"Friends" just excluded me - do I ever let them know I know?

[JulyGirl]

OP, I've been in your shoes so I know how you are feeling. I am going to be frank with you. I don't think they were trying to "hurt" you. I think the problem is that you don't matter to them one way or the other. They obviously don't consider you a friend, or you would have been invited. If you were intentionally left out, the lady would never have stopped in to see you. I know you are hurting, but don't let them see it. They are not worth your anger/sadness.

 

[Magic Mom]

I guess because she doesn't consider me a friend. So for you sleuths out there, here's the theory - the woman talking loud enough for me to overhear doesn't like me (don't know why but whatever). Maybe she's the one who organized the event, so she had control over the guest list?

Of course, the fact that none of my other friends would say "what about Missypie" sounds more like 4th grade than junior high!

Maybe your friends are aware of the animosity between the two of you and didn't ask you because of it. Is this woman invited to all the group outings you've been on with them?

 

[missypie]

Exactly. But I might still go up to your BFF at the office and mention you saw so-and-so at the office and did they have fun at lunch. You can also ask if so-and-so put the lunch together. Let her know your feelings were hurt

Okay, mystery solved. I told my friend in the office that I saw "Madame X" in the office. My friend said, "Yes, Madame X organized a lunch with...[listed whole gang]...you should have come!" I said, "Madame X didn't invite me and I even talked to her in the hall." She said, "Well, Madame X said she was going to organize more of these, I'll have to make sure you're invited to the next one." I said, "Obviously Madame X doesn't want me there ... "

Hmmm...wonder what I ever did to Madame X?

 

[missypie]

Maybe your friends are aware of the animosity between the two of you and didn't ask you because of it. Is this woman invited to all the group outings you've been on with them?

There is no "animosity" that I was ever aware of before...maybe the others were aware that she didn't like me...

Thanks everyone for talking me down. Now I don't have to intensly dislike 8 people...just one!

 

[maddhatir]

Okay, mystery solved. I told my friend in the office that I saw "Madame X" in the office. My friend said, "Yes, Madame X organized a lunch with...[listed whole gang]...you should have come!" I said, "Madame X didn't invite me and I even talked to her in the hall." She said, "Well, Madame X said she was going to organize more of these, I'll have to make sure you're invited to the next one." I said, "Obviously Madame X doesn't want me there ... "

Hmmm...wonder what I ever did to Madame X?

YAY!!!! At least you know it was Madame X!!!!!

And who cares what you did to her- she no longer works there and just do not go to anything she plans. I would not have anything to do with her at all.

Done and over with!

I bet you feel better.

 

[Shyvioletisme]

Okay, mystery solved. I told my friend in the office that I saw "Madame X" in the office. My friend said, "Yes, Madame X organized a lunch with...[listed whole gang]...you should have come!" I said, "Madame X didn't invite me and I even talked to her in the hall." She said, "Well, Madame X said she was going to organize more of these, I'll have to make sure you're invited to the next one." I said, "Obviously Madame X doesn't want me there ... "

Hmmm...wonder what I ever did to Madame X?

well at least you know that someone wanted you there...who knows "madame X" could have told the other girls that she asked and you declined... If it were me, I'd try to get together with the other girls without "madame x" there...if she doesn't want to be around you, then why want her there at all? I'm sure it would make thing uncomfortable.

 

[ajk912]

I don't think anyone could be that clueless to talk that loudly and not expect to be overheard, could they?

So this loud chick doesn't like you. She probably organized the lunch, and invited her friends. If I was one of the friends, and got the phone call/email, I wouldn't say, "Sure, I will go! Make sure you invite missypie!" I just wouldn't think about it. It wouldn't register on my radar.

That moment, when you said hi, she had the opening to say, "Hey, we are all going out to lunch, wanna come?" To me, it sounds like SHE was the one who left you out. I would be mad at her..not necessarily anyone else at this point.

If you were super ballsy..you could have said, when you overheard, "Lunch! Great idea, where are we going? " And watch her sweat.

 

[DeluxePrincess]

Okay, mystery solved. I told my friend in the office that I saw "Madame X" in the office. My friend said, "Yes, Madame X organized a lunch with...[listed whole gang]...you should have come!" I said, "Madame X didn't invite me and I even talked to her in the hall." She said, "Well, Madame X said she was going to organize more of these, I'll have to make sure you're invited to the next one." I said, "Obviously Madame X doesn't want me there ... "

Hmmm...wonder what I ever did to Madame X?

Oh how nice of her to "make sure" you will be invited to the next one. Sounds like a cop out to me.

 

[debf]

You could organize the next lunch and invite who you want. I would leave "Madame X" off the list.

 

[kelleigh1]

Hmmm...wonder what I ever did to Madame X?

You didn't have to DO anything. Not everyone likes everyone and it's not about something they did or didn't do. It's just that they don't mix. Like oil and water.

 

[mom of 3G's]

I guess because she doesn't consider me a friend. So for you sleuths out there, here's the theory - the woman talking loud enough for me to overhear doesn't like me (don't know why but whatever). Maybe she's the one who organized the event, so she had control over the guest list?

Of course, the fact that none of my other friends would say "what about Missypie" sounds more like 4th grade than junior high!

Aha! Now I get it... The lady talking loud enough organized the whole event asking your former co-worker to join them for lunch. I think the other co-workers probably didn't even know you weren't invited until they all sat down together. Now they don't want to hurt your feelings so I doubt they will mention that they got together with a mutual friend, but I think you should casually mention that you know they all went out and take a PP advice and ask "So how is (friend's name) doing these days?"

ETA: Okay, I see the mystery was solved long before I could get my fingers typing!

 

[Diva of Dragons]

Suddenly Madame X looks like Cruella DeVil in my head. LOL!!

I have been in your shoes missypie. I'm glad you said something and that it seems to have worked out.

 

[MushyMushy]

I'm so sorry you were hurt like that today. You always think adulthood will be so much better because we're above all that petty nonsense, but it still hurts like it did back in school, doesn't it?

 

[missypie]

One kind of funny thing...Madame X also invited two women who still work for the company who are quite a bit younger than the "old" gang. The youngest invitee had not previously met most of the ladies at lunch. While I was being sad about being excluded, she was probably wondring why the heck she was included.

 

[Becky2005]

It's very possible that they each thought one or the other had asked you.

I was reading this with interest (haven't finished) and THIS popped out at me.

I was never invited to my mom's 50th birthday party precisely because of this reason! EVERYONE thought someone else had invited me & in the end no one did. My mom thought I was doing a diversion tactic when I took her gifts on her actual birthday. She called later for that weekend asking me if I had to work & that is why I wasn't at the party. I had no idea there was a party & had no clue what she was talking about!! We had to piece the puzzle together.

edited to add: Going backwards I see the result wasn't this but it is very much a possibility with things.

 

[RitaZ.]

Okay, mystery solved. I told my friend in the office that I saw "Madame X" in the office. My friend said, "Yes, Madame X organized a lunch with...[listed whole gang]...you should have come!" I said, "Madame X didn't invite me and I even talked to her in the hall." She said, "Well, Madame X said she was going to organize more of these, I'll have to make sure you're invited to the next one." I said, "Obviously Madame X doesn't want me there ... "

What was your friend's reply to your last comment? Did she remain quiet? Did she say anything at all?

 

[Mom2Nick]

I am right here...steps away from where they were standing...I heard them page another member of the group when they were getting ready to go. If they were making sure the whole group was there, they would have paged me if they had wanted me. The Christmas card list has just gotten about 8 people shorter.

Whoever said that friendship at work is an odd thing may have a point. We work in a male dominated field, so the women tend to stick together. I guess you can be buddies as long as you need each other at work, without really liking the other person.

You're seriously going to end friendships and stop sending christmas cards over this?!?!?!

 

[Disney Doll]

Well, here's my take now that there's an update of sorts.

Madame X doesn't like you, doesn't want to lunch with you, who cares why?

I'd still be wary of the rest of them, but that's just me...none of them sound like great friends or BFF material. They sound like "OK" work friends.

 

[sbell111]

This entire situation serves as a reminder of why I don't have 'friends' at work. Those people are coworkers with whom I am friendly. None of them are my friends.

No, write those womens' names on separate pieces of paper. Then do an invocation of how you release whatever stuck and hurt energy that is in this and any other situations with them, back to the Universe. Then you separately put each piece of paper, one by one, into a paper shredder. (Or take them home and burn them and drop each sheet into a flameproof, metal garbage can.)

I learned the paper ceremony a little differently.

You write down each person's name and what they did to you on a separate piece of paper. Then, you wrap those papers individually around large rocks. Then you throw the rocks at the people. This has the effect of returning the person's badness right back to them and realigning their chakras.

 

[saratogadreamin09]

Well, it seems like Madam X doesnt like you very much.....it doesnt seem like its the rest of the gang


You have made it sound like you dont like Madam X too much either so I would just let it go. Maybe you could organize a lunch for the whole gang and leave her out?