Grandparent rights in a family adoption

[OurBigTrip]

They are her grandparents.

Not in a court of law.

If this were my child, adopted or not, if either set of grandparents said "Oh no, we won't come to family functions, we only want to visit the grandkids alone", then they wouldn't see them, period.

If the OP says "no" to future "alone" visits, and the aunt and uncle refuse to come to family functions where they can see the child, then they've made the decision to cut themselves out of the child's life, not the OP.

 

[OurBigTrip]

Hrhpd, thank you for understanding.

OurBigTrip, I know where you're coming from as I've been through a lot with relatives. However, the best interest of the child includes preserving healthy relationships with their biological relatives. Healthy is the key, of course. Sometimes restricting contact is necessary to ensure the child's well-being, but that should not be done out of turn.
OP's daughter considers them grandparents and it does more harm than good to deny her this truth.

Family ties aren't a competition or decided by DNA. That little girl has an emotional connection that will, hopefully, be preserved by the adults in her life. It takes everyone to make it work and, sometimes, sacrifice from the adults. In this case, it may be on the part of the bio GPs. At least until the little girl is older and concerns have been laid to rest.

Visits should be on the OP's terms, not the aunt and uncle's terms. If they choose to not participate in family functions, and insist on only seeing the child in an unsupervised setting, then they would be making the choice to not see her.

And while I agree that healthy relationships are important, there is something very odd about insisting on only unsupervised visits. No way would I allow that.

 

[Tiggeroo]

Hrhpd, thank you for understanding.

OurBigTrip, I know where you're coming from as I've been through a lot with relatives. However, the best interest of the child includes preserving healthy relationships with their biological relatives. Healthy is the key, of course. Sometimes restricting contact is necessary to ensure the child's well-being, but that should not be done out of turn.
OP's daughter considers them grandparents and it does more harm than good to deny her this truth.

Family ties aren't a competition or decided by DNA. That little girl has an emotional connection that will, hopefully, be preserved by the adults in her life. It takes everyone to make it work and, sometimes, sacrifice from the adults. In this case, it may be on the part of the bio GPs. At least until the little girl is older and concerns have been laid to rest.

Yes, I do agree. Everybody will have to make sacrifices and that includes the biological gp's coming to family functions and allowing her parents to see the interaction. You have a good deal of baggage here and I would hope you have a family therapist involved helping you out. If you do perhaps the bio gparents could be included in a session or two and preliminary boundaries could be confirmed.

 

[alex9179]

Visits should be on the OP's terms, not the aunt and uncle's terms. If they choose to not participate in family functions, and insist on only seeing the child in an unsupervised setting, then they would be making the choice to not see her.

And while I agree that healthy relationships are important, there is something very odd about insisting on only unsupervised visits. No way would I allow that.

I have reiterated that the parents are the final authority, several times. You are making leaps as the OP has not stated that they refuse to attend all functions or that they only want unsupervised time, just that they have requested it.
I agree with the OP in being averse to it and would compromise.

Your assertion that the couple would NOT be considered her grandparents, if you were the parent, neglects the child's feelings. Denying the bios importance in a child's life could lead the kid to feel like that part is "bad". That it, and a part of her, is being rejected. It's really a minefield.

I've addressed the legal issue. Others are concentrating on the emotional side and I was drawn in by some of the "absolutes" written. I should have stuck with the original concern

 

[aprilgail2]

They aren't her grandparents. The sooner they get that through their heads, the better off everyone will be.

Wow that is a bit harsh. Kids can actually have more than 2 sets of grandparents and I see nothing wrong with more people loving the child. I do have an issue with them not going to family functions and insisting on seeing the child alone. My daughter has an extra set of grandparents who love her (my birth mother and her husband) and I consider that a bonus for her to have more family that loves her. And we DO consider them grandma and grandpa.

 

[OurBigTrip]

Wow that is a bit harsh. Kids can actually have more than 2 sets of grandparents and I see nothing wrong with more people loving the child. I do have an issue with them not going to family functions and insisting on seeing the child alone. My daughter has an extra set of grandparents who love her (my birth mother and her husband) and I consider that a bonus for her to have more family that loves her. And we DO consider them grandma and grandpa.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion.

 

[gwynne]

Wow that is a bit harsh. Kids can actually have more than 2 sets of grandparents and I see nothing wrong with more people loving the child. I do have an issue with them not going to family functions and insisting on seeing the child alone. My daughter has an extra set of grandparents who love her (my birth mother and her husband) and I consider that a bonus for her to have more family that loves her. And we DO consider them grandma and grandpa.

Kids certainly can have more than 2 sets of grandparents. Thank you for sharing your story. In our family, we think of them as part of the child's circle of love. Open hearts are a good thing.