Giving visitors chores

[Lilacs4Me]

My coworker asked me to look at a chore list she put together for her three nieces who are staying the week with her and her DH for the next week while their grandparents (whom they live with...long story) are away for an emergency trip to see the MIL's father who is in hospice care and not doing well.

My first thought was "You are giving them chores?" Thought it was odd, but OK. They are 15, 13 1/2, and 12 so maybe they are messy and she doesn't want to come home to a mess every day. (although I have seen pics of her her house and it looks pretty messy and cluttered and unorganized most of the time anyway, but still....it's different when it's your *own* stuff)

Then she showed me the spreadsheet. Among other things, she will have these girls pulling weeds, cleaning out flower beds, mowing the lawn, vacuuming, dusting, cleaning bathrooms, mopping the floors, and being on "baby duty" - meaning babysitting their 20 month old cousin while the DH (who is out of work, but starts a new job a week from Monday) is performing the chores she gave HIM.

I'm totally not judging other than thinking it's weird and funny (in a non-negative way) but is it odd? I never thought to give my neices and nephews chores to perform when they stay with us....I mean, they will pitch in and help clear the table, or pick up after themselves if they make a mess, but cleaning the bathrooms or doing my landscaping? I never thought about even asking them to do this.

My feedback was "What? It's not color-coded?" and "Are you a little nervous about having them over?"

Her reasoning was because if she didn't keep them busy, they would just play on their phones all day.

Isn't that the awesome thing about being on "vacation" though? Getting extra time to do the things you *want* to do?

 

[MariMama]

My coworker asked me to look at a chore list she put together for ther three neices who are staying the week with her and her DH for the next week while their grandparents (whom they live with...long story) are away for an emergency trip to see the MIL's father who is in hospice care and not doing well.

My first thought was "You are giving them chores?" Thought it was odd, but OK. They are 15, 13 1/2, and 12 so maybe they are messy and she doesn't want to come home to a mess every day. (although I have seen pics of her her house and it looks pretty messy and cluttered and unorganized most of the time anyway, but still....it's different when it's your *own* stuff)

Then she showed me the spreadsheet. Among other things, she will have these girls pulling weeds, cleaning out flower beds, mowing the lawn, vacuuming, dusting, cleaning bathrooms, mopping the floors, and being on "baby duty" - meaning babysitting their 20 month old cousin while the DH (who is out of work, but starts a new job a week from Monday) is performing the chores she gave HIM.

I'm totally not judging other than thinking it's weird and funny (in a non-negative way) but is it odd? I never thought to give my neices and nephews chores to perform when they stay with us....I mean, they will pitch in and help clear the table, or pick up after themselves if they make a mess, but cleaning the bathrooms or doing my landscaping? I never thought about even asking them to do this.

My feedback was "What? It's not color-coded?" and "Are you a little nervous about having them over?"

Her reasoning was because if she didn't keep them busy, they would just play on their phones all day.

Isn't that the awesome thing about being on "vacation" though? Getting extra time to do the things you *want* to do?

I'll totally judge. Yes, it is odd and not normal to give kids chores who are supposed to be visiting you for vacation. Though I suppose it is one way to never have them come back.

 

[piccolopat]

These kids aren't visiting for a vacation but the OP is providing care for them for the week. I don't have a problem with asking them to help out while they are there but that long list sounds like she expects them to do too much. Cleaning the space they will occupy, helping with the dishes, maybe helping out with their cousin for some (not all) of the time, OK. Doing the yard work and most of the routine housework just sounds like she expects them to be her "Merry Maids" for the week. That's not OK in my book.

 

[barkley]

this honestly sounds to me like one of those arrangements where the sending family member has requested of the receiving to make life less than pleasant for the visiting teens/tweens so that they appreciate what they take for granted at "home".

 

[PrincessShmoo]

These kids aren't visiting for a vacation but the OP is providing care for them for the week. I don't have a problem with asking them to help out while they are there but that long list sounds like she expects them to do too much. Cleaning the space they will occupy, helping with the dishes, maybe helping out with their cousin for some (not all) of the time, OK. Doing the yard work and most of the routine housework just sounds like she expects them to be her "Merry Maids" for the week. That's not OK in my book.

And we don't know - maybe the grandparents have requested for them to have chores while "visiting".

 

[gotomu212]

That's weird to me. Sure I might ask that they make their beds, pick up after themself, maybe pitch in with dinner. But, I would never ever ask a guest to do yard work or general housework. It sounds like she thinks she's inherited servants for the week instead of hosting family for a visit.

 

[nugov2]

Are you kidding me. That's ridiculous. Tell your coworker to take care of her own house or hire a cleaning company/landscaping company. Expecting them to pick up after themselves is one thing...treating them as free labor for a week is over the top.

 

[piccolopat]

And we don't know - maybe the grandparents have requested for them to have chores while "visiting".

I would think the OP would have mentioned that if they did. In my opinion, she is looking at three sets of hands to help her get her own house in order. Having them do some chores is different than having a long enough list to keep them busy all day, all week.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

And we don't know - maybe the grandparents have requested for them to have chores while "visiting".

Well, from what I know, they do their fair share of the work around the house at home, too, but from talking about them with my co-worker, the grandmother made no such request. Ms. Coworker is the kind of person who has a toddler but thinks she understands what it is like to raise tweens/teens, and thinks that if she can just get her hands on them for a while, she can change them into being the kind of kids *she* thinks they should be. (ie - kids who will self-limit their electronics use, will willingly pitch in and help do the dishes, share everything, and never fight or argue)

yeah, because that works every time! LOL (sarcasm intended)

Dang....I can't even get my OWN kids to behave like I think they should....I've given up hope ever thinking I can make other people's kids to change!

I silently say "You'll learn in time....." and just smile and agree when she talks.

 

[loves to dive]

My parents always treated anyone visiting our house like family so if my brother's or myself had friends over for more than just a few hours, they were expected to do whatever we were doing. That didn't involve spreadsheets, especially since there was no such thing as personal computers back then, but they were expected to clean up after themselves, help clear the table, etc. I expected the same thing of any of my son's friends who spent time at our house. I think she is going a bit overboard though and is just using them as an excuse to get her house clean.

 

[MainMom]

Perhaps if she wants them off of their phones she should take them to the library and get some books for them to read. I have my kids do this in the summer. the chores are overkill.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

It is inhospitable to give a visitor chores. If they offer to help it is ok to let them, however.

 

[King Schultz]

My coworker asked me to look at a chore list she put together for her three nieces who are staying the week with her and her DH for the next week while their grandparents (whom they live with...long story) are away for an emergency trip to see the MIL's father who is in hospice care and not doing well.

My first thought was "You are giving them chores?" Thought it was odd, but OK. They are 15, 13 1/2, and 12 so maybe they are messy and she doesn't want to come home to a mess every day. (although I have seen pics of her her house and it looks pretty messy and cluttered and unorganized most of the time anyway, but still....it's different when it's your *own* stuff)

Then she showed me the spreadsheet. Among other things, she will have these girls pulling weeds, cleaning out flower beds, mowing the lawn, vacuuming, dusting, cleaning bathrooms, mopping the floors, and being on "baby duty" - meaning babysitting their 20 month old cousin while the DH (who is out of work, but starts a new job a week from Monday) is performing the chores she gave HIM.

I'm totally not judging other than thinking it's weird and funny (in a non-negative way) but is it odd? I never thought to give my neices and nephews chores to perform when they stay with us....I mean, they will pitch in and help clear the table, or pick up after themselves if they make a mess, but cleaning the bathrooms or doing my landscaping? I never thought about even asking them to do this.

My feedback was "What? It's not color-coded?" and "Are you a little nervous about having them over?"

Her reasoning was because if she didn't keep them busy, they would just play on their phones all day.

Isn't that the awesome thing about being on "vacation" though? Getting extra time to do the things you *want* to do?

Sounds like more of a "prison sentence" than a "visit".

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

They are staying for week? And she needed a spread sheet for the chores?

I guess she is lucky that they aren't staying longer. If they were, she might have had to hire a professional organizer.

Yes, this is weird. Someone coming for a week is treated like a guest. No, I wouldn't wait on them hand and foot. I don't do that with guests. But they also wouldn't have chores. If they were staying longer, yes, I would ask them to help around the house. More in the line of setting the table or clearing it. I might ask them to help with the shopping, going with me and such.

But there is no way I would be assigning weed pulling or mopping floors.

 

[Poohforyou]

Yes, that is weird and inappropriate. If there are specific house rules - like beds are made in the morning, all dirty dishes are put in the dishwasher, no eating in the living room I could understand letting them know those.

Beyond that I can't imagine. So what if they're playing on their phones. It's one week.

 

[diznygirl]

Perhaps if she wants them off of their phones she should take them to the library and get some books for them to read. I have my kids do this in the summer. the chores are overkill.

They can download ebooks from the library and not leave the house. Or maybe they already have books on their phones and that's why they spend so much time on them.

It sounds like co-worker is using them for maid service for the week - if all she wants is them to be off their phones, she could take them to a movie, go to a museum, play a board game with them - there are other ways to accomplish this but her yard wouldn't get weeded!

 

[TipsyTraveler]

I could maybe understand her involving the girls with a project such as planting the flowerbeds as something they could all spend time doing together, coworker included, but handing them mops and dust rags and saying, "Clean my house for me"? No. Her reasoning is weak too. Scrubbing the toilets is not any better use of one's brain than playing on the phone.

 

[mjkacmom]

I have kids that age, they spend the summer hanging out with friends. Are they from a different town? It would be bad enough to leave your friends for a week, but to be doing chores for someone else the whole time? Sad.

 

[Magpie]

So... these girls live with their grandparents. Their grandparents have had to leave abruptly, in order to be with a dying relative.

Considering the amount of emotional stress these girls are likely feeling, I think it's cruel to treat them like the hired help. Why not plan some fun outings for them instead? Movies, museums, library trips, etc?

I occasionally had to stay with neighbours when my mum was out of town on business. They never asked me to do chores, except in the general pleasant way one asks a guest to pitch in. IE, "What would you prefer for dinner? We have options a, b, and c. C? Great! Would you mind chopping these potatoes for me, while I get the rest of it in the pot?"

And other than that, they left me to my own devices (which mainly consisted of reading for hours). Occasionally, I'd get invited somewhere with my host family, but it was always up to me if I wanted to come along.

If I was you, I'd have had one question for your co-worker, "How much will you be paying them? At least minimum wage, I hope."

 

[pocomom]

My coworker asked me to look at a chore list she put together for her three nieces who are staying the week with her and her DH for the next week while their grandparents (whom they live with...long story) are away for an emergency trip to see the MIL's father who is in hospice care and not doing well.

My first thought was "You are giving them chores?" Thought it was odd, but OK. They are 15, 13 1/2, and 12 so maybe they are messy and she doesn't want to come home to a mess every day. (although I have seen pics of her her house and it looks pretty messy and cluttered and unorganized most of the time anyway, but still....it's different when it's your *own* stuff)

Then she showed me the spreadsheet. Among other things, she will have these girls pulling weeds, cleaning out flower beds, mowing the lawn, vacuuming, dusting, cleaning bathrooms, mopping the floors, and being on "baby duty" - meaning babysitting their 20 month old cousin while the DH (who is out of work, but starts a new job a week from Monday) is performing the chores she gave HIM.

I'm totally not judging other than thinking it's weird and funny (in a non-negative way) but is it odd? I never thought to give my neices and nephews chores to perform when they stay with us....I mean, they will pitch in and help clear the table, or pick up after themselves if they make a mess, but cleaning the bathrooms or doing my landscaping? I never thought about even asking them to do this.

My feedback was "What? It's not color-coded?" and "Are you a little nervous about having them over?"

Her reasoning was because if she didn't keep them busy, they would just play on their phones all day.

Isn't that the awesome thing about being on "vacation" though? Getting extra time to do the things you *want* to do?

I think she is either auditioning for the part of the wicked step-mother or she is REALLY nervous about "parenting " 3 teens/nearly teens for a week.
It sounds more like prison camp, than keeping them busy. She can keep them busy by going to a park, pool or movie.
At that age I would expect visitor kids to straighten up after themselves , maybe pitch in clearing the table/carrying groceries in ... I think that's about it.
I guess you can't really say anything, but I sure hope she changes her tune. IMHO , teenagers can be a wonderful lot , especially when visiting other people, lol. They may have helped with a lot of this on their own, given a chance ;but if she continues she is likely going to end up with sulky, pouty miserable souls for a week.