Graduation Invitation Etiquette

[mom2rtk]

Sometimes it's easier to send it than to send it and risk someone being offended others got one but they didn't.

Look at it as an announcement rather than an invitation.

 

[prairie_girl]

Ahhh, the annual gift grab season has started again.

Why would you consider sending a gift to someone you probably couldn’t pick out of a line up? I’ll send you my address and you can send me a cheque as well lol

 

[CdnCarrie]

Graduation party and the like aren’t really a thing here.
I would just ignore it.

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

I'd go to the dollar store and get a Congratulations card and send it. I wouldn't send a gift. I don't think whatever you decide to do is wrong here. If it is in fact an invite and not just an announcement I would RSVP but it would be a no from me.

 

[HopperFan]

What is the etiquette for sending/receiving graduation invitations/announcements? I just received a graduation invitation from a relative for their son graduating from high school. I haven't spoken to this relative in years, they do not interact with anything I post on social media. We live on different coasts (CA vs NJ) so will not be able to make the graduation party in June. I'm assuming they do not expect us to come to the graduation party, just want us to send $$$.


I was a little taken aback because of the lack of interaction up until this point. What is your take?

One of my pet peeves!

Too many people just go through the address book and send to everyone expecting money in return. It's rude! I know my Mom once received one from one of my husbands relatives .......... like no. I told her to throw it in the trash. To them it's like the lottery - they spend the cost of the mailing and stamp to see it if will pay out in cash. You are under ZERO obligation to send anything, not even a card.

When my kids graduated we sent announcement to grandparents and a couple family members we were very close to but they lived far. We had a small party at our home and only invited those we knew who would come because they were involved in our lives, and lived close to us. Did not invite if they weren't within an hour of us.

They know what they did, you know what they did ... I'd ignore it.

 

[jdb in AZ]

When grads order invites they often (usually) have a minimum order of invites, and just keep addressing them til they run out. Sending them out is part of the rite of passage -- I doubt they really expect much of a response, especially from out-of-state relatives. DH and I just say "that's nice" and don't reply, even to college grads.

 

[ronandannette]

Just curious...what's the cost of postage for your basic invitation-type thing? Here it's $0.95. I think that's somewhat of a deterrent to people who would just mail something to tons and tons of people. Almost all the invitations and announcements I've received in the past few years have been e-vites; even for formal events.

 

[tvguy]

I never sent any out. No idea if they were common in 1975, but my mom was of the mindset that Graduation is just an expected thing for an 18 year old. I have 16 cousins and I don't remember getting announcements from any of them. My mom and my brother and sister in law were the only ones who attended my Graduation ceremony.

My kids had no interest in sending them out when they graduated in 2005 and 2009 so we didn't order any. My mom, my brother and my sister in law, my wife and I were the only ones who attended my kids Graduation. Their school limited how many people who could come and I guess there was some drama for some families who wanted to invite more people than they could get tickets for.

 

[prairie_girl]

I never sent any out. No idea if they were common in 1975, but my mom was of the mindset that Graduation is just an expected thing for an 18 year old. I have 16 cousins and I don't remember getting announcements from any of them. My mom and my brother and sister in law were the only ones who attended my Graduation ceremony.

My kids had no interest in sending them out when they graduated in 2005 and 2009 so we didn't order any. My mom, my brother and my sister in law, my wife and I were the only ones who attended my kids Graduation. Their school limited how many people who could come and I guess there was some drama for some families who wanted to invite more people than they could get tickets for.

I remember a thread from a few years ago where I said what you are saying; that graduation from high school is expected. I was eaten alive and had people telling me that they felt sorry for my kid and that I shouldn’t have had her if I wasn’t willing to celebrate things. It was bonkers.

 

[SandyinMonterey]

I've received graduation announcements from relatives I never hear from. I didn't send anything.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I actually enjoy getting graduation announcements from cousin's kids or friend's kids. It reminds me that I have lots of family out there. It also makes me wonder where the time went because I remember when these babies were born. I enjoy seeing pictures of them all grown up and ready to take on the world. I could never see it as a negative thing or a money grab. I can make the choice about how to respond. At a minimum, I send a card to acknowledge that I received the announcement and congratulate them. I might toss in some money or a gift card, depending on how well I know the kids or the parents.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Just curious...what's the cost of postage for your basic invitation-type thing? Here it's $0.95. I think that's somewhat of a deterrent to people who would just mail something to tons and tons of people. Almost all the invitations and announcements I've received in the past few years have been e-vites; even for formal events.

The cost of card is typically just going to be the postage stamp assuming it's not heavy (I think it needs to be something like less than an ounce to not have an additional charge) and normal size.

We have forever stamps here that many buy so people can buy them at the current rate and use them even if the rate of postage goes up. We bought a booklet of 20 stamps last year before the cost of postage went up. Current stamps are $0.63 per stamp effective sometime in January 2023 (prior cost was $0.60).

 

[Threehearts]

When my kids graduated from high school which wasn't that long ago, we congratulated them and told them their aunts and uncles were also so, so proud of their own children graduating. Let's go out to dinner and celebrate, just our family. I would never let my kids send out announcements that they graduated from high school. It's not like they won the Nobel Prize. Call me crazy, but we expected that our kids would make it through high school.

Now, if a child has struggled mightily and graduating is a monumental achievement, that child certainly can announce their hard won success to any and everyone.

I feel that sending graduation announcements to people that the graduate has not kept in close touch with is not far off from the couples who send wedding invites to people they know can't attend, but still the couple is hoping for a gift. I hear young people I work with say that everyone does that now.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Their school limited how many people who could come and I guess there was some drama for some families who wanted to invite more people than they could get tickets for.

Almost no one here would want an inside graduation not just because it will be hotter than heck inside but also that it would be limited. I think ours would have been 6 tickets per graduated had it been inside. Outside was no limitations because it was held in the football stadium.

Sure some families can get quite large but it can be hard to limit too. Take 6 for example (some I think were only 2 people per graduate!) that could be just the parents, siblings, and grandparents. A lot of people have more than that in their lives they would love to have there. Not the end of the world but none the less it can be disappointing.

When my sister-in-law graduated high school (although I wasn't married to my husband then I still attended) it was myself, my husband, the other sister-in-law, then the mom, step-dad, dad and his wife, then her step-siblings (well really just 2 of them she was closest with the other one she wasn't close to), then the husband of one of the step-siblings also very close to. These were close people to the graduate, hardly ancillary relatives but would have exceeded the limit most common it seems around here of 6. I know some people think there are people out there inviting the whole town but it's much more likely to be close enough people to the graduate in terms of the graduation. The party sorta depends on each family's way of doing things.

 

[Love Tink]

One of my pet peeves!

Too many people just go through the address book and send to everyone expecting money in return. It's rude! I know my Mom once received one from one of my husbands relatives .......... like no. I told her to throw it in the trash. To them it's like the lottery - they spend the cost of the mailing and stamp to see it if will pay out in cash. You are under ZERO obligation to send anything, not even a card.

When my kids graduated we sent announcement to grandparents and a couple family members we were very close to but they lived far. We had a small party at our home and only invited those we knew who would come because they were involved in our lives, and lived close to us. Did not invite if they weren't within an hour of us.

They know what they did, you know what they did ... I'd ignore it.

Geez, what a way to see the world. Getting something from a relative is their attempt to win "the lottery." "They know what they did." Gack.

It's a kid. (Yes, 18 is still a kid). It's a kid who's acknowledging a rite of passage (high school graduation is a rite of passage whether you struggled or not), and one of life's few chances to celebrate yourself.

OP, if $25 means something to you and your budget, toss the card. If it doesn't, send the kid a note and a check.

 

[lpereira]

It would depend on how I received the announcement/ invitation. If it was an email I wouldn't bother even acknowledging it.
If someone took the time to handwrite your address and name I would acknowledge it with a card congratulating the honoree. That would be the extent of it.

 

[tvguy]

Almost no one here would want an inside graduation not just because it will be hotter than heck inside

Opposite here if heat is the issue. People want it inside where it's air conditioned because it can get to 100 degrees here in May and June. Actually, this is an issue that just came up with California State University Sacramento graduation. They are scheduled to graduate at the arena the Sacramento Kings play at, and if the Kings are still in the playoffs in May, the arena won't be available so they will have to use their stadium.
The arena seats almost 18,000 and the stadium 21,000, so not sure if having enough space will be a factor.

 

[tvguy]

I remember a thread from a few years ago where I said what you are saying; that graduation from high school is expected. I was eaten alive and had people telling me that they felt sorry for my kid and that I shouldn’t have had her if I wasn’t willing to celebrate things. It was bonkers.

Yeah, I got flamed when I suggested parents pay for their kids College Education.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Opposite here if heat is the issue. People want it inside where it's air conditioned because it can get to 100 degrees here in May and June. Actually, this is an issue that just came up with California State University Sacramento graduation. They are scheduled to graduate at the arena the Sacramento Kings play at, and if the Kings are still in the playoffs in May, the arena won't be available so they will have to use their stadium.
The arena seats almost 18,000 and the stadium 21,000, so not sure if having enough space will be a factor.

Well May can get humid here (or cold it was like 30s when my sister graduated) but I was meaning cramming a bunch of bodies in a gym it gets very hot. Inside is always a chance due to weather (mainly rain/storms).

As far as stadium that's precisely why people want outside because there's so much space no one has to worry about limitations.

 

[_19disnA]

I assumed the OP was asking about an invite to a h.s. graduation party likley held at the home of the parents of the grad. The actual graduation ceremonies I can recall have limited seating when held in some indoor venue. Typically the school can only provide enough tickets such that the immediate family of the graduate and perhaps grandparents are able to attend. Even if the OP was referring to the actual ceremony, still had the impression they had no plans to travel across country for someone they rarely interact with.