Girls at school spreading dangerous rumors (8th grade)

[piccolopat]

I don't think asking what he said makes a difference, these girls have learned that accusing others of being a racist, homophobic and then a rapist is acceptable behavior. There is no evidence of any misbehavior on the OP's son and the fact that he went to a councilor immediately tells me that he is very upset about even being perceived as someone who could do that.

I think it is important what was said. The boy may not have thought what he said was racist or homophobic, but perhaps it could be perceived that way by others. Sometimes this is a learning process for kids on both sides - one to be more careful with their selection of words by thinking about how others might interpret what they say and the other with learning not to be offended by things that might just be a difference of opinion.

 

[Sabeking]

Why though? Why can't people be civilized and have respect for others views? No one should be trounced or accused of being racist, homophobic, and a rapist just because they disagree.

I would like this a thousand times!! My dd's chancellor at college came out the other day and said we have no problem with opposing views on this campus BUT you will be respectful to each other's opinions!

 

[ELKA]

He

He does not like Trump. And he is not a racist, homophobic rapist.

Honestly, I don't undersatnd, whether you like or dislike trump, it is never ok to accuse someone with a differing opinion of such things simply based on that alone. It just makes no sense.

The discussion is not the problem nor his beliefs, and it shouldn't even be an issue. You owe no one an explanation of his likes or dislikes on this board, or even his politics. The problem is that your son was made to feel bad about not only what he said but even about himself.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would like this a thousand times!! My dd's chancellor at college came out the other day and said we have no problem with opposing views on this campus BUT you will be respectful to each other's opinions!

Totally agree but it is not like that. I am on Twitter and let me tell you, the climate is trying to divide us.

I have a call for UNITY out there. Let's work together. Not sure how though.

We are not allowed to debate politics here OP. The heat just keeps ramping up. It sucks.

 

[momz]

I think you

You hit the nail n the head here. You are absolutely right.

The four kids were discussing political issues that had to do with last November's elections. DS told the girls to give it a rest, Trump is in office and enough is enough, regarding them continuing to rehash the same arguments. That's when the comment was made. Something about his opinions not being valid because he is a "racist, homophobe" and he's be going around "raping " girls.

All of it is upsetting, goes too far and is untrue.

Hey MOMZ, I have to agree with the girls. Explain that many people HATE TRUMP including myself, so if he wants to talk politics with people expect to get trounced.

As a 52 yo woman here, I can tell your son is NOT over.

This is laughable. You have made some assumptions of your own, consequently showing some bias on your part. DS's political views are irrelevant to the issue. He actually does not support Trump (I don't think he HATES Trump, like you though).

Still the issue of political opinion is irrelevant here. The point is, he was accused of some vial things based on him trying to get the girls stop carrying on with their same arguments over and over. It doesn't equivocate to him being a homophobic, racist rapist.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

This is laughable. You have made some assumptions of your own, consequently showing some bias on your part. DS's political views are irrelevant to the issue. He actually does not support Trump (I don't think he HATES Trump, like you though).

Still the issue of political opinion is irrelevant here. The point is, he was accused of some vial things based on him trying to get the girls stop carrying on with their same arguments over and over. It doesn't equivocate to him being a homophobic, racist rapist.

I tried.

 

[because]

I got a call from one of the discipline counselors today regarding my son. He went to the counselor to report a problem with two girls in his grade. Going to the counselor is a highly unusual thing for him to do. My conversations with the counselors typically involve them asking me to talk with DS about knocking off the goofiness in the cafeteria because he gets too loud.

This time, however, the issue is much much more serious. The counselor told me that DS and his friend had a heated political discussion in band today with two girls, and the girls, "said some inappropriate things." The counselor, of course, didn't reveal who the girls are (I didn't ask), but she also didn't tell me what was said, just that it was inappropriate.

So, I spoke with DS about it when he got home. Turns out the girls accused both boys of being racist and homophobic. But also, they accused DS of (in his words), "going around <assaulting> girls." The word assault is actually a different word that starts with an R.

DS went to the counselor to report this. He is horrified that these things are being said about him and he didn't know what else to do.

My thoughts are all over the place on this. I am proud of him for reporting it. I believe him that the accusations aren't true. I am worried about these accusations getting around. And I want to know how he can protect himself against this defamation. Nothing good can come from this.

DS recognizes how serious this accusation is.

Any advice? I'm ready to hear all sides.

If it matters, this is a very large school with 700-800 kids per class. It is impossible for the teachers and staff to know the character of all the students.

If your son was not having a "Heated" political discussion in band, which is a totally inappropriate place to have such a discussion, there would not have been any fire, ammunition, nor reason to call him homophobic and racist. Nor would he have insulted the girls so much that they would feel the need to spread terrible rumors. Time to teach your son the golden rule that religion and politics are not discussed at work, school or other inappropriate places.

 

[Southernmiss]

Adults can't discuss politics civilly.

Why should 8th graders be expected to discuss politics civilly? I would not expect that most 8th graders could discuss politics without it getting heated if they were on opposing sides.

Maybe debate class needs to be offered more in schools.

 

[CinderDuffy]

If your son was not having a "Heated" political discussion in band, which is a totally inappropriate place to have such a discussion, there would not have been any fire, ammunition, nor reason to call him homophobic and racist. Nor would he have insulted the girls so much that they would feel the need to spread terrible rumors. Time to teach your son the golden rule that religion and politics are not discussed at work, school or other inappropriate places.

I agree, but I think your post will go over like a lead balloon as OP would prefer to blame the band teacher and the girls while trying to convince herself that DS was "only trying to defuse the situation."

 

[FlightlessDuck]

There's something I wonder about.

Accusing the son of "going around raping girls". I wonder if that's related to Trump's statement at the Days of Our Live set back in 2005, and the girls conflating your son's "support" for the President with him being a racist, homophobe, and rapist because he defended Trump, or whether there is something else going on in the school regarding this rumor. I think that's worth investigating. I would assume it's the former rather than the latter, but it's worth keeping your ear open about.

 

[SirDuff]

I'm confused by the title of the thread compared to what happened. Not defending the girls, but, from what's been described, they made the comment to the OP's son (in the middle of a heated arugment with only four people). Are they also going around spreading rumours? To me, these are two very different things (that should be dealt with differently).

 

[piccolopat]

I will help you. I live in a divided family, let's just say for DIS purposes. When you start discussing this topic it hits to the quick with people instantly. People start mouthing off, tensions rise, and then even stupider things get said. When he said, that they HAVE TO ACCEPT IT and move on, like it or not, he threw gasoline on the subject. Make him aware of that. Teach him how to ramp it down IF he wants to discuss politics. NOT an easy subject for ANYONE.

I agree. Everyone should learn how to deescalate a situation as you never know when it will come up or what the situation will be. On the other hand, parents and other adults need to understand how what they say and do at home can have a big influence on kids. Lots of kids, and even young adults in college, parrot back what they "know" from their family, professors, etc. Many of those, when challenged, have little really knowledge of the subject and cannot defend their position. We need to bring back debate teams where kids have to research issues and then defend their positions. It's a very useful skill in developing a generation of leaders rather than just "sheeple" as DH calls them. We also need for people to be much more open to hearing other opinions instead of just shutting things down if they hear something that doesn't fit with their ideas.

 

[SirDuff]

Also, your son doesn't get to tell people to "get over it". He's allowed not to take part in discussions/arguments that he doesn't want to be part of, but he doesn't get to tell others that they cannot.

 

[Party.Of.4-NY>>>FL]

Hey MOMZ, I have to agree with the girls. Explain that many people HATE TRUMP including myself, so if he wants to talk politics with people expect to get trounced.

As a 52 yo woman here, I can tell your son is NOT over.

Wrong. Hating President Trump, while fine, does not entitle people to label others as racist, homophobic, rapists. Totally unacceptable behavior that only serves to further separate those at opposite ends of the spectrum.

Also, your last sentence, what does that mean exactly?

 

[momz]

I wish I hadn't put the words "heated political discussion" in my original post and had just said "heated discussion".

I would like to get this thread back on topic.

DS was accused of some awful things.

Yes, he should have been on task in class.

The discussion got out of hand, he did not know how to de-escalate the tension. He was accused. He went to the counselor for help.

The girls have said that he "goes around raping girls" because they are upset about the discussion. He does not go around raping girls, I don't know why I have to prove this to some posters, none the less I feel it must be said.

Rape accusations are very serious and can follow him into high school, affecting opportunities to come. How can we protect him at this point?

I think he did the right thing by going to the counselor for help.

 

[ELKA]

I think it is important what was said. The boy may not have thought what he said was racist or homophobic, but perhaps it could be perceived that way by others. Sometimes this is a learning process for kids on both sides - one to be more careful with their selection of words by thinking about how others might interpret what they say and the other with learning not to be offended by things that might just be a difference of opinion.

I see, so basically saying a person is president, is racist, homophobic and that they go around raping girls? Where is the racism in that statement, where is the homophobia in that statement and where does it prove anything about a persons actions? Fill in any President's name, all 45, does that make me a racist, homophobic or a rapist that I can name all 45 presidents, or am I just someone who likes history?

 

[momz]

Also, your son doesn't get to tell people to "get over it". He's allowed not to take part in discussions/arguments that he doesn't want to be part of, but he doesn't get to tell others that they cannot.

ok, so,he doesn't have the freedom of speech to tell people to get over it. But others have the freedom of speech to destroy his reputation by spreading rumors that he is a racist, homophobic rapist.

Hmmm,.

 

[Party.Of.4-NY>>>FL]

There's something I wonder about.

Accusing the son of "going around raping girls". I wonder if that's related to Trump's statement at the Days of Our Live set back in 2005, and the girls conflating your son's "support" for the President with him being a racist, homophobe, and rapist because he defended Trump, or whether there is something else going on in the school regarding this rumor. I think that's worth investigating. I would assume it's the former rather than the latter, but it's worth keeping your ear open about.

I wondered this also. My first thought was that perhaps the girls were describing Trump as racist, homophobic, rapist, etc. and somehow OP's son misunderstood that as them accusing him (the son) of being those same things.

 

[because]

I think you

You hit the nail n the head here. You are absolutely right.

The four kids were discussing political issues that had to do with last November's elections. DS told the girls to give it a rest, Trump is in office and enough is enough, regarding them continuing to rehash the same arguments. That's when the comment was made. Something about his opinions not being valid because he is a "racist, homophobe" and he's be going around "raping " girls.

All of it is upsetting, goes too far and is untrue.

Sounds like your son told the girls first to shut up and that their views were not valid, ie: "give it a rest" just because someone is in office. I would be very, very angry myself. Of course, being older, I have much more self control than 8th grade girls to accuse someone of being a rapist, but you better believe I would have a snarky retort to someone telling me to put my views to rest. I do have a question. Was this just an angry comeback during the discussion with the 4 of them, or do you know for a fact that they are actually spreading these rumors around school?

 

[SirDuff]

ok, so,he doesn't have the freedom of speech to tell people to get over it. But others have the freedom of speech to destroy his reputation by spreading rumors that he is a racist, homophobic rapist.

Hmmm,.

Can you please point me to where I said that what the girls said is okay?

At the same time, can you please explain the rumours that were spread? According to your posts, they said it, once, directly to him. That is not the same as "spreading romors".

ETA - My point was that, while what the girls said should definitely be addressed, had he made those comments to me during an arugment I'd think that he was a jerk who couldn't defend his point so was "taking his marbles and going home".