Freshman "Funds"

[Southernmiss]

My child will work at college - she will study and attend classes. That is her job - more than a full-time commitment. I don't want her worrying about anything else.

DS must do this to maintain a 3.25 gpa to maintain his scholarship that he has already WORKED his butt off for through high school.

If he can get a minimal responsibility on campus job, bonus. If not, he's worked through the summer for his spending $ and will get a little from us if necessary.

 

[shortbun]

Ah yes, the Dis where we take our children to WDW 3X a year but starve them the rest of the year to pay for it, lol! I'm kidding and I know y'all know it but it's pretty humorous to read as some parents compete for who can be the meanest. What a world we live in!

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I agree with your dh, $400 a month sounds good.

 

[KimR]

My child will work at college - she will study and attend classes. That is her job - more than a full-time commitment. I don't want her worrying about anything else.

I agree 100%. I worked almost full time while attending college and I am so thankful we are able to give our DDs the opportunity to have the full college experience. And yes, I'm fully aware that that includes partying now and then to blow off steam. As long she is keeping her grades up that's fine with me.

 

[Green Tea]

I agree with your dh, $400 a month sounds good.

I guess so! Thanks. I think that will allow some restaurants, some cooking of real meals and not so real macaroni meals too. I am not sure if the group of housemates will take turns shopping and cooking for the group, or if each kid will do his own thing. That I will leave up to him to figure out. Everything is a learning experience, right?

 

[zurgswife]

I just Googled "Kraft Macaroni and Cheese On Sale" and found this weeks Kroeger ad for it, 49 cents a box.
Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese tell me where I can get Lobster for less than bologna, Lobster is down to about $18 a pound, bologna is at $3.99 a pound.
I eat a lot of walnuts and raw almonds........walnuts are $9.99 a pound at the store, $5 to $6 a pound at the farmers market, almonds are $4 a pound at the farmers market, and $7.99 at the store.

Actually straight off the docks in Maine this summer Lobster is $1.75 per pound.

 

[DVCLiz]

An 18 year old is a legal adult, and can move out and support themself any time after that birthday. It is my job as a parent to make sure that by the time they are 18 they are capable of doing that, if they choose. Mom and dad paying their bills is not how I plan on preparing them.

Fair enough. If you think your children are capable of supporting themselves at age 18 with the education they have received by that time, then obviously that is what works best for your family.

If I sent my children out into the world at age 18 and made them pay their own way for whatever came next, I would feel I had failed as a parent.

 

[Southernmiss]

Fair enough. If you think your children are capable of supporting themselves at age 18 with the education they have received by that time, then obviously that is what works best for your family.

If I sent my children out into the world at age 18 and made them pay their own way for whatever came next, I would feel I had failed as a parent.

At 18 DS can take care of his basic physical needs, but as far as being able to earn a living to support himself not in this economy.

Perhaps in a bygone day when factory/manual labor jobs were plentiful he could have, but not in 2012.

DS has the brains to accomplish a lot and to deny him college because he should be kicked out of our home and have to work simply because he's 18 would be a shame.

 

[Christine]

Fair enough. If you think your children are capable of supporting themselves at age 18 with the education they have received by that time, then obviously that is what works best for your family.

If I sent my children out into the world at age 18 and made them pay their own way for whatever came next, I would feel I had failed as a parent.

I live in an area of the country that has not been hit hard by the economy. Honestly, I don't know any 18 year old that could make it on their own. I don't know where that can happen in this country but I'm thinking that those days are over, and they've been over for quite some time.

At best, I'm seeing 25 year olds on their second job out of college being able to get a roommate and finally be on their own.

 

[Art 1]

What, in your opinion, is an adequate amount of money for a college freshman to be given each month if they do NOT have a college meal plan and will be cooking or eating out?

How much do you think you spend on food for one person in a month?

We give ours $100 per week. That amount seems to work well for ours. If she needs more we give it to her but that seems to work most of the time.

 

[punkin]

I live in an area of the country that has not been hit hard by the economy. Honestly, I don't know any 18 year old that could make it on their own. I don't know where that can happen in this country but I'm thinking that those days are over, and they've been over for quite some time.

At best, I'm seeing 25 year olds on their second job out of college being able to get a roommate and finally be on their own.

That is the honest truth!

 

[Swan4Me]

An 18 year old is a legal adult, and can move out and support themself any time after that birthday. It is my job as a parent to make sure that by the time they are 18 they are capable of doing that, if they choose. Mom and dad paying their bills is not how I plan on preparing them.

I know someone like that-once they were 18-no help with college or any skill education.

Now the 28 year old makes smoothies and lives at home
The 22 year old just got married (to a girl he knew for 4 months)and are living on one minimum wage paycheck-hopes to get more education-but it wont happen

Complete failure as parents-and its one of my brother's kids

 

[luvmy3]

Fair enough. If you think your children are capable of supporting themselves at age 18 with the education they have received by that time, then obviously that is what works best for your family.

If I sent my children out into the world at age 18 and made them pay their own way for whatever came next, I would feel I had failed as a parent.

I never said I was sending them out, I said they are legally able to after that 18th birthday if they choose to. There is a difference, and if my children choose to, I better make darn sure they are prepared. That means, to me that they need to start being financially responsible for their needs, even when they are in college. Getting a degree is only part of their job when they are there. Learning how to live in the real world, where people have jobs and have to learn to balance work with anything else going on in their life so they can afford to live, is the other (invaluable) education they need.
You know the whole, prepare your child for the path, not the path for your child, thing.

Just wanted to make it clear that I don't begrudge anyone who chooses to support their adult child while they are in school. If that is what works for you and yours that is great, its just not something I'm planning to do for my kids.

 

[luvmy3]

I know someone like that-once they were 18-no help with college or any skill education.

Now the 28 year old makes smoothies and lives at home
The 22 year old just got married (to a girl he knew for 4 months)and are living on one minimum wage paycheck-hopes to get more education-but it wont happen

Complete failure as parents-and its one of my brother's kids

I know someone like that too. He managed to support himself go to school and eventually earn his PhD. He got married and had his first child while still in graduate school, and then had 2 more kids. He's pretty successful and just happens to be married to me.
Not every 18 year old can do that, but not every 18 year old can't, either.

 

[A_Princess'_Daddy]

I am highly involved in my kids education, I am actually homeschooling. We have a local university that allows home-schooled children to enroll at the age of 16 and take classes as dual enrollment, meaning it counts as high school and college. As I said before I am encouraging my son to join the military, and my 10 year old DD is already looking at the College of the Ozarks where you work your way through and graduate debt free. I think it is silly for adults to be paying out thousands and thousands of dollars for their ADULT children to be going to school to better themselves. That does not mean I am not interested in my children's future. I put a lot of effort into teaching them and helping them to plan for their futures in a way that will not put anyone in debt and teach them to be responsible for themselves and not leave them thinking I am and never-ending piggy bank.

So you are already planning on your 8 year old joining the military? That is a respectable career, but what if he wants to do something else with his life? Actively planning to send my pre-teen into harm's way in anathema to my values, but evidently we have different values so I won't judge you for yours. And personally, and I don't mean this as an insult, I cannot imagine a 10 year old being enthralled with College of the Ozarks as a "dream school". There are many colleges and universities with far better academic programs where any talented kid can get scholarship dollars.

Try disgust! I'm sick of coddled "children" thinking others should pay for their lives.

We aren't coddling ours. We are investing in their futures so they can have better lives. We are blessed to have the resources to be able to do so, and so we shall.

There is a huge difference in going to a party and getting stupid! Going to a party isn't a bad choice. There is nothing to outgrow.

As far as your DS going to the military, I also find it insulting that you are only suggesting this for your DS-what about your DD? I hope you realize they take very few kids right out of high school any more? they don't need very many "grunts" so are looking for kids with college or tech school. So you better have a back up plan for him.

Oh dear! I 100% agree with Hannathy...The apocalypse is upon us!

Well my DH is a pastors kid and we have been together since he was 16 and I was 13 and I can tell you that may be a saying but it's not always true. My DH has always been extremely responsible and never involved with "bad" things. Some people like to think the worst all the time. I guess you all just can't believe that there are actually people out here you really do lead extremely wholesome moral lives. I feel badly for you, I'm also done wasting my time here

Sorry, but there is no way my 13 year old daughter dates a 16 year old. That is just creepy and wrong, even if nothing "happens". Also, what kind of 16 year old boy is attracted to a 13 year old girl?

With all due respect, there is no way in the world I would let my 13 year old daughter "be" with a 16 year old. Under any circumstances. You and I are miles apart as far as what we think is appropriate for children. No wonder you are ready to boot yours out the door at 18 - if they've been in relationships for five years by then they are more than ready to be on their own.

Ahhh, beat me to it...

Honestly, I think this argument always comes down to whether or not you consider your children "adults" at age 18. I certainly don't' as far as the financial responsibility I feel for them is concerned. In almost all other matters - drinking, sex, relationships, study habits, etc. I let them make their own choices without involving me.

But I think it's important to have the college experience - which in my family means four years at a traditional college AWAY from home - so I'm willing to make it happen for them. If I didn't think that was important I'd be doing some things differently.

I'm sending DD18 to a private Presbyterian liberal arts college next week - hope she has a wonderful experience which will include lots of partying!!!

College is about learning to grow up, and all those things, and more, are a part of growing up. If one expects their child to live in a bubble, then they truly are coddling their child!

College of the Ozarks scares me!!

It sounds like an alternate universe:
must wear shoes
attend chapel
men cannot have earrings
they dictate mens' hair length
they actually have a rule that you have to walk on the sidewalk
no PDA or you get a violation
they can drug test you
women have to dress modestly
all tattoos must be covered
infractions are given for littering, swearing and insubordination

Do not see how this prepares a young adult for the real world - there is nothing real about that place. Seems more like prison for college students.

Plus it's a very poorly regarded school with very few successful alumni. I get that not everybody should go to Harvard, but to set mediocrity as your goal seems sad to me.

That stuff doesn't really bother me - after all, Liberty and Bob Jones etc. are similar. What bothers me is a parent who would knowingly make a child limit herself to a school that had a 950 SAT as its admission criteria. Good grief...Talk about setting the bar low...

Sheesh, beat me to it again! Great minds and all...

Since you asked, yes of course I love my kids! I am probably the most involved mom I know. I am always doing everything with them. I am a SAHM and revolve my entire life around being involved with my kids. At the pool just yesterday I saw mom after mom lounging reading a book, not me, I'm up there racing them down the slides and laughing with them. I don't just take them places and let them play, I'm right in there playing and having fun with them I've never heard my kids say they were bored once this summer because I jam pack their time and mine with so much fun that we are hardly ever home. On the occasional day (like today) that we're home everyone is crashing! We're leaving tomorrow for a 10 day family trip so today is packing day If anyone really wanted to go back and read my old posts you would see many about all the fun things my kids and I do together!

I really think that I am probably done with posting much around here. Apparently the dis just aren't my kind of people, I don't get most of you and you don't get me. In case anyone was trying to figure me out I'll save you the time that some have obviously spend looking into my dis past. Here it goes....

I am against drinking, drugs, smoking

I am against pre-marital sex, adultery, and homosexuality

I am for SAHMs

I am for letting your kids grow up and not overprotecting them from the world

I am against all the over the top safety gadgets that didn't exist 35 years ago when I was a kid and yet I survived, boosters for middle schoolers, bike helmets for little kids in the neighborhood (different story if you're a serious rider on busy roads, then you need a helmet. A 3 year old on a trike in the driveway, not so much!)

I am for raising dependable, self-reliant children, who take care of themselves

I am for having lots of fun along the way!!!


Just because I say I want my kids to take care of themselves financially does not mean I plan to sever ties with them! My mom and I hang out all the time, we are great friends. She is always with us at the pool, camping, float trips, trips to the county fair etc. The fact that she raised me to take care of myself and not NEED her doesn't mean I don't have a really close relationship with her. I'm sure it will be the same with my kids


PS I did tell my DD she could join the military too, she has no interest No double standard!

The kids who never got the chance to grow up because they are dead probably wish their parents buckled them into seat belts...

As to the rest of your screed, you are correct that we clearly have different values, so we'll just leave it at that. Since it sounds like you're leaving us, there's no reason to get into an intellectual debate over it...

What I bolded above is really where I shake my head. 50 years ago there were no seat belts - does that mean your kids are unrestrained in the car? No - why not - people lived without seatbelts years ago too. Your kids probably don't need to take the latest medicines either - after all you lived without them. No vaccines either? Since people used to live without them.

No one is suggesting wrapping kids in a bubble, but advances in safety help adults too! I wear a helmet as I ride along the lakefront. Just a smart thing to do.

Yes!

What has me shaking my head - aside from the above - is the idea that a mom sitting by a pool reading a book is somehow inferior to her. Because obviously such a person couldn't possibly be involved in their kids' lives.

Even worse than that, we send our kids to the country club to swim with the nanny while we're at work! My parents did the same with me, and somehow I managed to get a real job and have never lived at home (besides a few summers) since leaving for college...

My child will work at college - she will study and attend classes. That is her job - more than a full-time commitment. I don't want her worrying about anything else.

Yes, it was always made clear to me that my studies were to be my main job, as well, although I did also work 10-12 hours a week because I was awarded an undergraduate faculty research fellowship that I really wanted to accept. I also took 7 classes a semester and two summer classes per summer in order to graduate in four years with my B.S. and first Master's degree. I did this at an Ivy League university, so you can be sure that my parents wanted me to maximize my education to maximize the return on their investment.

Fair enough. If you think your children are capable of supporting themselves at age 18 with the education they have received by that time, then obviously that is what works best for your family.

If I sent my children out into the world at age 18 and made them pay their own way for whatever came next, I would feel I had failed as a parent.

I agree with this. I could have survived on my own at 18. I am much, much, MUCH stronger because my parents supported me through my undergraduate studies and enabled me to hit the ground running.

We all make different decisions for our kids. Don't belittle those you don't understand...


OK, and to the original question, when I graduated in 1998 I received about $500 a month for food. This was in the Boston area, and I lived comfortably, but hardly elegantly.

 

[DVCLiz]

I never said I was sending them out, I said they are legally able to after that 18th birthday if they choose to. There is a difference, and if my children choose to, I better make darn sure they are prepared. That means, to me that they need to start being financially responsible for their needs, even when they are in college. Getting a degree is only part of their job when they are there. Learning how to live in the real world, where people have jobs and have to learn to balance work with anything else going on in their life so they can afford to live, is the other (invaluable) education they need.
You know the whole, prepare your child for the path, not the path for your child, thing.

Just wanted to make it clear that I don't begrudge anyone who chooses to support their adult child while they are in school. If that is what works for you and yours that is great, its just not something I'm planning to do for my kids.

Again, fair enough. If you want your 18 year old children to learn how to function in the real world and hold down a job to pay their own way while getting their education, then more power to you. Me? I think that's a terrible time to force a child to learn those skills, age 18 or not. I'm much more interested in making sure my child has enough education to know that there is more than one path, personally. And that he or she is as prepared - best education, no debt, best options for jobs - as can be. If that means I pay for the education and he or she waits until the first job in the "real world" to experience being financially responsible, so be it.

It surprises me that your husband has a PhD and still feels strongly about making his children pay for everything once they are 18. I would think he would look back on the struggle and want to do everything he could to avoid that for his children.

 

[luvmy3]

Again, fair enough. If you want your 18 year old children to learn how to function in the real world and hold down a job to pay their own way while getting their education, then more power to you. Me? I think that's a terrible time to force a child to learn those skills, age 18 or not. I'm much more interested in making sure my child has enough education to know that there is more than one path, personally. And that he or she is as prepared - best education, no debt, best options for jobs - as can be. If that means I pay for the education and he or she waits until the first job in the "real world" to experience being financially responsible, so be it.

It surprises me that your husband has a PhD and still feels strongly about making his children pay for everything once they are 18. I would think he would look back on the struggle and want to do everything he could to avoid that for his children.

Maybe I wasn't clear but I don't believe I said that I would force my kids to pay for everything once they turn 18. I certainly expect them to have a job when they turn 16. I expect them to save some money in the coming years be able to pay for outings with friends, clothes, car insurance and gas, cell phones, and any incidentals they want. That way by the time they are 18 they will know what it feels like and what it takes to be responsible for themself.
My dh and I are planning on contributing to their education, but not paying for it completely. We believe that when you are responsible for your education, you value it that much more so we will expect our kids to contribute as well, and still maintain employment to pay for those needs (to an 18 year old anyway) listed above.
As far as my dh, he believes struggle in one's life can make you succeed, to put it simply. That is what worked for him, and his siblings. Granted it was donbe out of necessity, but his beliefs are what they are because of it.
Take me OTOH, my education was paid for and I totally blew it off. I skipped classes, partied and eventually quit school. I decided to work and support myself and move out instead. I never asked for a dime from dad after that, and managed to "succeed" without help. I wasn't driving luxury cars, but I wasn't eating from a garbage can either.

 

[Southernmiss]

Maybe I wasn't clear but I don't believe I said that I would force my kids to pay for everything once they turn 18. I certainly expect them to have a job when they turn 16. I expect them to save some money in the coming years be able to pay for outings with friends, clothes, car insurance and gas, cell phones, and any incidentals they want. That way by the time they are 18 they will know what it feels like and what it takes to be responsible for themself.
My dh and I are planning on contributing to their education, but not paying for it completely. We believe that when you are responsible for your education, you value it that much more so we will expect our kids to contribute as well, and still maintain employment to pay for those needs (to an 18 year old anyway) listed above.
As far as my dh, he believes struggle in one's life can make you succeed, to put it simply. That is what worked for him, and his siblings. Granted it was donbe out of necessity, but his beliefs are what they are because of it.
Take me OTOH, my education was paid for and I totally blew it off. I skipped classes, partied and eventually quit school. I decided to work and support myself and move out instead. I never asked for a dime from dad after that, and managed to "succeed" without help. I wasn't driving luxury cars, but I wasn't eating from a garbage can either.

Now, this is much more in line with our beliefs, too. DH and I put ourselves through college. Although, DHs dad felt badly that he had not done more for DH's 4 years and paid for him to go back and get his masters degree after we had our 4th child.

We expect our kids to do their best and attempt to get scholarships. If not, Community college can work for them for 2 years like it did for us and then they can go on to a 4 year college, but we are not going to put them out just because they turn 18. If they are truly working hard and having success in college, we will help them as we can.

 

[Swan4Me]

Take me OTOH, my education was paid for and I totally blew it off. I skipped classes, partied and eventually quit school. I decided to work and support myself and move out instead. I never asked for a dime from dad after that, and managed to "succeed" without help. I wasn't driving luxury cars, but I wasn't eating from a garbage can either.

So because YOU partied and threw away an oppotunity-ALL other kids do the same???
We helped our kids....and one who had unbelieable expensive (art supplies) and late, late night computer graphic work-lived at home because he had no time to work

Parents with this unrealistic attitude of "Junior' having to struggle to succeed-make me laugh

He is now employed at a successful design firm and has done projects for Fortune 500 companies(Proctor & gamble, Frito Lay, Oreck, Budweiser)-right now working on a Coke product.

 

[Chelley00]

Maybe I wasn't clear but I don't believe I said that I would force my kids to pay for everything once they turn 18. I certainly expect them to have a job when they turn 16. I expect them to save some money in the coming years be able to pay for outings with friends, clothes, car insurance and gas, cell phones, and any incidentals they want.
.

Good luck with that. It's HARD for teenage kids to find jobs now. Most of the typical teen places are hiring more and more adults. DS19 worked all summer at a painting company owned by some friends of ours. DS16 got a job at a fast food type place, and only because I know the manager from where I work and he hired him. He gets just a few hours a week because they are trying to keep their adults employed first.