First boyfriend/girlfriend

[disneylovin24]

So here is my story.

I turn 19 in August and have never been in a relationship or even been on a date or even been asked out on one.

I was never too worried about it in high school because I went to a small school, only 106 kids in my class, girls way outnumbered the boys, it was very cliquey etc. AKA a thousand things that did not make dating ideal. A lot of girls in my class never had boyfriends and it was all fine.

Now that I have a year of college under my belt however I am starting to worry more. Most of the girls I knew in high school that never had boyfriends got one this past year while I continued to never be asked out and just not draw a lot of attention from guys.

I'm very serious about school and my career and don't really want a serous relationship, but I would like to at least draw attention! I don't want to sound egotistical, but I do think I'm pretty attractive. I've been told by strangers I'm pretty so I don't think that's a problem (I guess start the argument about how much looks matter - they shouldn't but face it they do).

I'm at a point where I'm really worried what the problem is and if when I do find a guy, will he think its weird I've never dated at this point? It all keeps me pretty frazzled around guys. I talk to guys but it takes a lot of strength for me too because I feel like guys don't want to talk to me.

This is turning into like a vent, but its just something I've been thinking about more and more.

 

[tvguy]

Since you asked, I will agree with the PP that it starts to feel "odd" if someone has never had a boyfriend/girlfriend by 19 or 20-- sophomore year in college being a pretty good benchmark.

Not that there is anything wrong with the person, just that it is very uncommon.

I like "uncommon" more than "odd".
I just didn't have time for dating in high school. Started dating at 18 in college. Dated one girl in college for nearly 3 years, we never discussed the relationship going any further, but apparently most of our friends were surprised we weren't engaged. Dated casually last year of college and for a year after I graduated. Started dating someone I had worked with for 2 years, dated for year before we got engaged, got married the next year. Celebrated our 31st anniversary last month. We both knew within a few dates we had found our life partners.

In the end, I started dating much later than many of my friends, and got married before many of my friends.
We got married at 25, which my MIL considered to be "late in life" (she got married at 18.....to the first of her 3 husbands ) and my mom thought was young (she got married at 27 to her only husband)

 

[Priorityonecb]

Me: Met dh when I was 16/he 17. Married 24 years now.

We have two daughters, and no set age for dating. Just in general, we prefer they wait until junior year and have told them that but no set "rule".

Dd1- First relationship was senior year. Lasted a year. Now in second relationship at age 22, thinking this might be "the one".

Dd2- Entering junior year of high school and has not had a relationship as of yet.

Odd? I'm not sure. I know of people who never married or were in serious relationships and never saw it as "odd". They all seem perfectly happy and content to me.

 

[disneylovin24]

Me: Met dh when I was 16/he 17. Married 24 years now.

We have two daughters, and no set age for dating. Just in general, we prefer they wait until junior year and have told them that but no set "rule".

Dd1- First relationship was senior year. Lasted a year. Now in second relationship at age 22, thinking this might be "the one".

Dd2- Entering junior year of high school and has not had a relationship as of yet.

Odd? I'm not sure. I know of people who never married or were in serious relationships and never saw it as "odd". They all seem perfectly happy and content to me.

That's a good point. There are plenty of people out there who aren't in relationships because they don't want to be.

 

[JVL1018]

So here is my story.

I turn 19 in August and have never been in a relationship or even been on a date or even been asked out on one.

I was never too worried about it in high school because I went to a small school, only 106 kids in my class, girls way outnumbered the boys, it was very cliquey etc. AKA a thousand things that did not make dating ideal. A lot of girls in my class never had boyfriends and it was all fine.

Now that I have a year of college under my belt however I am starting to worry more. Most of the girls I knew in high school that never had boyfriends got one this past year while I continued to never be asked out and just not draw a lot of attention from guys.

I'm very serious about school and my career and don't really want a serous relationship, but I would like to at least draw attention! I don't want to sound egotistical, but I do think I'm pretty attractive. I've been told by strangers I'm pretty so I don't think that's a problem (I guess start the argument about how much looks matter - they shouldn't but face it they do).

I'm at a point where I'm really worried what the problem is and if when I do find a guy, will he think its weird I've never dated at this point? It all keeps me pretty frazzled around guys. I talk to guys but it takes a lot of strength for me too because I feel like guys don't want to talk to me.

This is turning into like a vent, but its just something I've been thinking about more and more.

I had a small high school class as well, 110 kids, and I agree, it wasn't ideal for dating. I went out with the one guy( my 8th grade "boyfriend") from my class and that was it, never dated another guy from my school.

Have you ever had a job? I had part time jobs in high school. That's where I started to meet people from outside of my high school, I'd meet friends of theirs, then friends of their friends, etc. and that's pretty much how I met my subsequent boyfriends.

Maybe you just haven't been in situations where it's easy to meet guys that you want to date?
I know you're in college now, but do you hang out with the same group of people all the time? Maybe you just need some new blood.
Like I said, I don't like using the word odd, most people may have started dating by 19,20, but there's nothing wrong or odd about it if you haven't.
I would cultivate new friendships, girls and guys, they all know new people that you don't know yet and someone will click. Go in looking for friends, not a boyfriend and I think you'll be less frazzled.

 

[disneylovin24]

I had a small high school class as well, 110 kids, and I agree, it wasn't ideal for dating. I went out with the one guy( my 8th grade "boyfriend") from my class and that was it, never dated another guy from my school.

Have you ever had a job? I had part time jobs in high school. That's where I started to meet people from outside of my high school, I'd meet friends of theirs, then friends of their friends, etc. and that's pretty much how I met my subsequent boyfriends.

Before this summer I worked for my family for a long time so that kept me from meeting kids from outside of school.

This summer I do have an internship and spend a lot of time with a collegiate baseball team. I think it's helping my confidence around guys a lot.

Maybe you just haven't been in situations where it's easy to meet guys that you want to date?
I know you're in college now, but do you hang out with the same group of people all the time? Maybe you just need some new blood.
Like I said, I don't like using the word odd, most people may have started dating by 19,20, but there's nothing wrong or odd about it if you haven't.
I would cultivate new friendships, girls and guys, they all know new people that you don't know yet and someone will click. Go in looking for friends, not a boyfriend and I think you'll be less frazzled.

I definitely always just look for friendships with guys. I actually like guys as friends more than girls in some ways I'm very into sports and stuff like that and also girls can just be too dramatic.

 

[NHdisneylover]

So here is my story.

I turn 19 in August and have never been in a relationship or even been on a date or even been asked out on one.

I was never too worried about it in high school because I went to a small school, only 106 kids in my class, girls way outnumbered the boys, it was very cliquey etc. AKA a thousand things that did not make dating ideal. A lot of girls in my class never had boyfriends and it was all fine.

Now that I have a year of college under my belt however I am starting to worry more. Most of the girls I knew in high school that never had boyfriends got one this past year while I continued to never be asked out and just not draw a lot of attention from guys.

I'm very serious about school and my career and don't really want a serous relationship, but I would like to at least draw attention! I don't want to sound egotistical, but I do think I'm pretty attractive. I've been told by strangers I'm pretty so I don't think that's a problem (I guess start the argument about how much looks matter - they shouldn't but face it they do).

I'm at a point where I'm really worried what the problem is and if when I do find a guy, will he think its weird I've never dated at this point? It all keeps me pretty frazzled around guys. I talk to guys but it takes a lot of strength for me too because I feel like guys don't want to talk to me.

This is turning into like a vent, but its just something I've been thinking about more and more.

As others have pointed out--there is noting wrong with just not being interested. We have a friend in his mid fifties--I don't think he's ever dated anyone. He is totally happy with that, so it is a non issue.

If, however, you are wanting to date someone, what stands out to me is the bolded. It is not a one way street, and has not been in decades. You can do the asking just as much as the boy can--and girls who DO get asked are nearly always doing things to indicate that they are interested. If you are too frazzled around guys to flirt or talk normally, etc that might be part of the issue--maybe you are unintentionally sending out the signal that you don't want them to ask you out.

 

[luvmyfam444]

My only bf was my dh & we met when I was 20 - he was 19. Neither one of us dated anyone else before. We dated 6 months before getting engaged, were engaged for a year before getting married. And we've been married now for 19 yrs.
Both of us went to prom/ homecoming but went with friends. My friends were from church who went to other schools so I had to do the asking.

DD on the other hand had her first "bf" at 13 I think. Not sure she hid him from me - lol another friend told me about him. She can't seem to live without a boy. ha. BUT she's not allowed to go anywhere with any boy. She did get to go to 2 dances this year - with 2 diff guys (bfs at the time).

She's been with the latest one for 6 months though but they don't go to school together - in fact they live 1 hr apart.

 

[java]

Me I was 12 when I had a year long boyfriend.

Ideal age? Different for everyone.

When is it odd? I have never thought about it. I do know a 53 year old virgin.(she was willing but it never happened for her) she has a happy life just single. She says now it's strange on dates. She gets a lot of were you a nun? Or can you?

To the 19 year old, what is your social life like? Boys are not coming to your room unless you are out there meeting them. My 19 year olds girlfriend had never had a boyfriend before my son. ( he has dated plenty) but I never thought it was strange that she hadn't yet, so please don't put that pressure on yourself. Just have fun. It will happen when you are not looking.

 

[disneylovin24]

As others have pointed out--there is noting wrong with just not being interested. We have a friend in his mid fifties--I don't think he's ever dated anyone. He is totally happy with that, so it is a non issue.

If, however, you are wanting to date someone, what stands out to me is the bolded. It is not a one way street, and has not been in decades. You can do the asking just as much as the boy can--and girls who DO get asked are nearly always doing things to indicate that they are interested. If you are too frazzled around guys to flirt or talk normally, etc that might be part of the issue--maybe you are unintentionally sending out the signal that you don't want them to ask you out.

I definitely am interested down the road at least. I really don't want to be single until I'm 50. Good for people who want to be, but I do know I want to fall in love blah blah blah someday.

One of my biggest fears is that I always give guys the wrong impressions. I worry that sometimes guys think me being shy shows no interest. I sweat its the opposite! I get shyer around guys I'm interested in! I also think though I overthink situations like that too much.

I guess I grew up in an old fashioned environment where I believe guys should still ask girls out. Just me. I also am afraid of rejection.


I wish I was still 5 and could just say boys are stupid

 

[disneylovin24]

Me I was 12 when I had a year long boyfriend.

Ideal age? Different for everyone.

When is it odd? I have never thought about it. I do know a 53 year old virgin.(she was willing but it never happened for her) she has a happy life just single. She says now it's strange on dates. She gets a lot of were you a nun? Or can you?

To the 19 year old, what is your social life like? Boys are not coming to your room unless you are out there meeting them. My 19 year olds girlfriend had never had a boyfriend before my son. ( he has dated plenty) but I never thought it was strange that she hadn't yet, so please don't put that pressure on yourself. Just have fun. It will happen when you are not looking.

Know this is true!

I have a good group of girlfriends I hang out with a lot. They all have boyfriends however so aren't interested in being with other guys.

 

[disneycrazi]

So here is my story.

I turn 19 in August and have never been in a relationship or even been on a date or even been asked out on one.

I was never too worried about it in high school because I went to a small school, only 106 kids in my class, girls way outnumbered the boys, it was very cliquey etc. AKA a thousand things that did not make dating ideal. A lot of girls in my class never had boyfriends and it was all fine.

Now that I have a year of college under my belt however I am starting to worry more. Most of the girls I knew in high school that never had boyfriends got one this past year while I continued to never be asked out and just not draw a lot of attention from guys.

I'm very serious about school and my career and don't really want a serous relationship, but I would like to at least draw attention! I don't want to sound egotistical, but I do think I'm pretty attractive. I've been told by strangers I'm pretty so I don't think that's a problem (I guess start the argument about how much looks matter - they shouldn't but face it they do).

I'm at a point where I'm really worried what the problem is and if when I do find a guy, will he think its weird I've never dated at this point? It all keeps me pretty frazzled around guys. I talk to guys but it takes a lot of strength for me too because I feel like guys don't want to talk to me.

This is turning into like a vent, but its just something I've been thinking about more and more.

Oh my, please do not worry! You are fine! In my humble opinion, I feel if as maybe boys may see you as "out of reach" you seem like a very planted, level headed studious young person. And since you don't want anything serious you may be drawing more attention than you realize but since you aren't looking for it, you may not see it. Also, boys are great but most always better when they are out of college. Don't anyone take that wrong....please. But hey, my DH would have never been ready for a relationship till he was in his late 20s! Just continue on your path and don't be afraid to initiate a date! You will be fine! Best wishes to you!

 

[Disney Doll]

15. Summer romance between freshmen & sophomore year of HS. My boyfriend was 17 and could drive. He was a nice kid. Always got me home a few minutes before curfew so my parents loved him.

We broke up when I went back for my sophomore year. He went to a different HS, I got all involved in activities in my own HS....you know how it is at 15.

We actually stayed friends. He married a great girl I went to their wedding. We're FB friends now...chat occasionally "hows life" etc.

 

[disneylovin24]

Oh my, please do not worry! You are fine! In my humble opinion, I feel if as maybe boys may see you as "out of reach" you seem like a very planted, level headed studious young person. And since you don't want anything serious you may be drawing more attention than you realize but since you aren't looking for it, you may not see it. Also, boys are great but most always better when they are out of college. Don't anyone take that wrong....please. But hey, my DH would have never been ready for a relationship till he was in his late 20s! Just continue on your path and don't be afraid to initiate a date! You will be fine! Best wishes to you!

Thank you so much!

I feel like I still have my whole life to date (which I do!) but sometimes society just says you should have a boyfriend blah blah blah. Just watching all of my friends go to college and get boyfriends was frustrating! My roommate even got one the first week we were at school!

 

[JohnstonMandy]

Fell in love with DH when I was 11 and he was 14 - we felt the same about each other but didn't know the other felt that way!! Didn't go on our first date until I was 22. We both had very long, serious relationships before we found each other again. Will be celebrating 10 years of marriage with our two beautiful daughters at WDW in 2015.

 

[disneylovin24]

Fell in love with DH when I was 11 and he was 14 - we felt the same about each other but didn't know the other felt that way!! Didn't go on our first date until I was 22. We both had very long, serious relationships before we found each other again. Will be celebrating 10 years of marriage with our two beautiful daughters at WDW in 2015.

Congrats!

 

[Trek Girl]

Had my first date at 18, over 11 years ago. I've been with that same guy ever since, and he's my DH now.

 

[indimom]

OP, I'm with the previous poster. Don't worry about it. It will happen when it happens. Some people go through a lot of dating experiences before meeting the one, others get lucky on the first try. Some are younger, some are older.

Just get out there and enjoy being with the people you work with, go to school with, volunteer with, etc. I think people shine when they are comfortable and relaxed, so (if it helps) go out in groups for now where you can just be yourself, relax, have fun, and get to know some guys in a way that's not making you nervous or uncomfortable. Take the pressure off.

And HAVE FUN!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I haven't read the whole thread yet.

disneylovin24 - if you think of it as odd, it might become a self-fulfilling prophecy. So don't think of it that way. (I don't think it's odd, anyway.) I sense some anxiety now on your part and that will come across to people. Just relax, be yourself, don't try overly hard, stay friendly, and it will happen.

 

[disneylovin24]

I haven't read the whole thread yet.

disneylovin24 - if you think of it as odd, it might become a self-fulfilling prophecy. So don't think of it that way. (I don't think it's odd, anyway.) I sense some anxiety now on your part and that will come across to people. Just relax, be yourself, don't try overly hard, stay friendly, and it will happen.

OP, I'm with the previous poster. Don't worry about it. It will happen when it happens. Some people go through a lot of dating experiences before meeting the one, others get lucky on the first try. Some are younger, some are older.

Just get out there and enjoy being with the people you work with, go to school with, volunteer with, etc. I think people shine when they are comfortable and relaxed, so (if it helps) go out in groups for now where you can just be yourself, relax, have fun, and get to know some guys in a way that's not making you nervous or uncomfortable. Take the pressure off.

And HAVE FUN!

Thank you!