Funny Things You Believed As A Child

[rastahomie]

What are some funny, weird, or adorable things you believed as a small child?

• I believed that Walt Disney World was the tourist section of the Walt Disney Company headquarters. Backstage and out of sight were their production studios, offices, and all that (I was 12 or so when I figured out that their headquarters was in Burbank or wherever).
• I believed that the Ramparts were a baseball team, since they sang about them before every Cubs game ("or the ramparts we watched....").
• I believed that Kenny Rogers was actually inside the radio studio, performing live, as I was hearing his song on the radio. If Mom drove past the radio station I'd possibly see Kenny leaving, and see the Eagles going in to perform, and the Carpenters waiting behind them, and so on.
• In Illinois, you have to call this 800 number before you dig in your yard, lest you hit an underground utility line. The program is called J.U.L.I.E., which stands for Joint Underground Line Information Exchange (or something), and has been in effect since I was a small boy, if not before. When I first started getting exposure to the ads, I thought there was a real woman named Julie, sitting at her desk in Springfield, answering calls about utility lines all day. "Before you dig, call Julie!"
  
• I believed that it wasn't a mural behind Johnny Carson; it was a window, and viewers were looking at the California coastline.
  
• I believed that head shops, sex shops, porn shops, etc. were all technically illegal but the police looked the other way. Whenever Mom would take me in to our favorite head shop (shoutout to Penny Lane Gifts: Holla!) to buy Ganesh incense cones , I was always afraid that the police would change their minds and barge in any moment and take us both to jail.
  
• I believed that Jesus Christ was put to death for refusing to worship the Roman gods (it took me until I was like 15 to figure that one out).

 

[uccats97]

I thought Florida was in the sky because that's where the airplane always took us to get there.

 

[L&Lfan]

I believed as a child that a man and woman's just being together after marriage caused them to become pregnant and have a child. If someone had tried to explain to me how pregnancy REALLY occurs, I wouldn't have believed them.

 

[rastahomie]

I believed as a child that a man and woman's just being together after marriage caused them to become pregnant and have a child. If someone had tried to explain to me how pregnancy REALLY occurs, I wouldn't have believed them.

My dad explained this to me in exacting detail when I was 12. And when I say exacting detail, I mean exacting detail. Ugh.

 

[Disneylover99]

I thought all dogs were males and all cats were female.

 

[Magpie]

I thought all dogs were males and all cats were female.

Every single one of my students calls my two (male) cats "she" and refers to my female dog as "he". And every time I correct them they blink at me, nod, and then go right back to using the incorrect pronoun.

I've now settled on just pointedly using the correct pronoun myself. Child: "Merlin's purring! She really likes me." Me: "Yes, HE's a very friendly cat."

 

[L&Lfan]

My dad explained this to me in exacting detail when I was 12. And when I say exacting detail, I mean exacting detail. Ugh.

I had to read about it in Sexology magazine at the store while my Mom was shopping. My parents were absolutely wonderful but NEVER talked about sex. To be fair, I never asked them about it either. I was completely self taught.

 

[Magpie]

I thought golf balls had acid inside of them. (Not sure where I got that one from.)

I thought apple seeds might grow in your tummy, if you ate them (didn't stop me from eating them, though!).

I thought gum stayed in your stomach forever, undigested. And by six I was figuring I must have at least a softball sized ball of gum saved up in there.

I thought I had a hollow leg, and that's where all my food went. Possibly two hollow legs.

I thought that vampires came in the night to eat children's toes, and so I always slept under a thick comforter, no matter how hot it got. (Pretty sure that one's my father's fault.)

I thought there was a monster who lived in our toilet, so I would lean all the way across the room to flush it and then run for my life.

I also thought there was a monster in our radiator, but thankfully he seemed securely trapped (based on all the banging, anyway).

The best one, though, is not one of mine. It's one of my son's. His father shaves his head smooth, but everyone in the family remembers that he had big mop of curly hair when he was a boy. So, they'd all tell my curly-headed son, "You got your father's hair!" And one day, my boy, just about four, confidently responded with, "Yes, it all came off my daddy's head and went on mine!"

 

[rastahomie]

I had to read about it in Sexology magazine at the store while my Mom was shopping. My parents were absolutely wonderful but NEVER talked about sex. To be fair, I never asked about them it either. I was completely self taught.

Can I ask how old you are? This seems to be a thing from the older generation (I'm 46, was 12 in '82).

 

[Elle23]

I thought eye brows were called eye browns (mine were brown after all).

My mom thought it was so cute she wouldn't let anyone correct me. For a long, long time.

 

[Magpie]

I had to read about it in Sexology magazine at the store while my Mom was shopping. My parents were absolutely wonderful but NEVER talked about sex. To be fair, I never asked about them it either. I was completely self taught.

So was my husband! He borrowed all the books the library had on the topic and educated himself when he was in middle school. He still remembers the awkward moment when a comedian on TV made a risque joke and he started laughing. His mother hadn't understood the joke (because she didn't know the word the comedian had used), so she asked him to explain it.

Looking straight at the TV, and dying inside, he said, "It means (alternate term), mum."

My mum actually bought me an entire set of sex ed booklets from the drug store when I was about seven. They started with something along the lines of, "Now we are six..." and went all the way up to, "Now we are sixteen..." They covered all the biology and I fondly remember the round black and white microscope pictures of sperm and eggs. But she didn't read them to me and I couldn't read very well myself. Beyond that we rarely talked about sex. And after I was molested (age 10), all discussion of sex in our home stopped cold (also, the books disappeared... not sure where they went). So, I figured out the rest of it on my own from sex ed classes in school (more vague heterosexual biology) and fantasy novels (I read the paragraph three times and I'm still really not sure what Jondalar's doing to Ayla there...).

I was still pretty clueless, though, when I first started dating the man who is now my husband. Fortunately, one of the first things he did was lend me his copy of "Sex with Sue"!

I really tried to do better by my kids.

 

[rastahomie]

My mum actually bought me an entire set of sex ed booklets from the drug store when I was about seven.

Heh. My mom gave me some book "Puberty for Boys" or something that read like it was written in the 50's. "A gentleman should always take great care to ensure that his personal appearance and demeanor are worthy of a young lass' affections." She also called my dad (they were divorced) and said, "It's time you talk to your son, he's getting to be that age." Dad picked up the slack. And then some.

 

[Magpie]

Heh. My mom gave me some book "Puberty for Boys" or something that read like it was written in the 50's. "A gentleman should always take great care to ensure that his personal appearance and demeanor are worthy of a young lass' affections." She also called my dad (they were divorced) and said, "It's time you talk to your son, he's getting to be that age." Dad picked up the slack. And then some.

Oh gosh, you've just reminded me that the reason my mum bought me the books was because I'd had a sudden growth spurt, and my second grade teacher (a nun) had warned her that I might hit puberty super-early. I guess she was trying to prepare me.

(The nun was wrong. I ended up perfectly average, timing-wise.)

 

[RedAngie]

I believed as a child that a man and woman's just being together after marriage caused them to become pregnant and have a child. If someone had tried to explain to me how pregnancy REALLY occurs, I wouldn't have believed them.

I was more sophisticated that that. Just being together wasn't enough; you needed a stork to get pregnant. But yes, you had to be married to have a child.

 

[RedAngie]

I believed her when my mother told me that thunder was the Angels in Heaven going bowling.

In my Catholic elementary school, there was this huge wooden paddle hanging in the hallway outside the principal's office. I'm not sure if it was ever used, but it was a good scare tactic and seemed to be a deterrent. Anyway, this paddle is what I thought adults were referring to when they mentioned the "Board of Education."

 

[Turn the Page]

I believed we did not get tornadoes here because tornadoes only occur in places where the land is really flat and we have too many hills.

I also fully believed that thunder was the noise clouds made when they bump together.

I believed that when a woman got married she took the name of the family in the house she was living. My aunt lived with us when I was young, I think I was 4 or so, and when she got married she and my uncle continued to live with us for awhile. I got into a massive argument with one of my cousins who tried to tell me after she got married my aunt would have my uncles last name and not ours lol.

 

[Bilberry]

I believed the advertisements to not drink and drive meant to not drink anything while driving. For a long time my parents were water sipping outlaws.

 

[ckay87]

I thought a "Real Estate Novelist" was a real occupation.

 

[L&Lfan]

Can I ask how old you are? This seems to be a thing from the older generation (I'm 46, was 12 in '82).

No problem at all. I am 57. I also learned a lot from Playgirl magazine (and was able to deal with my raging hormones) which came out in 1973 when I was 13! It was a life saver!

 

[L&Lfan]

RedAngie, you're cracking me up!