Grandparent rights in a family adoption

[MINNIEsotanice]

Does anyone know what type of rights biological grandparents could get to their grandchild who has been adopted by a family member? The grandparents see the child at least once a month for a few hours alone. The majority of the time they choose not to come to family functions that the child is at. It seems they only want to see the child alone by themselves, without the parents or anyone else there.

Any opinions of what they could fight for, if anything?

 

[Acklander]

Grandparents don't have rights just because - usually, just in the cases where they have custody of the grandchild, but unless they abusive somehow (and I don't consider not showing up to family parties as abusive) I don't know why the adoptive parents would want to cut out the grandparents from the kids lives. Grandparents aren't going to be around forever, and it's nice when they can have a relationship

 

[Laura66]

Does anyone know what type of rights biological grandparents could get to their grandchild who has been adopted by a family member? The grandparents see the child at least once a month for a few hours alone. The majority of the time they choose not to come to family functions that the child is at. It seems they only want to see the child alone by themselves, without the parents or anyone else there.

Any opinions of what they could fight for, if anything?

Why would they need to fight for more. Generally speaking, unless there are extenuating circumstances, my view is that the parents have the right to raise their children how the see fit without any intervention from anyone.

Why on earth would they feel it's their right to demand "alone" time with their grand child? Especially if they already get some time once a month. Unless there is abuse of some sort I don't think they should have any rights at all.

 

[wilkeliza]

Depends on the state the live in and what kind of adoption.

Grandparents.com has a good break down state by state. I skimmed through it and it seemed most states say grandparents rights are terminated at adoption. Some do have different rules if it was an adoption to a natural family member or due to divorce (ie step parent adopts but bio-grandparents still want to be involved).

It also seems that most statues saying grandparents have rights after adoption have been struck down as unconstitutional.

 

[ronandannette]

Does anyone know what type of rights biological grandparents could get to their grandchild who has been adopted by a family member? The grandparents see the child at least once a month for a few hours alone. The majority of the time they choose not to come to family functions that the child is at. It seems they only want to see the child alone by themselves, without the parents or anyone else there.

Any opinions of what they could fight for, if anything?

A few questions just for clarity:

A family member of yours has adopted a child - correct? This child has biological grandparents - are the grandparents also related to your family or just to the child?

If it's the latter, I can see them not being all that interested in attending your family events, although it's gracious to invite them. Was a "continued relationship" with the bio grandparents a requirement as part of the adoption? If not, I don't see how they would have any legal standing for access at all.

 

[MINNIEsotanice]

Why would they need to fight for more. Generally speaking, unless there are extenuating circumstances, my view is that the parents have the right to raise their children how the see fit without any intervention from anyone.

Why on earth would they feel it's their right to demand "alone" time with their grand child? Especially if they already get some time once a month. Unless there is abuse of some sort I don't think they should have any rights at all.

No, there is no abuse whatsoever ever. We just don't know why they want more and expect to see her whenever they want and alone. We usually find a time that works whenever they ask to see her. Very rarely does it not work.

 

[MINNIEsotanice]

A few questions just for clarity:

A family member of yours has adopted a child - correct? This child has biological grandparents - are the grandparents also related to your family or just to the child?

If it's the latter, I can see them not being all that interested in attending your family events, although it's gracious to invite them. Was a "continued relationship" with the bio grandparents a requirement as part of the adoption? If not, I don't see how they would have any legal standing for access at all.

My husband and I are the ones who adopted. My aunt and uncle are her biological grandparents.

 

[daisyx3]

If these grandparents want to keep seeing the child after the adoption it is up to the family member who adopted the child. I would think they would be more cooperative and willing to go to family functions rather than demanding alone time.
My old neighbors would not let the maternal grandfather see their children. It was due to some family issues years back--some past nastiness that the mom never explained to me, nor was it my business. All I knew was once a year around father's day he put an ad in our small town paper that he missed them. I don't know if they ever saw it.
Daisyx3

 

[MINNIEsotanice]

If these grandparents want to keep seeing the child after the adoption it is up to the family member who adopted the child. I would think they would be more cooperative and willing to go to family functions rather than demanding alone time.
My old neighbors would not let the maternal grandfather see their children. It was due to some family issues years back--some past nastiness that the mom never explained to me, nor was it my business. All I knew was once a year around father's day he put an ad in our small town paper that he missed them. I don't know if they ever saw it.
Daisyx3

That's our thoughts too.

 

[Laura66]

No, there is no abuse whatsoever ever. We just don't know why they want more and expect to see her whenever they want and alone. We usually find a time that works whenever they ask to see her. Very rarely does it not work.

From what you said - they appear to be overstepping their bounds. Sounds like the family of the child has been very accommodating. Are they threatening legal action? If they are - and are also assuming (I know I'm doint a lot of that here) they deserve more time that's very off puting and alarming to me. They are not the legal guardians.

 

[MINNIEsotanice]

From what you said - they appear to be overstepping their bounds. Sounds like the family of the child has been very accommodating. Are they threatening legal action? If they are - and are also assuming (I know I'm doint a lot of that here) they deserve more time that's very off puting and alarming to me. They are not the legal guardians.

They aren't yet.

 

[wilkeliza]

My husband and I are the ones who adopted. My aunt and uncle are her biological grandparents.

Here is the thing you child now has their own grandparents. At what age did you adopt the child? When adoption paperwork was signed and parental rights voided by your cousins was anything said and written down about bio grandparents right?

Seems like the bio grandparents are over stepping and honestly giving them alone time every month is more than enough. It also seems like you would be willing to have them over but they don't want that.

Does your child know who I'm your family is their bio parent? If not are bio grandparents taking them to bio parents during their alone time?

 

[Wishing on a star]

Well, 'rights' could vary by state.

I would be interested to know what the grandparents reaction would be when you offer to visit, all together, as a family.

Exactly how are they asking that it is only alone-time.

My personal thoughts...
I don't believe in Grandparents 'rights'.
I believe in parental rights.

Just my personal thoughts...
If my son's grandparents did not visit as a family, and demanded that we bring our son to them and leave him...
If they refused to see the child any other way.
It would be them refusing a relationship with the child.
Not me, or us as parents, coming between a child and their grandparents.

I don't know if I could continue with the situation as you describe it.

 

[MINNIEsotanice]

Here is the thing you child now has their own grandparents. At what age did you adopt the child? When adoption paperwork was signed and parental rights voided by your cousins was anything said and written down about bio grandparents right?

Seems like the bio grandparents are over stepping and honestly giving them alone time every month is more than enough. It also seems like you would be willing to have them over but they don't want that.

Does your child know who I'm your family is their bio parent? If not are bio grandparents taking them to bio parents during their alone time?

She was 1 when we got her. 2 when adoption was finalized. Nothing was written about visitation with grandparents. No, she does not know or see who her bio mom is. Honestly in the back of mind I am worried about your last point but I've been told that haven't seen her in a couple years.

 

[ronandannette]

My husband and I are the ones who adopted. My aunt and uncle are her biological grandparents.

Are they recognized by the child and extended family as "the grandparents" or is that your parents' role? I can actually see how this would be a little awkward in a group setting. Have they expressed some intention to try and press for a change to the current arrangement or are you just concerned that they will?

 

[Wishing on a star]

I do have some insight into adoptive issues....

First, I will say that in many cases, when the parents are somehow inclined to give up their parental rights, the grandparents have really stepped in to help care for the child in the past, and it could very easily be a situation where they truly do feel that they are just as much like a parent. They might have provided and cared for this child since birth.

But, that does not make their expectations okay.
Far from it.

In fact, as the parent and wife of a son and husband, whom my inlaws thought they had rights to.... Any adoptions aside, I would have a real problem with anyone else, even blood relative, feeling that they had these kinds of rights and expectations.

Secondly, about the adoptive issues. I would go as far as to say that in all cases, the child, at age appropriate levels (not 1 or 2 years of age) know the basic truths. I would not want this to be a secret that affects family dyamics, and then the child will feel very confused, deceived and mis-trustful, along with a lot of other heavy issues when the truth does, inevitably come out. (This sounds like the kind of grandparents who will make very sure that this child knows, very well, that they are the child's biological grandparents.)

You might want to do so research about the laws in your state... Seek some legal advice, as well as some insight/counseling from a good family or adoption counselor.

I do hope it all works out for the best!

 

[wilkeliza]

She was 1 when we got her. 2 when adoption was finalized. Nothing was written about visitation with grandparents. No, she does not know or see who her bio mom is. Honestly in the back of mind I am worried about your last point but I've been told that haven't seen her in a couple years.

The need for alone time is what concerned me. If they were willing to go to family functions etc that is one thing. Does DD know they are her grandparents or does she just think they are your aunt and uncle she is hanging out with?

 

[Wishing on a star]

Does your child know who I'm your family is their bio parent? If not are bio grandparents taking them to bio parents during their alone time?

YES, this last point, above, would be a huge huge concern.
One of many about why these grandparents are always assisting that it be extensive 'alone-time'.

I do think you have some real concerns that you should address and seek some good advice.

 

[Laura66]

The need for alone time is what concerned me. If they were willing to go to family functions etc that is one thing. Does DD know they are her grandparents or does she just think they are your aunt and uncle she is hanging out with?

This!

And I gotta say - I usually never agree with WOAS's post about family members and friends and boundaries. But I do in this instance.

I don't like how they think they deserve alone time and refuse to see the child (or extended family) at family get togethers.

Alarming!

 

[MINNIEsotanice]

She knows they are her grandparents. They get to see her at minimum once a month and no they haven't done anything. I am just nervous they would. We are a busy family and sometimes only once a month works in our crazy schedule.