Flying with an extremely scared child... need advice.

[ChaMakay1923]

My husband and I have flown before and have no fears about going. Our, now 8, 9 year old son is terrified and screaming that he's not flying. Not going on an airplane.. blah, blah, blah. He wants us to drive down. I am not driving 24 hours when we can get there in 4. Any idea's what we can do to calm him for the flight? He has ADHD and ODD and is not on any meds right now. Planning to schedule appt. with docs again to see about changing that as his "issues" are getting worse. Please.. any advice, ideas would help a great deal! Thanks!

 

[uva185]

I assume your son has never flown before? My friend had a similar problem with his son. He was petrified of flying (though he had never flown before) and they were booked to go to Europe. He took him to the airport to go on a "dry run". They went through security, talked to the gate agents, allowed her to go on a plane to see the seating layout, and even went up in the cockpit and talked to the pilots. This really helped him to calm his nerves before actually taking the real flight.

Depending on where you live is it possible to take an el cheapo 30-40 minute flight somewhere so your son can get used to the process? If not just going to the airport and trying to do the above would be a good first step to easing his nerves.

 

[ratmaster]

I assume your son has never flown before? My friend had a similar problem with his son. He was petrified of flying (though he had never flown before) and they were booked to go to Europe. He took him to the airport to go on a "dry run". They went through security, talked to the gate agents, allowed her to go on a plane to see the seating layout, and even went up in the cockpit and talked to the pilots. This really helped him to calm his nerves before actually taking the real flight.

Depending on where you live is it possible to take an el cheapo 30-40 minute flight somewhere so your son can get used to the process? If not just going to the airport and trying to do the above would be a good first step to easing his nerves.

The dry run is a very good idea. That is something that they do (several times) in airport-run fear of flying classes. My sister did this. Graduation day was a short 30 minute flight. In addition, there are videos out there like this one. http://www.fearofflyingdvd.com/ I can't specifically comment on this one but I have seen different ones. It might be that not all of the technical information will help ease your DS's fear but maybe just seeing the inside of a plane, flight deck and what the people are doing will at least give him a sense of familiarity when the big day comes. Good luck.

 

[Shelly F - Ohio]

I would have on hand some things that would keep him occupied on the flight such as a DVD player. This would help distact him. Bag of snack items.

 

[ChaMakay1923]

I would have on hand some things that would keep him occupied on the flight such as a DVD player. This would help distact him. Bag of snack items.

We have that all in mind, including taking his DS with him, but it's the idea of getting him ON the plane without beating the crap out of us. He's a physical child when he refuses things. (it's the ODD in him)

 

[Glencora]

I would definately take the two progned approach:

1. Talk with his doctors about proper medication. If they don't feel he needs regular medication, as if you could give him melatonin or Benadryl so that he'll sleep through the transfers and the flight.

2. Find a fear-of-flying school at an airport near you and see if they are able/willing to help you out. I'm sure you will be able to find someone to work with you.

Both of my sibilings are fearful flyers (not me, for some reason - I'm just terrified of heights), and both said that the fear of flying courses helped tremendously. Good luck!

 

[ancestry]

We have that all in mind, including taking his DS with him, but it's the idea of getting him ON the plane without beating the crap out of us. He's a physical child when he refuses things. (it's the ODD in him)

I just wanted you to be aware that if your son starts fighting you or if he is screaming/loud or physical in anyway the flight attendants will not allow you to board the plane. If you do manage to get on the plane and if you son becomes loud or agitated on the plane they will remove you from the plane prior to take off.

My only suggestion is that you may want to post your question in the disability forum as well. Many of the women there have children who also have ADD/ADHD and ODD and they probably can give you very specific advice.

Good luck!

 

[bookwormde]

If you go over to the disbilites threads you will find some comprehensive threads on the subject from parents with kids on the spectrum. Since your child has a disability he if afforded special rights which are covered under the FAA regulations. (he can not be barred or removed from a flight for a manefestion of his disabilty except if it poses a safety hazard)

Here is a link to the PDF doc.

http://www.southwest.com/travel_center/disability.html#14cfr

Prebreifing helps a lot and sometimes a social autopsy of the basis of his fears and the "logic" of it.

You can also get a disability preboard pass so you an get in and settled before other passengers

bookwormde

 

[uva185]

We have that all in mind, including taking his DS with him, but it's the idea of getting him ON the plane without beating the crap out of us. He's a physical child when he refuses things. (it's the ODD in him)

Since your child has a disability he if afforded special rights which are covered under the FAA regulations. (he can not be barred or removed from a flight for a manefestion of his disabilty except if it poses a safety hazard)

Becoming physical on an aircraft is a safety hazard. If the FA sees his behavior while you are boarding and you are unable to control your son the FA very well may remove you from the flight. There have been instances of this happening in the past when children were throwing massive tantrums or refusing to stay buckled for departure.

Do a few dry runs and see how his behavior is. Take it in small steps and ease him into it. Then maybe end with a wet run to a nearby destination just to see how he acts once the aircraft doors closes.

 

[HHSTigerFan]

We would simply drive, not going to save you enough time to justify ruining your childs vacation. NO WAY in the world would I dope my kid up so I can get to WDW a little faster.. JMO

 

[Lewisc]

What will you do if his behavior on the plane is bad the airline refunds your return fare?

You can try the suggestions but driving (train?) may be the only option.

 

[iwrbnd]

I don't know if this will help because your son is older and has some issues but here is what I did when I flew with an active 4 year old.

I wrapped a bunch of little toys (McDonalds toys, trinkets, etc) and used a lot of tape. When I saw him start to go down the "trouble road" I pulled it out. It would occupy him while he unwrapped it and play with it for a while. Gave us at least 20-30 min each time which is gold on a plane!

Good luck!

 

[pixeegrl]

Have you thought about taking the auto train out of Virginia. It's about the same as flying price wise plus you have your own vehicle. I have read on this forum that the roomettes are not necessary and riding coach is as comfortable as the larger recling seats on first class aboard aircrafts. This is what we are doing, and our boys think it's kind of like a vacation on the way to our vacation!

 

[NotUrsula]

Take him to the airport as often as possible for practice, and perhaps try to get him interested in aviation as a subject. Find out what specifically is frightening him, and address that directly.

You might also try taking him to a general aviation airport to have a pilot explain things in a less high-pressure setting.

However, as someone else pointed out, getting physical on a plane or in an airport is pretty much a no-go scenario these days, even for a kid, unless it is a toddler who can be physically restrained fairly easily by a single adult. You may have to resort to meds to keep him calm, so I'd suggest speaking to his physician ASAP to get something prescribed so that you can test his reaction to it in advance.

 

[TaraPA]

I have no advice for you, but want to tell you I've BEEN THERE! DS9 has flown numerous times, but coming back from MCO into PHL one year was horrendously turbulent. It made him feel sick & just plain terrified him, that he refused to get on the next leg of the flight home. I mean temper tantrum to the max. We only live 60 miles from PHL, I went as far as to try to rent a car or taxi to just drive home, of course it was around the holidays & nothing was available, and taxi fare was out of the question. We had a 2.5 hour layover - and 2.49 of that time was spent with him in hysterics (and me on the verge). When it was final boarding I just didn't know what to do so I picked him up & carried him. I was stopped by the gate agent, as others have said, and denied boarding until I could get him under control. The stern warning from the gate agent was enough to knock some sense into him that he brought it down to a wimper & we got on & buckled in. Wouldn't you know it that darn bugger was fast asleep before we even took off! He had worn himself out. I was a WRECK!

I know this didn't offer you any advice, but you wouldn't be the 1st parent with a screamig kid trying to get on a plane & you won't be the last. Just don't be offended if you're denied boarding, it's their job.

 

[Tam1067]

My DS11 has been afraid of flying since he was 4. The fear is intense and pervasive, and it got worse until its peak last summer when he was 10. Here's my two cents based on our experiences.

If he's just afraid of flying but otherwise is not having excessive fears or other issues, then deal with the fear of flying as a fear of flying. Others have posted suggestions about how to deal with that.

However, we tried various techniques, and they did not work. In fact, he was also behaving strangely in other situations--not able to sleep, not able to take a shower unless I stood guard outside the door, and in general, having what I think are panic attacks (though he does not use that word). So flying was just one of many situations in which he was having anxiety and fears.

If your son has other issues with anxiety and unreasonable fears, I would recommend getting a referral (probably from your pediatrician) for a therapist. We initially went to one because of DS's fear of flying which I then realized also included an inability to sleep, fear of being the victim of crime (while in stores, while at home, etc.), and really lots of anxiety in lots of situations. The therapy has been wonderful for him, as in life changing wonderful.

He was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder with elements of OCD and post traumatic stress syndrome (we were inside a Target when five women were murdered in another store just across the parking lot and our subdivision is very close to the scene--lots of trauma there).

He's been in therapy since July, and he's learned lots of techniques that can help him get through the stressful times. Hawaiian music (he pretends he's at the Polynesian) has helped him tremendously, and the therapist really works with him to have other options he can use when he needs to.

So he does not like to fly (neither do I!), but he can do it. He's learned various types of techniques to calm himself down and ways to handle the fears. Also one thing--his psychologist told me that avoiding the fears makes them worse, so just avoiding the problem by driving is not going to help him in the long run. I'm not advising you to force him to do anything, but that's what we were told.

Also, our psychologist referred us to a psychiatrist who recommended meds. We chose not to go that route and found that we made the right choice for us anyway. I just want to stress that medication is not always needed.

One more thing--his therapist said that sometimes, anxiety misdiagnosed as ADHD and vice versa because the symptoms are similar.

Best of luck to you.

 

[ChaMakay1923]

If you go over to the disbilites threads you will find some comprehensive threads on the subject from parents with kids on the spectrum. Since your child has a disability he if afforded special rights which are covered under the FAA regulations. (he can not be barred or removed from a flight for a manefestion of his disabilty except if it poses a safety hazard)

Here is a link to the PDF doc.

http://www.southwest.com/travel_center/disability.html#14cfr

Prebreifing helps a lot and sometimes a social autopsy of the basis of his fears and the "logic" of it.

You can also get a disability preboard pass so you an get in and settled before other passengers

bookwormde

Thanks Book... I didn't know that! That will help A LOT!!! (the preboard pass)

 

[ChaMakay1923]

Also, our psychologist referred us to a psychiatrist who recommended meds. We chose not to go that route and found that we made the right choice for us anyway. I just want to stress that medication is not always needed.

One more thing--his therapist said that sometimes, anxiety misdiagnosed as ADHD and vice versa because the symptoms are similar.

Best of luck to you.

Tam... He's been to a psychologist and a psychiatrist.. been through classes and asked to be put on meds right away.. we choose not too, wanted to try the natural way and it's been more than a year and hasn't changed.. so I'm thinking the meds are a must at this point. I think IF we can control his hyperness and his panic attacks (I guess this is what I could refer to his outbursts) I feel everything else will pan out better. I just need to find a doc that will give him the meds now.. as the ones we were seeing has now changed their minds because he doesn't act out in school... only EVERYWHERE else!

 

[Wendy5055]

I agree with the others about dealing with his fear of flying. My dd8 has flown numerous times and still is nervous. She does have her DS and other items to occupy her on the flights and I always try whenever possible to book non-stop flights to minimize our air time.

Otherwise, you should definately speak with the doctor about the best approach to flying.

 

[rina900]

Do you have any handheld games? I am bringing the kids' DSi's to keep them busy on the flight.