Grandparents trying to befriend teen grandkids on facebook

[brytorlyn]

My kids (DS22 and DH 19) both are friends on FB with their Grandmother, Uncles and myself. They aren't uncomfortable with how they live their lives and have no problem with family who have facebook being friends with them. As far as what their friends post to them ...well, my kids have decent enough friends and though sometimes what they say isn't always the most appropriate it is outside my kids control. I think that grand parents who are savvy enough to have a facebook account understand this.

 

[ilovejack02]

I don't understand this whole online communication thing, I am 20 and would never do it, I have much stonger morals and values let alone more appropriate and important things to do with my time than post my life publicly for all to see. One day all of you facebook, myspace, twitter people will come to your senses and realize that your family is the most important thing. I just don't understand why parents try to be friends and not parents!!!

But communicating on the Dis is ok I see .

 

[FireDancer]

I don't understand this whole online communication thing, I am 20 and would never do it, I have much stonger morals and values let alone more appropriate and important things to do with my time than post my life publicly for all to see. One day all of you facebook, myspace, twitter people will come to your senses and realize that your family is the most important thing. I just don't understand why parents try to be friends and not parents!!!

With the possible exception of someone starting a thread asking what crowd-sourcing was you might have just posted the most ironic thing possible on a message board.

Are you under the impression Facebook is only used for posting naked pictures of yourself with livestock or something? Also, being "friends" with you kids on Facebook doesn't mean you aren't parents, it means you accepted a friend request from them or vice versa. Parents don't send parent requests to kids, it is just how the service works.

I would also like to point out that teaching you kids how to socially interact properly online is much better parenting then ignoring the fact that they do it. Kids need to know how to recognize trouble online and how to act, like not posing things that will come back later to haunt them.

Christ on a Pony!

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

I am not judging anyone and I am sorry if it came across that way, I just don't understand parents who don't play the role of parents and rather the friend. I am all for staying in touch with friends and family but wouldn't you rather do it in a more personal way.

I think facebook, etc. can be used in a respective manner, but when people start posting every detail of their life and pictures of everything on it, I don't think they really understand who all has access to it.

As many others have posted on here, something you would openly tell anyone and everyone in person is appropriate to post, just nothing beyond that.

 

[JennaWest]

I am not on here to post personal information or meet people just find informaiton about Disney.... sorry I ever posted in this thread, I just must not have the same train of throught as the many people who post on those sites. I was just trying to say using it for something you couldn't say infront of or to your family (grandparents) probably shouldn't be posted on a public forum or whatever you call it.

 

[JennaWest]

You people twist every word around to make whatever you want out of it, take this post and twist it to make me come out as the worst person in the world I really don't care you thrive on others faults. Good luck in life with that.

 

[MichelleVW]

With the possible exception of someone starting a thread asking what crowd-sourcing was you might have just posted the most ironic thing possible on a message board.

Are you under the impression Facebook is only used for posting naked pictures of yourself with livestock or something? Also, being "friends" with you kids on Facebook doesn't mean you aren't parents, it means you accepted a friend request from them or vice versa. Parents don't send parent requests to kids, it is just how the service works.

I would also like to point out that teaching you kids how to socially interact properly online is much better parenting then ignoring the fact that they do it. Kids need to know how to recognize trouble online and how to act, like not posing things that will come back later to haunt them.

Very good post! I'm my DD's friend of facebook and although we do get along and enjoy each other's company in real life, I have been known to tell her plenty of times, "I'm your mother not your friend, don't forget it!!"

I love facebook because it keeps the family (aunts/uncles/cousins/grandma/whoever) more connected since we are all spread all over the country.

 

[Claire&TheBoys]

I'm FB friends with my nephews (19, 13) and nieces (15, 15, 14). Also, some kids at church friended me. I would never let my child have a FB page and NOT be on his friend list. It's my job to be all up in his business and know what's going on both offline AND online.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

When my DD14 asked to have a Facebook page, I told her only on the condition that she friended me and that I have her password. I also told her that she should remember that anything she posts would be read by me, her grandmothers, her teachers, her principal... and that prospective colleges and employers can and do check sites to see what the candidates are really like. I told her the first time I found something inappropriate, her account would be closed. I also told her I would be logging on as her occasionally, just to make sure she wasn't hiding anything. Overprotective, maybe, but I don't expect to be blindsided by anything. I think more parents should log on as their child and see what there kids are really up to. Some of the boys in my daughter's class use the foulest and inappropriate language. OP, I don't think the problem is with grandma, I think it's with whatever your child is posting online that you're afraid grandma will see.

 

[Mrs. Chamberlain]

My 70 yr old MIL just found facebook and sent my 13 year old DD a friend request.

I plan on letting MIL know that DD won't be accepting out of love and respect for her

Ultraconservative (truely!) grandparents should not be on their teen grandkids facebook page!

I'd like some general opinions I don't think I'm alone but what do you all think? (I'm not worried about what MIL will think I'm interested in opinions about elders being friends with teens who don't monitor their language, etc)

Thanks!

Funny story about that. I'm 17. My grandma decided to send me a friend request, and I was nice enough to accept it. I must have said something to make her mad because she defriended me

 

[Sparx]

I'm friends with my grandma, my mom, and my uncle. I like it, its an easy way to get in touch quickly. We're a pretty close family though, I can definitely see how it would be really awkward with certain family relationships.

 

[SandrA9810]

When I created my facebook account, I kept it hidden as possible. I do not share the same views as the rest of my family and I don't need them paying attention to what I do. If they want to know what I'm doing, they can call.

I see them often enough I don't need to be friends just for picture updates or other nonsense like that.

There's always a different kind of "teen language" or internet language that older adults don't always seem to understand. I'm only 26 and still don't understand half the things people write on the net. If it's not the way you speak in real life, why does it need to be said differently on the net? Any case, things like this could look offensive to the other family members. And who really wants adults in little teen gossip chats?

It really comes down to personal choice and how the teenager uses facebook. Is it for connecting to friends and family or is it all about what's happening at school? And how the person feels about the family member.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Good LORD!!!!

I am no fan of sites like Facebook....
Never will be....

But, for God's sake, can't a teen have some Face or Space time with their friends without Grannie horning in!!!!! Talk about a breach of boundaries.

Just the thought of it seriously skeeves me out.

 

[mking624]

You people twist every word around to make whatever you want out of it, take this post and twist it to make me come out as the worst person in the world I really don't care you thrive on others faults. Good luck in life with that.

I don't think this is anyone's fault but your own. Your first post on this thread really spoke volumes...

I don't understand this whole online communication thing, I am 20 and would never do it, I have much stonger morals and values let alone more appropriate and important things to do with my time than post my life publicly for all to see. One day all of you facebook, myspace, twitter people will come to your senses and realize that your family is the most important thing. I just don't understand why parents try to be friends and not parents!!!

So let's see...
-you apparently have stronger morals and values than those who use online communication
-those of us who use online communication are not using their time as wisely as you are
-ALL those who use social networking sites have no senses because we'll one day come to them
-And apparently all those who use social networking sites don't value family as the most important thing
-if you befriend your kid on a social networking site, you must not be acting as their parent

This is all taken from one post. So don't act incredulous when people criticize you for it when you have taken the same liberty against others. And it's probably a smart thing to withhold judgment about online communication if you're using that as your tool to judge. That's just common sense. If you want to be taken seriously as a mature 20 year old, it's best to act like one. You're only 20...you don't know it all.

I was just trying to say using it for something you couldn't say infront of or to your family (grandparents) probably shouldn't be posted on a public forum or whatever you call it.

THIS is agreeable. But your first post says nothing of this, it merely condemns those who used any form of social networking. If this above quote is how you felt, then this and this alone should have been stated...not some broad generalization about anyone and everyone (since you used the term "all") who happens to use sites such as facebook.

 

[Mrs. Chamberlain]

When I created my facebook account, I kept it hidden as possible. I do not share the same views as the rest of my family and I don't need them paying attention to what I do. If they want to know what I'm doing, they can call.

I see them often enough I don't need to be friends just for picture updates or other nonsense like that.

There's always a different kind of "teen language" or internet language that older adults don't always seem to understand. I'm only 26 and still don't understand half the things people write on the net. If it's not the way you speak in real life, why does it need to be said differently on the net? Any case, things like this could look offensive to the other family members. And who really wants adults in little teen gossip chats?

It really comes down to personal choice and how the teenager uses facebook. Is it for connecting to friends and family or is it all about what's happening at school? And how the person feels about the family member.

I totally agree with the bolded part. I do speak my views and such on Facebook and a majority of my family feels different than I do.

 

[bluesaturn]

Your kid can make a limited profile and add grandma to that. Then grandma can only see certain things (whatever you choose).

 

[disfan07]

I am friends with my cousin and I will friend my aunts, uncles and cousins BUT...

I DO NOT friend immediate family

I am not friends with my brother or my mom and my brother isnt friends with me or my mom. We both agree that having parents on our facebook is a bad idea. And there are things on our facebooks that we dont need to knwo about each other. We talk enough that if it's something important, we already know

 

[FireDancer]

I totally agree with the bolded part. I do speak my views and such on Facebook and a majority of my family feels different than I do.

My facebook rule is much like these boards, no religion, and no politics. I'll comment on posts from time to time but won't originate anything beyond a happy Easter.

 

[Sparx]

My facebook rule is much like these boards, no religion, and no politics. I'll comment on posts from time to time but won't originate anything beyond a happy Easter.

I tend to hide people who use facebook as a forum to complain about political news. I don't post about it, and I don't want to read others posts about it.

I really wouldn't mind discussing it with most people, but the ones who complain the loudest are really the ones you can't discuss anything with.

 

[disykat]

My kids have facebook and I am their friend - for monitoring purposes only. I would not encourage them to friend their grandparents. It's not about what THEY post, it's about the conversations they have with friends that my parents simply wouldn't understand. Mainly it's about what the friends may reply on their wall.

It's the same reason I post under a name I don't use professionally. I can't always control what is on my wall at any given time.

Other than monitoring my own kids, my rule with kids/teens/young adults is that I'll accept them if they request me but I don't request them. It doesn't mean I don't trust them, I'm just giving them space to use their page for who THEY want to communicate with.

Not too long ago a college aged friend was joking around on facebook and, as an inside joke with her friends, changed her facebook status to engaged. I recognized they were kidding immediately, but there were definitely some of us old fogies who didn't "get it" and it caused some ruckus! Those types of status change jokes are very common, but would be very confusing to my elderly parents. - Same college aged friend is pretty conservative. Some of her friends are not and surprising words show up on her page regularly in their remarks. That would be very upsetting to my parents.