Grandparents trying to befriend teen grandkids on facebook

[PelletierBears]

My 70 yr old MIL just found facebook and sent my 13 year old DD a friend request.

I plan on letting MIL know that DD won't be accepting out of love and respect for her

Ultraconservative (truely!) grandparents should not be on their teen grandkids facebook page!

I'd like some general opinions I don't think I'm alone but what do you all think? (I'm not worried about what MIL will think I'm interested in opinions about elders being friends with teens who don't monitor their language, etc)

Thanks!

 

[MushyMushy]

In that case I agree it's a bad idea. But maybe in order to spare MIL's feelings, your daughter can friend her and then hide status updates and things like that from her.

 

[happygirl]

I don't see the big deal at all. What does your daughter post at 13 that is so shameful that she would need to hide?

 

[Kae]

my dad is friends with my DS & my nieces & nephews. and I am friends with my nieces grandma & so is DS & DH.

Kae

 

[johnsontrio]

I wait to be requested by family members younger than myself for that reason. If they want to add me, great! I don't want to put them in an awkward situation. Some of my nieces have added me and some have not. I enjoy keeping up with those I do have on FB, but no big deal if they don't request me.

 

[Art 1]

Would you feel any differently if it was your mother or father doing the requesting?

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

Oh man. When my Mother found facebook earlier this year, I got an instant headache!

Ack. Not because I post awful stuff but because she doesn't know what she's doing and posts weird stuff or responds to a thread with something totally unrelated.

She friended her teen granddaughter (my niece) who accepted her and now regrets it. She actually blocked her grandmother.

I don't blame her. Sometimes I'm tempted to as well.

My DH has blocked my Mother since she kept posting inappropriate stuff and was making fun of his friends thinking she was being funny.

My 14 year old son has blocked his Grandmother for the same reason.

So yes, I agree with you. Don't let your MIL, mother or father become friends on FB with a teen grandkid.

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

In that case I agree it's a bad idea. But maybe in order to spare MIL's feelings, your daughter can friend her and then hide status updates and things like that from her.

How do you hide status updates? I've been trying to figure that out and haven't found it since FB changed to the new screens.

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

I agree that your daughter should be free to post in peace without the presence of grandparents or parents. She is using facebook to connect with her friends, not her relatives. I never bothered my sons with wanting to join their facebook pages.

 

[mickeyboat]

I guess I would not want my child saying anything publicly on Facebook that she would not say in front her grandparents. Kids need to understand that Facebook is not private, and that many more people than they know can see what they are posting.

Personally I think it would be a good lesson for your child that they need to temper their Facebook communications and use good judgement when they are on line.

When I first joined Facebook, I friended my teenage nephew, and posted some comments. He did not appreciate it at all, and while we are still friends, I never post on his page anymore. He says some tacky things sometimes , which I generally ignore. But if I saw something I thought was terribly inappropriate, you bet your sweet bippy I would say something to his mom.

 

[MushyMushy]

How do you hide status updates? I've been trying to figure that out and haven't found it since FB changed to the new screens.

When you go to type in a status update, there's a little lock symbol next to "share." You can choose "custom" and hide it from specific people. I think it gives you the option to save it like that.

I have some kids on my friends list, so I hide my status updates from them. That way I don't have to always be kid friendly.

 

[JennaWest]

I don't understand this whole online communication thing, I am 20 and would never do it, I have much stonger morals and values let alone more appropriate and important things to do with my time than post my life publicly for all to see. One day all of you facebook, myspace, twitter people will come to your senses and realize that your family is the most important thing. I just don't understand why parents try to be friends and not parents!!!

 

[My sister's princess]

I guess I would not want my child saying anything publicly on Facebook that she would not say in front her grandparents. Kids need to understand that Facebook is not private, and that many more people than they know can see what they are posting.

Personally I think it would be a good lesson for your child that they need to temper their Facebook communications and use good judgement when they are on line.

When I first joined Facebook, I friended my teenage nephew, and posted some comments. He did not appreciate it at all, and while we are still friends, I never post on his page anymore. He says some tacky things sometimes , which I generally ignore. But if I saw something I thought was terribly inappropriate, you bet your sweet bippy I would say something to his mom.

EXACTLY!

I am friends with my grandmother, my inlaws, and many others. I never post anything that I wouldn't want anyone in the world to ask me about. It is a fast growing trend for employers to check facebook before hiring. NOTHING posted on the internet is as private as we think it is. Once you put something out there, it is there forever.

 

[Magic Mom]

My mom is a FB friend of DS. He set the account up for her.

 

[MIGrandma]

I'm 52 and I'm "friends" with my two oldest granddaughter (16) and oldest grandson (13). My 73 year old Mother is also "friends" with them as well. I'm glad they feel close enough to both of us to want to be "friends" with us on Facebook. Facebook is a great way to keep in touch. It has actually brought all of us closer together.

 

[MichelleVW]

I don't see the big deal at all. What does your daughter post at 13 that is so shameful that she would need to hide?

Exactly. Only one of my girls has a facebook (DD19) and she is friends with her Grandma (my mom) and many aunts and uncles and she also is friends with a lot of my friends that are like surrogate aunts to her.

 

[FireDancer]

I'm friends with my mom, cousins, aunts, and other family members. If my grandma was on FB I would be friends with her.

My aunt and cousin (once removed) who is 13 are friends and she is her grandmother. They can always be set up in a different list with different permissions.

I don't put anything on Facebook I wouldn't want my mom, grandma, boss, prospective employer, or future children to see so why not?

 

[mking624]

I don't understand this whole online communication thing, I am 20 and would never do it, I have much stonger morals and values let alone more appropriate and important things to do with my time than post my life publicly for all to see. One day all of you facebook, myspace, twitter people will come to your senses and realize that your family is the most important thing. I just don't understand why parents try to be friends and not parents!!!

Seems hypocritical to be talking down about online communication and saying you'll never do it when you're using online communication through this message board to talk of its supposed evils.

Much of my family is on facebook (parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, and yes...even one of my grandparents). We are spread out not only in various states, but in a couple of different countries. We found facebook to be wonderful in keeping each other updated...especially since it's a large family.

 

[wenrob]

I guess I would not want my child saying anything publicly on Facebook that she would not say in front her grandparents. Kids need to understand that Facebook is not private, and that many more people than they know can see what they are posting.

Personally I think it would be a good lesson for your child that they need to temper their Facebook communications and use good judgement when they are on line.

When I first joined Facebook, I friended my teenage nephew, and posted some comments. He did not appreciate it at all, and while we are still friends, I never post on his page anymore. He says some tacky things sometimes , which I generally ignore. But if I saw something I thought was terribly inappropriate, you bet your sweet bippy I would say something to his mom.

This exactly.

I agree that your daughter should be free to post in peace without the presence of grandparents or parents. She is using facebook to connect with her friends, not her relatives. I never bothered my sons with wanting to join their facebook pages.

My kid wouldn't have a FB account if my presence wasn't there, no way, no how.

I don't understand this whole online communication thing, I am 20 and would never do it, I have much stonger morals and values let alone more appropriate and important things to do with my time than post my life publicly for all to see. One day all of you facebook, myspace, twitter people will come to your senses and realize that your family is the most important thing. I just don't understand why parents try to be friends and not parents!!!

Says the person judging others on a message board.

 

[JennaWest]

I am not judging anyone and I am sorry if it came across that way, I just don't understand parents who don't play the role of parents and rather the friend. I am all for staying in touch with friends and family but wouldn't you rather do it in a more personal way.

I think facebook, etc. can be used in a respective manner, but when people start posting every detail of their life and pictures of everything on it, I don't think they really understand who all has access to it.

As many others have posted on here, something you would openly tell anyone and everyone in person is appropriate to post, just nothing beyond that.