? for stay at home moms/wives

[ReneeA]

It's semantics. What I'm talking about is a double standard. If a man decides one day that he doesn't want to work, he's considered a bum. If a woman makes that decision, it's a lifestyle choice. That's what I was trying to say, and I think you would all agree.

Actually, I think it's become much more common than it used to be for dad's to stay home with the children. I know there was just a write up in our paper about a man who stays home with his 7 kids - and they are all 6 and under (a set of triplets, a set of twins and 2 singletons). I've seen it quite a bit in the last few years.

Both my DH and I made about the same amount of money before we had the kids. We discussed him staying home vs. me staying home. I was fine with continuing to work if he wanted to stay home and vice versa. He decided he would have climbed the walls if he had to stay home and raised our 2 kids. Heck, he was just off for 12 days over the holidays and was SO excited to get back to work today. It's just not his cup of tea.

However, I can't wait til my kids start school (they are 2 & 4) so I can get back to work full time. I've loved my time home with them, and feel I've given them the best start I possibly can...but I feel as though I'm just biding my time until I get back to work. I'm in no way putting down those who don't want to go back to work...it's all just personal preference.

ReneeA

 

[WIcruizer]

Regarding the last 3 posts...we're talking about SAHW, not SAHM. SAHM is the toughest job in the world, at least when the children are pre-school age. SAHW is the life of a princess. Not in all cases, just generally speaking. And in many, many cases women who decide they don't feel like working would never, ever accept a similar decision by the man. Because that would ruin their standard of living. THAT'S the double standard I'm talking about.

 

[Ziva]

Regarding the last 3 posts...we're talking about SAHW, not SAHM. SAHM is the toughest job in the world, at least when the children are pre-school age. SAHW is the life of a princess. Not in all cases, just generally speaking. And in many, many cases women who decide they don't feel like working would never, ever accept a similar decision by the man. Because that would ruin their standard of living. THAT'S the double standard I'm talking about.

I knew what you were saying and I totally agree with you. I can't imagine a man (with no children) being as accepted if he chose to simply not work and stay at home instead. There's definitely a double standard.

I can't imagine staying at home if I didn't have kids, it's just simply not "me".

 

[Crankyshank]

I personally can't fathom being young and being a SAHW. The chores get done while DH and I both work full time plus I go to school and we both get "me" time and "us" time. I don't see myself having so much to do around the house that I could spend all day every day doing it. I'd be bored within days. I can understand more a former SAHM continuing to stay home after the kids have grown because I see it more as retirement because being a mom is a full time job. Not to mention my DH would definitely have issues with me living a life of leisure while he continues to work 50-60hr work weeks

Now I'm not knocking people who are my age and are SAHW. Whatever floats your boat. Just from my pov I have a hard time wrapping my brain around it. Especially for a reason like "I don't like my job". Hell I hated my last job but the last thing I thought of was "I'm going to stay home". Instead it was a kick in the pants to go back to school and to find another job.

I guess bottom line is do whatever works for you and keeps you satisfied and financially solvent.

 

[EthansMom]

Regarding the last 3 posts...we're talking about SAHW, not SAHM. SAHM is the toughest job in the world, at least when the children are pre-school age. SAHW is the life of a princess. Not in all cases, just generally speaking. And in many, many cases women who decide they don't feel like working would never, ever accept a similar decision by the man. Because that would ruin their standard of living. THAT'S the double standard I'm talking about.

Aaah, sorry.

Personally, I don't think I would be happy being home full time with no children while DH worked. I wouldn't mind working part time instead of full time, if finances allowed, but I would expect that to come with greater responsibilities at home so that my working part time made life easier for both DH and I.

 

[helenabear]

It's semantics. What I'm talking about is a double standard. If a man decides one day that he doesn't want to work, he's considered a bum. If a woman makes that decision, it's a lifestyle choice. That's what I was trying to say, and I think you would all agree.

Sorry, I disagree...

my husband did that for a while... he stayed home sans kids... he prefers to be working out in public

fine by me!

Honestly it is who feels best working... I know some where the woman is the primary wage earner and the DH stays home with the kids or works part time or the like. I sure don't think they are a bum! I sure didn't think my DH was when he fixed things at home while I worked.

Not everyone is suited for buisness world. I never really was. I work well in technology, but the companies out there now are mostly crap to work for. Nothing is stable. I get a lot more joy out of keeping house than anything else. Why can't I enjoy what I do?

Not everyone needs to have a job outside of a house... I got bored at my old job, so I found a new one What works for one doesn't work for another.

Honest to God I get so tired of people judging choices. If you'd be bored, fine, don't stay home, but don't knock it if others do. It works for me, and it works for us. My jobs drained me (and yes, I had a college education that is wasted too I am sure by some thoughts) and coming home to work after being so drained that I cried the way home is not something that I could handle. I guess I am not good enough then to do it all.

Now excuse me while I move my lazy bum out of here and work on scrubbing in the kitchen... something I know my DH is *thrilled* he never has to do now!

 

[helenabear]

Regarding the last 3 posts...we're talking about SAHW, not SAHM. SAHM is the toughest job in the world, at least when the children are pre-school age. SAHW is the life of a princess. Not in all cases, just generally speaking. And in many, many cases women who decide they don't feel like working would never, ever accept a similar decision by the man. Because that would ruin their standard of living. THAT'S the double standard I'm talking about.

Wow, you really know how to cut people don't you

If I have the life of a princess, then I doubt anyone would want to be a princess

Read my post above... I still believe dual incomes are a level that a lot really don't need. And if I can cook, clean, and do crafts that I never had time nor energy to do before, then it works for me. My husband is a wonderful man, but does not do housework well. He no longer ever has to be nagged to get the house scrubbed, lawn worked on, things fixed or ANYTHING! I do it all for him and I love doing it.

Nothing wrong with that if it works for a family.

Again, I have scrubbing to do and thanks so much for offending and hurting my feelings by that.

Trust me princess don't scrub and clean so hard their backs hurt at the end of the day

 

[Ziva]

[Honest to God I get so tired of people judging choices. If you'd be bored, fine, don't stay home, but don't knock it if others do. It works for me, and it works for us. My jobs drained me (and yes, I had a college education that is wasted too I am sure by some thoughts) and coming home to work after being so drained that I cried the way home is not something that I could handle. I guess I am not good enough then to do it all.

Now excuse me while I move my lazy bum out of here and work on scrubbing in the kitchen... something I know my DH is *thrilled* he never has to do now!

I didn't see anyone judging/knocking down anyone on this thread. One poster pointed out that there was a double standard in play and others (including myself) said that they couldn't see themselves staying home with no kids. How is that judging you?

 

[WIcruizer]

Wow, you really know how to cut people don't you

If I have the life of a princess, then I doubt anyone would want to be a princess

Read my post above... I still believe dual incomes are a level that a lot really don't need. And if I can cook, clean, and do crafts that I never had time nor energy to do before, then it works for me. My husband is a wonderful man, but does not do housework well. He no longer ever has to be nagged to get the house scrubbed, lawn worked on, things fixed or ANYTHING! I do it all for him and I love doing it.

Nothing wrong with that if it works for a family.

Again, I have scrubbing to do and thanks so much for offending and hurting my feelings by that.

Trust me princess don't scrub and clean so hard their backs hurt at the end of the day

As I do just about every day, I will point out AGAIN that I said MANY,MANY of these women live the life of a princess. If you do not live that lifestyle, the comment does not aplly to you. Hence the word MANY, not ALL.

And frankly, do you raise cattle in your home? Why would you scrub and clean so hard every day?

 

[helenabear]

I didn't see anyone judging/knocking down anyone on this thread. One poster pointed out that there was a double standard in play and others (including myself) said that they couldn't see themselves staying home with no kids. How is that judging you?

Telling someone they have the life of a princess is knocking someone down, or trying to imply that they don't do a dang thing all day.

That's why I feel like I am being judged... telling me I do nothing and that I am just a freeloader

sorry if you don't see it that way, but it is to me.

and I really need to get out of this thread and get my work done, but a couple of posters really got to me

both aprilgail2 who said it was unfair to my DH to work while I play and WIcruizer who said it was the life of a princess really need to ask what people do during the day before they start making assumptions

No, I don't raise cattle, but when you have a not so good back, and you cook daily in the kitchen, you do have to scrub quite a bit. So I may be a messy cook, but I do need to clean up after myself. I still think that assuming a SAHW is just a princess is dead wrong. I clean up and pick up after my husband... I will have more to do when I have kids, but I expect him to want to help out some when we do. Imagine how nice your life would be if someone would cook, clean, pick up after you all day so you don't have to touch a thing. Would give you a lot of free time wouldn't it? So if someone can do it, why are you so quick to label all SAHWs like that. Think... 50 years ago, all women stayed at home. Do you think they all did nothing before they had kids?

 

[Ziva]

Telling someone they have the life of a princess is knocking someone down, or trying to imply that they don't do a dang thing all day.

That's why I feel like I am being judged... telling me I do nothing and that I am just a freeloader

sorry if you don't see it that way, but it is to me.

and I really need to get out of this thread and get my work done, but a couple of posters really got to me

both aprilgail2 who said it was unfair to my DH to work while I play and WIcruizer who said it was the life of a princess really need to ask what people do during the day before they start making assumptions

Well to be fair WIcruizer said that some had the lives of a princess not all. And Aprilgail2 just said she felt it was unfair, that's just her opinion it wasn't an attack on you, it was posted way before you even posted on this thread.

Now if posters had singled you out specifically and attacked, I'd see your point but they didn't.

 

[helenabear]

Well to be fair WIcruizer said that some had the lives of a princess not all. And Aprilgail2 just said she felt it was unfair, that's just her opinion it wasn't an attack on you, it was posted way before you even posted on this thread.

Now if posters had singled you out specifically and attacked, I'd see your point but they didn't.

I suppose I feel one in paritcular said the same things over and over even after I posted that maybe they weren't quite right. Even got a snide remark about why do I scrub so much... (btw, fwiw WIcruizer, I do also sweep & vacuum daily around the house... everything too. That uses a bit of my back as well considering we have pets)

so it wasn't said to me, but it was said about me and those who made the same choice... blanket statements like that are wrong IMO... like saying lawyers are not trustworthy, well a few are okay but most aren't! If you were a laywer wouldn't that bug you?

 

[beattyfamily]

I've been noticing more and more on the DIS lately the trend that some posters cover their insults with the words 'some' 'most' or 'many' instead of the word 'all' and they think using those words makes it alright to insult; that it covers them and protects them from being called out on insulting others. Just an observation.

 

[WIcruizer]

I've been noticing more and more on the DIS lately the trend that some posters cover their insults with the words 'some' 'most' or 'many' instead of the word 'all' and they think using those words makes it alright to insult; that it covers them and protects them from being called out on insulting others. Just an observation.

It's not a conspiracy. Words have meanings, which is why I use them carefully. MANY means just that. I rarely use the words all, none, never, always. And I stand by my comments. Especially since I didn't insult anyone. Those of you who are a princess, you know who you are.

 

[beattyfamily]

It's not a conspiracy. Words have meanings, which is why I use them carefully. MANY means just that. I rarely use the words all, none, never, always. And I stand by my comments. Especially since I didn't insult anyone. Those of you who are a princess, you know who you are.

I said it was a 'trend', not a 'conspiracy'. I know exactly what you are doing. I see it all the time, like I said already.

 

[WIcruizer]

Telling someone they have the life of a princess is knocking someone down, or trying to imply that they don't do a dang thing all day.

The 2nd part is accurate, it's implying a princess doesn't do adang thing all day. And I know many women who are thrilled to admit they're a princess. Most of them very nice women for the most part, they're good friends.

 

[disykat]

I think if money is not an issue and a man wants to stay home - that's just fine! If I was the one working every day, I'd enjoy coming home to a clean house, meals etc. Now if my dh wasn't working AND wasn't doing the housekeeping or contributing to the family in some way, I'd be upset - just as I'd expect him to be if I wasn't!

Maybe it's just me, but I don't know ANYONE who doesn't do anything all day. Everyone that I know that is retired or doesn't work for one reason or the other keeps very productive.

 

[Ziva]

I suppose I feel one in paritcular said the same things over and over even after I posted that maybe they weren't quite right. Even got a snide remark about why do I scrub so much... (btw, fwiw WIcruizer, I do also sweep & vacuum daily around the house... everything too. That uses a bit of my back as well considering we have pets)

so it wasn't said to me, but it was said about me and those who made the same choice... blanket statements like that are wrong IMO... like saying lawyers are not trustworthy, well a few are okay but most aren't! If you were a laywer wouldn't that bug you?

I do have some experience in this regard because we are a home school family and there are some crazy blanket statements made about home schoolers. Haven't you heard? We're all religious nuts who shelter our children from the real world?

If you're happy with your lifestyle choices then good for you. Don't let someone making blanket statements bring you down! Just respond- DH thinks it's fair and that's all that matters for us. Or DH makes me feel like a Princess so maybe I am? Or there's always, good thing your not me, because I'm happy with my life. Try one out, it's fun.

 

[WIcruizer]

I said it was a 'trend', not a 'conspiracy'. I know exactly what you are doing. I see it all the time, like I said already.

I'm sorry, I made the mistake of responding with facts. I can't debate some feeling you have with no basis for it.

 

[beattyfamily]

I'm sorry, I made the mistake of responding with facts. I can't debate some feeling you have with no basis for it.

Oh boy. I'm not debating you, I'm repying to your reply to me. It was an opinion and an observation I made that you chose to repsond to. What's so hard to understand? No debating necessary. And exactly how do you know there is no basis for it? I'd love to know.