Ok and Mine I admit 
Subject: Gift Wrapping
This is the time of year when we think back to the very first Christmas,
> > >
> > > when the Three Wise Men-Gaspar, Balthasar and Herb-went to see the
baby
> > > Jesus, and, according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him
> > gifts;
> > >
> > > gold, frankincense, and myrrh."
> > >
> > > These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover
> > an
> > >
> > > important, yet often-overlooked, theological fact: There is no mention
> > > of
> > > wrapping paper.
> > >
> > > If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so:
> > > "And lo, the gifts WERE inside 600 square cubits of paper.
> > > "And the paper WAS festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman.
> > > "And Joseph WAS going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him,
> > > she
> > > saideth, 'Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year!'
> > > "And Joseph DID rolleth his eyeballs.
> > > "And the baby Jesus WAS more interested in the paper than, for
example,
> > > the frankincense."
> > >
> > > But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very
> > > first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people
> > > giving
> > > those gifts had two important characteristics:
> > > 1. They were wise.
> > > 2. They were men.
> > >
> > > Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of
> > > putting
> > > paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This is not
just
> > > my opinion: This is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of
> > > two
> > > guys I know.
> > >
> > > One is my son, Rob, who said the only time he ever wraps a
> > > gift is, quote, "if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be
there
> > > when the person opens it."
> > >
> > > The other is my friend Gene Weingarten, who told me he
> > > does wrap gifts, but as a matter of principle never takes more than 15
> > > seconds per gift. "No one ever had to wonder which presents daddy
> > > wrapped at Christmas," Gene said. "They were the ones that looked like
> > > enormous spitballs."
> > >
> > > I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I
can
> > > never COMPLETELY wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck of
> > > cards
> > > and put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the size of a
> > > regulation volleyball court, but when I am done folding and taping,
you
> > > can still see a sector of the gift peeking out. (Sometimes I
camouflage
> > > this sector with a marking pen.) If I had been an ancient Egyptian in
> > > the
> > > field
> > > of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh's body would be covered only
> > > by
> > > Scotch tape.
> > >
> > > On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping
> > > paper,
> > > she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane. My wife, like many women, actually
> > > LIKES wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires
batteries,
> > > she
> > > wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a
> > > symptom
> > > of
> > > mental illness. If it were possible, my wife would wrap each
individual
> > > volt.
> > >
> > > My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills-like having
> > babies
> > >
> > > that come more naturally to women than to men. That is why today I am
> > > presenting:
> > >
> > > GIFT-WRAPPING TIPS FOR MEN
> > > * Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the
> > > recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can
> > > claim
> > > that it's myrrh.
> > >
> > > * The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to
> > > make
> > > your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple
sliced
> > > in
> > > half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid
> > > starch. They must be smoking crack.
> > >
> > > * If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just
> > > put
> > > it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it.
This
> > > creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky
> > > receipt on Christmas morning:
> > >
> > > YOUR WIFE: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?
> > > YOU: It's a gift! See? It has a bow!
> > > YOUR WIFE (peering into the trash bag): It's a leaf blower.
> > > YOU: Gas-powered! Five horsepower!
> > > YOUR WIFE: I want a divorce.
> > > YOU: I also got you some myrrh.
> > >
> > > In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give,
> > > or
> > > how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of
> > > year, is that you save the receipt.
Subject: Gift Wrapping
This is the time of year when we think back to the very first Christmas,
> > >
> > > when the Three Wise Men-Gaspar, Balthasar and Herb-went to see the
baby
> > > Jesus, and, according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him
> > gifts;
> > >
> > > gold, frankincense, and myrrh."
> > >
> > > These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover
> > an
> > >
> > > important, yet often-overlooked, theological fact: There is no mention
> > > of
> > > wrapping paper.
> > >
> > > If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so:
> > > "And lo, the gifts WERE inside 600 square cubits of paper.
> > > "And the paper WAS festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman.
> > > "And Joseph WAS going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him,
> > > she
> > > saideth, 'Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year!'
> > > "And Joseph DID rolleth his eyeballs.
> > > "And the baby Jesus WAS more interested in the paper than, for
example,
> > > the frankincense."
> > >
> > > But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very
> > > first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people
> > > giving
> > > those gifts had two important characteristics:
> > > 1. They were wise.
> > > 2. They were men.
> > >
> > > Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of
> > > putting
> > > paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This is not
just
> > > my opinion: This is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of
> > > two
> > > guys I know.
> > >
> > > One is my son, Rob, who said the only time he ever wraps a
> > > gift is, quote, "if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be
there
> > > when the person opens it."
> > >
> > > The other is my friend Gene Weingarten, who told me he
> > > does wrap gifts, but as a matter of principle never takes more than 15
> > > seconds per gift. "No one ever had to wonder which presents daddy
> > > wrapped at Christmas," Gene said. "They were the ones that looked like
> > > enormous spitballs."
> > >
> > > I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I
can
> > > never COMPLETELY wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck of
> > > cards
> > > and put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the size of a
> > > regulation volleyball court, but when I am done folding and taping,
you
> > > can still see a sector of the gift peeking out. (Sometimes I
camouflage
> > > this sector with a marking pen.) If I had been an ancient Egyptian in
> > > the
> > > field
> > > of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh's body would be covered only
> > > by
> > > Scotch tape.
> > >
> > > On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping
> > > paper,
> > > she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane. My wife, like many women, actually
> > > LIKES wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires
batteries,
> > > she
> > > wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a
> > > symptom
> > > of
> > > mental illness. If it were possible, my wife would wrap each
individual
> > > volt.
> > >
> > > My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills-like having
> > babies
> > >
> > > that come more naturally to women than to men. That is why today I am
> > > presenting:
> > >
> > > GIFT-WRAPPING TIPS FOR MEN
> > > * Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the
> > > recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can
> > > claim
> > > that it's myrrh.
> > >
> > > * The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to
> > > make
> > > your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple
sliced
> > > in
> > > half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid
> > > starch. They must be smoking crack.
> > >
> > > * If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just
> > > put
> > > it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it.
This
> > > creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky
> > > receipt on Christmas morning:
> > >
> > > YOUR WIFE: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?
> > > YOU: It's a gift! See? It has a bow!
> > > YOUR WIFE (peering into the trash bag): It's a leaf blower.
> > > YOU: Gas-powered! Five horsepower!
> > > YOUR WIFE: I want a divorce.
> > > YOU: I also got you some myrrh.
> > >
> > > In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give,
> > > or
> > > how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of
> > > year, is that you save the receipt.
