Green-eyed family members who are jealous of your trips to Disney?

[NotUrsula]

I would agree that it's all about choices. For some inexplicable cultural reason, many Americans seem to think that money spent on "stuff" is reasonably spent, while money spent on experiences is frivolous. So buying a boat, or the latest wide-screen TV or wireless phone, or a huge house, or a $40K vehicle is OK, but spending money on travel, or school tuition, or fine food is terribly extravagant, because you have nothing concrete to show for it.

We try to keep our "stuff" to a minimum, but we travel constantly.
I catch h3ll about it from my family members all the time. The same family members who sink an awful lot of money into cars and video equipment, BTW.

 

[HenDuck]

I feel your pain!

My in-laws help everyone else in the family except us. Just because my DH and I are the only professionals in the family and the rest of the family are a bunch of "good-for-nothings". My FIL makes snide remarks when we buy something new (like my car). When we took DS to DL in April, did the in-laws give him a nickel to spend there? (What do you think??? )

I have also seen what kind of "price" their financial help comes with. My SIL is always complaining that the in-laws are always in her business. So I told her once, "that's why we don't live near them or accept charity from them". My FIL loaned us some money to buy our first house. At one point, FIL was thinking of forgiving the remaining balance on the loan (because he was GIVING another brother money at that time), but I told my DH NO WAY! We paid him back every cent, and on time too. I did not want anything held over my head for all eternity.

My parents on the other hand, totally love Disney and traveled with us in April. My parents gave us money to pay for our park tickets as Christmas presents. My mother's sister, who is like DS other grandmother, gave DS lots of Disney Dollars over the year so that he would have spending money for the trip.

I really could care less what the in-laws say or think. I feel for my DH because the comparison between my parents' generosity and his parents' lack of is just sooooo obvious!

As for us, we go on and make our own memories and live our own lives. We will NEVER let them drag us down to their level.

If you and your family are happy and healthy and are living responsibly, to **** with everyone else. Some people love us no matter what we do, others can only love us if we make them feel good about themselves.

Good for you to take care of your family and have fun on your next DISNEY vacation!

 

[DisneyPhD]

Originally posted by NotUrsula
I would agree that it's all about choices. For some inexplicable cultural reason, many Americans seem to think that money spent on "stuff" is reasonably spent, while money spent on experiences is frivolous. So buying a boat, or the latest wide-screen TV or wireless phone, or a huge house, or a $40K vehicle is OK, but spending money on travel, or school tuition, or fine food is terribly extravagant, because you have nothing concrete to show for it.

We try to keep our "stuff" to a minimum, but we travel constantly.
I catch h3ll about it from my family members all the time. The same family members who sink an awful lot of money into cars and video equipment, BTW.

Some people got to Vegas, we don't find that fun. We want something more for our vacation dollar, for us WDW provides it. Some people also spend a great deal on ciggerates and or alcohal, another we don't. Some people need the latest gagtic or comptuer, we don't. For some it is shoes and cothes (ok, I do like cothes, but I also know how to find a bargin.) It is all about choices, how you save and how you spend. I think we make good choices because aside from our morage (that is 1/2 or what the bank would give us.) We have no debt. We pay of our Disney Visa monthly (and use the points for the trips.)

While hubby and I were in grad school, many of our friends and family were working, we earned a lot less then them, and sacrificed a lot during that time (no house, share a car etc..) However we always took our annual trip to WDW, it made us very happy and we really enjoyed our time together. Now that we have children it is even more magical. Of course my in laws seem to think we are still poor college students (especailly now that I am a stay at home mom,) and worry about money for us. "Can you afford that?" Like we have to justify every expense to others. It really irks me.

I am rather amazed that we are not alone in this. As someone said, they are going to be jealous no mater what. Don't let that stop you from having fun and doing what you want. Sounds more like their problem then ours.

 

[Rapunsel]

My problem is not just Disney.... It is everything else...
I moved to NY from CA. Got married and 3 months later bougt a house. I had one SIL walk out of the room, because she was so jealous.. She already had a huge house with everyting that she could ever need or want and she is 15 years older than my DH and I. They said we couldn't afford it..

NO offense to anyone, but at that time we had no debt.. And not to be rude, be we were asked to take care of SIL dog and while we were over there they had all their bills spread out on the dining room table.. THey had a huge amount of debt compared to us. I didn't touch a single thing, but when someone leaves paper out and my eyes glanced across them...

Then when the found out we were having a Child.. She went crazy. "You know you're too young.. : (I was 26.. ) And it went on and on... Mind you she is over 40 at this time... She and my BIL chose not to have children...

Then they find out we are going to WDW... Our first and only trip was a gift from my parents. They wanted to take us on vacation and asked where we wanted to go... And we said DW. So we went. it was the most wonderful vacation I have had...


OK go foreward a few years....

We are expecting in December about Christmastime. This same SIL is having a fit, because my in-laws.. (not her Parents) are trying to decide if they should go visit them for Christmas (in San Francisco) or be here for the Birth of what most likely will be their last Grandchild.. (this family moved away about 3 years ago and hasn't been this way for christmas at all)

Because of this SIL guess what the MIL chose? Yep this person over her own son.. (my husband)

Then don't get me started about Christmas gifts... Because one family has a dual income and I stay at home, guess which neice and nephew get great toys and my DS2 gets a $10 toy. When the other ones get $50 toys and clothes each..


So I love them at face value and go on from there.. My own mom who lives 3,000 miles away has seen and gotten to know my son better than the MIL who lives 8, yes only 8, miles away.....

It hurts, but right about now I could just say what ever to the entire family and if we ever move away.. Don't expect us to come back for a visit anytime soon..


Ok then I get the news yesterday that the SIL and BIL who like in San francisco are coming out to vist out here.. While my Dh and DS will be in Los Angeles.. They know about 10 months ago that we would be going and where and of couse they are giving us a guilt trip about it..

In fact they never even responded to the e-mail and phone call that we sent them telling them about our new baby..


So to feel totally rejected by ones family is quite awful....

Also every time DS and I go to LA my very generous parents take us to Disneyland. As that is what we like to do...


So to those out there who have resentful familys.. Just suck it up, know that you are making wonderful memories and a vaction does not have to be going to go visit relatives. We all need a break fom that.

Now that I am done venting... Thanks for listening...

 

[SKFamily]

Vent away, I say.

My BIL was actually upset over the way he was told his dad had cancer last year. SIL ripped a strip off of MIL for just "dumping it on him last". OMG - they chose to tell him in person because they were going to be there, and that's how FIL chose to do it. Youngest BIL knew first because he was there when FIL got the diagnosis, two weeks later we got a phone call and they told dh. About a week later they were at BIL/SIL's house, and told him in person... but last. It still bothers me that they would be concerned over HOW they were told - the man could have been dying, and my SIL ripped a strip off of MIL because they were "floored - absolutely shocked - there was no warning".

I told SIL that if they kept in closer contact and paid attention they would have had some warning. I had suspicions two months before because we were there, and I listened to MIL about how horrible FIL was feeling. I was not at all surprised when two months later we were told he had cancer.

Just another example of how selfish those two are, and why it's not worth our time to be concerned with how they feel about our dream come true Disney trip.

 

[trracers]

Okay, I am beginning to think that maybe my family is a little dysfunctional...

We were taught at a very early age that FAMILY is everything and I cannot imagine fighting with eachother over anything, let alone how often I go to Disney. They laugh at me because I am obsessed, but they are thrilled that we make the time and save up the money to do something that obviously gives us such joy and more often than not, some family tags along.

We still do dinner at Mamaw's (yes, we are in the south and she is MAMAW...) every Sunday...we actually had an acquaintance drive by and ask if we were having a family reunion and laughed because it was just "sunday at mamaw's". Some, most or all of us can still be found at Mamaw's several nights during the week. She is 75 years old and we cherish every minute we can with her. We all talk on the phone each day, yes, each day to make sure everyone is doing ok and that no ones needs the others help with anything. There are a Grandmother, 6 children and their children (and some of them (like me) even have children) and we are very close. We rent a cabin in the Smokey's once or twice a year and spend the weekend playing games and doing crafts with out kids. We are all close and any one of the adults will hug or fuss at, whichever is appropriate at the time, any one of the kids. Doesn't matter who's kid it is or who is around.

Don't get me wrong, we have our days where we could choke eachother, but we don't and we move on...within minutes...

We lost my grandfather to cancer and we all know that life is precious and that all the little things are what makes life special...so...go on vacation...have babies...buy a house...make the most of it and if the people that are supposed to love you and be there for you no matter what can't do that, enjoy the fact that you have figured out a little bit more of what life is all about than they have and maybe say a prayer for them.

I am now, even more than usual, very grateful for my immediate family, my extended family, my "friends that are like family".....

 

[DisneyPhD]

Originally posted by trracers
Okay, I am beginning to think that maybe my family is a little dysfunctional...

We were taught at a very early age that FAMILY is everything and I cannot imagine fighting with eachother over anything, let alone how often I go to Disney. They laugh at me because I am obsessed, but they are thrilled that we make the time and save up the money to do something that obviously gives us such joy and more often than not, some family tags along.

That is great for you. It sounds like you have a great family.

Every family has it's "disfuntion" it is almost the defination of family. Every family has it's strenghts too. As I antisapate the brith of my 2nd child I often wonder and worry, how can I foster a good relationship between my 2 children? The thought of the 2 of them hating each other just tears me apart. (yes guilt over having a 2nd child, I will get over it.)

Families are one things, but things apear to get more complicated with in laws. Blending 2 families, 2 ways of functioning and doing things can be complicated. I have noticed many of these jelously issues are with SIL and BIL. That seems rather normal to me.

I don't have much of an issues with my brothers, but my sister in law was raised in a very different kind of family, with very differnt sets of rules and pettiness and jelously was part of the way things were. That is what she knows and while she trys not to, it carries over into her family and now ours. It always floors me because normally it doesn't even occur to me to think that way (and it apears many of the other poster's on this thread also feel that way.)

Same with my husband's family. I love and adore them, but they have a very different relationship with money then how I was raised (guilt is mixed up with it, can't enjoy unless you suffer, you don't deserve a vaction unless you've "earned it".) It is an ongoing issue with us, one that won't change overnight. As long as hubby and I have it worked out and we are rasing our family the way that works for us, it is just an issue with the in-laws. Keeping the line of communcation open and being aware of this is very important in our relationship.

So here is to families out here. Not all of us can have our own "Magical Gatherings", maybe we will, who knows. At least we have a favorite place to share with our children and spouses, and anyone else who wants to feel the magic.

 

[vhoffman]

Part of the fun of a trip is sharing the details with family and friends when you come back. We just came back from a trip to Hawaii last week and I'm still talking about it. However, I, like the OP, find that some people resent it and feel like I'm rubbing it in when I talk about my travels. I showed some pictures of a trip to California to a friend who literally threw them back at me and said "that's YOUR trip! Why do you think I want to look at pictures of YOUR trip?", then stomped out. BTW, I haven't spoken to her since. The very people who resent me taking trips have more than I do--bigger houses, cars, etc., plus they take nice trips, too. Its like I shouldn't have anything in life or at least not mention it to anyone. Well, I have to listen to others at work, relatives, etc go on and on about their trips. I don't know how many boring slide presentations I sat through made by an aunt who went to Japan every year. I don't bring back gifts for people anymore. If they don't want to hear about my trip, why do they need a souvenier? After all, like my "friend" said, that's my trip, not theirs. Now I figure how much I would have spent on various relatives, friends, co-workers, etc., for gifts and then spend that money on myself. After all, why rub salt in their wounds?

 

[SKFamily]

I agree. We were going to buy Christmas gifts for nieces and nephews while we're at DL but I have since decided not to since they will not be appreciated anyway and BIL/SIL would see it as throwing our trip in their faces, trying to make them feel bad that they are "only" going to Six Flags.

 

[turnlisa]

Nice to know that we are not alone! My DH and I are the only ones on my side of the family to both have college degrees. The two of us also have a lot of common sense so we spend our money wisely. We have also suffered large losses in our lives (my DH lost his mother and I lost my grandmother). All of these things make us realize that instead of spending our money on things it is better to invest in memories. The vacations that we spend at WDW are priceless. I would never trade the memory of my oldest DS demanding to see Yayu (o.k., when you're 2 Zazu is hard to say) during the entire trip for all the money in the world. Or my youngest DS playing peek-a-boo with Piglet at 9 months! Every year we think about maybe going somewhere else, but then everything seems to fall into place, the money seems to appear and we make our plans and ENJOY OURSELVES!

Last year, I called from the road on our way to WDW to talk to my parents. It was my birthday and we were passing through Kentucky (where they live) so I decided to call and express my enthusiasm. My brother answered the phone and gave me a lecture about how I could buy a big screen tv with the money that I was spending on my trip. This is the brother who isn't married, living with my parents with his girlfriend and 2 children and has no job! He is lecturing me about how to spend my money? HA!

After this incident, we just decided it doesn't matter what the rest of them think. Other family members think it is wonderful that we take the time to enjoy being with our kids. These are the people that truly realize how important memories are! I get the feeling that most people that are here on the DIS are in the same mindset. Forget everyone else -- at least we DISers understand each other!

 

[Jen D]

My brother answered the phone and gave me a lecture about how I could buy a big screen tv with the money that I was spending on my trip.

LOL-- that's great if you want a big screen TV! Conversely, if I saw someone getting as nice big plasma screen tv, I'd be thinking, "I could go to Disney on what that costs!"

Everyone has their indulgences regardless of financial situation. My parents are now retired and living very comfortably, after decades of mortgage and tuition payments. They really aren't into spending on travel, unless they are visiting kids/grandkids. They buy electronics, and wine. A lot of wine that they never drink. It's their hobby. I'm serious that they never drink it, unless there are guests. When we visit we enjoy all this fabulous wine; when they're alone my dad will have a beer and my mom will drink wine from a box. It's kind of endearing, in a way. That's just their "thing." None of my business! They were pretty frugal when we were kids so I think they probably don't approve of these Disney vacations, but they would never comment because they know it's not really any of their business. And as many people here have commented, everyone's financial situation is a mystery.

 

[dpayne1969]

LOL,
i thought we were the only ones who have friends and relatives that are jealous.We have not even been to WDW before and are not even going till Nov.I am "obsessed" i guess though.I talk about my trip all the time,I am not bragging just excited and blessed that we are able to go!I am making me and my dd and ds quilts done in disney material.I would love to show certain friends or family but they think i am "immature" cause i love Mickey,Minnie & Tink.I am becoming a Disney fan with clothes i buy now and cookie jars and quilting.But i dont care what they say i think being me and being "obsessed" keeps me young and young at heart.June 29 i will be 35 and i dont feel a day over 21!I have an above ground pool but we got it used for 100.00,some folks think we are rich but we aren't we are just blessed!!I bargain shop as well to save for this trip.I have been married for 11 years this Oct.and this is our first EVER vacation.
We put 20.00 a week in a jar in the safe and we save all change as well.This has worked very well for us and i know when i walk through the gates at MK i will tear up and say "Thank You God"!!
I just wish my friends and family could feel what i feel in my heart when i see or do anything that pertains to Disney!!I go to the Disney website about 1 or 2 a month and look at pictures of the resort we will be staying at and look at pictures of the rides and look here at pics. from members vacations.I love to look at everyones pics.from Disney it puts a smile on my face and a tear in my eyes every time!!I guess some of us just have some "magic"
in us and some dont!!!

 

[vhoffman]

So the above poster is 35 but doesn't feel a day over 21? Well, I just turned 50 and don't feel a day over 35! Guess its all relative
. The important thing is, time passes before we know it. Our children grow before our eyes. I could buy more things for the home, like a big screen tv, etc., but the memories we create through our trips to Disney, Hawaii, etc. are something that we won't be able to buy in the future. So grab 'em while they're hot!

 

[fizz13]

I think I must have the best grandparents in the world sometimes. Ever since I was tiny, I have been obsessed with the WORLD ( I'm in the right place here!). Anyway, 3 years ago over Xmas, they booked a spontaneous trip to wdw which I couldn't go on, due to being too pregnant. Little did I know this trip was for me. On Xmas morning, I received a phonecall;

-Darling, we're so sorry you couldn't be with us, but every year for the rest of your life you will never have to miss out again!
-What do you mean?
-We bought you a timeshare just off the 192 for the first 2 weeks of January in your name. Happy Xmas!

At this point, I started screaming, much to the alarm of my husband who thought it was early labour! Anyway, we will be there in January with our beautiful 3 babies. The rest of the family have never understood my love of all things Mickey and roll their eyes every time I try to share but to these 2 special people I will never be able to demonstrate my gratitude enough. sometimes I think I might rise off the floor with all my happy thoughts and no one will ever be able to bring me down.
Just keep spreading that pixie dust until they get it. If they don't , you just keep that magic flying feeling ....

Lots of love,
Claire

 

[mjbaby]

Darling, we're so sorry you couldn't be with us, but every year for the rest of your life you will never have to miss out again!

What a wonderful story, Claire! You *are* a lucky girl.

For my part, I only have issues relative to Disney with my in-laws. My parents were the ones who "infected" me and my sisters with Disney Fever and, now that they are semi-retired and are Marriott timeshare owners (they have three) we all get down to Florida as a family as much as possible. The thing is, my husband's in grad school and when he's not in classes has a fairly rigorous research schedule so he often can't make it down with us.

This drives my mother-in-law to absolute distraction. We get all kinds of snarky comments about college funds (fully funded, thanks), why aren't we visiting her (when she makes is a horrifying experience for all of us!), how hard my husband works, how unfair it all is...and so on ad infinitum, ad nauseum. Last year I took my son on four long trips (one to WDW) and caught h3ll from her for every last one of them. This year, we've got another four planned (again, one to WDW) and I'm not even going to bring it up. Even if she calls the day we leave and wants to know "what's new". It simply isn't worth it.

My husband reassures me that I work hard, we manage our money, do a lot of DIY to have funds for stuff that means a lot to us and so on. We don't have to explain our choices to anyone at any time. So I keep repeating that and try to take a Zen approach to the whole thing!

 

[lovesdumbo]

My friends all laugh at me about my Disney obsession but I can take that. It's the in-laws that drive me crazy.....

At my DBrother's wedding in Sept 2002 my sister's DH asked DH, I, DD(3), and DS(20mths) to join them for a trip to WDW over Columbus day. Well before the reception was over we decided I would take DD with them while DH stayed home with the wild one. I was 6 months pregnant and not up for chasing him. Then the problems began. BIL said he couldn't (wouldn't) fly direct. It's only a 2 1/2 hour flight. Then BIL wouldn't let his DS leave school early to miss band and art. I suggested we stay at Ft Wilderness cabins but BIL said it was more $ than 2 all stars rooms. He's never been to a value resort (for the record neither have I) and I just know he'd hate it-he found lots of fault with BWI. So...I told my DSister I would take a seperate trip and pay for her to join me (air, hotel, parks, food...) I wasn't going alone 6 months pregnant. Then BIL canceled their trip and wouldn't let my sister go with me because I was staying at the Polynesian. So I asked a friend to go with me and she was the perfect traveling companion.

And then I've got my MIL. I had planned a trip in Dec 2001 with a friend while DH (not a Disney fan) stayed home with DD & DS. We knew we wanted baby #3 and I thought it will be a long time before we'd all get to Disney. After 9/11 my MIL who wasn't crazy about the trip in the first place, thought I should cancel. My DH has been a stay-at-home dad since he lost his job in June 2001. She thinks he does it ALL! Christmas 2001 was the first time I did not receive a gift from her. She says Christmas is for kids but I'm the only adult who doesn't get anything. Last year my DH got a leather jacket. Then she disapproved of the above 2002 trip even more because I risked not only me AND my DD but also my baby #3. Somehow I convinced DH to go to Disney in Jan 2004 as a family to celebrate my DS's 3rd birthday. I didn't want to tell MIL but then we found out DH's sister was running in the WDW marathon and I didn't think we should tell her and not MIL. MIL of course was not happy. She just doesn't understand why I would risk my kids lives on a plane for something so frivolous. I don't even try to explain that its riskier to visit MIL every weekend than to fly and we won't even bother trying to explain that WDW is so much more than a stupid trip to an amusement park. My SIL thought it was a great idea. I just don't get my MIL. She's angry at me for taking kids to WDW but doesn't seem to care that SIL's DD came to visit when her baby (my MIL's great granddaughter) was just weeks old and didn't even buy her a seat on the plane or bring a car seat for when they arrived here. My MIL was going to buy one but I lent her one instead. Needless to say I haven't told her we are going in October.

 

[chico]

It's sad really. For the most part everyone who has posted "gets" Disney, and enjoys creating a magical and special vacation with the people they love. These memories are what life is made of, and you shouldn't feel guilty or that you have to justify creating them.

I suspect that they family and/or friends who voice their jealousy or distain for your vacation choice and your obvious happiness can't stand to see other people being truly happy.

It's too bad.

But you can't live your life for them - Life is too short. Go, have fun, and be happy when you get back. Don't let their unfulfilled lives ruin yours.

 

[HenDuck]

Gee fizz13, you are sooo lucky! Yes, grandparents are the best, arent they?

I have a little story like that of my own.

My dear parents, DS grandparents, really enjoyed our trip to DL this past April. They so wanted to take him back this year, but I told them we could not afford it because we need to do some work on our house. So we planned on going next Christmas, Dec of 2005.

Well, today, my dear mom calls me up and says, "Hawaiian Airlines has a great fare to L.A. I'll treat you all to Disneyland for Christmas THIS YEAR!"

Can you say hyperventilation?!?!?!

My parents are soooo generous and we are sooo lucky to have them and to be able to share these wonderful Disney memories with them!

Let those green eyes start a-lighting up!

 

[mickeymousefan]

I thought I was the only one. I dreaded telling my mother I was going again. She thinks vacations are a waste of money and only for people who have NO other debt. I think my 2 great kids would much rather appreciate a well budgeted trip to Disney than a credit card with a $0 balance.
I say as long as I can pay my bills every month and keep my kids well fed and clothed, how I spend my money doesn't matter and isnt anyone elses business.

 

[Disney_1derland]

But, my coworkers have accused me of playing 6 Degrees of Seperation from Disney. They claim I can turn any conversation around into a conversation about Disneyworld in 6 words or less Yep, that's me! They'll all be glad when my trip is over and I stop talking about the planning. What they don't know is that then I'll just be talking about the memories.....and the planning for our May '05 trip too LOL!