For those who are struggling financially

[4orm]

Whenever I start to feel like I'm falling into this trap I take a look at Kiva.org where I've put some money. I read the stories. It smartens me up quickly. I start to value what I have, and know that I'm one of the luckiest people in the world just to have been born in North America.

 

[dana1003]

I know. I am very grateful for my family. And I know there are many, many people worse off, financially than us.

It's just very difficult right now. I don't have the money for even little things. I desperately need a haircut, but can't get one because I have a husband and two sons and they can't go without haircuts. I can just keep wearing mine in a pony tail.

Just little stuff like that. It's starting to get to me.

My parents are on a vacation right now (cruise then car travel) and my mom calls me every day to tell me where they are and what they've done and I really am happy for them. I know how much they love to travel. I don't want any jealous or depressed feelings get in the way for me being happy for them.

It's been a tough day. Maybe I'll feel a little more positive tomorrow.

oh boy do i know how your feel..find my thread on the budget boards called"do u go on vacation if ur poor?" ditto about the haircut thing

 

[firsttimer03]

6 months ago I quit my job and things have been tight around here.
I WANT to go back to WDW so badly, but budgeting our $$$ and making ends meet right now is the NEED.
What helps me feel better is making a plan to lower our unsecured debt and then having a guilt-free, paid for cash vacation to WDW in the future.
We have our bills paid and food in the fridge and realize how fortunate we are. Things could be so much worse, and have been in the past. I think times like this really make us aware of the truely important things in life instead of material things.

 

[PatMcDuck]

We also have had some serious financial problems in the last few years. Right now, we are ok. But I do not feel safe from it happening again.

I do not really struggle TOO much worrying about others being well off to take vacations, etc. I do feel something when my neighbors redo their floors AGAIN (we have 16 year old builders grade carpet)...... but again, that passes quickly.

MY biggest issue is a little different. My son has Down Syndrome and Autism, and I have made peace with that, more or less. But 4 years ago, my daughter became VERY ill, has permanent health problems from it. Among them are many scars from multiple surgeries, permanent stretch marks on her skin, damage to her bones from steroids, and much more. So MY struggle is not to scream when other Moms go on for an hour about how their DD might have a "permanent scar" when talking about an infected insect bite....

So I guess this is all part of life, and I certainly know people worse off than us, either financially or health wise...... And so it goes.

 

[leadfootlevi]

I know that feeling. I try to keep my perspective positive, but it is hard. Like someone else said, I plan even though I know we're not going. I've figured out how we're going to go the next time there's money in the budget for a big (for us, anyway) vacation. When that time comes, I won't have much planning to do.

Hang in there!

 

[DawnM]

We don't buy all of our wants at all! We spend less than we make, which means we don't go out and buy whatever on cc. We have talk only cell plans (imagine that!). We drive old cars. We live on a budget and sometimes don't even spend the budget. I have a fund set aside right now for a computer purchase I plan to make this summer with cash because our older desktop is on it's last leg. I will not buy it without cash.

My point is: don't believe that people who get all that stuff are living within their means. My parents used to say, "Believe nothing you hear and only half of what you see."

Dawn

 

[LovableGluttons]

(hugs))) LB. My husband was in the military. There's a lot of "show" there. People spending everything they have on fancy cars, clothes, and booze.They are on WIC and foodstamps and still begging aid societies for a handout. They look very nice, very fashionable though.

I don't have many wealthy people in my family. Trying to be financially responsible is really hard when you see others taking vacations. DH and I dreamed of a vacation to Italy. A vacation you get on a plane, stay in a nice hotel, leisurely tour beautiful cities, sleep well at night, and come back refreshed when you are done. We've been married for 22 years and have yet to do that. We do cheap vacations instead. We have family that went to Italy after asking us to borrow money because they couldn't afford something. It stings.

Please know you aren't alone. We're right here with you.

 

[DisneyScraps]

We have ben hit hard and it's going to get worse before it gets better. How I deal with it is I look around my home. I know that I am warm, fed and have a safe place to sleep. it could be a lot worse!

Lisa

 

[HS3kids]

It's hard- been there, done that, still there. Definitely hard sometimes to not be envious and wish for more. I dont have a lot of advice for you, except next time the boys need haircuts, instead, buy a set of hair clippers for $15 at Walmart, shave them every couple months- thats what we do with my husband and son. And I always ask for a gift certificate to the hair salon when anyone (usually my mom) asks me what I want for Christmas/ birthdays. I get my hair done maybe twice a year.
Just in January alone we had to replace a car (after an accident- with no collision coverage on the insurance), repair another car (major repair too, over $600), pay for 2 tows for those cars, & replace our stove. Add in heating oil prices, and regular costs of living (groceries, utilities etc) and my bank account is anemic right now. Just when you think you are getting ahead.
On the bright side: nobody was hurt in the accident, we had money in the savings account to cover all these expenses (barely,lol) and both myself and Dh were able to pick up some overtime the last few weeks so we can try to replenish the money we had to spend.
This too shall pass, HUGS OP
p.s. glad I am not the only one who plans non-existent Disney vacations

 

[hsmamato2]

well, we have always lived more simply than all our friends,so we just got used to feeling like we had 'less' sometimes. We have always chosen the one income lifestyle for ourselves,and chose accordingly. Homes,cars, purchases,etc.
When the kids got older, they had a harder time coming to terms with our simpler choices frequently,as it meant that on an ongoing basis,they had 'less' than their friends.
So you just get used to it. However, when times get tougher,and friends tighten their belts,our life doesn't change too much,and now some people feel like we have 'so much.'
I guess I think it all depends on perspective,and how you choose to view things.
If you can, plan as much free/cheap fun stuff you can for your family. Scour internet and brochures,enter sweepstakes,sign up for every email list...deals come along,and when you can afford something,do it!

Get a library pass,and go to a local museum! invite friends over and share a potluck meal and some games- free!
experiences are more valuable than things,and the best experiences usually don't take much $$$,just effort and thought!
For that matter, take the fam to the library and check out piles of good books and movies- make dinner together, go sledding with friends, go to a beach an swim, have a picnic, go hiking,etc etc.
view your financial struggles as your personal path to making your familys life better,and plan for what you can do....helping yourself and making goals along the way. Life is a journey,and if you can't afford something this year,then dream for next year,or after that!

 

[hsmamato2]

p.s. glad I am not the only one who plans non-existent Disney vacations

all the time....in my head!

 

[Disney845]

It's just very difficult right now. I don't have the money for even little things. I desperately need a haircut, but can't get one because I have a husband and two sons and they can't go without haircuts. I can just keep wearing mine in a pony tail.

Sorry that you are experiencing a tough time and feeling down.

Just a thought about conserving some money here though...have you thought about buying a cheap clipper set from Walmart (or maybe even from a thrift shop) and doing home hair cuts for the three men. One shot of home hair cuts should pay for the clipper set alone.

While it isn't just about being frugal, SO always clips his own hair, and because I don't wear mine in any difficult style (just below my shoulders, slight layering, trying out bangs for the last few months), I often trim my own, not with the clippers!!! but with scissors (generally with a little help from SO so that I don't butcher the very back where it is hard to see/reach).

To the other point, yes, I think that most people (even if just very occasionally) see someone else with something they would like and may have a twinge of jealousy. But it really is all about priorities. SO has a step sister (married adult with grown children), she and her husband are the most frivolous spenders. It is almost comical to see what she posts on facebook about the massages, new appliances, vehicles, tailgating (they are season tix holders for a NFL team), vacations, strollers/playpen/clothes for their miniature dog, etc. Then when you know that they have refinanced their home about 3 times (prior to this big economic downturn-each time taking vacations and "upgrading" her diamond ring) and now just haven't been making mortgage payments for months, probably going to be foreclosed, are in their late 40s/early 50s and have no means for retirement, a husband with medical issues, and are constantly asking SO's step-father to borrow money because they can't afford their bills, and asking if they can move in with SO's mom and step-dad if they get foreclosed on, but not cutting their spending one penny!! That really puts into perspective how some people can "look" like they have the money to spend on the "wants" but are really up to their teeth in debt. I would certainly not wish for what they have for one minute.

 

[FergieTCat]

I'm not struggling, but I have learned not to judge myself against other people's "public" lives. In other words ...

I am very envious of my sister. She has a gorgeous house and has always had the best of everything. As it turns out, she bought her house in the 80's and has been taking out the equity every few years and spending it on "stuff". The housing market crashed and her mortgage is now worth more than her house. She wants to sell her house, but is stuck with it until either the price comes up or she pays off enough of her mortgage.

I have a few friends who seem to have lots of disposable incomes for vacations, etc. They also have serious credit card debt. I paid off my cards a long time ago. I'm not in debt, and nor do I have lots of "toys." I even paid off my kitchen renovations without going into debt.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't be jealous because you never know how or why people have what they have.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Do not spend any money on these sites at all. I want make money instead spend money.

swagbucks.com I do search and they rewards points for search. I do triva, swagtv and videos.

mypoints is paid read emails. It is slow put do get paid. I like to cash for gift cards.

simplegpt is paid to click site which very timing concuming that take a lot patinace for.

clixsense is easy pie. Just click on links

irazoo - is a easy pie but slow. Just search site that has many prize and gift cards.

I would check out rewards board on disboards that huge thread that explain everything what to do. It has some very good info on the thread. That is where I got start.

I have got point now building my gift card to pay vacation, fun stuff and eat out budget.

I make less money now at my new job and had found a way to make more money in the winter. I happen be reading the boards and some post how do and that Is how got start.

Now in the summer now I will let on a lot because I work at the baseball field.

I can do it while watching tv.

Thank you! I'll look into them!

 

[Gr8t Fan]

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't be jealous because you never know how or why people have what they have.

And to further elaborate on this, a family that I met recently seemed to have EVERYTHING until I learned that the first husband/father of the children died due to medical malpractice / negligence which is how they were able to afford EVERYTHING that they have. I certainly would not give up my DH for all the $$ in the world (although I might say differently when he's driving me nuts ), and I'm sure most people feel the same.

Still, some others that I know do seem to have it all, but usually they have two incomes (we're a one income family by choice), so they're able to do a lot more with their $$ than we are. We made the choice to have DH stay home when we decided to have baby #3 and baby #4, and we're "relatively" happy with that decision. Every now and then, I do feel a twinge of guilt and/or jealousy when I have to deny the kids something extra, but that usually passes. And hey, I'd rather our kids end up in therapy from being denied a thing our two that their friends have, than for us being overindulgent and not giving them life coping skills .

 

[Liberty Belle]

I will shoot you a pm just a short version. Please dont feel sorry for me as I tell you as god is still brining me through it a little at a time.

Thank you.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Thank you so much, everyone, for taking the time to respond. You honestly have helped me more than you know. Thank you for all the great tips and suggestions!

I'm done feeling sorry for myself.

You're right, I have a lot! And I know there are far worse things to lose than a job or a cute hairstyle. Thank you for putting it into perspective.

I'm off to see what I have now, not what I don't have.

 

[Liberty Belle]

And...OMG - I just noticed I have a new tag! (And I didn't have to pay for it)

 

[Kitty-chan]

How do you stop yourself from feeling jealous or depressed when you hear about the vacations others are going on or how much money they spend on "wants" ? It's something I'm beginning to struggle with.

Sometimes I can't really stop myself from feeling jealous -- it's like telling myself to stop thinking about elephants. All of a sudden, elephants are all I can think about.


So for me, the question instead is, how do I make peace with the life I have today? I feel jealous sometimes, but I'll bet most people do. I think it's part of the human journey. I feel jealous that some of my friends have the fancy handbag that I can't afford; somebody else is probably jealous of my 17-year marriage. I feel jealous that many people's kids don't have developmental disabilities; somebody else probably feels jealous that my kid is a smart, loving, communicative teenager. Some of my friends go to Disney a lot more often than I do, and I envy that, but somebody else probably envies the fact that I've ever been to Disney, or that I have a warm house at night.

Sometimes I have to vent it all out, get it out of my system, have a good cry, let myself feel sad about the things I want (even sometimes things I need) that I can't have.

And somehow that makes it easier to let it go, and then I can make a list of things I'm grateful for. Maybe it's as simple as the fact that the sun's out today, or that I can have a cup of tea, or that my favorite TV show's waiting for me on the DVR. Meditation helps too, sometimes including guided meditations on gratitude.

Those are some of the things that work for me. I hope you find things that work for you too!

 

[Kay1]

Just one thing: try Googling look great, lose weight, save money. It's the page of a woman who has a disabled child and is always on a budget. She's also a professional hair stylist and teaches you to cut your own hair.

She has lots of videos in which she cuts her own hair in different ways. It's fun to watch and makes you want to grab your own sissors.