"Friends" just excluded me - do I ever let them know I know?

[missypie]

It's very possible that they each thought one or the other had asked you.

I am right here...steps away from where they were standing...I heard them page another member of the group when they were getting ready to go. If they were making sure the whole group was there, they would have paged me if they had wanted me. The Christmas card list has just gotten about 8 people shorter.

Whoever said that friendship at work is an odd thing may have a point. We work in a male dominated field, so the women tend to stick together. I guess you can be buddies as long as you need each other at work, without really liking the other person.

 

[N&B'smom]

If I heard the whole group out there I would probably get on up and go out there, just so they know that I know. But I would probably act like I didn't think anything of it. That way they wouldn't get any satisfaction out of it.

I'm sorry that happened!! They don't sound like any 'friends' I'd be hanging with.

 

[saratogadreamin09]

I am right here...steps away from where they were standing...I heard them page another member of the group when they were getting ready to go. If they were making sure the whole group was there, they would have paged me if they had wanted me. The Christmas card list has just gotten about 8 people shorter.

Whoever said that friendship at work is an odd thing may have a point. We work in a male dominated field, so the women tend to stick together. I guess you can be buddies as long as you need each other at work, without really liking the other person.

You still don't know for sure if they left you out!!!! I wouldnt get too upset untill you talk to someone

 

[SwedishMeatball]

Honestly? Let it go. This all sounds too much like high school drama and not enough like a profesional working relationship. Mixing business with friendship is hardly ever a good idea.

My thoughts exactly, but I can really hear the pain in the OP's posts. Turning off feelings isn't like flipping a switch, and these have been relationships which go back several years. I personally have too much pride to let anyone see me that hurt, but maybe give it the weekend to think what is best for you. Either you work on letting it go, or you talk to your friend. I think though that a trust may have been permanently damaged. No matter what she said to try and smooth things over, you might not ever feel the same towards her or others in the group.

 

[luvmy3]

Maybe they all just assumed you knew, or that someone else told you about it. Who knows maybe they are at lunch wondering why you aren't there. If it is really bothering you and you can't let it go, ask one of them about it so you'll know what really happened and you can go from there.

 

[missypie]

Maybe they all just assumed you knew, or that someone else told you about it. Who knows maybe they are at lunch wondering why you aren't there. If it is really bothering you and you can't let it go, ask one of them about it so you'll know what really happened and you can go from there.

But as I have said, they were about three steps away from my office door and a few minutes later paged someone else who was supposed to be there.

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

I am not sure how big your office is, but maybe they thought you took today off? Maybe they tried earlier to find you and you were in the bathroom or gone for a little bit so they thought you were gone for the day? I hope they didn't do it on purpose and am hoping it is a big mistake.

 

[Imzadi]

See, you need to ask them when one of them gets back. You really don't know why they didn't invite you. It bothers you, so just ask them. If you get upset in front of them, simply apologize and say that you were really hurt you weren't invited and you just want to know if there is a reason.

Yes, if they were as close friends as much as you thought they were, you have a right to let them see how much this hurt you.

It could be as simple as it's one woman's birthday and she really wanted to celebrate at the one restaurant you hate. Maybe they were going to a smoking restaurant. The Birthday girl may not have wanted to change their plans for where they were having the meal.

Maqybe it was only the ONE woman who no longer works there didn't want you at the gathering. Since she no longer works there, she doesn't have to pretend to like you anymore. Maybe that one woman you overheard meant for you to hear her.

The other women didn't want to make waves with her when she was making the plans , so they didn't want to mention it to you. They probably hoped you would never find out. What's one missed lunch in a 20 year friendship?

It does kind of sound like one of those "Housewives of NJ" stories as I write this.

 

[kelleigh1]

I just find it interesting that they didn't try to hide from you today. If they were really trying to exclude you, for whatever reason, it would seem to me that they would just "sneak off" and not discuss it right outside your door.

Something just doesn't add up. If you really think you've done nothing to make them want to hurt you, then you need to step up and ask why you weren't invited.

 

[missypie]

I am not sure how big your office is, but maybe they thought you took today off? Maybe they tried earlier to find you and you were in the bathroom or gone for a little bit so they thought you were gone for the day? I hope they didn't do it on purpose and am hoping it is a big mistake.

When I heard the woman's voice, I went out of my office and said hi to her. I guess I could have made her totally squirm by asking her what she was doing in the office (as if I hadn't overheard.)

 

[HM]

Aren't they back yet?
Just go ask whoever you've always felt the closest to about the lunch. You can do it and I'm sure you'll be able to hold yourself together until you are back in your office. You can't keep speculating....you need to know the "truth....or what she gives you as the truth", just to have some closure to this incident. Otherwise you are going to continue to wallow in self-pity for days, weeks, months, if you stay in your job.

 

[missypie]

Maqybe it was only the ONE woman who no longer works there didn't want you at the gathering. Since she no longer works there, she doesn't have to pretend to like you anymore. Maybe that one woman you overheard meant for you to hear her.

The group of women in the group who still work here I think was two - the rest of them are former employees... a group that my friend here at work and I have talked for a long time about getting together. So the big get together did finally happen. It could not have been a spontaneous gathering since they work and live all over the city.

But it may well be that one of them doesn't like me...do I spend the weekend pondering which one?

 

[missypie]

Aren't they back yet?

No they aren't back yet. These big get together the old gang lunches go for several hours.

 

[Nie0214]

I think you need to calm down and just find out WHY you weren't included. You're making a lot of assumptions. You know what they say about assuming.. I would rather KNOW they didn't want me there than to assume.

The other day a former coworker who was up from Georgia to visit came by, and we asked D if she was coming to lunch with us. She said "I had no idea I was invited so I brought a lunch", come to find out we misspelled her name in the original email about lunch two days before and she never got any of our messages. It was just a mix up and she was most definitely invited to come!

 

[DisneyBlonde]

{{{Missy}}} It seems particularly hurtful for her to stop in a nearby office and list out all the people she's there to have lunch with.

 

[Disney Doll]

You know missypie, I'm not going second guess your instincts, because you are there and you know these folks. If that is what you think is happening,
chances are you are right.

And I'm sorry..... I had the same thing happen to me a while back at work....a bunch of girls who I considered my friends (and who I thought considered me theirs) planned a day at the casino and left me out. Didn't try and keep it a secret either....just didn't include me. Made sure they told me afterwards what a fabulous time they had too! Then, a couple of months later, one of the girls was getting married and I was told "it's your turn to do a shower". My response was "Perhaps one of you gals who's closer to the bride could do it. I know a group of her closest friends went on a trip to the casino recently...probably one of those girls would be best to handle a shower for their friend".

What I wanted to say was "Yeah, I'm a big fat idiot who is going to let all you people use me and my house and spend a fortune on a bridal shower for someone who doesn't give 2 poops about me, because I am so thrilled that you have deigned to include me in the group when it is an event that is going to cost me money. I don't think so".

Amazingly enough, I had another commitment the night of the shower, so I couldn't attend...what a shame.

But, it was a good lesson to learn. Now this same group seems to be trying to re-include me and I am completely not interested in their company. I'm just always busy, busy, busy!

And yes, some women do always act like Junior High girls. Those are the ones I avoid now. I recommend you do the same.

 

[ryanshana]

See this is one of the exact reason why I am glad I stay at home w/ my boys. I HATE office b.s.!!!

Where you at we'll go have lunch and talk disney LET'S GO

 

[C.Ann]

You know missypie, I'm not going second guess your instincts, because you are there and you know these folks. If that is what you think is happening,
chances are you are right.

And I'm sorry..... I had the same thing happen to me a while back at work....a bunch of girls who I considered my friends (and who I thought considered me theirs) planned a day at the casino and left me out. Didn't try and keep it a secret either....just didn't include me. Made sure they told me afterwards what a fabulous time they had too! Then, a couple of months later, one of the girls was getting married and I was told "it's your turn to do a shower". My response was "Perhaps one of you gals who's closer to the bride could do it. I know a group of her closest friends went on a trip to the casino recently...probably one of those girls would be best to handle a shower for their friend".

What I wanted to say was "Yeah, I'm a big fat idiot who is going to let all you people use me and my house and spend a fortune on a bridal shower for someone who doesn't give 2 poops about me, because I am so thrilled that you have deigned to include me in the group when it is an event that is going to cost me money. I don't think so".

Amazingly enough, I had another commitment the night of the shower, so I couldn't attend...what a shame.

But, it was a good lesson to learn. Now this same group seems to be trying to re-include me and I am completely not interested in their company. I'm just always busy, busy, busy!

And yes, some women do always act like Junior High girls. Those are the ones I avoid now. I recommend you do the same.

A very good example of toxic people - and how they should be dealt with..

 

[ols386]

I'm really sorry this happened, and I can understand why you would be very hurt.

Maybe it was just an oversight. Maybe each one thought the other one had already invited you. It could very well be some type of mis-communication. But I can see why you would feel hurt.

 

[Imzadi]

do I spend the weekend pondering which one?

No, write those womens' names on separate pieces of paper. Then do an invocation of how you release whatever stuck and hurt energy that is in this and any other situations with them, back to the Universe. Then you separately put each piece of paper, one by one, into a paper shredder. (Or take them home and burn them and drop each sheet into a flameproof, metal garbage can.)

I'm sorry they hurt you.

YOU will feel so much better after you the paper ceremony & have let them go and released the energy from this.