Gender profiling... they almost never ask the moms....

[sbell111]

See, that's just it. I, and I think 99.9% of posters including the OP, would totally get, understand, and be thrilled about that. Even if it were just the 2nd, 3rd, even 4th time she asked him. But he said the same woman has asked him who he is at least 10 times.

Honestly, by that point, I WANT the person in charge of pickup to know who regularly gets my kids. That would make me feel pretty good as I would feel confident that if there were a change in routine it would be noticable to the people in charge of releasing my child.

Some people are funny. She may remember every other parent after meeting them once and fail to remember the OP. That's not a slam against the OP. It's just reality.

At the end of the day, does it matter? If she's unsure of who someone is, shouldn't she feel comfortable with her ability to ask? The way I see it, this is a non-issue that shouldn't be followed up on. If pushed, she will no doubt come out looking like a person who is dedicated to the safety of the students.

 

[justhat]

I don't think the OP planned to complain about it, I think he was just venting. I don't think he wants to woman to stop checking on who is picking up kids. I think he would just be pretty satisfied if she remembered him like she does the moms who come everyday. I mean, he said he does pick up and dropoff every single day. Even if he's truly unmemorable, how many dads are doing pick up and drop off everyday, and are the dad to twin girls no less. Twins in and of themselves are memorable (clearly, as I remember the OP has twin girls and they haven't been in his signature in years!) so to see them with the same exact man everyday doesn't seem too hard to remember.

 

[HM]

Your school needs to set up a better method. Here's what we did.
Our elementary school gave each family a Car Number (ours for #41). You display the number on the dashboard of the car (laminated card with really big black numbers) and when your car comes up to a station (we had five/six places that the cars would pull up) they call out your number and the children who ride with you come and are helped in by the teacher or older kids at that station. Then those five/six cars depart and the next five/six take their place. Very civilized.

 

[MrsJackSparrow4Life]

Could be gender profiling.

Or it could be she already knows who the mothers are. At my daughter's school I know about 95% of the mothers but hardly any of the fathers. Plus I'm horrible with connecting names with faces at first, so I could see me asking the same person 10+ times.

 

[declansdad]

Why is it that when men complain about gender inequality they seem to get brushed off so easily?

I was just thinking the same thing. It happens a lot on these boards.

 

[tink20]

At DS school, you hang a paper (the teacher gives it to you at the beginning of the year) each grade a different color, has child's name and teacher's name, you hang it from the mirror with a skirt clothes hanger.
The driving pickup is a breeze.

 

[Disney Doll]

It seems to be profiling. It's not fair. Have you mentioned your concerns to the Principal? Realistically, I'd want the teachers to ask every person they don't recognize, regardless of gender, what they are doing there, who they are picking up and so forth. I'd also like them to ask the child "Is this who is supposed to be picking you up?".

Or, you might want to say to the woman who keeps asking you who you are "We have met at least 10 times and you seem to have a problem remembering me,yet no problem remembering all the women who pick up their children. Why is that?" and see what she says.

 

[Papa Deuce]

Well, the other thing is even if she doesn't recognize me, she should recognize my car, as I have it well "decorated" with my DJ business advertising. It is rather memorable even if you don't like it.

But it isn't just the one lady, because the other guy and I were in agreement in that we rarely see any of the moms get asked. What they usually do is just glance inside the car to see who is driving, and if it is a woman, they usually just walk to the next car. When it is men, they actually ask you who you are there to pick up.

Not that I am, or should be known by everybody, but for 3 years I have been HEAVILY involved in my kid's school stuff. Like I said, I DJ everything, and this is my 2nd year as a homeroom captain. I chaperone on things that I am not otherwise a part of. Heck, 3 weeks ago I made about 10 dozen cookies, and brought 5 dozen of them down to the teaching staff. I attend the occasional fundraiser, too.

Last week I took my kids to "Family Fun Night" at the school, and tonight I'll be taking them to the Ice Cream Social... I seriously doubt that there is one father in the whole school is more involved than I am.

Oh, and last year I took my Golden Retriever down to the school and took her from room to room as part of something the school was doing for "pet week".... even the kids who didn't actually meet me, per se, recognize me.

 

[LuvBaloo]

Wow, my DD's school is much simpler. The kindergarten kids get picked up from their classroom. Usually the kids tell the teacher that's my mom, but if kids are busy, teacher asks who they are here for. Once they are in grade 1 the kids just head outside and either walk home, or meet whoever is picking them up. Last year, the school made it a rule, that the cars can't drive into the parking lot in the afterschool rush, and must do pick up outside the parking lot.

Anyway, back to the original point, I think people treat Mom's and Dad's differently. When the kids were younger, and I'd pick them up, I would walk in and help the kids get ready. When DH would go to pick them up, the staff would get him their lunch kit and stuff, and bring everything to him. DH thought it was funny, because they assume he doesn't know what he needs to do. Same thing with dropping off, the teacher would come and get their stuff from him, but they'd just say hi to me.

Gender profiling does exist. I was reading a thread about dealing with kids getting lost at WDW. And someone posted that they teach their kids to find a mommy not a CM, because they don't want their kid approaching a man.

I know that once we had kids, my DH was super-aware of all kids in crowds anywhere we went. If he heard/saw a kid crying he was looking trying to see what the problem was.

So to end my long post, I wouldn't be surprised if the woman are more cautious of the men doing the pickup. I also wouldn't be surprised if they aren't truly looking at you when the same one has asked 10 times who you are picking up.

 

[LuvBaloo]

you are very involved! That's great that you are able and willing to do so much for the school.

 

[sbell111]

It seems to be profiling. It's not fair. Have you mentioned your concerns to the Principal? Realistically, I'd want the teachers to ask every person they don't recognize, regardless of gender, what they are doing there, who they are picking up and so forth. I'd also like them to ask the child "Is this who is supposed to be picking you up?".

Or, you might want to say to the woman who keeps asking you who you are "We have met at least 10 times and you seem to have a problem remembering me,yet no problem remembering all the women who pick up their children. Why is that?" and see what she says.

Her response would no doubt boil down to "I don't know. I just don't recognize you." How would that benefit him?

 

[Papa Deuce]

you are very involved! That's great that you are able and willing to do so much for the school.

Well, I am unemployed... so I don't have much else to do when not DJing. ( Other than housework, which I do almost all of it now that I am laid off )... might as well do something.

 

[bumbershoot]

Why is it that when men complain about gender inequality they seem to get brushed off so easily?

Agreed.

I just get tired of everyone being offended by EVERYTHING.

PD hardly gets offended by *everything*....

Her response would no doubt boil down to "I don't know. I just don't recognize you." How would that benefit him?

Well, she might *remember* him in the future. That would benefit him.



You would really think that, especially if fathers at pickup are that rare, they would remember you guys even more!


I hate how people respond to fathers. They will think things they never think about mothers. When DS was tiny, my husband was holding him, the sling, diaper bag, my purse, and my jacket, while standing outside the women's dressing room at a mall store. A woman walked up, saw pale and red-head baby being held by black-haired well-tanned hubby, and said, to his face, "it looks as though you STOLE that child".

If DS had looked the way we *thought* he was going to look (his cousins are the same genetic mix as him, 1/4 Korean 3/4 western European mutt, and they look MORE Korean than their mom, and she and my husband look eerily alike), people would have either asked if his dad was Korean, or where I'd adopted him from. No one would have said I *stole* him.

Ridiculous. He even once had a lady obviously calling the police at our apartment complex's playground, because she couldnl't find anyone "matching" him in the playground. Of course, he was playing WITH our son, and our son was calling him Papa (he calls ME by my first name, but no one's ever thought I was anything but his mom), but she just ignored that...man who doesn't "match" a kid = calling police. He heard her (she was on her balcony overlooking the play area), gathered up DS, and came home quickly.


Women react to fathers differently, and it's rotten.

 

[pipersmom]

Her response would no doubt boil down to "I don't know. I just don't recognize you." How would that benefit him?

If nothing else, it would give her something to remember him by next time, and I bet she wouldn't forget him again. I have to agree, if this were me, I would be peeved.

 

[sbell111]

If nothing else, it would give her something to remember him by next time, and I bet she wouldn't forget him again. I have to agree, if this were me, I would be peeved.

Simply introducing himself in a friendly manner would have the same chance of success. There's no need to add drama.

 

[NotUrsula]

Doesn't happen to DH (who is the primary drop off/pickup person for both kids, because he works closer), but it used to happen to my father all the time, back in the 60s.

My dad was 50 years old when I was born, and he was prematurely grey-haired. However, my mother did not drive, so any time a vehicle pick-up situation was called for, the parent who came was Dad. He got harassed all the time by school personnel who thought that he must be "too old" to be the parent of an elementary school student, and his difficult-to-understand accent didn't help, either. It probably would have been even worse when I got to high school, but he died when I was 12.

I do get questioned, especially when I pick up my 2 yo. People are always thinking that I am older than I really am (that grey hair again), and when I tell them that I am the child's mother, they insist that I prove it. I guess I'd have less trouble if I said I was Grandma

(You would think that the fact that DD looks JUST like me and squeals "MOMMY!" at the top of her lungs when I appear might be a clue. I've got what you might call a gene-dominant family -- DH calls us the cloners.)

 

[Papa Deuce]

Doesn't happen to DH (who is the primary drop off/pickup person for both kids, because he works closer), but it used to happen to my father all the time, back in the 60s.

My dad was 50 years old when I was born, and he was prematurely grey-haired. However, my mother did not drive, so any time a vehicle pick-up situation was called for, the parent who came was Dad. He got harassed all the time by school personnel who thought that he must be "too old" to be the parent of an elementary school student, and his difficult-to-understand accent didn't help, either. It probably would have been even worse when I got to high school, but he died when I was 12.

I do get questioned, especially when I pick up my 2 yo. People are always thinking that I am older than I really am (that grey hair again), and when I tell them that I am the child's mother, they insist that I prove it. I guess I'd have less trouble if I said I was Grandma

(You would think that the fact that DD looks JUST like me and squeals "MOMMY!" at the top of her lungs when I appear might be a clue. I've got what you might call a gene-dominant family -- DH calls us the cloners.)

This reminds me of something that happened to my wife in Myrtle Beach about 6 - 7 years ago... She was walking with my SIL, who is just 5 years younger than my wife. My SIL was pushing a stroller with my wife's and my kids in it... a woman walked up to them and said.... How wonderful! Three generations all together! My wife was not amused. But her hair is very light, and sometimes it looks gray even though she is blonde.

 

[NotUrsula]

This reminds me of something that happened to my wife in Myrtle Beach about 6 - 7 years ago... She was walking with my SIL, who is just 5 years younger than my wife. My SIL was pushing a stroller with my wife's and my kids in it... a woman walked up to them and said.... How wonderful! Three generations all together! My wife was not amused. But her hair is very light, and sometimes it looks gray even though she is blonde.

If you want to hear the prize, let me tell you a story from this past summer at the public pool.

I'm sitting there putting sunscreen on DD, when the lady on the next chair over introduces herself, saying she likes to get to know her temporary pool "neighbors" a little bit. Hokay, not really my style but I'm not against being polite. She appears to be in her late 20's, perhaps early 30's, and she has two young school-aged children with her. She has a good figure, but she's wearing a VERY revealing swimsuit, one I wouldn't have expected to see on anyone over about age 18.

Five minutes or so passes, and she pipes up with, "She's cute. Bet you love taking the grandbaby out for the day."

"Actually, this is my daughter."

Oh, awkward. So she tries again ...

"Really? Wow, you don't look young enough. Oh, I mean, you look like you might be old enough to have a teen who got pregnant, you know?"

OK, so now I'm not only an old hag, but I've probably got an unwed mother for a child? What I really wanted to say was, "Lady, I really suggest that you just shup up now before you hurt yourself" but I didn't; I was determined to try to be polite. I just sort of smiled vaguely and said, "I hope not anytime soon -- my oldest is only 12."

At this point she FINALLY lapses into silence, but only for a while. Her next sally (I kid you not) was,

"Well anyway, your husband is one good-looking man. He's really HOT!"

Me, sighing: "Well, I'll be sure to tell him that you think so."

 

[merryweather20]

I help TONS thanks... I DJ all their events for free. I am a homeroom captain, too.

So thats a no, to helping at pick-up and drop-off?

 

[Papa Deuce]

So thats a no, to helping at pick-up and drop-off?

Correct. I already give 5 - 8 hours a week. That is enough for me.