Graduation Invitation Etiquette

[CdnCarrie]

Never heard of graduation announcements until the Dis.

 

[NotUrsula]

Well, I did send graduation announcements, but I moved out the day after I graduated, and so did my DS. The primary reason for sending them was not a gift grab, but a change of address notice; there was a smaller card enclosed that showed the new address. It said that I was pleased to announce his commencement, included a small up-to-date photo of him, and noted his new address; there was no invitation, just an announcement.

My family has always viewed the graduation announcement as more of a declaration of adulthood. It's a milestone moment, and we do think it's important to make sure extended family know about it, but we don't throw big parties for the occasion, and we don't fish for gifts. Most of the time distant family just respond with a note or email saying how much they enjoyed seeing the photo, and wishing the graduate best of luck.

Here's a big part of why we send them. Once, when I was about 29, my mother showed me a letter she had received from a geographically distant relative who had been overlooked in the announcements. In it, the relative remarked that I must be almost ready to finish high school, and that my mother would probably miss me. Bless her heart, she had me confused with another cousin and thought I was 10 years younger than I was. When you send updates about major milestones, you keep people straight about who you are and where you are in life; it saves them embarassment later on if they need to try to place you in the family tree.

 

[_19disnA]

H.S. graduation announcements are common where I have lived. Many also include an invite to a party for the graduate.

 

[nw6675]

We sent maybe 6 or 7 announcements when DSS graduated years ago. Close family and a couple of family friends (who also had kids his age). We chose not to send them to the Christmas card list. Basically, anyone who didn't have a close relationship with him didn't get one.

We and my parents more than made up for the fewer gifts lol.

 

[mjkacmom]

Almost no one here would want an inside graduation not just because it will be hotter than heck inside but also that it would be limited. I think ours would have been 6 tickets per graduated had it been inside. Outside was no limitations because it was held in the football stadium.

Sure some families can get quite large but it can be hard to limit too. Take 6 for example (some I think were only 2 people per graduate!) that could be just the parents, siblings, and grandparents. A lot of people have more than that in their lives they would love to have there. Not the end of the world but none the less it can be disappointing.

When my sister-in-law graduated high school (although I wasn't married to my husband then I still attended) it was myself, my husband, the other sister-in-law, then the mom, step-dad, dad and his wife, then her step-siblings (well really just 2 of them she was closest with the other one she wasn't close to), then the husband of one of the step-siblings also very close to. These were close people to the graduate, hardly ancillary relatives but would have exceeded the limit most common it seems around here of 6. I know some people think there are people out there inviting the whole town but it's much more likely to be close enough people to the graduate in terms of the graduation. The party sorta depends on each family's way of doing things.

Our HS allows 6 for outside, 2 if it rains and it’s inside. My daughter graduated college in May, 4 guests for the stadium, 6 for convocations and honors. I’ve had 5 HS graduates, so I know they never check tickets, but many don’t realize this.

 

[ronandannette]

Never heard of graduation announcements until the Dis.

Or huge catered grad parties with three-digit guest lists. It is a thing though. My sister travelled to Portland last year for her granddaughter's grad hoopla. It was exactly like some have described here. We were invited, as were the girl's aunt and cousins from Victoria & Cornerbrook. Needless to say, only Grandma actually went.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Or huge catered grad parties with three-digit guest lists. It is a thing though. My sister travelled to Portland last year for her granddaughter's grad hoopla. It was exactly like some have described here. We were invited, as were the girl's aunt and cousins from Victoria & Cornerbrook. Needless to say, only Grandma actually went.

Yup here it’s just the grad dinner and dance end of June.
Maybe you have your grandparents over for dinner after commencement.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Our HS allows 6 for outside, 2 if it rains and it’s inside. My daughter graduated college in May, 4 guests for the stadium, 6 for convocations and honors. I’ve had 5 HS graduates, so I know they never check tickets, but many don’t realize this.

I know they check if it's inside but they only give the tickets in the first place in case inside is required. Otherwise the tickets were not needed.

It may be a bit hard to see but this is where I would have graduated had it been inside:


The bottom has retractable bleachers.

And this is where I graduated at with it being outside





College they don't move the main commencement indoors. Each school or department within the college also has their own graduation. I didn't attend the Department of Psychology one but I know my husband attended his School of Engineering one. Those are done inside. Those ceremonies are where they hand out the awards/honors. I just looked up for 2023 for the Department of Psychology and for their specific recognition ceremony it's 5 tickets. For School of Engineering I couldn't find the information for that one and I'm not sure if they break it up between the different degrees (Civil, Aerospace, Design, etc).

For the main commencement they will reschedule it if needs to be. Usually they delay it if they can first for weather. When I graduated college there was a slight delay due to rain. There are no tickets needed for the main commencement. They did however do that for 2020 and 2021 I believe for covid. At least 2020 but it was strictly covid reasoning and I want to say it was restricted to 6 guests.

This is where I graduated college:


For my alma mater in particular there is a main tradition of walking down the hill through the bell tower. It's seen as pretty important and graduates make their way on a somewhat windy path from the top of the hill down the way to the stadium across the field and into the bleachers.

Like this (bell tower on the top right):





For high school graduates sat on chairs aligned on the field, inside at the gym would have been chairs on the gym floor.

 

[nw6675]

OP - like the derailed thread discusses, I think this one has too! What did you decide?

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

My family has always viewed the graduation announcement as more of a declaration of adulthood. It's a milestone moment, and we do think it's important to make sure extended family know about it,

This is how its treated in pretty much all of the situations (friends, other relatives, in-laws, etc) I've been exposed to. It's about celebrating the next big step in the individual's life. Same for college graduation.

The parties are not some big affair but family is invited, family friends depending on their role in the graduate's life, and the graduate's friends are invited.

My entire life my aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents have been as close to me as my mom, dad and sister. They are my immediate family to me. My aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents were all there for Thanksgiving and Christmas and other milestone events (like graduations, weddings, milestone birthdays).

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

OP - like the derailed thread discusses, I think this one has too! What did you decide?

Eh it's all related. The OP is invited to a what most are assuming a party by a relative they have no real connection with, the discussion then included inviting people in general to graduation events be it limitations or presumption of closeness to the graduate. The several Canadians on the thread are per usual flummoxed at the Americanized viewpoint to graduation (not a negative just the usual conversations being made with this topic).

 

[nw6675]

As I said...OP, I'd love to hear an update from you! Sorry, but posting pictures of your graduations maybe somewhat related, but is a derailment. @Mackenzie Click-Mickelson Own it! I do when I've derailed. Guilty plenty of times

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

As I said...OP, I'd love to hear an update from you! Sorry, but posting pictures of your graduations maybe somewhat related, but is a derailment. @Mackenzie Click-Mickelson Own it! I do when I've derailed. Guilty plenty of times

sorry I see it as related. If the topic is being invited by (and the parties and ceremonies are almost always discussed together on these threads as some invite so and so to the ceremonies but not to the parties) someone you don't really have a relationship with and people are like "well I only invite those closest to me" or as tvguy mentioned people getting mad at the limitations of the ceremonies themselves..IDK seems all part of the big conversation about graduation invite norms/practices of people. You're more than welcome to add to the conversation if you'd like, or not

 

[AppleDumpling]

Once again, a topic where the customs differ by region. No one in my local area sends graduation announcements (and I’m not Canadian). Grad ceremonies are typically attended by immediate family only, which may include grandparents. Ceremonies take place on a weeknight evening, so parties are usually another day, often the following weekend. Most people have parties at their home and include those who went to the ceremony, plus some extended family and friends.

Because customs vary, I don’t think there’s any hard and fast rules of etiquette. OP, I would say go with your gut, based on your feelings for this particular grad and/or the parents. If you choose to send a gift, hopefully your generosity will be recognized and appreciated by the recipient.

 

[amylevan]

Eh it's all related. The OP is invited to a what most are assuming a party by a relative they have no real connection with, the discussion then included inviting people in general to graduation events be it limitations or presumption of closeness to the graduate. The several Canadians on the thread are per usual flummoxed at the Americanized viewpoint to graduation (not a negative just the usual conversations being made with this topic).

FWIW, American here, and graduation announcements aren’t a thing here either.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

FWIW, American here, and graduation announcements aren’t a thing here either.

Yeah it was more a comment about how the same several Canadian posters tend to chime in whenever this topic is brought up (which is what every year I think??) expressing their confusion. By now majority of us realize it's not a thing in Canada so of course the etiquette and experience would be different. Was not in any way referencing the myriad of norms throughout the U.S. but apparently in Canada it is all but virtually non-existent, the same could not be said here

 

[nyy]

I do not have any social media accounts. We did send formal Grad announcements, by snail mail, for our 2020 HS Grad and our 2022 HS Grad.

What's the difference if I send an annoucement via mail or post announcements or Congrats online (say if I had FB)?
People post things like this all the time online and anyone can choose to ignore it. You have the same option if I mail you an annoucement or invite as well, right? You also have the option to send money/gift or not.

We were very proud of our children's accomplishments, wanted to update distant friends and family about their life and future goals, and we invited everyone to a party at our house. We included their Senior pictures and some younger pictures. (Again, we don't have an online presence where many people usually post pictures.)

We look at it as a major milestone in life that should be celebrated. We attend grad parties for friends and students every year.

I also love getting formal announcements and invites from relatives, from my children's friends, and from my former students! I love to see them all grown up and hear about their future plans. I do not see them as a money grab at all.

We live in upstate NY and find it to be very common around here.

 

[Robber Baron]

We never sent out high school graduation announcements, because frankly, there was no other option.

 

[NotUrsula]

We never sent out high school graduation announcements, because frankly, there was no other option.

Well, no, but it does clarify when the relative in question has lost track and thinks that child Z is 12 years old, or has perhaps lost track of which kid is the offspring of which cousin. (We often use family names, so there may be more than one in the same generation with the same name.) In our case it also spelled out the next step, which people are often interested to hear.

DS' said DH & I were pleased to relay the news of his High School Commencement, DD/MM/YY, Name of High School / Name of City. Then the smaller card (business card sized) was taped to back of a wallet-sized photo, and had this info on it:
Name - University of XYZ - City - State - (phone number) - (and email address)

We sent out about 40 of them, many going overseas. I should clarify that they were sent a couple of days AFTER the ceremony, so no possible confusion of thinking it was an invitation.

 

[sasywtch]

We sent them out for all 4 of my kids. It's normal here to do that and it is basically a cash grab. But, it's known here for that. We did send them to most of my cousins on my dad's side (but I see them 3-4 times a year and speak either on the phone or facebook also). I did not send them to my cousins on my mom's side as they are in England and I haven't seen them in 20 years but do talk on facebook. It is common with my family so it's no big deal to us. We usually put a $20 in a card.