First heartbreak

[Magic Mom]

Poor DS. His girlfriend of 2 years just broke up with him. He drove all the way up here for the summer to spend time with her before she went to college and spent all his cash on her prom and she texted him tonight and ended it. He is heartbroken. She was his first real love. This had been coming, because she had a hard time dealing with the distance (he goes to school in another state) and they bickered all the time, plus they are both still immature. So they talked about breaking up for good at the end of the summer but now that prom is over I guess she just decided to speed things up.

I feel so bad for him, and don't know quite what to say. He's blaming me because we "sent him away" for college ( in reality we have paid into a prepaid prgram for years so that's what we could afford.) My husband is in Afghanistan so he's not here to talk to him in person.

 

[bumbershoot]

Oh man, I'm so sorry.

Obviously nothing will really help him right now, but FWIW, my brother's HS girlfriend (almost 3 years of dating) broke up with him (quite brutally, though at least in person) just before college began (they were going to the same college, there just before freshman orientation), and she dropped out of that college as well, moving back to her/their home state.

He was absolutely devastated. Her name was off limits, the idea of helping him was off limits, it was just absolutely NOT to be talked about.

And then during his sophomore year, while in line for basketball tickets (he was at Duke), he met...the woman who has now been his wife for just coming up on 16 years.

Sometimes these things take awhile to work out, but work out they tend to do.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

most kids break up from distance their freshman year of college anyway... Now its his turn to meet some new girls...(it's hard Freshman year for guys because typically older girls won't date them, and Freshman girls tend to date older guys...). Blaming you for "sending him away" is immature and unfair. He is an adult and can make his own decisions. Two years is a long time for that age, she probably wants to go to college herself with no strings attached; this would've happened if he had gone away to school or not.

 

[Robinrs]

most kids break up from distance their freshman year of college anyway... Now its his turn to meet some new girls...(it's hard Freshman year for guys because typically older girls won't date them, and Freshman girls tend to date older guys...). Blaming you for "sending him away" is immature and unfair. He is an adult and can make his own decisions. Two years is a long time for that age, she probably wants to go to college herself with no strings attached; this would've happened if he had gone away to school or not.

I agree and don't accept that guilt or allow him to beat up on you because he's hurt. Break ups happen, he'll get over it, no excuse to disrespect the person who's supported and raised him all these years.

 

[Christine]

He's blaming me because we "sent him away" for college ( in reality we have paid into a prepaid prgram for years so that's what we could afford.)

He's mad/angry/hurt right now and can't see reason. If the *only* thing that was keeping her with him was if he was close to her, then it wasn't much of relationship to begin with. His going away probably hastened the break up but it wasn't the cause. I know that he can't see that right now. I only hope, for both of your sakes, that he doesn't dwell on this for too long and let it ruin his experiences in college next year. Breakups like this take some time to get over but I have seen some instances where the wallowing goes on for TOO long. I hope he can move on quickly.

 

[SydSim]

Ahh, the old "one went away to college, and one was still in HS" breakup thing. I remember it well. A lot of the fighting comes from the bitterness that the one who was still in HS feels - always wondering if their bf/gf will find the college kids more interesting than them. Thinking that the bf/gf will come back to visit and see HS stuff as so immature. These insecurities make for so many fights during that time period. And blaming you - displaced anger of course.

Can you tell I went through the same thing. Of course, this too shall pass but it's a going through it. He's probably upset that he passed up all those cute girls on campus that first year because he was trying to be faithful to her. Once he gets over the heartache, he'll look forward to the new opportunites that await him back on campus.

 

[SandrA9810]

He's hurt and he's just trying to hurt other people, cause well misery loves company. I doubt that he highly means it.

Although poor choice to do it through a text message. First love is always the hardest. But he'll probably bounce back once he returns to school a "free man". And since he's bo longer the new kid on campus, he should have an easier time meeting people. One fun thing is being able to enjoy the flirting. And not have to worry about being taken.

I'd give him till the end of summer to get over her, just cause being at home, is going to remind him of all the places they went together, or all the things he wanted to do with her over the summer.

 

[ICF]

breaking up a 2 year relationship via text is weak

 

[The Mystery Machine]

So sorry for your son, must be hard for him. I don't know if there is anything you can say to him.

All I can say to you is thank goodness they broke up now instead of waiting until the end of summer. That would have been worse. While he can't see it is better this way, he will.

 

[Magic Mom]

Thanks for the kind thoughts everyone. I know everything you said is true, but of course he can't see it. I haven't said this to him, but I'm happy it ended now instead of the end of summer. I don't want him going back to classes distracted by their break up. Honestly, I'm glad about the break up. They bickered and sniped at each other all the time, and for some reason she hated me. Like the loath kind of hate. I didn't really care about that too much, she's young and immature; she'd hopefully grow out of that. But she always expected DS to be angry with me too, over nothing....things that didn't even make sense. Even her family thought it was strange. They are both really good kids, but we all thought they were better apart than together.

 

[Topper]

But she always expected DS to be angry with me too, over nothing....things that didn't even make sense. Even her family thought it was strange.

I'm sure she was just jealous of your "elastic" abilities.

 

[Magic Mom]

I'm sure she was just jealous of your "elastic" abilities.

Well, I hate to be immodest, but as a super hero, I am extra spechul.

 

[Disney Doll]

My mother always used to say "This too shall pass" when there was a romantic tragedy in my life.

And she was right.

Time will heal him. Meanwhile, ignore it when he says stupid stuff like "It was your fault for sending me away" and just give him support. You know, like "I'm so sorry you're sad" or "I'm feel badly that your feelings are hurt".

As time goe son you'll be able to point out the flaws so he learns the lessons he needs to learn from the relationship (and I FIRMLY believe that every relationship teaches us lessons if we choose to leaRN THEM).

 

[wenrob]

She let him pay for and take her to prom then broke up with him by text? Sounds like he's better off. Young and immature or not, she's old enough to know that was wrong on so many levels. Poor guy. A whole new world awaits him. Once he gets over the initial shock and sees she used him one last time before letting him go he'll be relieved and ready to move on.

 

[marcyinPA]

I'm sorry your son went through the inevitable...it happens to us all (well, most of us anyway!)

If there is one lesson I will instill in MY 15 year old son, it will be to NEVER EVER end a relationship via text message. That is so low...

 

[minniebeth]

to your DS AND you. Be patient with him as everyone else says, this too, shall pass. No one wants to hear it when they're going through it, but these experiences in life make us who we are and there's wisdom to be found though it. It helps make our future relationships all the better.

Someone needs to quote me when this happens with my DS I only deal with small crushes, casual relationships in HS with him, it's hard enough!

 

[Buckalew11]

All of the above plus I'm thinking about his dad being in Afghanistan and much stress that must put on your family. You're living with it but, surely, when you dig deep you can see the worry and anger that brings even to a college freshman. Y'all have it tough right now anyway--minus this breakup which is never easy.
I hope time heals him quickly. Hard to believe after 2 yrs. that someone would breakup in a text.

And thanks to your family for your service.

 

[Magic Mom]

My mother always used to say "This too shall pass" when there was a romantic tragedy in my life.

And she was right.

Time will heal him. Meanwhile, ignore it when he says stupid stuff like "It was your fault for sending me away" and just give him support. You know, like "I'm so sorry you're sad" or "I'm feel badly that your feelings are hurt".

As time goe son you'll be able to point out the flaws so he learns the lessons he needs to learn from the relationship (and I FIRMLY believe that every relationship teaches us lessons if we choose to leaRN THEM).

Absolutely, I haven't said a word negative about them to him. But boy is he taking it hard. And it doesn't help that she keeps contacting him, but won't reply to him.

 

[Micca]

Absolutely, I haven't said a word negative about them to him. But boy is he taking it hard. And it doesn't help that she keeps contacting him, but won't reply to him.

Say WHAT??????????? Did I miss something here? She dumps him VIA TEXT right after he splurges for the prom and she's still contacting him? Huh?

 

[Magic Mom]

Say WHAT??????????? Did I miss something here? She dumps him VIA TEXT right after he splurges for the prom and she's still contacting him? Huh?

Don't ask me, I don't know what her problem is. My guess is that she wants to appease her guilt and wants him to say "Sure, let's be friends."