finding drugs in the teens room

[The Mystery Machine]

Based on your original post, it sounds as if he has been using pot for about one year and now codeine as well. I agree with previous posters that he may be self-medicating to cope with feelings of depression, anxiety, etc. However, before addressing those issues, the substance abuse needs to be addressed first. Therapy/counseling will not be of benefit to him if he is still using drugs.

I would contact a licensed addictions agency, explain your concerns and schedule an appointment for him. They will do as assessment to determine the depth of his addiction as well as appropriate treatment. Once he is in treatment and not using drugs, then it would make sense to add a psychiatrist to the treatment protocol.

Here is a link to help you find a licensed addiction treatment program in your area - just click on what city you need to seek services:

http://69.67.96.57/ohr/adad/treatment/Directory.asp

Good luck to you and keep us posted.

I agree with this assessment. Pot and codeine are the only 2 drugs you know about. It maybe more serious than that. Need to find out that information first.

I just wanted to add the kicker.....

He is 17 and once he turns 18 you can no longer force him into treatment or counseling. You need to move swiftly.

After that you will need him to cooperate to seek the help. And then you also have the insurance complications once he graduates.

 

[itsheresomewhere]

Here is what my family did for a cousin doing the same stuff-

Remove everything but the bed, desk and 5 outfits. Take the door off the room and put somewhere else.

Take him to a counseler to understand the addiction part. Let him know that with time and progress he can earn the door back and more outfits. It did work for the cousin and took her 6 monthes to get stuff back and 2 months for the door. She is now in college, straight A's and lectures her brother and sisters about drug and what can happen.

 

[dawson5]

we were worried about this with our oldest son. Hubby has a good friend who was caught when he was younger and his parents stuck him in one of those detox places/madison center (all he was doing was smoking pot, nothing else). He said that the detox place did nothing for him except introduce him to more people who smoked pot and gave him more options of where to buy. He has turned out alright, don't know/don't ask if he still smokes pot but he was in the service and has full custody of his kids.

Off topic but still pertains to OP. We had vandalism happen to our home. I spoke with a friend who related a mutual friend's story who caught the vandals in the act. One of the group of kids was not repentant at all, didn't apologize, etc., she pressed charges and he was over 18/adult. She said that this boy now has a record and is not eligible for money/grants/etc for college (?). This might be something to bring up to your son, sounds like he is close enough to be considered an adult. What happens if he is caught by the police? Does this ruin his chance for college? Would it remain on his record and possibly keep him from getting a good job later in life?

good luck. no one said it was easy being a parent.

 

[kellyg403]

I will agree with the others, outside help is the first step. Its not the first time you have discovered it and quite some time has passed. Along with the cough syrup, you may actually not know what you are dealing with. For quite some time we were sure it was only pot with dsd..only to find out it was a lot more. She was very honest with her counselor about trying several things. The knowledge that any of these things she was doing when pot wasn't available to her makes me still feel the terror I felt those first few days when everything was coming out. In the end she was dealing with a lot of issues that she was using drugs to help with..depression etc.

You know your child better than anyone else. The rehab counselor asked us when we thought this had started, we named a time frame. It actually had all started about a year before we even had a clue that something was going on that was out of the norm. He said in order to help her we had to be honest, not only with her, but ourselves when looking at the signs along the way. Looking back..well...he was right.

Many hugs to you! I hope you are able to decide what is best for all of you and are successful in finding the answers you need.

Kelly

 

[KristaTX]

Is your user name your real name? If so, considering that this is kind of a personal situation that you might not want your friends, family, neighbors, etc. to know about, you might think about asking the webmasters if they'll change it to just "Deb in Colorado" or something. Personal security is basically the only reason they'll change a user ID. Google the name and you'll see what I mean. But maybe that's not your real name.

 

[kellyg403]

I agree with this assessment. Pot and codeine are the only 2 drugs you know about. It maybe more serious than that. Need to find out that information first.

I just wanted to add the kicker.....

He is 17 and once he turns 18 you can no longer force him into treatment or counseling. You need to move swiftly.

After that you will need him to cooperate to seek the help. And then you also have the insurance complications once he graduates.

Exactly...dsd was 39 days from her 18th bday. We played like heck finding someone who would talk with her and understood that if there was a need for further treatment such as rehab SHE would have to agree since it would be a 30 day stay. Thankfully, we did not need that but this is great advice. This may be the only chance you have to get in some kind of counseling mandated by YOU. Once you get too close, there may be nothing you can do.

Kelly

 

[manning]

Don't know what to advise except whatever it is tough love is going to have to be involved.

 

[Phil'sFrontier]

imho it is wrong to search kids rooms. There is an underlying issue here that starts with a lack of trust on both sides. You are both hiding things from eachother. Something is wrong here, it is not all your childs fault. Unless you can trust eachother anything else you do will be much less effective. Also don't assume things unless you now they are true...

 

[MizTink]

imho it is wrong to search kids rooms. There is an underlying issue here that starts with a lack of trust on both sides. You are both hiding things from eachother. Something is wrong here, it is not all your childs fault. Unless you can trust eachother anything else you do will be much less effective. Also don't assume things unless you now they are true...

sorry, but looking through your child's stuff isn't wrong. it's a parent's responsibility. no (or at least very very few) teenager is going to volunteer certain information to their parents. and drugs aren't the only things to look for.

 

[diznygirl]

imho it is wrong to search kids rooms. There is an underlying issue here that starts with a lack of trust on both sides. You are both hiding things from eachother. Something is wrong here, it is not all your childs fault. Unless you can trust eachother anything else you do will be much less effective. Also don't assume things unless you now they are true...

She stops snooping, he stops using? I don't think so.

 

[MizTink]

She stops snooping, he stops using? I don't think so.

well duh, of course if you don't see it, it's not there........what's wrong with you?

 

[MizTink]

imho it is wrong to search kids rooms. There is an underlying issue here that starts with a lack of trust on both sides. You are both hiding things from eachother. Something is wrong here, it is not all your childs fault. Unless you can trust eachother anything else you do will be much less effective. Also don't assume things unless you now they are true...

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

As many others have said, bring in a counselor. A good one. Call your family doc and ask for the best in the area. You will need someone who can reach the child (for 17 is still a child) and help the child to see what the problem is that is making the illicit drug use so attractive.

Be prepared to change. When someone you love goes into counseling, and the counseling is good, and effective those who love that person will have to change too.

Don't waste time, and don't argue. Get the referral, make the appointment and tell the child this is what is going to happen.

Remember to show your unconditional love and support. If this were a diagnosis of cancer, how would you respond? Think of it that way, because addiction can be as devastating and much harder to cure/treat.

 

[Mommy2three]

imho it is wrong to search kids rooms. There is an underlying issue here that starts with a lack of trust on both sides. You are both hiding things from eachother. Something is wrong here, it is not all your childs fault. Unless you can trust eachother anything else you do will be much less effective. Also don't assume things unless you now they are true...

It is not wrong to search kids room. If it weren't for me going into my 9 year old DD's room than I would not have found the homemade weapon she had made and hid under her bed...she then told me she was going to use it to kill her family, and then to kill herself.........she does have diagnosed schizophrenia...what if i had not searched her room? I now do it on a regular basis.

 

[doxdogy]

Not wrong in my house. DD knew that if her father and I had one inkling that there was possibility of drugs in her room, we would search it. When my nephew lived with us, we told him the same.

imho it is wrong to search kids rooms. There is an underlying issue here that starts with a lack of trust on both sides. You are both hiding things from eachother. Something is wrong here, it is not all your childs fault. Unless you can trust eachother anything else you do will be much less effective. Also don't assume things unless you now they are true...

 

[MizTink]

It is not wrong to search kids room. If it weren't for me going into my 9 year old DD's room than I would not have found the homemade weapon she had made and hid under her bed...she then told me she was going to use it to kill her family, and then to kill herself.........she does have diagnosed schizophrenia...what if i had not searched her room? I now do it on a regular basis.

yep, drugs aren't the only things you might find.....
did you already know about the schizophrenia when you found her weapon? i'm just curious because i always thought it didn't show up until an older age (like my cousin)??

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

imho it is wrong to search kids rooms. There is an underlying issue here that starts with a lack of trust on both sides. You are both hiding things from eachother. Something is wrong here, it is not all your childs fault. Unless you can trust eachother anything else you do will be much less effective. Also don't assume things unless you now they are true...

IMHO if I'm paying the bills, it's all fair game.

And at this point, he's lost all rights to his trust.

He's got pot in his room--all bets are off!

 

[luvsJack]

I am not sure if anyone ever answered your question, "how long do the drugs stay in your system". I don't know about the codeine but pot stays for 30 days. But, keep in mind there are a hundred things on the market that is supposed to make someone have a clean drug test. (I have no clue whether these things actually work)

I also believe that he is self medicating. He may be depressed and some of this could very well stem from his needing to deal with your health problems. If this is the case then the drug use is a symptom of another problem and until you all deal with that problem the symptom won't go away. It may morph into something else but it will still be there.

My suggestion would be to go to some family counseling and proceed from there. The counselor will recommend the next step to take.

Jumping into putting him in rehab is not necessarily the answer. Even if he is an addict, if he doesn't accept that he has a problem rehab isn't goin to help him.