When we last left our companions, the final preparations for Nassau were underway. Lionel was making a tiny version of the Passporter map. Sarah was grabbing her camera, and the directions to the silver store she wanted to stop in. And, I was munching on the lone Mickey waffle. What? It would be a shame to let it go to waste.
I cant believe how convenient our room was for getting on and off the ship at the ports. Up one flight of stairs, down part of the hall and BOOM! You were at our room. I delighted in this fact, even though we would only be doing this twice. After the initial rush was over, we popped down to the gate and there we were, in Nassau!
It was a rather warm day, despite the threat of showers on the horizon, and so the air conditioning in the customs building (which is less like a customs building and more like a slightly cleaner and queter version of the straw market) was a greatly appreciated haven after the walk up the dock. At the door on the other side, we braced ourselves. One, two, three, OPEN!
Pretty lady, braid your hair?
Water taxi? Water taxi?
Paradise Island, folks, best place on Nassau!
Rent a scooter?
Pretty lady!
Ah, Nassau. You never change.
We poked around the main shopping area for a little bit, looking at some of the jewelry and admiring the Starbucks. I know they are a chain who have infiltrated every open space in America, and I know they have expanded into foreign countries, but I still dont get the Starbucks in the Caribbean. I mean, its supposed to be laid back, right? Do Bahamians really head down there at 6:45 am every day, asking for a grande half-caf nonfat no-whip vanilla latte with an extra shot of espresso? I see it more like Hey mon, give me one of those frothy coffees. Take your time.
*disclaimer the author would like to state that she has never had a grande half-caf nonfat no-whip vanilla latte with an extra shot of espresso, preferring the cinnamon dolce variety herself
And then, we ventured away from the main strip into the quiet part of the city.
I have to admit, I am a very cautious person. Call it paranoia or scaredy-cat-ness if you will, but I chalk it up to working on a rehab unit of a major metropolitan hospital with a level one trauma center for the past two years. I do NOT like being in areas I dont know, and I do not like crossing roads in cities with which I am not familiar. Lionel happily bounced along, saying hello to every national we passed, while Sarah nonchalantly took photos in the middle of the street. Me? I was too busy watching my back and being on the lookout for wayward scooters to fully enjoy the scenery.
Here is me, looking very serious in a very non-serious part of Nassau.
Hopefully I dont get a warning from the boards for this photo
..
After a little while, it became apparent that we were not going to be robbed at gunpoint or run down by a vehicle, so I started to relax a little bit. And once I did? I was so glad we decided to do the self-guided walking tour. I discovered that I love the architecture in Nassau! Colonial with an Island vibe. Like, heres a building with columns that is painted pink, and somehow it works.
It's a candy-coated courthouse!
We also passed the local hospital, which I did not snap a picture of, but it reminded me that we live in a wealthy country with many more resources than these Islanders have available to them. Their hospital looked like a derelict building, with a low, flat roof and a bunch of people standing outside. Its a far cry from the towering brick ORMC, a non-profit institution which doesnt even have shareholders or stock options. The sight of it makes my heart sink, and I forgive the ladies for yelling at my hair. We have it so good, us Americans. And most of us dont even know it.
Anyhow, back to the walk. After about ten minutes of profuse sweating, we arrive at the Queens Staircase!
I have to climb up WHAT???
acrobatic trees....
Amazing. Beautiful. Tucked away. And NEARLY EMPTY. Even the vendors seemed to be at half-staff. The trees growing out of the rocks were incredible; the roots mesmerizing. Wow. It was definitely impressive. I felt like I should have been dressed in skimpy shorts and a tank top with two nine millimeters strapped to my leg while swinging across the cutout on a vine, an ancient idol in my hand and several head hunters led by a raving lunatic of an archeologist on my trail. After my Tomb Raider fantasies subsided, we snapped several photos and relished the temporary shade before hiking up the millions upon million of steps. The only thing that I would change about the Queens Staircase, apart from adding an escalator, is the smell. There was eerie green water pooled at the bottom of the stairs, and the entire place was green with lichen.
Actually, it smelled a lot like wet Florida. Which, if you have not experienced central Florida during the rainy season, it not remotely pleasant.
Up at the top, the sun appeared again, blinding us all temporarily. We had wondered where the vendors were, and we found them! They were all out in the sunshine, those crazy Bahamians! Oh, and so were all of the rest of the tourists on the island. Apparently this was the time to head up to Fort Fincastle.
Itsh shoooo kyewt!
I'm sure this could blow off your kneecaps....
I grew up not too far from St. Augustine, and took many trips to that fort during my childhood. Compared to that? I would say this fort was very cute. It had a tiny little courtyard, and a few tiny little cells, and a tiny little outlook with a tiny little cannon. And a tiny little tour group! A Bahamian national was giving a guided tour through the fort, which lasted approximately fifteen minutes. We tried to stay out of their way, as we had not paid for this excursion. We did, however, listen out for fun facts and figures. The guy was very funny and personable, and as he wrapped up the tour he exclaimed if you enjoyed this, then please give me a tip!
Turns out he was not an excursion leader after all; he was a local who started spewing off information and had gathered himself a crowd! We commended the guy for his creativity, and noticed many people in the crowd chipping in for him. Hey, at least he was pleasant. Maybe he could go and invest that money in the hospital, eh?
We snapped a few more photos. Here is the boat!
There's ice cream over there.....
And a Bahamian dog.
Woof, mon.
From where we were, Nassau was so quiet and peaceful. It was a far cry from the hustle and bustle of the straw market, at the very least. We hated to leave that spot, but we were being boiled alive by the Caribbean sunshine and the water was running out. That meant it was time to head back to the Wonder.
On our way back, we passed a giant black Hum-V, blasting gangster rap. My first thought was where the heck do you get a ride like that in Nassau, and my second thought was WHAT??? I make fun of those things in Orlando, not just for the sheer excess that they represent with their 10 miles to the gallon and ginormous size, but because who actually needs a giant off-road vehicle? Especially one that is so shiny and obviously polished with a cloth diaper? It made me a little sad. The American influence in this place is so far not a positive one
..
Back to the boat we went, passing the straw market on the way. We looked at Sarah, who to our relief said eh. So around the foul place we went, to the dock at Senor Frogs. And let me tell you, that must be the second prettiest spot in Nassau, provided you are looking out to the left (and not to the right where all of the water taxi drivers are cramming tourists to the brim and yelling at one another for violating codes).
Don't you just want to take off your shoes and put your feet in the water? Don't ya???
After a few photos and a few more looks around at Nassau, Sarah announced that it was time for ice cream. We did not argue.
In summary, this is the best time we have had in Nassau to date. If you don't mind a 20 minute walk, most of which is uphill, you can easily get to these places without paying for an excursion. Its definitely worth getting off the boat to see. We give it two thumbs up! Well, three if you count Sarah's thumb.
Next up: I play a terrible round of mini golf, and we see rats in a kitchen. Well, animated rats, anyhow.
You know what happens when you post without coffee!
that is a rumor that has yet to be confirmed, but it cannot be denied either!
(like so much of America). 
Please may we have some more?
