Funeral Activities?

[SanFranciscan]

I quite agree that funerals are for the living. I suspect that most emotional displays at funerals are really done to impress others anyway, especially among the widowed. Even if you are in no way suspect in your spouse's death and were a devoted partner, imagine the gossip you'll generate and the animosity you are likely to evoke in your inlaws if you "celebrate" your spouse's life instead of disolving into a puddle of tears at their child's or sibling's funeral!

 

[lisajl]

I love this board! I have told my DD I am to be cremated and to spread my ashes at the places I love.
She wants to have one spot, since I love genealogy, so others in our tree can find me.

I also want a party, sort of New Orleans style. That would be great!

Lisa

 

[Mommy2cody]

My husband wants the Ohio State fight song played during his funeral! He wants to be buired in a Ohio State football jersey and has instructed me that his tombstone MUST say somewhere at the bottom.....Michigan still sucks! (Can you tell he is from Ohio?) I just want a pink coffin!

 

[HelenePA]

My husband wants the Ohio State fight song played during his funeral! He wants to be buired in a Ohio State football jersey and has instructed me that his tombstone MUST say somewhere at the bottom.....Michigan still sucks! (Can you tell he is from Ohio?) I just want a pink coffin!

My grandfather was dressed in all penn st stuff and with his favorite penn st blanket... my cousins played for them he was also in a blue and white coffin..

 

[lisajl]

My husband wants the Ohio State fight song played during his funeral! He wants to be buired in a Ohio State football jersey and has instructed me that his tombstone MUST say somewhere at the bottom.....Michigan still sucks! (Can you tell he is from Ohio?) I just want a pink coffin!

Well for your DH....GO BUCKS!!

I, too am a Buckeye!

 

[diz8297]

When my father passed, he was cremated. When we went to bury his ashes my niece, who was 4, said we were buring Grampa's eyelashes.
We still kid her about it!! The 27th would have been my Dad's 80th B'day. This board made me smile. Thanks!

 

[BrerMom]

Inspired by HelenePA...stating that she was having a dinner party and a bounce house because those were her dad's wishes.

Do you or anyone you know want something different at their funeral?

My dad wants us to sing and dance and have a good time when he goes.

My mom wants us to have a BBQ cookout at her lakehouse. And if weather permitting, she wants us to go swimming and boating and just have a party.

What wierd things have you heard of?

FIL has been very vocal for a couple of decades now about wanting the hearse at his funeral to pull a U-Haul. Fortunately, MIL is a reasonable woman.

 

[Pigeon]

I want no church service, the cheapest cremation possible, and then a honkin big party afterward. I'm appalled by the amount of money that is squandered on a typical funeral. If that's how you want to spend it, fine, but to me it's a total waste, and an ecological nightmare.

 

[Handbag Lady]

FIL has been very vocal for a couple of decades now about wanting the hearse at his funeral to pull a U-Haul. Fortunately, MIL is a reasonable woman.

Why WOULDN'T you let this happen? That is just too, too funny!

I mean, can you imagine the looks of people on the roadside?

 

[powellrj]

Hospice told us my DFIL has days to live so planning his funeral fell to me. I did it last week. I have to say, its easy to do when you really don't have an emotional attachment to the person. He wasn't the nicest or easiest person when he was healthy. When I called the funeral home to book an appointment, the funeral director remembered him from planning DMILs funeral last year. All he said was, oh, I remember him from last year. I said I was sorry because I know he wasn't the easiest person to deal with. He didn't disagree.

Lets just say I spent as much on his funeral as we did on the new compact car we bought for DH last week.

The funeral director didn't push me to spend more than I wanted. He made suggestions, but at no time did he make me feel guilty that I passed on the extras. It will be nice, but it won't be over the top.

After planning his funeral, DH and I told our families what our plans were. We have them in our wills, but we had never really discussed them. Now they know that we want to be cremated with a memorial service and they can do with our ashes whatever they want.

 

[sdarwkcabemanmy]

I've already told my husband I want Monty Python's "Bright Side of Life" played at my funeral.

Always look on the bright side of life...

I've also decided that, if it's possible, I want to be buried in the Great Smokey Mts next to my grandmother, grandfather, their baby who died in infancy and my uncle whom I loved very, very much and who I still miss terribly. I wasn't born there, but Tennessee has always felt like home to me.

 

[muffyn]

Do you guys bury things with the body? placed in the coffin?

our family usually puts some things in the coffin..
but when I mentioned to my brothers wife I was going to place an item with him in his coffin ,, she kinda didn't understand.......
because AT the church where the body was laid out, my sister & I placed a few items with him...
one item was a small spaceship with it engraved " where no man has bodly gone.. .."(or something like that, my sister did that one) because he so much a trekkie ( he even helped set up the star trek exhibit at the science museum in Chicago ) & he loved aardvarks, so I put one in there..
welllllllllllll his wife had a coniption fit!! she yelled
this is NOT a curio cabinet!!!
& took the stuff out & thrust it all back to us..
hmmmmmm
well when she left the room, we stuffed the items up his sleeves etc..

(she was definatley something....... the following year she sent me an email telling me she was moving & if I didn't drive there that weekend (8 hours) she was tossing his ashes & some other things in the garbage..... )

 

[disykat]

I quite agree that funerals are for the living. I suspect that most emotional displays at funerals are really done to impress others anyway, especially among the widowed. Even if you are in no way suspect in your spouse's death and were a devoted partner, imagine the gossip you'll generate and the animosity you are likely to evoke in your inlaws if you "celebrate" your spouse's life instead of disolving into a puddle of tears at their child's or sibling's funeral!

I think your "suspicion" is wrong and/or you've been watching too many soap operas. There is nothing wrong with celebrating a life, but there is nothing wrong with crying over it's loss either.

I think people should definately celebrate the life of their loved ones. However, many people need to feel the grief through tears. In my experience, most grieving people vascilate between laughter at their good memories and tears at their own loss. My opinion is that it is also healthiest to experience both.

I have only been to one funeral. Around here it is more common for only close family to be involved in the burial and then have a memorial service later. Laughter and tears have been involved in all the ones I've been to.

 

[swea_pea1]

I think your "suspicion" is wrong and/or you've been watching too many soap operas. There is nothing wrong with celebrating a life, but there is nothing wrong with crying over it's loss either.

I think people should definately celebrate the life of their loved ones. However, many people need to feel the grief through tears. In my experience, most grieving people vascilate between laughter at their good memories and tears at their own loss. My opinion is that it is also healthiest to experience both.

I agree with you 100%. My mom died 6 months ago and my Dad, married to her for 51 years, certainly wasn't just grieving for show. Likewise, I don't think it was just a "display" when he called me the other day to tell me how sad he was that he didn't have Mom to hang out with on the long weekend. It's been 6 months and some days it still feels like it happened yesterday.

That said, we did have a great wake for Mom as we do for most of the folks who pass in our family. We drank and laughed and told funny stories about things she did or said. We did it because that's what Mom would have wanted and quite honestly, because it was a diversion from all the sadness.

When the dust settles though, both emotions are still there under the surface. I don't know the right way to grieve any more than the next person but for me, it does include both celebration and tears.

 

[muffyn]

I quite agree that funerals are for the living. I suspect that most emotional displays at funerals are really done to impress others anyway, especially among the widowed. Even if you are in no way suspect in your spouse's death and were a devoted partner, imagine the gossip you'll generate and the animosity you are likely to evoke in your inlaws if you "celebrate" your spouse's life instead of disolving into a puddle of tears at their child's or sibling's funeral!

I have been to many funerals, most were to participate in the ceremony for Eastern Star.
the LAST funeral I ever went o,, kinda,, was for my MIL. I was so distraught I cried all the time. I could NOT walk into the funeral home, I was just so embarrased I could NOT hold my emotions in ( I mean what right did "I" have for acting this way when the blood family was so stoic??)
I stayed in the background, & only walked up to the coffin right before it was to be lowered. I just lost it.. sobs & sobs.. just like you pretty much see in someone on tv going overboard........
could not go to the gathering after.
found out I could NOT even go to any funeral since. somethign just 'popped' in me & I just 'puddle' thinking about all this.

I have told my hubby to NEVER have a service for me. I do NOT want people wandering around & staring at me in my coffin.. (although, the monty python song, sounds pretty good to play!!
there was a beautiful poem that was read on an episode of crossing JOrdan.
now......... if my hubby dies before me,,,,,,, ack! don't talk to me while I sit in my corner of the room curled in a ball.(if anyone can even drag me there)
dignity? what is that........

I do have some really neat songs I would have played at his funeral though.......

but back to original quote above.. IF everyone is on page with a FUN party, ,hey why not?
& my emotions are certainly not to impress everyone,, ( I am too embarrased,, so I stay away now)

 

[SanFranciscan]

I think your "suspicion" is wrong and/or you've been watching too many soap operas.

I don't watch soap operas at all. What I have done is come from a family in the funeral business, at least indirectly. You are also getting personal, which is uncalled for.

 

[babytrees]

about 6 years ago there was a story about a company that transformed people's ashes into fireworks...turned to my husband and told him that's what I want. My girls also know because they know daddy wouldn't do that. I want a happy memorial service....probably the only party I will ever throw that will be succesful

 

[HelenePA]

about 6 years ago there was a story about a company that transformed people's ashes into fireworks...turned to my husband and told him that's what I want. My girls also know because they know daddy wouldn't do that. I want a happy memorial service....probably the only party I will ever throw that will be succesful

Other idea's for you can include, being shot into space, being part of a living coral reef, and becoming a diamond (the last one is VERY expensive up your life insurance if this is what you want!!)

 

[Disney Doll]

I don't watch soap operas at all. What I have done is come from a family in the funeral business, at least indirectly. You are also getting personal, which is uncalled for.

I agree with you SanFranciscan. While perhaps no one here on the DIS would be less than sincere with their emotions, I have witnessed that of which you speak. People carrying on because it was "expected" of the "grieving widow" or whatever. There are also certain cultures that tend to be more "histrionic" than others, even with deaths that have been "expected" so to speak.

That isn't to say that some folks just react strongly to sadness, which is fine too. Generally, most people can tell the difference between a sincere and and insincere reaction.

My statements do not come from watching too many soap operas either. Actually, the only time I ever looked at soap operas when I was sitting with my dying DMIL, and that was because she liked them.

My statements come from 25+ years of being a nurse...believe me, I think I have seen about every type of death and every family dysfunction regarding death known to mankind.

 

[disykat]

Pardon my ignorance of death then, SanFranciscan. I haven't been exposed to as much death, but I've seen a lot of people cry when someone dies and I've done it myself. I'm sorry, to say that MOST of us were just trying to impress people is insulting at best.

Now that you have qualified your statements by saying you were in the funeral business and saw some of that behavior, I take back my soap opera statement in terms of YOU watching them. However, I would venture to guess that many of us have ONLY seen that kind of behavior on a bad episode of "Falcon Crest" or something of that ilk. I certainly didn't mean to insult you by insinutating you watch bad television.

It didn't occur to me that you would see me implying that you watch soap operas as more insulting than you saying that I (or people like me) probably only cry to impress people.