Fundraisers for wedding what do you think?

[bumbershoot]

this could be a regional thing.

Oh, absolutely!

So many wedding traditions are completely regional, and something that's totally normal and not considered tacky can feel like the epitome of awful to people not used to it. I think it's been two Canadians who have said it's normal, so I wonder if the family is from Canada or another region where this is normal?


I remember when a friend of mine (originally from the midwest) married a man whose mother's parents and father were from Mexico. Although my friend won a bunch of wedding-related stuff over him (where to marry and what sort of officiant first and foremost), his family absolutely put their foot down about having a money dance. She wasn't looking forward to it (although it was in her extended midwest family's traditions as well), and all of us college friends thought it would be awful. But....it actually wasn't that bad. She was caught up in the moment and didn't mind having money pinned to her gown, and I even danced with her and gave her money (couldn't pin it, just handed it to her) and was happy to do it.


So...either do it or don't, but I wouldn't waste time in judging it. If it's not your tradition it's not your tradition, but it IS a tradition in some places.

 

[cornflake]

Tickets? Stag and Jack and what now?

Here, there is a shower which involves gifts, and bachelor/ette parties, which are just fun things which don't involve gifts (except for jokey things) and to which no one sells... TICKETS (if it's at a site, like a club or something, people split up the tab of the affianced between them and arrange the rest between themselves, the close friends who are hosting/throwing the party)?! Then there's a wedding. That's that. What in the heck?

 

[Mickey'sApprentice]

I hope this trend does not make it to the South. So tacky.

 

[hambirg]

I can't imagine throwing myself a party and charging admission - ever.

This!

I just can't imagine throwing a party and asking the guests to pay for it. Tacky!

 

[marie1203]

In that case, you should send them an invitation to a fund-raiser for your next Disney trip.. see how they feel I would refuse to go.. sorry, but drive a BMW & Land Rover and you are fund-raising to pay for your wedding.. nope, not with my money your not..

Great idea I should start making invitations for that!

Oh, absolutely!

So many wedding traditions are completely regional, and something that's totally normal and not considered tacky can feel like the epitome of awful to people not used to it. I think it's been two Canadians who have said it's normal, so I wonder if the family is from Canada or another region where this is normal?


I remember when a friend of mine (originally from the midwest) married a man whose mother's parents and father were from Mexico. Although my friend won a bunch of wedding-related stuff over him (where to marry and what sort of officiant first and foremost), his family absolutely put their foot down about having a money dance. She wasn't looking forward to it (although it was in her extended midwest family's traditions as well), and all of us college friends thought it would be awful. But....it actually wasn't that bad. She was caught up in the moment and didn't mind having money pinned to her gown, and I even danced with her and gave her money (couldn't pin it, just handed it to her) and was happy to do it.


So...either do it or don't, but I wouldn't waste time in judging it. If it's not your tradition it's not your tradition, but it IS a tradition in some places.

But from the people here have said that is instead of the shower or either or this is not the case. And I honestly don't think is traditional because we have been invited to weddings in the same place before and never seen this. In fact DH younger sister got married 2011 and this wasn't part of the wedding events.
I must say I almost felt when MIL told me the bridesmaid were paying for SIL nails and hair for the wedding but we let that go.

I just think it is ridiculous to ask so much from your guest we have to spends thousands on this wedding. I am a bridesmaid so I had to buy the dress, the bride can't make up her mind so far she has made us bought 3 pairs of shoes, DH is the best man and his brother inform him he wants his bachelorette party at this casino so DH and the others have to foot up the bill for hotel rooms, alcohol, limo, etc (DH doesn't even drink). I am expected to do the same since she also wanted her party at a casino and she wants a spa day as well. We don't live close by so we have to buy airplane tickets, pay for our hair, nails, etc. Plus all this gifts . I just don't think weddings should be done to make money.
DH and I had a nice big wedding and the only reason was because my dad was very generous and didn't give me a budget. MIL almost had a heart attack when we told her we are having the wedding were I am from. I felt that if he is paying then he can certainly decided were it should take place. We didn't ask anything other than our guest to be there if they gave us anything that was welcome but not a requirement. There was no showers or any other event that guest had to pay out of their pocket or bring gifts to. I feel if guest want to give a bigger gift then they are welcome but I feel it is not right to make them obligated to do all this events.

I am glad people at the DIS agree .

 

[marie1203]

What is with the world today?

Ummm...do the bride and groom have iphones with data plans? Then I'm guessing if they can afford a LUXURY like this (and my guess is many, many others) - then absolutely they should not be asking friends and family to attend an extra 'event' fundraiser.

Yes they do .

 

[luvmy3]

Perhaps it's just because I'm a southerner, but that sounds ridiculously tacky to me!

I can't believe they're okay with openly asking for money and holding a fundraiser! If any relative/friend tried to do that for me, I'd be sooo unbelievably embarrased!!!

No, it is not just because you are a southerner. I'm a north eastener and it sounds ridiculoulsly tacky to me too.

Oh,
So...either do it or don't, but I wouldn't waste time in judging it. If it's not your tradition it's not your tradition, but it IS a tradition in some places.

Calling it a "tradition" doesn't make it any less tacky

 

[Allison]

Man, people have no shame anymore.

 

[MAD4EEYORE]

Great idea I should start making invitations for that!



But from the people here have said that is instead of the shower or either or this is not the case. And I honestly don't think is traditional because we have been invited to weddings in the same place before and never seen this. In fact DH younger sister got married 2011 and this wasn't part of the wedding events.
I must say I almost felt when MIL told me the bridesmaid were paying for SIL nails and hair for the wedding but we let that go.

I just think it is ridiculous to ask so much from your guest we have to spends thousands on this wedding. I am a bridesmaid so I had to buy the dress, the bride can't make up her mind so far she has made us bought 3 pairs of shoes, DH is the best man and his brother inform him he wants his bachelorette party at this casino so DH and the others have to foot up the bill for hotel rooms, alcohol, limo, etc (DH doesn't even drink). I am expected to do the same since she also wanted her party at a casino and she wants a spa day as well. We don't live close by so we have to buy airplane tickets, pay for our hair, nails, etc. Plus all this gifts . I just don't think weddings should be done to make money.
DH and I had a nice big wedding and the only reason was because my dad was very generous and didn't give me a budget. MIL almost had a heart attack when we told her we are having the wedding were I am from. I felt that if he is paying then he can certainly decided were it should take place. We didn't ask anything other than our guest to be there if they gave us anything that was welcome but not a requirement. There was no showers or any other event that guest had to pay out of their pocket or bring gifts to. I feel if guest want to give a bigger gift then they are welcome but I feel it is not right to make them obligated to do all this events.

I am glad people at the DIS agree .

I am in the same boat. My cousin is getting married this summer. My DD is in the wedding and when you add up the cost of everything it is MORE than you can imagine. I am having sticker shock. The bride is late with everything and keeps changing her mind. I get DD's dress just 3 weeks before the wedding and it will still needs to be altered. She is having two showers. One with her family in her hometown and one with his family and friends in his hometown. With us being family we are expected to attend both. They want to 2 families to meet. They can't afford a honeymoon and are asking for money as their wedding gifts to cover it. I think this is tacky. The bride is turning into a bridezilla! The other day she said that no cameras or cellphones will be allowed at the wedding. She doesn't want her photo of them walking back up the isle to have guests standing there taking photos in the back ground. She didn't like how it looked. I just chuckled and told her good luck with that. They invited over 300 guests. She said that they would be happy to give the guests a copy of their wedding photos. Whatever!

With everything you have to pay with being in the wedding and all the travel expense to be there. I would no way support this. I also think this is very tacky.

 

[crisi]

Traditions are cultural and regional. I think a dollar dance is tacky, but on the other hand, my great uncles look forward to their opportunity to dance with the bride, and the dollar dance is how they do it....so I had one because they requested it.

But generally people marry enough within their culture and cultural traditions where if this sort of thing is normal, you don't go out on the Internet to ask how tacky it is when your in laws do it. Of course, not everyone marries within their culture, but when you marry far enough outside it, you probably mention that your husbands family are first generation Armanians when asking.

 

[marie1203]

Traditions are cultural and regional. I think a dollar dance is tacky, but on the other hand, my great uncles look forward to their opportunity to dance with the bride, and the dollar dance is how they do it....so I had one because they requested it.

But generally people marry enough within their culture and cultural traditions where if this sort of thing is normal, you don't go out on the Internet to ask how tacky it is when your in laws do it. Of course, not everyone marries within their culture, but when you marry far enough outside it, you probably mention that your husbands family are first generation Armanians when asking.

But I didn't come here to see how tacky it was, I already knew that. Honestly if this were people thay have just graduated from college, or one of them lost their jobs or some other situation like that I wouldn't have a problem. But this feels like is rewarding irresponsiblility. The fact that she is trying to fundraise for people that drive luxury cars and have iPhones with data plans is just outrageous! And then she says well they don't have a lot of money, of corse they don't look at how they are spending it

 

[eliza61]

BIL in getting married he is in his mid- 30's. Today I got an invitation from my MIL asking us to buy tickets for this Jack and Jill to raise money for them . I am tick off about it because they both have jobs they drive a BMW and a Land Rover and they don't have money because they are irresponsible with it, so I find it ridiculous that she is asking us for money for them. We feel obligated to buy tickets but I don't think I am going to IMO there are many charities that really need the money that I rather give money to. What do you think?

Edit: Brides parents are paying for the wedding this is just to raise money for the bride and groom "because as MIL said they don't have a lot of money" . This is on top of shower, wedding gift, bachelor parties.

Ok, by now most of you know I have absolutely the most "tackiest" family on the planet when it comes to weddings. do a search and you will see the things they have done that have sent me screaming into the streets.
This is a serious sore spot for me. I have had relatives that have...

1) pick out "my" gift and sent me the bill
2) told me "how" much my share of the shower was.
3) told me I had a husband so it shouldn't be too much of a financial problem (on paying for a destination wedding).
4) tried to enlist me to hold the apron for the "dollar dance"


Op, I give you permission to tone down my response because now I am brutually honest.

IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE DOUGH FOR A BIG SHINGDIG, YOU DON'T HAVE IT!!

Ok, my medication kick in, I'm ok. If I have one wish for the next generation of girls it would be to stop passing on this notion that we have to have these elaborate, costly weddings

I would not buy a ticket. sorry, I would tell them I am bringing a gift and that's it.

 

[DawnM]

How very, very odd.

I am going to a fund raiser tomorrow.....for a little girl who is dying of a terminal illness. Her parents need money. I am thankful I get to go and help.

THAT is what I would give my money to, not some couple who live beyond their means and can't afford their wedding.

 

[Sugar Jones]

Stag & Does are the norm around here. Everybody has one. Mostly it's a big party for friends. Nobody is required to go. We usually buy tickets for them, but don't go.

Tickets are usually $5.00/person, and there are all sorts of games, a bar, shooter bars etc.... then there is a midnight meal. All the proceeds go towards the couple. The bride usually also has a shower.

I guess looking at them from the outside they could seem tacky, but it's just the way things are done around here.


We used the funds from our Stag & Do for our honeymoon.

 

[QVCshopper]

Weddings are a sore spot for me. My sister is doing a destination wedding and can't understand why I don't want to spend $5-6k to bring my 3 young kids (the youngest will be just 1, other two will have to be pulled out of shool) to Jamaica for a week.

I love my sister, I really do, but I have no desire to go there and spend that much money doing so, plus having to get passports. Ugh! I would NEVER ask someone to spend that much on my wedding. Thanks for letting me vent.

Your situation... I just wouldn't go.

 

[Pigeon]

Unbelievable.

I would decline with no explanation.

 

[dzorn]

Stag & Does are the norm around here. Everybody has one. Mostly it's a big party for friends. Nobody is required to go. We usually buy tickets for them, but don't go.

Tickets are usually $5.00/person, and there are all sorts of games, a bar, shooter bars etc.... then there is a midnight meal. All the proceeds go towards the couple. The bride usually also has a shower.

I guess looking at them from the outside they could seem tacky, but it's just the way things are done around here.


We used the funds from our Stag & Do for our honeymoon.

So you beg for $5 expecting people to buy ticket then not go. You might as well say could you give me $5 to pay for my wedding/honeymoon. There is no difference.

They are tacky no need to look from the outside.

Denise in MI

 

[akcire]

Honestly I have never heard of such a thing related to a wedding. Had I received a similar invitation, I am pretty certain I would hav called the party host to find out what terminal disease we were raising funds to offset the medical bills. Around me, these are the type of parties people have as fundraisers for things like pediatric cancer. (In which case I gladly attend or buy a ticket)

 

[sissy_ib]

So you beg for $5 expecting people to buy ticket then not go. You might as well say could you give me $5 to pay for my wedding/honeymoon. There is no difference.

They are tacky no need to look from the outside.

Denise in MI

Yup. How about everyone keep their $5 then we can all afford our own weddings and honeymoons? I guess saving your own money until you can afford something is just too hard for some people.

 

[kkandaj]

I still can't figure out what this is--I am so confuse and shocked. But, I also had no idea that others didn't do the dollar dance. I have never been to a wedding they didn't do it. Pretty much goes like this:

Maid of Honor/Best Man stand beside the Bride/Groom and collect money while the person dances with the Bride/Groom. Sometimes people give $1, sometimes $20--depends on what they want to give--and there are no hard feelings or any difference if it is $1 vs $20. The money is put in a glass vase. I can see how this could be tacky, but honestly, had never thought about it being tacky because in our area, it happens at every wedding.