Fitting in @ school (5th grade)

[toystory1130]

I signed up my son for baseball, tonight was his first practice. He mentioned after we got home someone said "Tinkerbell" to him, I'm like what's that suppose to mean? Aparantly kids at school call him this. And sissy, stuff like that although he's not said anything before. He's always been a gentle, quiet kid who makes good grades, is a vegetarian and actually cares about peoples feelings. So because I raise him with some manners and I know he is a good kid the other kids label him a sissy. What am I suppose to tell him? I know I need some advice here other than my mothers.

 

[kidzmom3]

It is so hard to see your kids not fit in. A couple of really good friends helps. does he have those? Its easier to shrug things off when you have a friend. Also, what is your schools and the leagues bullying policy? Our school does not allow derogatory remarks. It can be a bit sticky, because you do not want to make things worse for him. But if you can put a discreet bug in someones ear, that may work. Is the team very competitive? and has he played before? it is a sad fact in our community, that if you havent been playing since K, you are very far behind. But you can catch up, are there any sport clinics scheduled? Good luck, its hard to be different

 

[beckmrk04]

Poor kid! Tell him that sometimes kids are mean to other kids that they see as different, and that it has nothing to do with him, and everything to do with the other kid's lack of self esteem, respect, attention, etc. Let him know that no matter what you are proud of the kid he is and the choices that he makes! Lots of famous people got picked on when they were younger- but now they are famous and the people who picked on them,not so much. And all that matters is that he likes himself, and treats other people the way he would want to be treated. Gosh, that age is SOOO hard!! Give him a big hug!

 

[toystory1130]

It is so hard to see your kids not fit in. A couple of really good friends helps. does he have those? Its easier to shrug things off when you have a friend. Also, what is your schools and the leagues bullying policy? Our school does not allow derogatory remarks. It can be a bit sticky, because you do not want to make things worse for him. But if you can put a discreet bug in someones ear, that may work. Is the team very competitive? and has he played before? it is a sad fact in our community, that if you havent been playing since K, you are very far behind. But you can catch up, are there any sport clinics scheduled? Good luck, its hard to be different

That fact became clear when they were practicing. He's so far behind the others. I don't know if he should stick it out or bail. I asked and they all have been playing since birth or soon after. He does like the game but I don't know enough to help him improve. They practice 3-4 days a week till dark.

 

[Hannathy]

Make sure you haven't signed him up for one of the real competitive leagues, they are brutal even with the younger kids. Our area has several baseball leagues and they are not equal. The one my son is on everyone plays at least 2 innings in the field and bats every time the go thru the order. The other leaugue they try out for and practice many times a week and they only play the best the other kids sit. I would double check before the season start and find if possible a rec type team. As far as helping you can throw a ball to him, or take him to the batting cages, anything to build his confidence, And don't hover. Good luck and tell him how brave he is for trying a new sport when others have all played.

 

[Alison Wonderland]

Around here a lot of people take baseball "lessons." I had the same problem with my son with the "being behind" in sports. I never knew that it was so important to start your kid off at 5 years old in sports. I decided to put him in tae kwan doe so that he can do it at his own pace and he will actually build self esteem rather than lose it by being so far behind the others. But if your son has a natural talent for baseball, and even knowing nothing about it you will be able to tell, then he would be able to catch up with the others eventually.
There is a huge problem with name calling at this age and I have always told my son the thing about how the person who is calling you the name does not feel good about themself--that is why they are trying to drag others down to feel bad like they do.

 

[powellrj]

Unless this is something he has his heart set on, I would let him quit and find another sport or activity. Kids that age can be so mean and hateful. Help him find something that he enjoys so he can spend time with kids that will help him feel good about himself. When my middle DS was that age, he was in a play and was able to make alot of friends that shared his interest.

 

[nwdisgal]

What ever happened to good sportsmanship? Sounds like along with this big incentive for parents to have their kid be the next NFL player, NBA, Major League that playing sports for exercise and fun has gone out the window along with being a good sport?

I wish you all the best of luck, and there are other sports out there that aren't so cut throat that your child will have a better experience and a better group of team players. Your son displays a lot of leadership and maturity qualities that will get him ahead in this world. I would be proud of that.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If you signed him up because he really wants to learn to play (he was begging you to sign him up) and has some natural talent, then it could turn things around from him real quick.

If he is that behind I would let him quit because I do not see the value of him getting bullied in school all day and then going to baseball practice and getting bullied at practice 3-4 days a week. Unless he wants to toughen up. Is that a goal he had in mind?
Might not be a bad one, actually. But only you can judge that.

As far as being called "Tinkerbell" you know what that means and so does your son. Best to be straight with him and talk openly about it. That will help him get out his frustrations and the more you & he talk the more you can help him.

I think in the end this may bring things to light for you and best to get er done...eh?

 

[Disneyglobegirl]

Baseball here in our area is taken very seriously with parents( unfortunately many think that their kid is the next major league player) - that said My DS wanted to play but not much experience we signed him up with one of the church leagues - he learned how to play without all out competitive problems you have with the community little league. If he wants to play encourage him but maybe look into other leagues. I wish your DS well with baseball - encourage him to try and do anything that he wants!!

 

[mamajoan]

Hi.. your son sounds like a great kid! Sorry the other kids are labeling him. Please encourage him to not shrink away.. but to walk proudly, squared shoulders and to not let the comments get to him.

Would he be interested in a sport like wrestling? It is competitive, and a team sport BUT an individual sport too. It is great for kids of all sizes... including the smaller than avg kids and the bigger than avg kids.. because you compete against others who are in the same weight class. Coaches make a difference in any sport. Our son was fortuate to have 3 great coaches and 1 not so great.

If they don't have wrestling at his school, their may be club wrestling in your area. Now this is NOTHING like Professional wrestling.

My son, Jake, is now in college. He was a bigger than avg kid growing up.
He is a kind, funny kid. He started wrestling in 6th grade-heavyweight . He was not very good and we thought he would not continue. He kept plugging along.. he wrestled thru high school, he did very well his senior year.
He now wants to coach. Wrestling helped bring out his self confidence and leadership skills.

Best wishes for your son!

 

[aprilgail2]

Maybe you should have him do some type of individual sport like karate or wrestling since they start those at all ages...around here the kids start t-ball before baseball and they start at 4 years old...by 5th grade they are pretty darn good and for the new kid coming in never played it would be cery tough to fit in. Its so hard for kids that are not the same as the majority..even in 1st grade my daughter has a boy in the class that is such a sweet gentle kid and the other boys already make fun of him...

 

[Sleepy]

I'm so sorry your son deals with this. I know how it feels. My son is in his 6th year of ballet, so you can imagine the crap he has dealt with. Not just from kids, but other adults.

 

[toystory1130]

Getting ready for school this morning he says "I can't wait for practice tonight" so I guess the "Tinkerbell" comment didn't faze him. (fazed me though ) I know he has had a love for baseball for awhile so it would be real tough for me to say it's time to quit. Unless I thought of coarse it was to a point that I thought them cruel. I know name calling stinks royal but it won't kill him. I know I can't protect him forever, middle school is next year.The league he's in is a local community rec where most of the kids on the team go to his school. Now giving him advice on what to do about the name callers has me frazzled. Do I tell him to call names back (not the best advise in my opinion) ignore it (as he is doing) or tell the coach (then they will call him a tattle tale) I know he's not a fighter but I'm afraid ignoring it will only make things worse in the long run. Them thinking he's the easy one to pick on and with his lack of skills here I know he's in the minority on the team- although there is 1 other newbie also in the outfield.<which also might be a new friend> I don't want a sissy and I don't want a bully- man why does it have to be so hard to find an easy middle? He just wants to play the game and have fun.

**kidsmom3 I didn't hear about a sports clinic yet but we were down at a golfing center, Putt Putt and they have one scheduled with a former Major League guy, *but* it was $95. Is this the going rate?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Standing up for yourself is not being a "bully". I think you misunderstand that.

Since he is in 5th grade I wouldn't tell him to do "anything" unless he asks for advice.

Unwanted motherly advice always backfires. Quit sweating it...and when he asks what does this mean...tell him.

 

[Firedog]

Just like parents have different levels of competiveness, so do children. My oldest DD is twelve, and has been playing ball for the past 6 years. She started racing motocross at 5, so maybe that's where this all comes from.

Anyways, anything she does, she does to win. When another girl her age decides at age tweve that she'd like to try her hand at softball for the first time, my daughter understands that this is going to have an effect on the team. More than likely, a negative effect. My daughter has an automatic attitude towards her because their ability to compete has just been lowered. You are kind of a slave to the system because everyone has different levels of priorities regarding sports, school, etc. I try to tell her to just hang in there and do the best she can.

 

[Hannathy]

Don't you make the decision to quit it is HIS decision not yours. Our rule is you finish what you signed up for and then if you don't want to do it again ok but you finish. My 6 year old broke his nose at baseball and as soon as the Dr. said it was ok he went back to finish the season. Yes he was scared, yes he struck out the first few times back cause he was afraid but he went back and by the end said he was glad and signed up for this year. If we had left him not go back because he was afraid he would always be afraid of it. I would hold off talking to the coach 'cause the boys will hear about it and then they will tease him about that also.

Call your area HighSchool about clinics the ones around here offer them and they are alot more affordable. They make money for their programs this way. My DD goes to all three Schools and has learned a lot. The ones around here are about 20.00 for about 4 hours. often the get a T-shirt to.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

hey, if he is looking forward to practice then he is doing great. As long as it is fun for him, who cares what the other little snot-nosed kids think?

Baseball is a hard sport to pick up late, but not impossible. I've seen many kids come in at 11 and 12 - and if they have decent hand-eye co-ordination, they catch up with the rest. A good athlete is a good athlete and will usually eventually learn the sport.

Now as for good manners. As a Mom of two adolescent boys my advice is, there is a time for them and then there is a time to let the other boys know that you are not their target. Really, all it takes is a couple of displays of tough guy posturing and hopefully they move on.

My oldest son recommends the phrase "shut-up fart face." as a handy response.

 

[foolishmortal]

Getting ready for school this morning he says "I can't wait for practice tonight" so I guess the "Tinkerbell" comment didn't faze him. (fazed me though ) I know he has had a love for baseball for awhile so it would be real tough for me to say it's time to quit. Unless I thought of coarse it was to a point that I thought them cruel. I know name calling stinks royal but it won't kill him. I know I can't protect him forever, middle school is next year.The league he's in is a local community rec where most of the kids on the team go to his school. Now giving him advice on what to do about the name callers has me frazzled. Do I tell him to call names back (not the best advise in my opinion) ignore it (as he is doing) or tell the coach (then they will call him a tattle tale) I know he's not a fighter but I'm afraid ignoring it will only make things worse in the long run. Them thinking he's the easy one to pick on and with his lack of skills here I know he's in the minority on the team- although there is 1 other newbie also in the outfield.<which also might be a new friend> I don't want a sissy and I don't want a bully- man why does it have to be so hard to find an easy middle? He just wants to play the game and have fun.

**kidsmom3 I didn't hear about a sports clinic yet but we were down at a golfing center, Putt Putt and they have one scheduled with a former Major League guy, *but* it was $95. Is this the going rate?

$95.00 is not unreasonable no. I have my son go to the High School clinic for around $40.00 (hs coaches and players teach them), and then I always send him to a college clinic where they have the college players and sometimes a major leaguer (ex mind you) and thos can run 100+, so 95 is not far fetched no.

Now about the name calling. I myslef am a baseball coach (9-11 year olds), and last year there was name calling to 1 player starting out and he told me and it ended that second and he was liked by everyone after they got to know him.

ANY GOOD COACH SHOULD BE TOLD AND WILL DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!

Now f the coach is told and it still happens ask to be transferd to another team in the league, and if the city asks why TELL THEM!!! They will/SHOULD get on the coach rather quickly!!

Sounds like he hasn;t taken any of it to heart and that's a good thing, hopefully his play will speak more than he does and it will end soon!

It truly is amzing when kids make fun of another but find out later he is better or just as good, they change thier tune quickly.

 

[SpecialK]

I just read through this thread and I have to tell you, I can relate. I have a fourth grade son who just doesn't seem to click with the other boys. He tried to pal around with a couple of kids from his classroom. They were really mean to him - telling him they'd meet him someplace and not showing up, ditching him etc. I tried to warn him off these kids but, unfortunately, he had to find out on his own. Since then he's been afraid to try with anyone else. Breaks my heart.

My son plays soccer and loves it. It's done him a world of good to feel like a part of something. If yours likes baseball and wants to continue, I'd wholeheartedly support him. I'd also tell him that if he feels the need to defend himself, you'll support him in that too. Good luck.