Dear Mr. Wall-E1:
Thank you for your recent letter to The Disney Company. We sincerely regret the inconveniences you and your family experienced while at one of our theme parks/restaurants/resorts. Well, not sincerely regret, we're pretty sorry about. Well, sorry. Umm, we heard about it, and it made us laugh. Out loud.
Excuse me, I started coughing. We sincerely apologize for ... errr, for your... ummm... attempts to enter a restricted area. No, I mean for your... snowflake's bum burn. We have asked the Sun to stop shining so brightly over the Crystal Palace (yeah, right, like that'll happen. It's FLORIDA, for Walt's sake).
As to the mac and cheese on the floor, we have, because of this incident, restructured our meal offerings. By that, I mean that we have ... restricted ... mac and cheese selections to -- and please don't take offense to this, none offered -- children who are normal-sized. And we have stopped putting forks out at our buffets. However, since many people use their forks to cut some of their food, we have decided to change all our knives into sharper, steak-knife type things. I hope this is alright with you.
You will notice that I am not addressing your attempts to infiltrate ... erroneously enter... poison the Yacht and Beach Club's Stormalong Bay.
I hope this addresses all of your concerns. We are sorry to say that we will not be able to offer you any financial compensation. I am sure you have noticed that our business is way off this year, like everyone else's. We are not raking in money hand over fist the way we used to do -- it's not coming up to our hands any more, only up to our bahookies.
Thank you again for your recent communication. Please do not attempt to visit Walt Disney World again.
Sincerely Yours,
blah blah blah