Gift wrapping... from a males view

binny

do something that MATTERS!
Joined
Mar 14, 2001
Messages
14,933
Ok and Mine I admit :)


Subject: Gift Wrapping
This is the time of year when we think back to the very first Christmas,
> > >
> > > when the Three Wise Men-Gaspar, Balthasar and Herb-went to see the
baby
> > > Jesus, and, according to the Book of Matthew, "presented unto Him
> > gifts;
> > >
> > > gold, frankincense, and myrrh."
> > >
> > > These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover
> > an
> > >
> > > important, yet often-overlooked, theological fact: There is no mention
> > > of
> > > wrapping paper.
> > >
> > > If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so:
> > > "And lo, the gifts WERE inside 600 square cubits of paper.
> > > "And the paper WAS festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman.
> > > "And Joseph WAS going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him,
> > > she
> > > saideth, 'Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year!'
> > > "And Joseph DID rolleth his eyeballs.
> > > "And the baby Jesus WAS more interested in the paper than, for
example,
> > > the frankincense."
> > >
> > > But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very
> > > first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people
> > > giving
> > > those gifts had two important characteristics:
> > > 1. They were wise.
> > > 2. They were men.
> > >
> > > Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of
> > > putting
> > > paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This is not
just
> > > my opinion: This is a scientific fact based on a statistical survey of
> > > two
> > > guys I know.
> > >
> > > One is my son, Rob, who said the only time he ever wraps a
> > > gift is, quote, "if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be
there
> > > when the person opens it."
> > >
> > > The other is my friend Gene Weingarten, who told me he
> > > does wrap gifts, but as a matter of principle never takes more than 15
> > > seconds per gift. "No one ever had to wonder which presents daddy
> > > wrapped at Christmas," Gene said. "They were the ones that looked like
> > > enormous spitballs."
> > >
> > > I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I
can
> > > never COMPLETELY wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck of
> > > cards
> > > and put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the size of a
> > > regulation volleyball court, but when I am done folding and taping,
you
> > > can still see a sector of the gift peeking out. (Sometimes I
camouflage
> > > this sector with a marking pen.) If I had been an ancient Egyptian in
> > > the
> > > field
> > > of mummies, the lower half of the Pharaoh's body would be covered only
> > > by
> > > Scotch tape.
> > >
> > > On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping
> > > paper,
> > > she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane. My wife, like many women, actually
> > > LIKES wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires
batteries,
> > > she
> > > wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a
> > > symptom
> > > of
> > > mental illness. If it were possible, my wife would wrap each
individual
> > > volt.
> > >
> > > My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills-like having
> > babies
> > >
> > > that come more naturally to women than to men. That is why today I am
> > > presenting:
> > >
> > > GIFT-WRAPPING TIPS FOR MEN
> > > * Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the
> > > recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can
> > > claim
> > > that it's myrrh.
> > >
> > > * The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to
> > > make
> > > your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple
sliced
> > > in
> > > half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring and liquid
> > > starch. They must be smoking crack.
> > >
> > > * If you're giving a hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just
> > > put
> > > it inside a bag and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it.
This
> > > creates a festive visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky
> > > receipt on Christmas morning:
> > >
> > > YOUR WIFE: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?
> > > YOU: It's a gift! See? It has a bow!
> > > YOUR WIFE (peering into the trash bag): It's a leaf blower.
> > > YOU: Gas-powered! Five horsepower!
> > > YOUR WIFE: I want a divorce.
> > > YOU: I also got you some myrrh.
> > >
> > > In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give,
> > > or
> > > how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of
> > > year, is that you save the receipt.
 
Okay, as if I didn't know this already, I am very female. :teeth:
 
I'm so darn horrible at wrapping gifts anyway, they usually look prettier in whatever box they came in. Although wrapping presents in the sports page with the gift receiver's favorite team's winning headline is always fun.
 

Well, I sure won't argue with that. . :D ;)

Is that by Dave Barry Binny? :)
 
I really dont know Willy but it sure sounds like him :)

The OP at YDF really didnt specify.

I think we should credit him with it dont you?
 
/

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