? for stay at home moms/wives

[castleview]

My dh doesn't want me to go back to work except for one year. The year after HE retires so he can be the one in the robe, holding a cup of coffee, saying "Have a good day, Dear."

My dad retired one year before my step-mom did. He said he went from saying "Thank God it's Friday to Thank God it's Monday".

 

[disykat]

I'm glad someone mentioned the benefits of having a nonworking spouse. My dh loves the fact that he doesn't have to participate in housework, groceries, meal planning, laundry, bill paying, errands, etc. when he comes home. All of that stuff happens during the day and we have our evenings and weekends free.

When I get busy with volunteer work, etc. and all that stuff starts encroaching on our evenings and weekends, my family really notices. We are used to enjoying a really laid back style of living. I do enjoy working and am looking for a more permanent part time job, but I won't take anything that is going to change our lifestyle. Unless it is financially necessary, some things are more important than money.

 

[Pooh67_68]

Just wondering if those who stay at home "enjoy" being home away from the everyday rat race? Did you always plan on staying home? Do you miss the work environment?

I am a stay at home wife and love it. I stopped working 3 yrs ago and have not been sick since (work got to be so bad that it was physically making me ill). And yes I had always planed on being able to stay home at some point.

Do I ever get bored no, not really. Regardless of what people think there is plenty to do around the home.

 

[damo]

My husband thinks it's great that he can give me what I want. It actually improves his life because I get to stay home. I do all the housework, cook, wash clothes, and anything else that needs to be done so he doesn't have to do it. Our weekends are free to do what we want! Another little bonus is he goes into work late quite a bit so we can have some quality alone time while the kiddies are in school! That alone, makes it worth it for Dh. I make sure of it!!

Ditto here. I do everything at home including wallpapering, painting, landscaping, snow shovelling, lawn mowing, kid taxiing and have for the past 20 years. Now I volunteer and yes (gasp!!!) do get sometime to do things for myself!!! How horrible is that!!! I don't feel in the least bit guilty for not working and actually feel very fulfilled that I can help others.

Does DH feel that I am freeloading? Not in the least. He is very proud that I go out and help in the community and that he makes me able to do that!

 

[Pooh67_68]

Regardless of what other people think, there is plenty to do around the home.

Quoting myself here. I read the first couple of post and can't believe how many people think just because someones doesn't have kids that staying home is a complete waste.

 

[skiwee1]

Ditto here. I do everything at home including wallpapering, painting, landscaping, snow shovelling, lawn mowing, kid taxiing and have for the past 20 years. Now I volunteer and yes (gasp!!!) do get sometime to do things for myself!!! How horrible is that!!! I don't feel in the least bit guilty for not working and actually feel very fulfilled that I can help others.

Does DH feel that I am freeloading? Not in the least. He is very proud that I go out and help in the community and that he makes me able to do that!

I do everything you list too except grass cutting. That is what my 17 y/o DS is for! It is nice to do things for yourself, isn't it? It is all about the kids for so long that sometimes you lose site of yourself. I haven't felt guilty in years!! LOL!

 

[DawnCt1]

I do everything you list too except grass cutting. That is what my 17 y/o DS is for! It is nice to do things for yourself, isn't it? It is all about the kids for so long that sometimes you lose site of yourself. I haven't felt guilty in years!! LOL!

I do cut the grass. I got laid off a year ago and I have older kids. Now I wonder how I ever had time to work! I still haven't started the projects that I have wanted to. Plan to refinish the doll furniture my father made me when I was little, refinish real furniture, paint, etc. I hope I get to it before I have to start cutting the grass again. I like being always caught up on the laundry, having no dust, going to a movie, etc. NO GUILT HERE!

 

[KimR]

Most of my friends and neighbors are SAHM or SAHW, many of them with children in school. They are anything but bored - they play tennis, go shopping, socialize, volunteer at the school, pursue their hobbies. It's not for me, personally, because I enjoy working for various reasons. That's just me, though - most of my neighbors seem to enjoy the life of leisure and have no desire to go to work.

 

[helenabear]

I admit, I wouldn't compare SAHW to a SAHM... I imagine there is a TON more to do with kids than w/o.

That said, I am a stay at home wife. We made the joint choice to do that earlier last year and by June I had quit my job. I have no idea how I had time to do anything around the house when I worked. I can do a lot more around the house and get a lot of organizing and project done. I cook a heck of a lot more too. The house is no where what it used to be in reguards to cleanliness (positive way though) and I just don't have a clue how I used to do it. Well I know how I did, but nothing ever got done correctly or well.

We have a lot more time for just "us" now and I love that. Granted we lost a lot of money due to my salary being gone, but it works for us, and we both love it. I'd never go back full time unless I had to. I'm just better suited for home work than outside work (if that makes sense). I hated my job and it really brought me down emotionally a lot more than I realized.

I just wish we had done this sooner

 

[WIcruizer]

I find this fascinating. It seems to me women want it both ways. You get the benefits of being liberated, yet can fall back on the benefits of being a woman when it suits you.

All I hear in this thread is choices. "I choose to stay home, I choose to work part time...I don't feel like working anymore, etc." What wouldall of you do if your DH came home one day and said "I don't feel like working anymore." Either YOU find a high income job, or your lifestyle is finished right?

It's just interesting that women apparently aren't all that liberated after all.

 

[bananiem]

Wow, that doesn't seem really fair to the other partner who is supporting you though does it? I would think that everyone would want to stay home and golf all day etc...why should one partner in the relationship have to work while the other golfs, plays tennis, gets together with friends all day etc....wouldn't cut it if I was the person who had to go to work while my partenr stayed home and spent my money and had all the fun!

But staying home, taking care of the house, laundry, repairs, paying bills, etc. IS a job. Why shouldn't she get to reward herself with some golf or a weekly manicure? The majority of women I know that work full time have a cleaning service so they can have their "me" time. Why shouldn't the woman who cleans her own house get some "me"time as well?
(Not putting down woman who have a cleaning service, just trying to make a point.)
For that matter, most guys I know golf at least 2 times a week in the summer. They do their job and get to golf, the wife does her job and gets to golf.

 

[damo]

I find this fascinating. It seems to me women want it both ways. You get the benefits of being liberated, yet can fall back on the benefits of being a woman when it suits you.

All I hear in this thread is choices. "I choose to stay home, I choose to work part time...I don't feel like working anymore, etc." What wouldall of you do if your DH came home one day and said "I don't feel like working anymore." Either YOU find a high income job, or your lifestyle is finished right?

It's just interesting that women apparently aren't all that liberated after all.

If that was the case, I would go back to work. I know several families who have done this when the husband cracked from the high pressure job. That was one of the reasons I got a degree that would guarantee a good paying job. I haven't read anywhere on this thread that the women wouldn't do that. It was always understood in our household that if I was staying home, home was my job. There was no housekeeper, no babysitter, no relying on others to do my "jobs". If the kids were up in the middle of the night, so was I. If the school council needed a chairperson, I was there. If the sports team needed a manager, I was there. If the Brownies needed a leader, I was there. Just because some women aren't "working", that doesn't mean that they are not working. I have put way more hours into my SAH job than my husband has in his paying job in the past 20 years and I wouldn't trade it for anything. So would I feel guilty to go out with the ladies every couple of weeks? Not a chance!

A nice quote by David Feherty in August's Golf Magazine, "Giving up your career for the sake of your children is noble all right, but it's not exactly unusual. People do it all the time -- they're called mothers. After their children set off into the big bad world, mothers are usually happy enough with a hug, or a card and a bunch of flowers once or twice a year."

 

[cstraub]

I find this fascinating. It seems to me women want it both ways. You get the benefits of being liberated, yet can fall back on the benefits of being a woman when it suits you.

All I hear in this thread is choices. "I choose to stay home, I choose to work part time...I don't feel like working anymore, etc." What wouldall of you do if your DH came home one day and said "I don't feel like working anymore." Either YOU find a high income job, or your lifestyle is finished right?

It's just interesting that women apparently aren't all that liberated after all.

Liberate= To set free, as from oppression, confinement, or foreign control.

Men put us in a position that we felt that we needed to prove ourselves worthy of respect.

Respect= To feel or show deferential regard for; esteem.

Men had made us feel inferior because us staying at home was not "imporatant". Now men have learned that women are equally as qualified and talented thanks to this liberation movement. They have also learned through other means that women staying at home is imporatant. Now it is time to move on. As a result you have many opnions on working outside of the home hence the assorted attitudes towards it. Men have always known their role and still do. It has a value that is easier to "see". They make money and that is seen in our society as valuable. We just had to show the world that we contribute something equally as "valuable" to a marriage.

It's been a long road and I thank all the women before me that allowed me to stay home and have respect.

 

[luvwinnie]

I say if you can afford it, go for it. I'd love to do volunteer work and just make sure stuff is done at home. I hate being here at work and thinking of all the stuff that has to get done, like laundry, cleaning, etc.

My mom never worked outside the home and she barely even SAT DOWN all day. She was always cleaning/cooking, etc.

 

[helenabear]

I find this fascinating. It seems to me women want it both ways. You get the benefits of being liberated, yet can fall back on the benefits of being a woman when it suits you.

All I hear in this thread is choices. "I choose to stay home, I choose to work part time...I don't feel like working anymore, etc." What wouldall of you do if your DH came home one day and said "I don't feel like working anymore." Either YOU find a high income job, or your lifestyle is finished right?

It's just interesting that women apparently aren't all that liberated after all.

No liberation is about choices and the freedom to make those choices... before women didn't have choices.

Who do you think worked in a very stressful (and yes, high paying) job when my husband wasn't working?

We personally don't feel we need two incomes. We do need someone to take care of the house more... trust me, working full time and then coming home to do all the cooking and cleaning around the house is hard. My husband didn't split chores with me easily (he just wasn't used to doing it himself) and we didn't have any time for us.

So we made the choice. I would've stayed at my job if we both thought it was best. But he's far more happy with me at home than me at work. And don't think he is keeping me in my place either. I really don't think a lot of households require dual incomes. We didn't need to keep on being greedy with that...

we both feel like is far better with me at home... why try to put that down?

If our personalities were reversed, I'd be at work and my DH would be at home. But we balance each other out nicely to get this to work.

FWIW, for those who think that I play all day and golf and all that... go ahead and spend the day at my house and see what happens. I don't go shopping, play golf, go to "the club" and have lunch or anything like that. I work at home doing stuff for the home.

 

[EthansMom]

I find this fascinating. It seems to me women want it both ways. You get the benefits of being liberated, yet can fall back on the benefits of being a woman when it suits you.

All I hear in this thread is choices. "I choose to stay home, I choose to work part time...I don't feel like working anymore, etc." What wouldall of you do if your DH came home one day and said "I don't feel like working anymore." Either YOU find a high income job, or your lifestyle is finished right?

It's just interesting that women apparently aren't all that liberated after all.

Oh, yes, poor poor me. I'm living a life of indolence while DH slaves away bringing home the bacon. Please........

When we were first discussing our child care options, I asked DH if he would like to stay home full time with our child while I worked. He had no interest in spending all day changing diapers, cooking, cleaning, and shopping.

I am highly educated and highly intelligent. I have choices that my grandmother and mother never had. I can make good money working outside the home or I can stay home with my kids. And one of the reasons I can stay home with my kids is because I worked so hard and put away money for several years before having my kids.

If my DH came home and said he didn't want to work anymore, then we'd put the house on the market and we'd look for a new job for him or I. No big deal.

Basically, I'm telling you that I don't need a man to "take care of me" and never have. I'm with DH because we have a relationship built on love, trust, and mutual respect, not because he brings home a paycheck while I sit on my butt and eat bon-bons all day.

 

[WIcruizer]

It's semantics. What I'm talking about is a double standard. If a man decides one day that he doesn't want to work, he's considered a bum. If a woman makes that decision, it's a lifestyle choice. That's what I was trying to say, and I think you would all agree.

 

[Jennifer S]

I find this fascinating. It seems to me women want it both ways. You get the benefits of being liberated, yet can fall back on the benefits of being a woman when it suits you.

All I hear in this thread is choices. "I choose to stay home, I choose to work part time...I don't feel like working anymore, etc." What wouldall of you do if your DH came home one day and said "I don't feel like working anymore." Either YOU find a high income job, or your lifestyle is finished right?

It's just interesting that women apparently aren't all that liberated after all.

Ever hear the jingle " A father works from sun to sun but a mother's work is never done"?

It's so true. MyDH loves that I stay home so he never has to leave work to deal with sick kids, problems with the house or car. Ay Christmas he had off for 10 days - did nothing but relax and play with the kids. I still had to cook, clean and do laundry. Moms rarely get a break.
If DH wanted to stay home I work. He never would though. He loves his job.

 

[EthansMom]

It's semantics. What I'm talking about is a double standard. If a man decides one day that he doesn't want to work, he's considered a bum. If a woman makes that decision, it's a lifestyle choice. That's what I was trying to say, and I think you would all agree.

If my husband wanted to stay home with the kids and change diapers, give respiratory treatments every four hours during the night for weeks at a time, clean the house, make dinner, handle all of the finances, do all of the shopping, and run the kids around for preschool, swim lessons and doctor's appointments, I would be more than happy to be the one working outside of the home.

And I would never call him a bum.

 

[Calliaz]

It's semantics. What I'm talking about is a double standard. If a man decides one day that he doesn't want to work, he's considered a bum. If a woman makes that decision, it's a lifestyle choice. That's what I was trying to say, and I think you would all agree.

I think that there are probably a good number of people out there that would be disparaging towards a SAHD/SAHH. However, it is just as wrong as being disparaging to women for leaving her child t go to work. Equality should go both ways--partners should be able to decide for themselves who works and who doesn't work.

I'm going to become a SAHM in the next few months, hopefully. It's a choice that DH and I made together for a large number of reasons. One of those reasons was that DH did not want to stay at home. However, he had the choice to do it. If he wanted to stay at home next year while I worked and we could work it out financially then we would do that.