Giving visitors chores

[ford family]

I think the mother being referred to was the mother of the toddler, the one with the spreadsheet.

Reading your reactions begs the question exactly how do you know these children feel either entitled or precious? Or do you merely make that assumption because you know all of them do, ergo these must necessarily feel the same as well? Judging by your user name it suggests you have children. Do or did your children grow up with an attitude of entitlement or preciousness? Would it be inappropriate for us to assume they did?

I don't know these children and I have made no assumption as to whether they feel entitled or precious.
The proposed regime may be how they are usually occupied at home so they may not see the "horror" of the situation as many of you seem to.
I am aware of modern children displaying a sense of entitlement and being "precious". Reading the reactions of previous posters helps me to understand what may be generating that phenomenon.
You can assume what you like about our children or our grandchildren but I can assure you that they were not brought up to do chores badly as a protest, or condone someone else for doing that.

ford family

 

[powellrj]

As a former working mom, I would have the girls babysit during the day so DH will have lots of free time to get the spreadsheet done. I don't think its too much to ask for 3 teens to keep a toddler busy while she is at work. If they live in an area with lots to do, they could do the playground and take walks and play outside.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

There is no mother involved, the kids live with their grandparents.
The only person giving the kids a paint stripping job is you. Read the list to see who really has that job!
We do not know how much, if anything, the lawn mower differs from the one they have at their grandparents house, where they usually live.
These kids are not "on vacation", they are being shunted off to a relative in a family emergency. A few chores does not constitute "indentured servitude".
Reading some of the reactions of previous posters it explains why so many young people feel so "precious".

ford family

Here is the difference, IMO.

My kids do everything on that list at our house. DS15 mows, DS10 helps. DD cleans the bathrooms. They all do dishes. They clean kitty litter, sweep/mop floors and help with the flowers/landscaping and do laundry, etc. I have no problem with my kids doing any of those chores on that list.

BUT - they do not do all of that stuff when visiting other people! Even for a week! And kids are not expected to do it when they come here.

I guess the reason I found it weird is because we often have our nieces and nephews stay with us - sometimes for the weekend for the in-town cousins, and sometimes for up to a few weeks for the out of state ones. After the age of about 6, I don't think I even had to tell them to put their dirty clothes in a pile- they just did it naturally. And when it came time to pitch in to help on a Saturday (when we do most of our deep-cleaning chores), we ALL do the chores as a family, so most of the time, the kid who is here just naturally starts to help with whatever chore the kid closest in age to him/her is. So, if my 17 year old nephew is here, and DS16 has to mow the lawn, nephew would go out and give him a hand. Or, if niece13 is here and DD12 has to clean the living room, niece will start picking stuff up, too. But they are not ASSIGNED chores that my family members themselves refuse to do for months at a time while they are off work. And there is no way, no how my husband would let one of our nieces get the lawnmower out and cut the grass while he sits around. He was brought up really old-fashioned - and he is NOT old-fashioned 99% of the time, but every once in a while little bits from his upbringing sneak through. Growing up, lawnmowing and taking out garbage was STRICTLY done by the boys in his family. It wouldn't sit right with him knowing he can do it himself and there is a 14 year old girl out there doing it instead. But along with that comes giving his seat up for a lady, holding doors, helping carry bags, etc, so I will take it

And. before we had kids, we have had our older nieces and nephews stay with us for weeks and weeks at a time when they were younger (tweens and teens) and we never made them do anything except hang out with us as we did stuff. Again, they would usually pitch in naturally - I have pictures of my now-30 and 29 year old nephew and niece with bunches of sticks in their hands when they, DH, and I were cleaning up the yard one summer. They were about 12/13 or so. I think that is totally fine and normal since they were with us for about a month. But if we took them for a week - no matter what the circumstance - I would never think to have them clean my house better than I would do it myself. It would be one thing if my house was immaculate all the time - but in the case of co-worker and her sweaty selfie pictures of the background chaos in her home on a daily basis, I can assure you that these girls will do more cleaning this week than coworker and her husband do in a month.

That is what I think is weird! I never make a kid do more work than I am willing to do myself. But that is just me. And trust me...my kids feel the farthest thing from "precious" there could possibly be.

 

[cabanafrau]

I don't know these children and I have made no assumption as to whether they feel entitled or precious.
The proposed regime may be how they are usually occupied at home so they may not see the "horror" of the situation as many of you seem to.
I am aware of modern children displaying a sense of entitlement and being "precious". Reading the reactions of previous posters helps me to understand what may be generating that phenomenon.
You can assume what you like about our children or our grandchildren but I can assure you that they were not brought up to do chores badly as a protest, or condone someone else for doing that.

ford family

So you view "modern children" as a whole, an unflattering one at that, but of course that has nothing to do with your children or grandchildren. How do you know many of said "modern children" aren't in fact being raised with a quite healthy and well adjusted sense of self and your assumptions aren't off?

 

[cabanafrau]

Here is the difference, IMO.

My kids do everything on that list at our house. DS15 mows, DS10 helps. DD cleans the bathrooms. They all do dishes. They clean kitty litter, sweep/mop floors and help with the flowers/landscaping and do laundry, etc. I have no problem with my kids doing any of those chores on that list.

BUT - they do not do all of that stuff when visiting other people! Even for a week! And kids are not expected to do it when they come here.

I guess the reason I found it weird is because we often have our nieces and nephews stay with us - sometimes for the weekend for the in-town cousins, and sometimes for up to a few weeks for the out of state ones. After the age of about 6, I don't think I even had to tell them to put their dirty clothes in a pile- they just did it naturally. And when it came time to pitch in to help on a Saturday (when we do most of our deep-cleaning chores), we ALL do the chores as a family, so most of the time, the kid who is here just naturally starts to help with whatever chore the kid closest in age to him/her is. So, if my 17 year old nephew is here, and DS16 has to mow the lawn, nephew would go out and give him a hand. Or, if niece13 is here and DD12 has to clean the living room, niece will start picking stuff up, too. But they are not ASSIGNED chores that my family members themselves refuse to do for months at a time while they are off work. And there is no way, no how my husband would let one of our nieces get the lawnmower out and cut the grass while he sits around. He was brought up really old-fashioned - and he is NOT old-fashioned 99% of the time, but every once in a while little bits from his upbringing sneak through. Growing up, lawnmowing and taking out garbage was STRICTLY done by the boys in his family. It wouldn't sit right with him knowing he can do it himself and there is a 14 year old girl out there doing it instead. But along with that comes giving his seat up for a lady, holding doors, helping carry bags, etc, so I will take it

And. before we had kids, we have had our older nieces and nephews stay with us for weeks and weeks at a time when they were younger (tweens and teens) and we never made them do anything except hang out with us as we did stuff. Again, they would usually pitch in naturally - I have pictures of my now-30 and 29 year old nephew and niece with bunches of sticks in their hands when they, DH, and I were cleaning up the yard one summer. They were about 12/13 or so. I think that is totally fine and normal since they were with us for about a month. But if we took them for a week - no matter what the circumstance - I would never think to have them clean my house better than I would do it myself. It would be one thing if my house was immaculate all the time - but in the case of co-worker and her sweaty selfie pictures of the background chaos in her home on a daily basis, I can assure you that these girls will do more cleaning this week than coworker and her husband do in a month.

That is what I think is weird! I never make a kid do more work than I am willing to do myself. But that is just me. And trust me...my kids feel the farthest thing from "precious" there could possibly be.

The bolding is what sticks out to me as indications this person is looking to capitalize on the situation for personal gain, which I find to be nasty behavior. That she's doing it under the guise of teaching these kids to stay off their phones and probably going to take kudos and pat herself on the back along the way for helping out in a difficult situation makes it all the nastier in my eyes.

 

[ford family]

So you view "modern children" as a whole, an unflattering one at that, but of course that has nothing to do with your children or grandchildren. How do you know many of said "modern children" aren't in fact being raised with a quite healthy and well adjusted sense of self and your assumptions aren't off?

I said " I am aware of modern children displaying a sense of entitlement and being "precious"."
I didn't say all children or children as a whole.
It isn't an assumption, it is my experience.
Your interpretation is wrong and your comments about my family are offensive.
But, of course, you are entitled to your opinion.

ford family

 

[cabanafrau]

I said " I am aware of modern children displaying a sense of entitlement and being "precious"."
I didn't say all children or children as a whole.
It isn't an assumption, it is my experience.
Your interpretation is wrong and your comments about my family are offensive.
But, of course, you are entitled to your opinion.

ford family

I made not one comment about your family, not one. I asked only if we were to make assumptions if we would be inappropriate. The only person I'm judging here is the woman who is capitalizing on these kids in the thread in the guise of doing them a kindness.

I don't understand your definition of "modern children". Would that not mean all children of today or children as a whole? Are you simply saying that you label children you feel as badly behaved as modern children?

 

[ashley0139]

I feel sad for the girls.

 

[Aliceacc]

I don't know these children and I have made no assumption as to whether they feel entitled or precious.
The proposed regime may be how they are usually occupied at home so they may not see the "horror" of the situation as many of you seem to.
I am aware of modern children displaying a sense of entitlement and being "precious". Reading the reactions of previous posters helps me to understand what may be generating that phenomenon.
You can assume what you like about our children or our grandchildren but I can assure you that they were not brought up to do chores badly as a protest, or condone someone else for doing that.

ford family

Can I say a word in defense of "modern children"??

Nope, I'm not going to brag about my own. It's too hard to be impartial and I know that. I'm going to talk about other people's children.

I'm a high school teacher, as is my husband-- we're in different Catholic High schools. I began teaching in 1980, my husband in 1982. My own children attend local public schools.

Two quick stories:
1. My school this year lost a Senior. She went to bed a happy, healthy 17 year old, woke up with a blinding headache, and died about 48 hours later of an aneurysm. Those who speak of "modern children" and their faults would have been stunned to see how our kids comported themselves over those 3 or 4 days.. the prayers, all they did for the mom of their friend, the composure they showed in the face of horrible circumstances.

2. My husband was seriously, scary sick just days before he was due to chaperone the Senior Trip to WDW 2 months ago; we weren't sure he would make it through. (Thankfully, he's now fine.) The Juniors and Seniors at his school passed the hat, and presented us with a check for $4000 to fund a trip to WDW for my husband. (He was still in the ICU at that point, and pretty groggy. But I'll never, ever forget their kindness and generosity of spirit.

. Kids from my school spend every February break helping to rebuild homes damaged by Sandy; before that we sent a group every year to the Gulf Coast to help rebuild there. (And, yes, I'm from NY. We have a woodworking club, so we sent kids capable of being a real help) They participate in Junior/Senior Proms at the local nursing homes. They do so very much more to make this world a better place.

Kids today are neither more entitled nor precious than they have been in the past; that's just a matter of bad press

 

[aprilgail]

Are you kidding me. That's ridiculous. Tell your coworker to take care of her own house or hire a cleaning company/landscaping company. Expecting them to pick up after themselves is one thing...treating them as free labor for a week is over the top.

I agree- the kids are on vacation let them have the week to themselves to have fun- the husband is not working so why not take them out to do some fun things- local amusement park, beach- whatever! I can't even imagine having my relatives come to visit and saying "here is your chore list" wow- that is SO over the top. Sure they should keep the room they are staying in straightened up- put their dishes in the dishwasher but as far a weeds etc- the lady and her husband should get their own butts out there to do that stuff!

 

[cabanafrau]

Can I say a word in defense of "modern children"??

Nope, I'm not going to brag about my own. It's too hard to be impartial and I know that. I'm going to talk about other people's children.

I'm a high school teacher, as is my husband-- we're in different Catholic High schools. I began teaching in 1980, my husband in 1982. My own children attend local public schools.

Two quick stories:
1. My school this year lost a Senior. She went to bed a happy, healthy 17 year old, woke up with a blinding headache, and died about 48 hours later of an aneurysm. Those who speak of "modern children" and their faults would have been stunned to see how our kids comported themselves over those 3 or 4 days.. the prayers, all they did for the mom of their friend, the composure they showed in the face of horrible circumstances.

2. My husband was seriously, scary sick just days before he was due to chaperone the Senior Trip to WDW 2 months ago; we weren't sure he would make it through. (Thankfully, he's now fine.) The Juniors and Seniors at his school passed the hat, and presented us with a check for $4000 to fund a trip to WDW for my husband. (He was still in the ICU at that point, and pretty groggy. But I'll never, ever forget their kindness and generosity of spirit.

. Kids from my school spend every February break helping to rebuild homes damaged by Sandy; before that we sent a group every year to the Gulf Coast to help rebuild there. (And, yes, I'm from NY. We have a woodworking club, so we sent kids capable of being a real help) They participate in Junior/Senior Proms at the local nursing homes. They do so very much more to make this world a better place.

Kids today are neither more entitled nor precious than they have been in the past; that's just a matter of bad press

Exactly, good apples and bad apples, just the way it's always been. The children in this thread aren't going to stay with the relative because they've been badly behaved or need straightening out, they simply need a place to stay for a week in a family emergency that is totally out of their control.

Instead of being welcomed with smiles they're being planned to be utilized as resources, resources who better not have their noses in their phones for the week. Maybe being the daughter of someone who was orphaned and abandoned as a child and knowing my aunt was taken in by relatives to serve as their maid makes me sensitive to kids being mistreated this way.

 

[MariMama]

...which might be just fine with everybody anyway. This is not a long-planned, happy family bonding week - it's a semi-emergency where arrangements had to be put together while the Grandpatents tend a dying relative. While I wouldn't make them a chore list, I also wouldn't be able to stop my world on a dime and spend the whole week entertaining them either.

ETA: And I have to chuckle a little at how much of a villain the Aunt has become on this thread. The post right above mine implies she's breezing out the door every morning. Let's remember she's the sole support for her family, is having to be away from her small child all day and now is stepping up to have these 3 girls in for a week without much notice. None of that is simple and stress-free.

That small child is with his/her father.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

That small child is with his/her father.

Correct - and coworker was laid off from Dec-May of this year, and worked 4 out of 5 days at home before that, so it's not like she hasn't had plenty of opportunity to spend time with her DD AND get some stuff done around the house. (The tree stump that she has the niece working on this week HAD to have been there in March and April while coworker AND her DH were home every day, right?)

 

[ronandannette]

That small child is with his/her father.

So what - that wasn't my point. Many working moms regret not being with their (little) child even when they don't have any concerns about them being well-cared for. It adds to the day-to-day stress. Admittedly, I don't know if this is actually the case for the Aunt here, but since on this thread everybody's just ascribing characteristics, thoughts, feelings and motives to her, I'll take my turn too.

 

[low-key]

Ill give them a chore, get a motel and get out of my house

 

[tzolkin]

I can see asking the girls to take the toddler to the playground while he mows the lawn. But why should a teen visiting for a week mow her uncle's lawn?

I think this is the part that is mind-boggling to me.

The husband gets one "chore" per day-- the same amount of work as the teens? My DH would complete the entire list for the week by himself in one day and would be grateful to the girls for watching the toddler so he could accomplish everything without interruption that he would want to reward them in some way (pizza, ice cream, movie).

I think the mom is trying to use the teens to make up for all the jobs that her DH has been too lazy to do. It seems ridiculous to me that he should benefit (get out of doing chores he should have already done) because there is a family emergency and these girls need somewhere to stay.

 

[Micca]

Jeez, who's gonna check the mousetraps in the attic, get those old tires out of the backyard, and haul those 3/4 empty paint cans off to the hazard waste dump?