Mommy I feel Nana's love and I had to choke the tears back and I said to him "Yes you do, Honey you certainly do." Love and healing to you and your family.

 

[DevilDuckie]

My condolences on your loss.

I would suggest not thinking of it as grieving but as a celebration of her life. She sounds like a wonderful woman who would want you to live life to the fullest. Go and enjoy. Revel in the spirit of the place. Embrace the life ahead of you and the blessing that she has been and will continue to be in your heart. Let Disneyland be the thing that makes you think of her and smile.

No, that's not an easy shift in thinking to make, especially when the loss is so fresh, but try to do it for her. Years ago I lost my best friend and every so often I see something and think, "Toby would have loved that!" and then I remember how happy he would be that I love it. He got joy from my happiness and the best legacy I can carry for him is to live a full and happy life. Tears do not honor his memory nearly so much as laughter does.

So go hug her favorite character. Brave a thrill ride. Eat an ice cream on Main Street and watch the people and remember something stupid she did and giggle. Remember something kind she did and smile. Have the best trip ever and consider the joy you feel to be your gift to her.

 

[PattiPB]

You and your family are in my prayers during this difficult time.

We're so glad you came out of "lurkdom" and chose the DL DIS to be your first post! There was nothing inappropriate or depressing about your post---it is about honoring the memory of someone you love!

The correct answer is to do what you feel in your heart. My real answer is go. Laugh and cry and do both at the same time, and remember the joy in your sister's life.

As a "brick owner", I think that would be a fitting tribute and a long reminder of your shared love and joy in Disney. Great idea, Dukland!

When my grandmother died, we drank bourbon in her honor. We drank extra as an added tribute... I'd suggest you raise a Mickey bar/Dole Whip/turkey leg/popcorn box in honor of your sister, while you enjoy some of her favorite spots.

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[Rapunsel]

GO!!!!!

We celebrate the life of my cousin who was killed on the 25th of February at DL every year.. We think of him and his favorite rides. We turned his sad day into a day to celebrate his life..

As soon as I read your thread I said you have to get a brick...What a way to honor a wonderful person..

Get a set of mickey ears in her name . Send a mickey ballon to her..

 

[SimbaSue]

I cannot imagne what you are going though, so I cannot tell you what to do. I will just share my experience. I had booked my first trip to Disneyland in almost 30 years. I had not been since I was a kid with my whole family, including my dad who was a California kid. We crossed the country from Ohio in our brand new van (real, not mini, which dates me I know) and saw all the sites including an unforgettable trip to Disneyland. It was the best vacation we ever had. A couple decades later my dad got Alzheimer's and suffered for many years before passing away August 31, 2003, just 6 days before my planned trip. I also wondered if I should go. I am so glad that we did. After the funeral it was very fitting to experience it all again and I felt like he was there with me again. I wish you the best and I know that you will make the right decision for you. Take care!SimbaSue

 

[lulubelle]

Gosh, I am so sorry for your loss.
I cannot imagine how painful it is for you and your family. I hope you go and have a great visit. And find some peace.

Hugs & Pixie Dust