For those who say teachers should JUST teach . . .

[Marseeya]

I'm just that this thread even exists.

.

The OP says herself, "I've already decided how I'll handle the situation, but I'm interested in hearing other people's perspective."

It's just a discussion.

 

[Linnie The Pooh]

I'm a teacher too and the first thing I would do is notify my principal. I would've told the student that that was the policy of the school. If the students come to us and report abuse, we have to tell the students that we cannot keep it confidential-they have to be aware that we are obligated by law to report it. Confidentiality between students and teachers in my state doesn't exist. Not that she was abused, but it's more about confidentiality.

I wouldn't tell the parents. I'm a parent too and I would prefer to know, but it's not the teacher's place. And if you do tell the parents, please don't start out, "I think your daughter is/may be pregnant." I'm sure you know this already, but that is not the way it should be approached if you tell the parents.

I would state the actual facts. The student's work, her sicknesses and then I would tell them she said she is pregnant. It takes the heat off you a bit. That way if she isn't, they can't come back and say you told them she was.

Anyway, I wouldn't recommend telling them. Talk to your principal. He'll (or she'll) have the best advice.

 

[golfgal]

That's NUTS! Register someone as a sex offender because he had sex with his girlfriend!

Oh, and that would just be great of this couple actually had plans to make a life together with their new baby. Throw the father in jail...how bright.

The teacher should just state the facts. As an earlier poster said, any mom will figure it out if she lays the groundwork.

Don't be so sure it isn't a law in your state, too. My BIL is a police officer and we were talking about the sex offender registry and he said that there are plenty of 19-20 year old boys on that registry because some girls parents got mad that their DD got pregnant and pressed charges. It may have been consensual but since the girl was under 18 at the time it is Stat Rape. My guess is that it is the same way in every state in the nation even if you don't know it is that way.

 

[golfgal]

http://www.cnn.com/2004/LAW/02/13/findlaw.analysis.colb.statutory.rape/

Here is an article from CNN about statutory rape--it is called that because legally it is "rape" because one of the parties is not of age. It doesn't mean that someone actually forced someone to have sex.

 

[Sleepy]

So, when do you get to have sex in Pennsylvania?

16. Although, there are some states where there are different ages for the males and females. (example......14 for male/16 for female). Getting more specific, there are even guidelines for same sex relations within each state (most states either have no law or they say it is illegal).

 

[Wishing on a star]

I am really facing this nightmare situation tomorrow morning at 7:30.)

The situation: Tomorrow morning I've scheduled a parent conference to talk to a senior girl's parents ...

If you were the girl's mother, would you want the teacher to tell you, or would you rather another two months go by before you knew the truth?

NOTE: I have just read, and re-read the original post.

It says: 7:30a.m. tomorrow morning
It says: "I've" scheduled a "Parent" conference
It says: Would you want the "Teacher" to tell you.

I see no mention whatsoever of including anyone else from the school system. Nobody else involved with the conference.

I see no mention that she has discussed this with the other administrators and professionals at the school, and what they have told her that the policy and the necessary course of action should be.

I do not see her asking, "Should I notify others and get the school involved."
She asks, should I notify the Parents.

I do not see her asking "What should the school be expected to do. But I do see her asking "What should I do".

edited to add: She says: I already know how "I'll" handle the situation".

I see no way that the teacher could show up at school at 7:00a.m. and just call up the other professionals and administrators and say.. Hey, can you make this meeting in thirty minutes. Seems she has known about this situation for a few days now. Has she not mentioned this to the appropriate people at school, beforehand, in preparation for this parent/teacher conference???

I see her asking, regarding her conference tomorrow morning, very simply "Would you want the "Teacher" to tell you".

So, I am taking this post to mean exactly what it says... I am taking the OP at her word. Should the OP, as a teacher, personally tell the parents tomorrow morning. As a parent, would we want the teacher to tell us.

So, YES, I think it is a fair assumption that the teacher is considering personal individual action. Without regard to anyone else at the school.

Unless she pops in and post otherwise. Then her original post is what I am going by.

 

[phillybeth]

This is despicable. Unless the sex was a predatory event, how does it help?

I never said it helps. Just stating the facts. And this is one reason WHY I have problems with *all* sex offfenders being tarred with the same brush. A true child sex predator is treated the same as a 18 YO kid who has sex with his 16 YO girlfriend.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I would try to get the girl to tell her parents, but I would not tell them.

 

[disneylizzy]

Watching this thread today, that is what has concerned me the most.

Even my son's tiny tiny (160 students) Private High School has a procedure in place for this situation. There would be absolutely no question at all of a Teacher even thinking of polling a Public Internet Bulletin Board for opinions on what she *should* do.

I'm just that this thread even exists.

What she SHOULD do is start the paperwork to follow the steps her school mandates that she takes. I can say (knowing that it happened with a Senior Girl last year) that any school meeting would take place with the TEACHER, Principal, and School Social Worker/Nurse/Psychologist or whoever legally handles this matter in the room.

Given the replies here, I feel pretty safe in commenting that Teachers just don't have the training on when and what to tell parents.

So --- leave it up to the people who do.

Totally agree with this. This situation calls for people who are trained in social work, law and guidance. It calls for the principal and you would have to be absolutely loony tunes to go into a "conference" all by yourself to discuss a pregnancy.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Totally agree with this. This situation calls for people who are trained in social work, law and guidance. It calls for the principal and you would have to be absolutely loony tunes to go into a "conference" all by yourself to discuss a pregnancy.

ITA!

But, somehow, it is my assumption here that this is exactly what the OP has been weighing in her mind.

Edited to add:
It is really very obvious. Because, discussing this and referring this student to the appropriate professionals who are on staff (even if it is just the Principal or Director) would really have to come before the option of personally telling the parents tomorrow at a parent/teacher conference.

If this is true, I don't think I have to actually post the term that is in my head.

 

[MrsPete]

So, YES, I think it is a fair assumption that the teacher is considering personal individual action. Without regard to anyone else at the school.

Nope, your assumption is wrong. I'm following my school's procedure for sensitive information -- in fact, I've already started following the school's procedure. I just don't feel very good about it, and I was wondering what other people think is appropriate. I'm surprised at how many posts have been generated in only a couple hours.

Background information that probably should've been included in the first post:

The girl didn't really "confide" in me. She announced her condition to the entire class -- me included -- loud and proud. It's not much of a secret, except to her mother. Since so many other people know, I expect Mom'll discover the truth on her own in the fairly near future anyway.

The girl is 17 years old; I looked that up after she left class. Regardless, it's not statutory rape because in our state the "age of consent" is 16 (I looked that up too) and I know her boyfriend (whom I assume is the father) is also a student, so I can't imagine he'd be more than 21. To qualify as statutory rape -- and to make him a sex offender for life in this state -- she'd have to be 15 or younger AND he'd have to be 4 years older than her. Personally, I think those rules are nuts, but that's not the issue here.

What I have done /will do:

The conference was arranged BEFORE I knew this piece of information; the conference is being held because she's failing my class, not to drop a bombshell on mom.

When she made her announcement yesterday, I called her over and asked her if the school nurse is aware of her condition. She said no. I told her that as a member of the school staff I am obligated to inform the nurse of any medical conditions that could cause problems for students at school. She was fine with this, and I felt I'd done right by letting her know that I'm required to make this report. At that point, knowing that I already had a conference scheduled with her mother, she told me that her mother didn't know about the pregnancy and asked me not to say anything. The idea that her mom didn't know would never have occured to me. I told her that the school nurse was the limit of MY liability /responsibility; however, I urged her to tell her mother HERSELF because it's important that she start obtaining pre-natal care.

I will be discussing her excessive absences with her mother, but since they've been going on since August and they tend to correlate with test dates and paper due dates, I don't think they're pregnancy related.

I've done everything that I'm supposd to do, but I am very nervous about the conference tomorrow morning. As a mother, I would most definitely want to know such news ASAP, and I hope that Mom never finds out that I knew. Since I have reported it to the nurse, I am covered legally, but on a personal level I feel like it could come back to haunt me either way.

Someone suggested giving her prenatal vitamins; I think this would absolutely be a mistake. I don't like KNOWING much less being helpful or involved!

The idea that the pregnancy isn't real has definitely occured to me, and that's another reason why things like this need to go through the school nurse. This girl is something of a drama queen, and it would be horrible to tell her mother something like this if she's just playing some kind of game. However, the fact that she told the whole class leads me to believe that SHE believes it.

Contacting DSS never occured to me. I have no reason to suspect abuse, so that would be a waste of their time, my time, and the guidance counselor's (through whom I'd have to make the official report) time.

This girl will only be in my class until December, and she is not the type who has much trust in her teachers anyway, so I'm not particularly concerned about her losing faith in me. I'm more concerned with making sure that I do the right thing; unfortunately, neither telling nor keeping quiet feels like the right thing!

 

[chell]

 

[leighe]

Nope, your assumption is wrong. I'm following my school's procedure for sensitive information -- in fact, I've already started following the school's procedure. I just don't feel very good about it, and I was wondering what other people think is appropriate. I'm surprised at how many posts have been generated in only a couple hours.

Background information that probably should've been included in the first post:

The girl didn't really "confide" in me. She announced her condition to the entire class -- me included -- loud and proud. It's not much of a secret, except to her mother. Since so many other people know, I expect Mom'll discover the truth on her own in the fairly near future anyway.

The girl is 17 years old; I looked that up after she left class. Regardless, it's not statutory rape because in our state the "age of consent" is 16 (I looked that up too) and I know her boyfriend (whom I assume is the father) is also a student, so I can't imagine he'd be more than 21. To qualify as statutory rape -- and to make him a sex offender for life in this state -- she'd have to be 15 or younger AND he'd have to be 4 years older than her. Personally, I think those rules are nuts, but that's not the issue here.

What I have done /will do:

The conference was arranged BEFORE I knew this piece of information; the conference is being held because she's failing my class, not to drop a bombshell on mom.

When she made her announcement yesterday, I called her over and asked her if the school nurse is aware of her condition. She said no. I told her that as a member of the school staff I am obligated to inform the nurse of any medical conditions that could cause problems for students at school. She was fine with this, and I felt I'd done right by letting her know that I'm required to make this report. At that point, knowing that I already had a conference scheduled with her mother, she told me that her mother didn't know about the pregnancy and asked me not to say anything. The idea that her mom didn't know would never have occured to me. I told her that the school nurse was the limit of MY liability /responsibility; however, I urged her to tell her mother HERSELF because it's important that she start obtaining pre-natal care.

I will be discussing her excessive absences with her mother, but since they've been going on since August and they tend to correlate with test dates and paper due dates, I don't think they're pregnancy related.

I've done everything that I'm supposd to do, but I am very nervous about the conference tomorrow morning. As a mother, I would most definitely want to know such news ASAP, and I hope that Mom never finds out that I knew. Since I have reported it to the nurse, I am covered legally, but on a personal level I feel like it could come back to haunt me either way.

Someone suggested giving her prenatal vitamins; I think this would absolutely be a mistake. I don't like KNOWING much less being helpful or involved!

The idea that the pregnancy isn't real has definitely occured to me, and that's another reason why things like this need to go through the school nurse. This girl is something of a drama queen, and it would be horrible to tell her mother something like this if she's just playing some kind of game. However, the fact that she told the whole class leads me to believe that SHE believes it.

Contacting DSS never occured to me. I have no reason to suspect abuse, so that would be a waste of their time, my time, and the guidance counselor's (through whom I'd have to make the official report) time.

This girl will only be in my class until December, and she is not the type who has much trust in her teachers anyway, so I'm not particularly concerned about her losing faith in me. I'm more concerned with making sure that I do the right thing; unfortunately, neither telling nor keeping quiet feels like the right thing!

You sound both caring and professional. Just the kind of high school teacher I hope my DD has someday.

I would do the same thing that you are doing. I would tell our school counselor (we don't have a nurse) but not the mother. I would also inform the girl that I was going to tell the counselor. I can definitely understand why you would be nervous about the mom finding out that you knew. I got myself in hot water my first year as cheerleading coach because I told the girls to "be careful" going home when they got off of the bus after a football game one night. Some of the girls went to a party and got drunk. Eventually someone's mom found out about the party and then some of the cheerleader moms assumed that I knew that the girls were going to drink and that's why I told them to "be careful." It took three weeks and about a million meetings (some with the principal) to calm them down.

 

[jodifla]

Don't be so sure it isn't a law in your state, too. My BIL is a police officer and we were talking about the sex offender registry and he said that there are plenty of 19-20 year old boys on that registry because some girls parents got mad that their DD got pregnant and pressed charges. It may have been consensual but since the girl was under 18 at the time it is Stat Rape. My guess is that it is the same way in every state in the nation even if you don't know it is that way.

Your "guess" is incorrect. It is NOT that way in every state of the nation.

Kinda makes the sex registry rolls a big joke, doesn't it?

 

[paigevz]

Wow, that's a rough one. I have two senior girls who have babies in one of my classes. Their attendance is atrocious and the excuse is always "my baby was sick". My own babies were never sick that much!

I found a daycare near our apartments when my first was small. It seemed a nice homey place. Our apartments happened to be near the alternative education center. That's where students go who couldn't handle themselves in one of the high schools, and where they ALWAYS send the pregnant teens. At least, they did then. The theory was to not have them around the other girls, so they wouldn't emulate them. Anyway, this daycare center was the center contracted by the school district to watch these teens' babies. I don't really know if this was an experiment of some sort or what, but I do believe the girls' usually had some sort of state monies allocated for child care, and the school district would pick them and their children up in a bus, transport to that center, then wait for the mommies to drop off and load back up, to travel the next few blocks to the school.

Well, the kids at this center were always sick. I didn't have much experience at mothering or looking for child care at the time, so didn't realize runny noses and coughs to that degree should have been a red flag.......those were usually the older ones and mine was an infant, with his own crib per regs and all. I know, I was pretty naive. Anyway, one day I was there with him when these girls dropped off. One of the babies' mothers' said "She has fever, but she started on the antibiotics yesterday, so it's fine." The daycare worker said, "Okay, where is the medicine?" The girl said she left it at home, but again said it would be fine. The worker said, "Well, usually they take it several times a day. What did the bottle say?" And the girl said the child was supposed to have it 4 times and she forgot this morning's dose and the bottle, but she'd bring it tomorrow. The girl left, and the worker popped the feverish baby into a baby swing in the room. I was sticking around because I had another issue I wanted to discuss, so was there a bit. This infant was sucking her fists and grabbing at the toys on the swing and such. After about 10 minutes she started to fuss, so the same worker took her out of the swing, and put her in a vibrating bouncer. She said "She likes this". Then in came another baby with her mother, and darned if the worker didnt' pop her right in the swing she took the sick one out of! There was no wipe-down or anything. I ended up taking my son out of there within 3 weeks of his enrollment because of the sick kids, him coming home with other kids' diapers on (when he had plenty, and it was explained to me that they THOUGHT he was Dante. I had visions of a custody battle involving Dante's never-before-seen father and him being given my son), and the last straw: came home with wet wipe inside the diaper he was wearing! I found a home-based caregiver for him after that, so he wouldn't be mixed up with other infants (she just had a toddler, a preschooler, and him).

Anyway, such a long story, when all I meant to say was that perhaps the babies really are sick from daycare. I know mine got his first bad ear infection from a cold he got at that daycare.

As for your issue, no, I wouldn't tell the parents. They don't know that you know, and won't ever need to know you did. Eventually, it'll be very obvious. In fact, I bet I'd be in pretty big trouble if I did. I would've gone straight to the counselor to discuss this and she would let me know procedure........I'm in elementary, so we haven't had pregnancy, but we have plenty of other issues, and that is how I always handle it when I don't know what I should do. I see now that you already know procedure, so I guess you already did what I would do!

 

[MrsPete]

You sound both caring and professional. Just the kind of high school teacher I hope my DD has someday . . . Eventually someone's mom found out about the party and then some of the cheerleader moms assumed that I knew that the girls were going to drink and that's why I told them to "be careful." It took three weeks and about a million meetings (some with the principal) to calm them down.

Thanks!

This is exactly the kind of scene I'm hoping to avoid. I've been in more than one "damned if I do, damned if I don't" situation at school, and it's always when I really have not done anything wrong! In this situation, for example, my only "crime" is knowing a piece of information.

 

[MrsPete]

Kinda makes the sex registry rolls a big joke, doesn't it?

I think they should have something like first-degree sex offenders (who'd be predators who've done the heinous things that people fear) and second-degree sex offenders (who'd be the ones who had sex with the wrong person, but who aren't -- for lack of a better term -- serious perverts or violent offenders).

 

[Wishing on a star]

Mrs. Pete,

Thanks for the clarification!

I do owe you an apology!
Even when you think you are sure you are reading a post the right way, well, never make assumptions!!!

Looks like tomorrow morning will be one difficult morning!

Apparantly, it is necessary to handle this as 'sensitive information'.
So, now that you have informed the school nurse, what happens?
I am not sure what type of school that you teach at... But, is there not any kind of advocacy/intervention policy. Something that would get the girl involved with the school nurse and the school counselor? Perhaps encourage her to visit a pregnancy resource center of some kind?

Just seems so odd that you would do the right thing, and notify the nurse, and that is like the end of it?

I can see how this would be so frustrating and disappointing!

You know, one thing that comes to mind, when you talk about how this girl made a big production out of the whole thing, do you feel that this was simple drama queen, or actually perhaps a way to get attention, and assistance, and to maybe increase the odds that her parents would indeed find out? Like a real subconscience way of asking for help??? Hhhhmmm?

Did she kind of purposefully make a big deal out of announcing this when she knows that you will be seeing her parents at the conference? Almost seems like more than a coincidence.

 

[Daxx]

Sorry, don't have any advice. I'm too damn busy teaching to stick my nose in anyone's family business.

 

[MELSMICE]

Mrs. Pete - I had a somewhat similiar situation a few years ago.

I am not a school teacher, but a dance teacher/instructor. One of my students was pregnant & it seemed that everyone knew except her parents.

I pulled the girl aside one day & told her that if she did not tell her parents someone would. Of course, she was adamant that she would keep it a secret & that no one would find out. She was wrong.

A few days later she came to me to tell me her mom found out & it wasn't a good situation. I think my point is that I believe the mom/parents will find out, especially if so many other people already know.

My first insticnt was to say don't tell the mom, however, after reading your 2nd post & realizing that she already announced it to the class, this could give you an "opening" about mentioning this to the parents. Gosh though, what a tough call. Even as I sit here & think about it, I'm not sure if that is the right way to handle it or not.

I think that I would definitely mention the fact that she has been sick lately. As long as you are following the procedures at your school I believe you are doing the right thing.

Good luck.

ETA - could I have any more of a wishy washy response.