"Friends" just excluded me - do I ever let them know I know?

[missypie]

No, write those womens' names on separate pieces of paper. Then do an invocation of how you release whatever stuck and hurt energy that is in this and any other situations with them, back to the Universe. Then you separately put each piece of paper, one by one, into a paper shredder. (Or take them home and burn them and drop each sheet into a flameproof, metal garbage can.)

I'm sorry they hurt you.

YOU will feel so much better after you the paper ceremony & have let them go and released the energy from this.

Whoa! Quite an idea!

 

[dairyou]

Us women are so complicated. I live w/3 boys, one is my husband. If I told them something like this they would just roll their eyes at me. They'd say why don't you just ask them?

OP, I feel bad for you. This situation happens everywhere. Sometimes I wish I was more like guys and not allow these things bother me. At times I am the one who causes my own disappointment by pouring so much into people and expecting the same in return and it not happening.

Hugs for you! I hope it will be resolved in a friendly manner soone

Deb

 

[Imzadi]

My response was "Perhaps one of you gals who's closer to the bride could do it. I know a group of her closest friends went on a trip to the casino recently...probably one of those girls would be best to handle a shower for their friend".

What I wanted to say was "Yeah, I'm a big fat idiot who is going to let all you people use me and my house and spend a fortune on a bridal shower for someone who doesn't give 2 poops about me, because I am so thrilled that you have deigned to include me in the group when it is an event that is going to cost me money. I don't think so".

Amazingly enough, I had another commitment the night of the shower, so I couldn't attend...what a shame.

But, it was a good lesson to learn. Now this same group seems to be trying to re-include me and I am completely not interested in their company. I'm just always busy, busy, busy!

Disney Doll, congrats on sticking up for yourself and being your OWN best friend in that situation. Good for you!

 

[missypie]

I just thought of something wicked I could do. Since my friend who still works here and I have often talked about getting the old gang together, maybe I should innocently send out an email to all of them, offering to organize the get-together. Would any of them be brave enough to say, sorry we just had lunch together today? Of course, I won't do that because it would be pathetic but it's amusing to think of their responses to such an email. Okay, now I sound like I'm in junior high.

 

[NMAmy]

I just thought of something wicked I could do. Since my friend who still works here and I have often talked about getting the old gang together, maybe I should innocently send out an email to all of them, offering to organize the get-together. Would any of them be brave enough to say, sorry we just had lunch together today? Of course, I won't do that because it would be pathetic but it's amusing to think of their responses to such an email. Okay, now I sound like I'm in junior high.

How about just saying, "Hey, it hurt my feelings when you all went out to lunch and didn't include me. Have I done something to offend you all?"

 

[maddhatir]

I am sorry this happened to you- it hurts me just to read it.

But I have a question- if the ex co-worker was in talking to the guy in the next office, why didn't she come in to say hello to you???

You would think if they were going to exclude you on purpose, the least they could do is meet outside of the office so not to hurt your feelings.

You have to confront someone when they get back from lunch- you now have the suspense killing ME!!

Good luck

 

[MinnieMe87]

How about just saying, "Hey, it hurt my feelings when you all went out to lunch and didn't include me. Have I done something to offend you all?"

That's what I would do too.

 

[N&B'smom]

I agree, I think you should approach the one you're closest to and just plain ask why you were excluded. See what she says, I'm sure she won't be expecting you to be so frank!

 

[missypie]

But I have a question- if the ex co-worker was in talking to the guy in the next office, why didn't she come in to say hello to you???

You would think if they were going to exclude you on purpose, the least they could do is meet outside of the office so not to hurt your feelings.

I guess because she doesn't consider me a friend. So for you sleuths out there, here's the theory - the woman talking loud enough for me to overhear doesn't like me (don't know why but whatever). Maybe she's the one who organized the event, so she had control over the guest list?

Of course, the fact that none of my other friends would say "what about Missypie" sounds more like 4th grade than junior high!

 

[maddhatir]

I guess because she doesn't consider me a friend. So for you sleuths out there, here's the theory - the woman talking loud enough for me to overhear doesn't like me (don't know why but whatever). Maybe she's the one who organized the event, so she had control over the guest list?

Of course, the fact that none of my other friends would say "what about Missypie" sounds more like 4th grade than junior high!

That is a very good theory! Obviously she has a problem if she did not come in and say hi to you.

Maybe your friends just thought to keep their friendships seperate with you and this woman??

Did you not like this woman??

I know if my friends were going somewhere with someone I was not crazy about- they would just know not ask me to go and they would know I understood why.

I do not think lunch would be very comfortable for anyone knowing the 2 of you did not care for each other.

Maybe this is all just innocent!

 

[Missy1961]

How about just saying, "Hey, it hurt my feelings when you all went out to lunch and didn't include me. Have I done something to offend you all?"

That's what I would do.

 

[kelleigh1]

the woman talking loud enough for me to overhear doesn't like me (don't know why but whatever).

Mystery solved. If she doesn't like you and she was coming to meet up with some of the old friends from the office, well...you aren't a friend. She didn't like you so honestly, she wouldn't want to have lunch with you.

Of course, the fact that none of my other friends would say "what about Missypie" ...

How do you know they didn't? Maybe they did and she said "well I never really liked her..." so you weren't invited.

I'm sorry that you're hurt, but if roles were reversed, would you really want to invite a former co-worker that you didn't like along to have lunch with you?

 

[DisneyBlonde]

I guess she's entitled to lunch with who she wants, especially since she was organizing it. But I think her allowing you to find out the way you did was wrong, it seems intentional and small.

 

[missypie]

I'm sorry that you're hurt, but if roles were reversed, would you really want to invite a former co-worker that you didn't like along to have lunch with you?

If it was a group of people who always hung around together getting together to talk about old times and I was less fond of one than the rest, I certainly wouldn't exclude the one just because of my own personal feelings.

 

[missypie]

I guess she's entitled to lunch with who she wants, especially since she was organizing it. But I think her allowing you to find out the way you did was wrong, it seems intentional and small.

I am just speculating that she organized it. She doesn't seem like the type to have organized the event, but I was just speculating that if she didn't care about hurting my feelings, she must be the one who wanted to exclude me

 

[Erin1700]

Just wanted to offer my support...people can be so mean! This too shall pass (with out them) and you will feel better with your real friends!

 

[vettechick99]

Mystery solved. If she doesn't like you and she was coming to meet up with some of the old friends from the office, well...you aren't a friend. She didn't like you so honestly, she wouldn't want to have lunch with you.

Exactly. But I might still go up to your BFF at the office and mention you saw so-and-so at the office and did they have fun at lunch. You can also ask if so-and-so put the lunch together. Let her know your feelings were hurt, and her reaction will tell you if she is a real BFF and what the real story is.

BTW, after college I worked at an office with a load of people my own age. Went out to lunch everyday with this one girl who felt like my office BFF. Celebrated her bday by buying her lunch at a nice restaurant and a gift. Two months later on my birthday, she canceled lunch with me because of a hair appt she just couldn't reschedule. I knew right then she was no real BFF and I haven't talked to her in 5 years.

 

[DeluxePrincess]

It seems very intentional. I would be the most upset with the lady you considered to be closest to that still works there. Why wouldn't she at least mention it to you? The whole thing was kept a "secret" from you, but they make a big show about getting the group together in the office. I understand how you are feeling. I've been there myself. I would have to write it off as a learning experience and least now you know that these people are not true friends.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Sorry if this comes off as being harsh, but IMHO, let it go. Take the hint, they obviously didn't want you included, for whatever reason. Do you actually need someone to tell you to your face? Would that make you feel better? If it was an error on their part, someone will say something to you. I know you feel angry and hurt and want to lash out, but is that really the adult thing to do?

Here's my story. I worked with someone and we were very good friends, but she went off the deep end (at work, at home, in general). She was doing some seriously messed up stuff, would lie without even realizing she was lying, etc. Would so twist conversations and stories that there was no semblence of what had actually occurred. I would tell her I was busy when she called, wouldn't answer the phone, etc. She continued to call, text, email, etc. Finally, I blew up at her one night after about 2 months of the nonsense when she called me at night at home at midnight and asked why I was avoiding her and didn't I know that I was her friend and that she needed me. I told her she should leave me alone and stop calling my house, my office, my cell. Even after being brutally honest, she still wasn't getting it. However, after about an hour, she finally got it.

I'm not saying you are anything like my former friend, but maybe the signs have been there all along and you're just not seeing them. Maybe they're trying to avoid hurting your feelings outright and figure you would get the hint. And maybe I'm completely off base and wrong, wrong, wrong. Either way, I just think you should let it go.

 

[maddhatir]

If it was a group of people who always hung around together getting together to talk about old times and I was less fond of one than the rest, I certainly wouldn't exclude the one just because of my own personal feelings.

I would be POd if my friends planned the lunch and chose to invite her over me, however, if she was the planner- who needs her? She no longer works there.

Honestly- if I talked to a group of people and I was not fond of one of them, I would not invite that one person to lunch if *I* was planning the lunch. She is not my friend.

You have to find out the truth- this is going to eat you up! I hate assuming things. I need the truth b/c the guessing tears me apart. You will feel better if you just ask.