Fundraising gone wild...

[Rhie]

I did for my school and church trips all the time. Sometimes the only people children know with disposable income are the friends of their parents. I had to do the work myself - that is go talk or send out letters or links. It's not a bad thing for people to do that.

That said, if you would rather be taken off the lists, then politely tell people and they should honor that.

As far as mission trips, actually, at my church we weren't allowed to use our own money. Part of the point of it was the have faith that god would provide through our friends and family if we just trusted god and talked about our mission. Yes, I realize how that sounds. There is a reason I no longer belong to that church. And, if you don't want to support that, then I think you are well within your rights to say so.

 

[jevs]

Interesting thread. I just popped into the crowd rise site. Just urgh. But if anyone wants to blow any money there is a couple of 2nd year uni students there wanting funds for Disneyland tickets because they're in 2nd year and deserve a break.

I dislike fundraising just because i.e the two above, or people who need help to pay for a wedding, have a baby whatever. I'm happy to contribute to animal shelters and to the most vulnerable people in society i.e the homeless/refugees.
I will not contribute to little johnny's football end of year party or the like. Or weddings, or missions (!?) or holidays or anything that I don't consider essential which is pretty much everything except medical care, housing, food, fresh water.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

As far as mission trips, actually, at my church we weren't allowed to use our own money. Part of the point of it was the have faith that god would provide through our friends and family if we just trusted god and talked about our mission. Yes, I realize how that sounds. There is a reason I no longer belong to that church. And, if you don't want to support that, then I think you are well within your rights to say so.

Well that explains a lot with my SIL. Let's just say I don't agree with that.

 

[luvsJack]

I also think our expectation of what is "needed" in sports/band/theater/school/etc has gotten way out of hand.
No, your child does not need to travel out of state multiple times a year for concerts/travel teams/tournaments/dance competitions. They will get 98% of the same experience with day trips, and cut the cost insanely. They can reuse costumes for multiple dances. Uniforms can last more than one season. Maybe they don't need the fancy bag to carry their equipment.

DS's first grade class is currently doing a "need" vs "want" lesson in school. I think the coaches/teachers/parents really need that lesson too.

Some "needs" can be out of whack but some of what you seem to be seeing as a want can be a need for that group.

Out of state competitions for some groups are necesssary and the same cannot be had with a day trip. Or if a sports team works hard and wins their way to district/state/national tournaments then ovrnight travel is necessary for them to continue to compete.

In some performing groups a change in costume is a requirement of the competition, not just something they want.



Some of you are looking at mission trips wrong or have had very different experiences than the trips either of the two churches we have been a part of have done. Dd went on one to take part in the backyard study for kids. They worked hard for that week. They collected food, clothing, furniture, whatever they found to be a need for the people they met. They helped clean up the neighborhood they were in as well as spending half of each day playing and doing activities with the kids. On another trip, they spent time cleaning up and helping build homes destroyed by Katrina. Another group goes to Peru each year. Dr and Dentists go on this trip. They collect clothing and shoes before they go and do whatever they can. These are not vacations. They aren't "missions"-not sure what that even means. But they are mission trips that are a lot of hard work and a real blessing to those that go.


If someone approaches you about fundraising, you don't have to participate. But don't assume that what they are raising money for is worthless. Car washes have been mentioned a few times. In some areas they don't raise that much. Around here its easy to find 3 every weekend and those that still do them say that they just aren't worth the time anymore due to there being so many. New groups keep trying but soon learn the same thing. Fundraising is a necessary evil that no one likes but has to do in order to keep their group or team or squad moving forward.

 

[DopeyDame]

Some "needs" can be out of whack but some of what you seem to be seeing as a want can be a need for that group.

Out of state competitions for some groups are necesssary and the same cannot be had with a day trip. Or if a sports team works hard and wins their way to district/state/national tournaments then ovrnight travel is necessary for them to continue to compete.

In some performing groups a change in costume is a requirement of the competition, not just something they want.

.

I think we just have a different definition of "need" I don't think a child needs to go to a national tournament. They can learn teamwork, athletic skills, and have fun in their local county league. I don't think performing groups need to go to a competition that requires significant costume/set/travel expenditures. The local community theater or county group can teach them about teamwork, performance skills, etc.
Now I don't have any problem at all with national competitions or uber-competitive show choirs or anything like that! I just think it's important to realize that they are "sugar on top" kind of opportunities and if you and your family want to put in the time, effort, and money to make those work - fantastic! But expecting other people to support that isn't something I'd ever be comfortable with for my kids.

 

[sk!mom]

Some "needs" can be out of whack but some of what you seem to be seeing as a want can be a need for that group.

Out of state competitions for some groups are necesssary and the same cannot be had with a day trip. Or if a sports team works hard and wins their way to district/state/national tournaments then ovrnight travel is necessary for them to continue to compete.

In some performing groups a change in costume is a requirement of the competition, not just something they want.



Some of you are looking at mission trips wrong or have had very different experiences than the trips either of the two churches we have been a part of have done. Dd went on one to take part in the backyard study for kids. They worked hard for that week. They collected food, clothing, furniture, whatever they found to be a need for the people they met. They helped clean up the neighborhood they were in as well as spending half of each day playing and doing activities with the kids. On another trip, they spent time cleaning up and helping build homes destroyed by Katrina. Another group goes to Peru each year. Dr and Dentists go on this trip. They collect clothing and shoes before they go and do whatever they can. These are not vacations. They aren't "missions"-not sure what that even means. But they are mission trips that are a lot of hard work and a real blessing to those that go.


If someone approaches you about fundraising, you don't have to participate. But don't assume that what they are raising money for is worthless. Car washes have been mentioned a few times. In some areas they don't raise that much. Around here its easy to find 3 every weekend and those that still do them say that they just aren't worth the time anymore due to there being so many. New groups keep trying but soon learn the same thing. Fundraising is a necessary evil that no one likes but has to do in order to keep their group or team or squad moving forward.

Sports teams and performing groups do not NEED to travel or buy expensive costumes. If they WANT to then those involved should bear the cost, or at the very least do things to EARN the money- yard sales, yard work, babysitting, etc... I started the thread specifically because of the growing trend (in my personal experience) of people asking for the cash outright- no work involved.

I am not without generosity, especially to the Arts, in my community. Just this weekend, DH purchased an art piece at a silent auction to benefit the local ballet. Our DD is now in college but danced there from age 7-18 so we still support it.

I question how a group of unskilled teens could help build houses but I've no doubt that THEY benefited from the experience of helping others. If they paid their own way or earned the money then I'm fine with it. If they asked for handouts then they should have sent the money so that the many unemployed skilled people in New Orleans could have done the work.

I think we just have a different definition of "need" I don't think a child needs to go to a national tournament. They can learn teamwork, athletic skills, and have fun in their local county league. I don't think performing groups need to go to a competition that requires significant costume/set/travel expenditures. The local community theater or county group can teach them about teamwork, performance skills, etc.
Now I don't have any problem at all with national competitions or uber-competitive show choirs or anything like that! I just think it's important to realize that they are "sugar on top" kind of opportunities and if you and your family want to put in the time, effort, and money to make those work - fantastic! But expecting other people to support that isn't something I'd ever be comfortable with for my kids.

Completely agree. These are great experiences that I did not have growing up but that I wanted for my children. These "extras" are largely why I was a working mom rather than a SAHM. My job funded travel, extras, and now college.

 

[21stamps]

Sports teams and performing groups do not NEED to travel or buy expensive costumes. If they WANT to then those involved should bear the cost, or at the very least do things to EARN the money- yard sales, yard work, babysitting, etc... I started the thread specifically because of the growing trend (in my personal experience) of people asking for the cash outright- no work involved.

I am not without generosity, especially to the Arts, in my community. Just this weekend, DH purchased an art piece at a silent auction to benefit the local ballet. Our DD is now in college but danced there from age 7-18 so we still support it.

I question how a group of unskilled teens could help build houses but I've no doubt that THEY benefited from the experience of helping others. If they paid their own way or earned the money then I'm fine with it. If they asked for handouts then they should have sent the money so that the many unemployed skilled people in New Orleans could have done the work.



Completely agree. These are great experiences that I did not have growing up but that I wanted for my children. These "extras" are largely why I was a working mom rather than a SAHM. My job funded travel, extras, and now college.

I think the sports teams need to work as much as possible for their fundraising efforts. I mentioned earlier that our school does so many fundraising events and parents pay hefty fees, so we would never have to solicit for donations elsewhere. i.e gofundme etc

But the "mission trips", this I am completely ok with. If a college student is going to Haiti or Ghana, or anyplace similar and is asking for funds- I'm ok donating. I realize that not everyone is, and that's ok, it's a personal choice. People ask for money to invest in something- in my eyes I am investing in the character of what said college kid could gain from this experience as well as the joy it will bring to the students in Ghana, Haiti etc by having these kids there helping.
I don't have the time to go do something like this, but I am glad that there are people who do.

 

[luvsJack]

I think we just have a different definition of "need" I don't think a child needs to go to a national tournament. They can learn teamwork, athletic skills, and have fun in their local county league. I don't think performing groups need to go to a competition that requires significant costume/set/travel expenditures. The local community theater or county group can teach them about teamwork, performance skills, etc.
Now I don't have any problem at all with national competitions or uber-competitive show choirs or anything like that! I just think it's important to realize that they are "sugar on top" kind of opportunities and if you and your family want to put in the time, effort, and money to make those work - fantastic! But expecting other people to support that isn't something I'd ever be comfortable with for my kids.

If the performing group does not have costume changes, sets and travel expenses then the group doesn't exist. There is no other way around it. For show choir, they are required to have at least one costume change (or it may be two) during their show, they are required to have a backdrop or some kind of set, they are required to travel to get to the competitions. If they don't have these, there is no reason to have a show choir in existence. So for that group to exist, yes it is a need for the group.

Being in show choir is not necessarily a need for all kids. But being involved in something is or should be seen as a need. You may not agree with that, but students that are involved in something do better in school. Music is huge in that respect. Seeing the number of scholarship opportunities there are for some of these kids, then yes, raising a few funds for a costume was well worth seeing that kid that wouldn't have gotten to college any other way get that scholarship he/she needs. Or the kid that wasn't too keen on going to college suddenly get that spark to go because of the recognition given through band, choir, baseball or tiddly winks. Kids that need these opportunities do not always have the option to be a part of community theater or community teams are whatever, which aren't the same thing anyway. And FYI, all of those fund raise also, at least around here.

I did pay for all of dd's choir expenses, most of the parents do. I paid for her annual trip--which isn't required anyway and wasn't really about competing but about performance opportunities. Fundraising was done for transportation to competitions, music for the group, the band for show choir, the accompanist for choir--those things are very much a need for a choir.

 

[luvsJack]

Sports teams and performing groups do not NEED to travel or buy expensive costumes. If they WANT to then those involved should bear the cost, or at the very least do things to EARN the money- yard sales, yard work, babysitting, etc... I started the thread specifically because of the growing trend (in my personal experience) of people asking for the cash outright- no work involved.

I am not without generosity, especially to the Arts, in my community. Just this weekend, DH purchased an art piece at a silent auction to benefit the local ballet. Our DD is now in college but danced there from age 7-18 so we still support it.

I question how a group of unskilled teens could help build houses but I've no doubt that THEY benefited from the experience of helping others. If they paid their own way or earned the money then I'm fine with it. If they asked for handouts then they should have sent the money so that the many unemployed skilled people in New Orleans could have done the work.



Completely agree. These are great experiences that I did not have growing up but that I wanted for my children. These "extras" are largely why I was a working mom rather than a SAHM. My job funded travel, extras, and now college.

You do realize that Homes for Humanity are many times built by unskilled people? They weren't putting in the electricity. They were hammering nails. They weren't taking jobs for heavens sakes, they were volunteering with volunteer run groups. How would sending money give someone a job???? No they did not ask for handouts. They sold plates of food or did some of those "you have been flocked" (putting flamingos all over the yard) type fund raisers. Mostly sold food.

Again, I paid for dd's expenses. I work too. But there are some kids who don't have two working parents or even two parents so there are some that need a little boost and I, for one, don't have an issue with it. If you do, don't contribute.

 

[21stamps]

You do realize that Homes for Humanity are many times built by unskilled people? They weren't putting in the electricity. They were hammering nails. They weren't taking jobs for heavens sakes, they were volunteering with volunteer run groups. How would sending money give someone a job???? No they did not ask for handouts. They sold plates of food or did some of those "you have been flocked" (putting flamingos all over the yard) type fund raisers. Mostly sold food.

Again, I paid for dd's expenses. I work too. But there are some kids who don't have two working parents or even two parents so there are some that need a little boost and I, for one, don't have an issue with it. If you do, don't contribute.

I stated this earlier in the thread I think, but I feel there is just a misconception here about what these trips actually are.

I have a family member in Africa on one right now. I assure you she is not 'partying and on vacation'. This is her 4th trip to an improvised country. It's incredible what they do and who they help.

Sure, you could donate to an organization who then gives a percentage of your donation to the actual cause, or you could help someone go and get their hands dirty and actually help in person, without being paid beyond the original donations -which are solely used to fund a trip that is solely intended to help others.

I remember taking a tour in the Dominican Republic, it was founded by Sammy Sosa and includes a visit to a school. We had the opportunity to purchase items for the students - oh my goodness these little girls thought hair ties were gold, the same with something as simple as crayons. They absolutely loved talking to us and asking questions.. I can't even imagine what a month with a volunteer would be for them...even more so in Haiti. There is a lot of benefit in actual interaction, in having someone "unskilled" helping them, befriending them, building a school with them.

I don't know where the misconception is stemming from, maybe people have different experiences with this. But with the several people that I've known to take these type of trips I have yet to see them "partying and laying on a beach".

There are other places to travel to than an impovrished country, and better vacations than building a school or home, I don't think these are the reasons someone wants to take a trip of the sort we are speaking of.

Edited to add- I also agree with a previous poster and the Habitat for Humanity comparison. You don't need to be a doctor, or an electrician to be able to hammer a nail, or use a paintbrush, or read a book to a classroom, or just become someone's friend and work together with them.

 

[DiannaVM]

Wow, your friend's mission trips must be very different from ours.

Our church sends high school students to Akil Mexico. They sleep in tents and eat cold food for 2 weeks. All of the teens come back worn out and tired. Not one sees it as a vacation.

The church also makes them earn at least half of what they need to travel. The other half can come from family and friends.

Fund raisers like that don't bother me.

That's how it usually is at our church. The last time the Youth Group took a trip to WDW, they held several events in order to raise the money, and the rest was supplemented by their family (for those who could afford it, not everyone's family had it to give).



It annoys me when I get accosted at the Supermarket parking lot. The security tries to cut it down, but more often than not you will have these young men/boys going around to customers of the plaza, asking them to help them go to basketball camp. This is a year-round thing and it just annoys me because they usually come right up to you as you are trying to get in your car. Not to mention that I am always a little skeptical of them. Actually, I am usually skeptical/weary of people who flat out ask for money period. Its different when someone is doing a bake sale or they ask to wash your car to raise the funds, but to just ask for money always rubs me the wrong way and is tacky.

 

[luvsJack]

I stated this earlier in the thread I think, but I feel there is just a misconception here about what these trips actually are.

I have a family member in Africa on one right now. I assure you she is not 'partying and on vacation'. This is her 4th trip to an improvised country. It's incredible what they do and who they help.

Sure, you could donate to an organization who then gives a percentage of your donation to the actual cause, or you could help someone go and get their hands dirty and actually help in person, without being paid beyond the original donations -which are solely used to fund a trip that is solely intended to help others.

I remember taking a tour in the Doninican Republic, it was founded by Sammy Sosa and includes a visit to a school. We had the opportunity to purchase items for the students - oh my goodness these little girls thought hair ties were gold, the same with something as simple as crayons. They absolutely loved talking to us and asking questions.. I can't even imagine what a month with a volunteer would be for them...even more so in Haiti. There is a lot of benefit in actual interaction, in having someone "unskilled" helping them, befriending them, building a school with them.

I don't know where the misconception is stemming from, maybe people have different experiences with this. But with the several people that I've known to take these type of trips I have yet to see them "partying and laying on a beach".

There are other places to travel to than an impovrished country, and better vacations than building a school or home, I don't think these are the reasons someone wants to take a trip of the sort we are speaking of.

You are exactly right. I have never seen any mission trip like some are describing here. No one is partying or laying on a beach. They are working.

 

[sk!mom]

I stated this earlier in the thread I think, but I feel there is just a misconception here about what these trips actually are.

You are exactly right. I have never seen any mission trip like some are describing here. No one is partying or laying on a beach. They are working.

You guys are probably correct. The trips the kids from my church take include work but also side trips. This summer one of the side trips is Disneyland. They have raised money through work (a dinner theater, a monthly Parent's Night Out) to assist those who might not be able to pay the full cost but there is no asking of cash outright.

The two people I work with who have gone to Africa in recent years should have posted fewer pictures of their Safari if they wanted me to see it as a Mission Trip worthy of the donations sought to fund it.

 

[21stamps]

You guys are probably correct. The trips the kids from my church take include work but also side trips. This summer one of the side trips is Disneyland. They have raised money through work (a dinner theater, a monthly Parent's Night Out) to assist those who might not be able to pay the full cost but there is no asking of cash outright.

The two people I work with who have gone to Africa in recent years should have posted fewer pictures of their Safari is they wanted me to see it as a Mission Trip worthy of the donations sought to fund it.

I have done a safari in Kenya, and it was truly an amazing experience.

Was it adults or college kids on the safari? Typically these are hugely expensive and yes, that is quite surprising.

If I donate money to someone to a 'kid' to go to Ghana and they take a little time to explore I don't think that is horrible, IF it is a local park or something. I still won't label it as a vacation. An actual multi day safari though? Yeah, again- that would be shocking. Especially since these trips typically last @ 2 weeks.

I see the benefit in something like this, so I'm ok with giving money to such a cause. I understand that other people do not.

But don't think that Doctors without Borders don't have a little down time either. They need it. And to me the "kids" need it even more. It's an all around educational experience- while helping others, they will see things in a different perspective than most of us regular 'travelers' will never see. I just can't see this as a negative.

Here is a copy and paste of what a 20 year old is doing now-
We will be working with the _________ and _________ and aiding teachers in elementary, middle, and/or high schools to help create more interactive and student-centered learning environments. Our goal is to engage the students to help them learn, stay motivated, attend school and broaden their views about different people and places.
--------

You don't need to be in a professional field to do those things. That's the point I'm trying to make. I'm sorry that you have a negative view towards these trips based on people that you know. I think they are an exception though, and please keep an open mind because 99% of these trips people are not off on safari!

 

[wilkeliza]

I'll be honest I got turned off from mission trips when I did more research about what happens once the groups leave. I never went out of country for it but when we went to do the vbs and backyard bible studies in a town in North Texas we were there for 1 week and then left and another group came for 1 week and then left. Yes the kids had a ton of fun but after the first summer it was clear the kids just saw us as a revolving door of people who didn't really care. The last year I was there (as an adult leader and not a youth volunteer) I had one of the repeat camper come up and in tears tell me that I was just like the others who didn't really care about him and would be gone at the end of the week like every year and he would be left wondering if I even remembered him or cared about him. It really really made me think about those trips in a different light and is why I stopped going.

The same goes for trip to other counties. The groups go for a week or two and do something that makes them feel great but then what do they do after that week or two? Who funds the school and employee teachers and makes sure it is being kept up to a decent standard? Who makes sure the houses are built in a stable/safe manner and can be maintained by those living in them? What really happens to the free shoes from Toms? Also how much of it is us feeling bad because others who may be 100% happy in their life are living different then us?

I've also seem some pretty ridiculous mission trips. One was a group at Disney World who was trying to give park goers free bottles of water. They had shirts on every day that said their church name and Mission Orlando Water. I thought they would be ministering to the Orlando homeless population or something but after 3 days of seeing them I asked a leader what was up. They said they were just there to give water to other park goers who look like they may need it and to spread the message of Jesus. I was kind of shocked to hear that was their mission!

 

[marthachick]

DS was in Cub/Boy Scouts for 12 years. Every year they sold very expensive popcorn. After a few years, I refused to let him sell it. It was way overpriced and I was embarrassed to ask friends and family to pay $20+ for a small tin of popcorn. Yes, it was really good. Yes, you got a nice collector tin. Yes, it was for a good cause, but it was OUR good cause, not everyone else's. We participated in all other fundraisers - spaghetti suppers, hot dog sales, yard sales, etc.

 

[DopeyDame]

I'll be honest I got turned off from mission trips when I did more research about what happens once the groups leave. I never went out of country for it but when we went to do the vbs and backyard bible studies in a town in North Texas we were there for 1 week and then left and another group came for 1 week and then left. Yes the kids had a ton of fun but after the first summer it was clear the kids just saw us as a revolving door of people who didn't really care. The last year I was there (as an adult leader and not a youth volunteer) I had one of the repeat camper come up and in tears tell me that I was just like the others who didn't really care about him and would be gone at the end of the week like every year and he would be left wondering if I even remembered him or cared about him. It really really made me think about those trips in a different light and is why I stopped going.

The same goes for trip to other counties. The groups go for a week or two and do something that makes them feel great but then what do they do after that week or two? Who funds the school and employee teachers and makes sure it is being kept up to a decent standard? Who makes sure the houses are built in a stable/safe manner and can be maintained by those living in them? What really happens to the free shoes from Toms? Also how much of it is us feeling bad because others who may be 100% happy in their life are living different then us?
!

That. That right there. That is why so many of these mission trips can be so very negative. And the potential negativity just gets compounded when the people who drop down from the sky for a week also don't understand the culture (and usually the language) or society where they are working. (And of course, add in a host of race and power dynamics....)

I understand the intentions are good. I understand they can be transformative for the people who go on them. And I understand that some mission trips, done in the right manner with the right partners, can be incredibly effective.
But they can also leave devastation in their wake long after the volunteers are gone.
For those who do these trips, I really encourage you to read this article (and there are about a zillion other similar ones) and pray about it. And really try to discern what you're feeling called to do and how you can best accomplish that.

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/rej...ells-you-about-going-short-term-mission-trips

ETA: It's important to note that none of these concerns center around people lounging around on the beach. I'm sure there are some folks who totally take advantage and do things like that, but I think what a lot of us are trying to say is that mission trips may not be a good use of resources even when there are sincere and hardworking people involved.

 

[wilkeliza]

That. That right there. That is why so many of these mission trips can be so very negative. And the potential negativity just gets compounded when the people who drop down from the sky for a week also don't understand the culture (and usually the language) or society where they are working. (And of course, add in a host of race and power dynamics....)

I understand the intentions are good. I understand they can be transformative for the people who go on them. And I understand that some mission trips, done in the right manner with the right partners, can be incredibly effective.
But they can also leave devastation in their wake long after the volunteers are gone.
For those who do these trips, I really encourage you to read this article (and there are about a zillion other similar ones) and pray about it. And really try to discern what you're feeling called to do and how you can best accomplish that.

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/rej...ells-you-about-going-short-term-mission-trips

This happened 9 years ago and I still think about it and wish I knew how to find the kid so as you can tell that experience really touched me. I even have a photos of "my" boys who were there every year and who I promised I would be back. That last year I made no promises and still feel crappy for not going back and finding them. I do hope they were able to make a life for themselves once they aged out of the program.

 

[DopeyDame]

This happened 9 years ago and I still think about it and wish I knew how to find the kid so as you can tell that experience really touched me. I even have a photos of "my" boys who were there every year and who I promised I would be back. That last year I made no promises and still feel crappy for not going back and finding them. I do hope they were able to make a life for themselves once they aged out of the program.

Hugs.
I'm actually part of a civic group right now that's going through a huge transformation in how we select and implement our projects. It's so hard. We've made some pretty big "swoop in and help" mistakes in the past that we're trying to learn from. But knowing how best to help, and even what help is really needed, isn't trivial.
I hope all your boys are living happy and healthy lives now.

 

[Teresa Pitman]

I'll be honest I got turned off from mission trips when I did more research about what happens once the groups leave. I never went out of country for it but when we went to do the vbs and backyard bible studies in a town in North Texas we were there for 1 week and then left and another group came for 1 week and then left. Yes the kids had a ton of fun but after the first summer it was clear the kids just saw us as a revolving door of people who didn't really care. The last year I was there (as an adult leader and not a youth volunteer) I had one of the repeat camper come up and in tears tell me that I was just like the others who didn't really care about him and would be gone at the end of the week like every year and he would be left wondering if I even remembered him or cared about him. It really really made me think about those trips in a different light and is why I stopped going.

The same goes for trip to other counties. The groups go for a week or two and do something that makes them feel great but then what do they do after that week or two? Who funds the school and employee teachers and makes sure it is being kept up to a decent standard? Who makes sure the houses are built in a stable/safe manner and can be maintained by those living in them? What really happens to the free shoes from Toms? Also how much of it is us feeling bad because others who may be 100% happy in their life are living different then us?

This is a great example of why this is a problem.

There are reports of the buildings put together by volunteers having to be practically dismantled and done over again by the local residents because they were so badly done. Someone asked "how would sending money give someone a job?" - perhaps instead of teen volunteers, local adults who have some skills could be hired to build the school or other building with that money. Seems obvious to me!

Habitat for Humanity is rather different. Yes, many of the volunteers are unskilled, but they do have some training, work under trained supervisors, and the homes are inspected and must meet building codes.

There are lots of people close to home needing help. Why not help them? And send the money you would have spent on airfare directly to organizations on the ground in those countries. You will accomplish much more.